I nodded. “Yeah, sure. I can do that,” I said, my voice sounding slightly shaky.
My nerves doubled when I realized that I wouldn’t have a time buffer before I would see Jase. I was about to come face-to-face with him.
“Logan,” Gretchen said when I started to walk away. I turned to face her. “Thank you for doing this. I know how hard it is to see someone who hurt you, and please understand that my hands were tied and my job was on the line when I asked you to not back out of your contract. And because you didn’t, I just wanted to let you know I appreciate that.”
I was so caught off-guard by what she said that all I could say was, “You’re welcome.”
And then she smiled at me. She actually smiled. I considered it a huge win since although Gretchen smiled more than Suzanne, she didn’t do it often.
For some reason what she said to me gave me the resolve to walk forward with my head held high and face what I was dreading. I still dreaded it, but I felt just the tiniest bit better about how I might handle the situation.
When I walked into the tent, there was a buzz of activity in one corner. I could see Charlie, Gary, Andrea, Erica and some other people on Jase’s team, along with Lelani, who was working on Jase’s hair. No one turned around when I entered, but as I glanced at him, Jase caught my eye in the mirror and held my gaze for a few seconds before looking away.
“Logan!” Caesar called out. He was a small, meticulous man who’d done my make-up for the first shoot.
He was back and was booming my name from across the tent as he beckoned me over. I saw Trina, the girl who’d done my hair, standing next to him. Next to her was a rack of clothes that were for the shoot.
I wasn’t sure if anyone in Jase’s entourage had turned to look when Caesar called my name, but I didn’t look around to find out. I headed straight for the chair and let Trina and Caesar spend the next forty-five minutes making me into the vision Gretchen had created for the shoot. And all the while, I fought to keep from looking over at Jase who was laughing and joking with his team.
He seemed to be in a completely different mindset than the last few times I’d seen him, and I wondered if he was finally over me. Just the thought of that made me sad, and that wasn’t fair.
In my mind and in my fantasies we were together, but his mistake had prevented us from being together in real life. But as I heard him laughing, I started to wonder if my fantasies just weren’t good enough for me anymore.
“Five minutes,” I heard Gretchen call into the tent a while later.
I stole a glance at Jase, but he was no longer there. It was just Andrea, Erica and Gary hanging out. I shook my head, because I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, and looked back at the mirror where Trina was hair spraying my beachy waves.
I looked more like myself, but I was still wearing more make-up than usual, which I knew was for the cameras. Hopefully I’d come out looking less like a sex object and more like the girl normal people could identify with, like Suzanne and Gretchen had depicted in the mock-up.
“Ooh, you are gorgeous,” Caesar squeaked out, clapping his hands together a few times.
Heads turned from across the tent. I could see them out of the corner of my eye, but no one said anything. In fact, I knew every single person who’d been in the tent when we’d walked in, some better than others, but not one of them came over to say hello. It was almost like Jase had told them all just to leave me alone or ignore me. I wasn’t sure which.
After I was dressed in the first outfit; gray skinny jeans that were rolled a few times and a loose fitting white tank top, I emerged from the tent and searched the shoot for Jase, my eyes tracking his movements as stealthily as possible. He was talking to the photographer.
I decided I might as well get the inevitable over with, so I marched across the sand to him and then stood there like an idiot as he continued to talk to the photographer. Then once he was satisfied, he turned away from me and walked over to Charlie. And I seriously fought the urge to let my jaw drop. He was completely ignoring me.
“Okay, people, places please,” Brian, the director, called out. “Logan and Jason, I need you guys to come over here.”
He was pointing to the spot right where he was standing at the edge of the water. I decided then if Jase was going to freeze me out, he was going to get frozen right back. Screw him. He was the one who did this, not me. As soon as I stepped in front of Brian, I felt Jase step into place beside me.
“Okay, guys, we’re going to do a series of shots in each outfit, and I’ll tell you what I’m looking for, but I need some of this to be instinctual, alright? Go with what feels right. Go with your gut.”
I so badly wanted to say, ‘So, you’d like us to stand ten feet apart and pretend like we don’t know each other, because that’s sort of what I’m feeling right now.’ But I didn’t.
I saw Jase nod, so I said, “Sure, Brian, no problem.”
“Okay, Jason, come stand behind Logan and put your arms around her waist.”
Someone turned on music then and the pulse of the beat washed over me as Jase moved into place and I froze. Then, as his arms encircled my waist, I felt myself get even stiffer.
