The girl gave me a skeptical look. “And you don’t think that’s just a little crazy?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t. She slept with my boyfriend. What would you do?”
I shouldn’t have said anything. I knew that. I should have just kept walking, but the girl’s comment had gotten under my skin, so there I was, spouting off all of my personal business to a virtual stranger.
Apparently making good decisions wasn’t something I was currently excelling at.
And to make matters worse, the girl still looked skeptical. “Yeah, I read that,” she said, “but are you really surprised? I mean, Chloe and Jason were like the best couple ever, so it wasn’t surprising that they got back together. They were meant to be, and she only kissed that producer guy. It wasn’t like he couldn’t have forgiven her. They were together for two years, and they were so in love.”
Yeah, they really weren’t.
“They’re not back together,” I said through gritted teeth.
The girl shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I’ve heard they’ve been seeing each other a lot since they got back to L.A. I mean, unless you know something we don’t know.”
I didn’t know anything anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I said, as politely as I could. “I shouldn’t have interjected myself into your conversation.”
I had nothing wittier to say in that moment, and I knew talking to them had been a mistake. Why did I even care what girls I didn’t know thought of me? What did it matter?
“See, I told you she was crazy,” the girl muttered to her friend as I walked away, and it took everything in me to just keep walking.
I was relieved to see Ethan calling as I was walking back to my dorm. It would give me something to do other than obsess about my mistakes of late.
“Hey E, what’s up?”
“Nothing. What are you doing between classes?”
Ethan knew I had a wide break on Mondays and Wednesdays between my class that got over at noon and my one that was at three.
I sighed. “Well, my mother called last night. She had several stores on Rodeo put dresses on hold for me, and she wants me to go try them on to see which ones fit. I’m supposed to have the store hold them if I like them, and then her stylist will chose which one I’ll wear to the party she and Luiz are having in May.”
“Wow, sounds like a blast.”
“Want to keep me company?”
“I can’t. I have to meet my econ study group at one. I wanted to see if you wanted to grab lunch.”
I was sort of hungry.
“I can’t. I only want to make one shopping trip, so I need to hurry. I’ll just eat a Pop Tart on the way.”
“Iced cherry flavored. They’re the best.”
I smiled. I loved that he was keeping things light. The last thing I needed was more reminders of what had happened on Saturday night. A part of me wanted to bitch about the girls I’d just encountered, but telling him would mean reliving the whole incident, and I wasn’t ready to do that.
“I’ve got two boxes in my room,” I told him instead.
“Well, enjoy, and call me later.”
“You got it.”
* * *
I’d made it through two stores before I was spotted, and suddenly I was being followed and my picture snapped every few seconds. The questions all pertained to the incident on Saturday night, and I just kept my head up and ignored the photographers. When I got to the next store, the photographers waited outside, and when I emerged twenty minutes later, I was shocked to realize their numbers had doubled in size.
I still had one more store to go to, but it was at the opposite end of where I was, so I decided to skip it. I’d just tell my mom that none of the dresses there had worked for me. I started toward my car when I was bumped from behind. I froze for a second and heard someone chuckle behind me, so I knew it was intentional. I ignored the person and kept walking.
Then I was bumped again. They were trying to provoke me, but I wasn’t going to give in. I decided to walk faster.
I could see my car across the street when some of the photographers started to walk in front of me to snap my picture. Then I realized there were a few on either side of me, and I started to feel claustrophobic.
“Can you please not walk so close?” I asked, hoping they’d be civil, but they didn’t listen.
“Answer our questions and we’ll go away,” one taunted.
“Please, just leave me alone,” I said softly, suddenly on the verge of tears. I did not want to cry in front of them.
As I stopped to cross the street, the photographers were suddenly right in my face, and they were jostling with each other to get a shot in. I started to panic for the first time, and my car suddenly seemed very far away.
“She said leave her alone,” a voice I recognized suddenly said, and I looked up to see Charlie pushing photographers out of the way, his hand reaching for mine to pull me out of the melee.
I had no idea where he’d come from, but I didn’t care. I grasped his hand and let him pull me away, tucking me under his arm as he shuttled me over to a black Range Rover. He opened the back door, and I climbed inside without thinking.
My breath left me, as I realized Jase was sitting in the backseat. I reached for the door handle to escape, but through the almost black tinted glass I saw the mass of photographers surrounding the vehicle and knew I had nowhere to run.
Charlie was suddenly in the driver’s seat, gunning the engine, and we were moving. I opened my mouth to protest, but Jase answered before I could get a word in.
“We’ll take you back to your car when it’s safe,” he said with so little emotion in his voice.
“Are you kidnapping me?” I asked incredulously, and he just shot me this contemptuous stare that let me know exactly how he felt about that comment, but he didn’t respond. So I tried another question. “Were you following me?”
“No. I was doing some shopping. I saw you. I decided to intervene, because you looked like you needed help.”