“Relax,” he murmured, and I looked back at him, my entire body sinking into his.
I heard shots go off from the camera, so I turned back around before I could meet his gaze. I felt so conflicted with Jase’s arms around my waist, my body flush against his, that I looked down and away.
More camera clicks. Apparently I was doing something right.
“Okay, Jason, look up at the camera, and Logan do that thing where you were looking down again,” Brian directed, and I tried to mimic the same pose while the camera fired off at a rapid pace.
Then, before I knew what was happening, Jase’s lips suddenly pressed against the curve of my neck, and Brian yelled, “Freeze. Right there. That’s it. Christof, get that shot.”
We stood stock still for a few more minutes, my heart practically beating out of my chest while Christof clicked furiously with his camera.
“Okay! Fantastic!” Brian called out, and Jase promptly moved away from me.
When he did, I felt cold air rush against my skin that mimicked the emptiness I suddenly felt inside, so I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm.
“Okay, Logan, do me a favor and lie down on the sand,” Brian said when he came over to us.
“Lie down?”
“Yes, on your back with one arm extended over your head.”
“Okay,” I said, lowering myself to the sand.
“Okay, now Jason, I want you to lie down so you’re half on top of her.”
“What?!” I said, and Brian rolled his eyes, but he didn’t answer me.
Jase didn’t say a word as he sunk down to the sand, settled his body next to me in an all too familiar way and draped one leg over one of mine. Then he looked up at Brian for direction, which was where my gaze was already settled since I didn’t want to look at Jase. It would remind me too much of how we used to be. It was bad enough to feel him on top of me, but if I wasn’t looking, I could pretend he was someone else.
“Now, Logan, I want you to look at him,” Brian said.
Damn.
I took a deep breath before making eye contact with Jase who was staring at me intently with his bright green eyes that I could just get lost in. I drank in the features I still knew so well, but now they seemed like memories to me. It had been so long since we’d been close like that, almost two months, and that felt like a lifetime.
“Great, stay like that,” Brian said, hopping out of the shot while Christof started taking pictures, moving around us to get different angles and zooming in and out.
“Okay, now I want you both to look at the camera, but don’t smile.”
Finally, I got to look away from the abyss that was Jase Brady’s gaze, because I was starting to lose it.
“Great, guys. That’s great. Now Jason, I want you to kiss Logan.”
“What?
!” I asked, my head snapping toward Brian’s voice.
That time he didn’t ignore me. He walked over to us. “Logan, what’s the problem?”
“I’m not kissing him,” I said, shaking my head, and Jase had the nerve to roll his eyes.
“Logan, it’s not real. It’s just a stage kiss. It’s just for a few seconds. Work with me here, please.”
Yeah right. Not a real kiss, my ass.
“Jason, are you cool with this?” Brian asked, exasperation starting to creep into his tone.
“I’m fine with it, Brian. I’ve kissed plenty of women I have no feelings for. This will be no different.”
I gasped and looked up at Jase who wouldn’t meet my gaze.
No feelings?! I felt like screaming at him, but truthfully, hadn’t I pushed him away and told him to move on? Maybe he was just doing what I’d asked him to do. So why did it feel so crappy to know he was doing it?
Because I really wanted him to chase me, to prove that he was sorry and wanted to be with me and dedicate himself to the cause of getting us back together.
“Any time now, guys,” Brian encouraged us, so I finally looked up at Jase.
His face was stoic as he lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss itself felt different than any other kiss we’d shared, and I realized after a few seconds, and a few clicks of Christof’s camera, that he was stage-kissing me like he kissed any of the girls he’d been in films with. He really was treating this like an acting job.
And that was the point where I started to lose control of my faculties. As the music playing changed over to a song by The Neighbourhood with a pulsing, hypnotic beat, without thinking, I opened my mouth just enough to let him know my intentions before I pushed my tongue forward to touch his lips and probe them open. Jase froze for a few seconds, but then he responded, and I wondered if the behavior was so rote for him because we’d kissed like that hundreds of times or if he was really kissing me.
In the distance, I heard Brian saying things like, “Excellent”, “I love it”, and “Oh yeah. That’s great!”
Finally he told us to stop, and Jase did, only after he closed the kiss. Then he pulled back and looked at me for a few beats.
“Just remember, you did that,” he said in an accusatory tone before he slid off of me and rose to his feet. He stalked off toward the tent to change into his next outfit before I could even come up with a response.