I was stunned for a few seconds, as I stared at him. I wasn’t sure what to say. He looked different than when I’d seen him the last two times, openly broken and miserable. Now it was like he had a wall up, and he wasn’t letting me see any of his emotions.
“I heard you punched Chloe,” he said then, and I hated her name on his lips.
I shrugged. “She deserved it.”
He nodded. “I agree. You can punch me if it’ll make you feel better,” he offered, that stoic wall still up.
“It won’t. Nothing will make me feel better,” I said, and I wasn’t sure what triggered it, but I was suddenly crying, my hands covering my face.
“Shit,” he cursed, and then he pulled me into his arms.
I cried against his chest. His familiar scent and warmth just caused me cry harder and made the situation feel so incredibly real.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if he was again apologizing for what had happened in New Orleans or if he was apologizing for being so indifferent, but it didn’t matter.
I just cried and fisted my hands into his shirt, wishing more than ever that I could erase the past, that we could get a do-over. But then he kissed the top of my head, and I pulled out of his arms, eyeing him warily as I moved back across the seat to my side of the car.
“No,” I said, shaking my head and wiping the tears from my eyes, as I watched him watch me, his expression slipping back into the mask he’d been wearing when I first got into the car.
He watched me for a few moments before he nodded. “I figured as much, but I had to try, you know.”
I shook my head again. “No, Jase. You can’t do that,” I said, as fresh tears started streaming down my cheeks.
Jase looked at me for a few seconds before his face crumpled. “I know,” he said, and his lip trembled. “I just miss you, Logan. I miss you, and I love you, and I’m sorry, okay. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I know,” I said throu
gh fresh tears, as he reached for my hand, and I let him take it. I looked down at his hand squeezing mine as if he never wanted to let go, and the pain I felt was like a double-punch to the gut and chest.
“Are you dating Ethan?” he asked suddenly.
My head snapped up to look at him. “No. Why would you even think that?”
“Because there are pictures of you and him with his arm around you going into the club on Saturday night, and then you left together.”
He knew better than anyone to not believe everything the tabloids printed, but I didn’t blame him for asking. The pictures made it look like we were a couple.
“We’re just friends. We’ve always just been friends. I never crossed a line.”
He sucked in a breath as he looked away for a second, but he still held onto my hand. I couldn’t tell if he was still crying. “I suppose I deserved that,” he said dryly.
I didn’t answer him. We both knew what my response would be.
“Are you seeing anyone?” he asked softly.
I hesitated before saying, “No, I’m not.”
He looked back at me then. “Give me another chance, Logan. Please. Please,” he said, his face wet, so much sorrow and desperation in his red-rimmed eyes. He squeezed my hand even tighter. “I love you so much.”
“Jase, no,” I said, my heart hurting as I said the words.
“Please,” he begged.
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Logan, I made a mistake. It was a colossal mistake, and if I could take it back, I would, but I can’t. And I miss you every fucking day.”
I miss you too – so much.
“Jase, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Huh? Would you take me back?”
“Yes,” he said almost instantly.
I shook my head. “No, you wouldn’t. You were so pissed after Ethan kissed me last fall that you didn’t talk to me for two weeks, and that was just a kiss! You know what this feels like. This same thing happened to you, and you never would have taken Chloe back after she cheated on you.”
A little voice inside my head said, ‘But he did take her back.’
“Lo, this is different. You and me, we’re different than Chloe and me. I never loved her like I love you, and I never missed her like this. I feel like I’m torn in fucking half all the time!”
I closed my eyes, because I felt that way too, and I couldn’t look at him as he fell apart in front of me.
“Haven’t you ever gotten so out of control drunk that you did something you regretted?” he asked then, and that was all it took to bring me back down to earth.
“No, Jase,” I said sternly, as I pulled my hand from his. “I haven’t. I wouldn’t be that stupid to get so drunk that I lost control – especially at the cost of the best relationship I’d ever had.” I turned to Charlie who’d been driving us around aimlessly for twenty minutes. “Please take me back to my car, Charlie.”
“Logan, no,” Jase protested, but I held up my hand to stop him.
“Jase, I can’t talk to you right now,” I said, my anger overtaking anything else I’d been feeling as I sat in such proximity to a guy who’d meant everything to me.
“Fine,” he sighed and looked out the window. Then after a minute, he spoke up again. “I saw your billboard.”
I didn’t say anything in response, and he didn’t look over at me.
“You looked gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” I said, almost because I knew it was what I should say.
“I hate it,” he said with so much conviction in his voice.
“Why?” I asked softly.
He finally looked over at me. “Because you’re on display for every fucking guy in Los Angeles to see, and I’m not okay with that. You’re mine, or I wish you were still mine, and it fucking kills me every time I drive by it, because I remember what I had, but worse than that, I see what some other guy is going to have.”
My shoulders sunk, and I looked away. “Yeah, well you probably should have thought about that before you slept with someone else.”
“I know,” he said, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head. “Do you still love me?”
I turned to him in surprise.
“What kind of question is that?” I snapped. “Jase, you need to move on. You need to forget about me, because it’s not going to happen. We’re over.”
I hated saying the words, but they were so true.
“Are you going to move on?” he asked then, and I had to look away.
“Yes.”
He sank further into the seat.
“Jase, I have to,” I told him. “I don’t have another choice.”
“Yes, you do,” he said, so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
“Jase,” I pleaded.
“Can you please just answer my question?” he asked quietly.
“What question?”
“Do you still love me,” he asked, and it was his tone that made me respond.
“Yes,” I said quietly.
He nodded. “Thank you.”
“Jase, it doesn’t change anything. I can’t help how I feel, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Yes, it does,” he said, his gaze turning to the scenery flashing past us. “It means everything.”
Chapter Thirty
Ethan
I wasn’t sure what I was doing exactly, but it was after eleven and for some reason I found myself knocking on Nora’s door. Her roommate answered.
“Hey Rena,” I said, running my hand back through my hair. She had her glasses on, her hair pulled back into a messy bun, and I could see books strewn all across the living room. “Are you studying?”
“Yeah, I was. I have a test tomorrow, so I’m cramming.”
“Sounds fun,” I said sarcastically.
She smiled. “Yeah, not really.”
Okay, enough with the small talk.
“Um, is Nora home?”
Rena stepped back to let me in to the apartment. “She’s in her room. Did she know you were coming over?”
I shook my head. “No, I sort of came on a whim.”
“Well, good for you, she likes surprises.”
I laughed nervously. “Am I a surprise she’ll really like?”
I was well aware I was probably public enemy number one after the way I’d ended things with Nora, but the fact that Rena was being civil to me gave me hope that I hadn’t completely blown things.
Rena shrugged. “Yes and no. I honestly think she’s sort of on the fence about you after everything that happened with you guys.”
“On the fence? Really?”
I figured after the way I’d treated her she’d consider me the biggest asshole on the planet, and if she didn’t, she probably should have.
Rena shrugged. “I’ll let you see for yourself.”
I nodded, understanding why she didn’t want to tell me anymore. I was grateful she’d at least given me a heads-up as to what I was walking into.
I walked passed her toward Nora’s closed bedroom door. Behind it I could hear the chords of a song by The Dears that I’d introduced her to, and it made me smile. I knocked tentatively.
“Come in,” she said, and just hearing her voice made my heart skip a beat.
I opened the door slowly and smiled at her.
“Oh,” she said, her green eyes going wide. “You’re not Rena.”
“No, I’m not,” I said, waiting for her to invite me in. She was perched on her bed surrounded by books and papers and her laptop, and she looked so sexy wearing a tiny pink tank top that showed off her ample chest and tiny white shorts, her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. “Can I come in?”
“What do you want?”
“I’m not sure,” I said honestly. “I was at the library for study group tonight, and instead of heading home when I left campus, I came here.”
“What about Logan?”
“What about her?”
She shrugged. “I saw the picture
s of online. You looked like you were together. Are you?”
I shook my head. “No, we’re not.”
I took a step into the room, and she didn’t stop me. I remembered the last time we were in her room. We’d come back after getting dinner at Koi, and she’d crawled back onto her bed and said, ‘What are you waiting for? Take my clothes off already.’ And I’d complied happily. Then we’d fallen asleep together, and in the morning, I’d eaten cereal at her breakfast nook while she looked at her notes for a quiz she had in her Chemistry class.
Then I’d broken up with her twenty-four hours later after an aneurysm of some sort, apparently, because I couldn’t for the life of me now remember why I’d ever wanted to do that.
“Are you still in love with her?”
I shrugged, right at the moment the song ended and switched over to one with an angry beat. Nora silenced it before I could decipher what it was.
“I have no idea,” I said honestly. “But I miss you.”
I took another step forward and then another. Nora swallowed hard, but she didn’t stop me. I could see she wanted to, but I could also see that she was conflicted just like Rena had alluded, and I rode that for all it was worth.
“Do you miss me?” I asked her.
She didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I hate you, Ethan,” she finally said, but there was no conviction in her voice. “You were so cold and heartless and manic the day you broke up with me. What the hell was that? You couldn’t even give me a good reason. You just ended things. I cried for days over you.”
My heart sank at hearing that. I felt like an asshole. I was an asshole.
“Yeah, but do you miss me?” I asked her again.
“What do you think?” she asked, and I could see she was losing the battle she was fighting with herself.
I paused. “I think I’m a dickhead who didn’t know what he had and let it go without thinking.”
She nodded, her face serious. “I’ll agree with that, but the question is, Ethan, what are you doing here now?”
“Not a clue, except seeing you. That was my only motivation. I missed you, and the thought of going home and lying in bed wishing you were with me wasn’t enough. I needed to see you.”
“Is this a booty call?” she asked, eyes narrowed.
Gravity Happens (Forcing Gravity) Page 26