I was floored by his coldness, and I didn’t know what to make of it. He’d been so open and honest and vulnerable the last few times I’d seen him, but now it was like he’d closed himself off completely. I knew he still had feelings for me, because he’d kissed me, but he also had major walls up that hadn’t been there before.
I got up from the sand, knowing I needed to execute my own wardrobe change, and followed Jase’s footprints toward the tent. He was behind the screen when I entered, so I went behind my own screen and let Trina tell me what to put on next.
I changed into a pair of burnt orange skinny jeans and a flowy bright pink spaghetti strap tank, and then I let Caesar tweak my make-up to match the brighter colors I was sporting. When I emerged from the tent, it looked like the crew was still moving equipment around, so I stood there looking for Jase, wondering where he was.
“Hey,” a voice from behind me suddenly said, and I jumped. I knew it was his voice, but it surprised me nonetheless.
I turned to face him, taking in a gasp of air, as I took in his new look. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his tanned forearms. He looked incredible, and kissable, and since I’d just kissed him, all I could think was how much I wanted to do it again and how much I hated myself for it.
Jase’s hands were shoved into his pockets, and he was appraising me thoughtfully. “Why did you kiss me?”
I looked down at the sand. “I didn’t mean to,” I mumbled.
“Logan, look at me,” he said then, and I could hear the pain in his voice. He was trying so hard to keep his mask on, but he’d let it fall, and it was because of what I’d done.
I looked up and met his gaze.
“You wanted to, though, didn’t you?” he insisted. “You felt the pull, and you couldn’t hold back.”
I shook my head. “No, that wasn’t it.”
“Bullshit,” he snapped, his green eyes flashing. “Don’t deny what’s between us. You can’t fight it, and you know it. Hell, I know I can’t. I came here today telling myself that this was just another job, another girl I had to act with and pretend with, but I can’t do that with you. I can’t pretend, because it’s real. This thing between us is so incredibly real, and you know it. You feel it too.”
I was suddenly so angry with him. “Jase, regardless of what might be between us, I have to ignore it. I can’t be with someone who cheated on me, plain and simple.”
Even though all I wanted was him. I knew couldn’t do it.
“Lo, it’s been two months, and you can’t stop thinking about me, can you?”
“Stop it, Jase,” I said, looking away from him, but I knew he could see right through me.
“I can’t wait for this summer,” he said then, and my head snapped up to catch the gleam in his eyes.
“Why?” I asked cautiously.
“Because we’ll be in South Carolina, and we’ll be in the same hotel each night and on set together each day. You won’t be able to stay away. I just have to bide my time. You’ll come back to me. I know it.”
I closed my eyes for a few beats. “Jase, I’m not going to South Carolina.”
“What?”
I opened my eyes to see the appalled look on his face. “I backed out. I told Luiz I couldn’t do it. I can’t.”
He looked pissed then. “Why? Because of me?”
I threw my hands up. “Yes, of course it’s because of you. I have no other reason why I can’t go other than I can’t be in the same place as you, because it’s just too hard.”
“Dammit, Logan,” he said, shaking his head. “It doesn’t have to be hard. We can put everything that happened behind us. It didn’t mean anything. Hell, I don’t even remember it. I don’t even know for sure that it happened.”
I folded my arms in front of my chest. “Jase, she was naked in your bed.”
“So what,” he said, stepping closer to me. I backed away. “Logan, I’m ninety percent sure that I didn’t do anything with her that night. I was really drunk. Are you willing to throw everything we have away on a ten percent chance that I cheated, when I wasn’t even consciously doing it?”
Just hearing him say it out loud made my skin crawl. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
“Jase, I can’t. I can’t be with you. I’m sorry.”
It killed me to say those words, but I didn’t have a choice. I had to stick to my convictions.
“Fine,” he said, as the mask slipped back on and he marched back to toward the shoot, leaving me standing there questioning so much and feeling like I was going to be sick.
Somehow I made it through the rest of the shoot, and Gretchen told me the pictures looked amazing. She said that Jase and I had a chemistry that the camera had grabbed, whatever that meant. It just made me feel worse that we couldn’t be together when everyone, including the freaking camera, thought we should be together. It just wasn’t fair.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Logan
“I don’t like this dress,” Skylar complained, tugging on the pale pink strapless dress my mother had picked out for her. “It makes me look like I have no boobs.”
“You don’t have boobs,” I told her, as I smoothed down my own version of the same dress in a bright pink.
“Neither do you,” she snapped back at me.
“Yeah, and I look pretty fabulous,” I said admiring my reflection.
It was the day of my mother’s wedding to Luiz, and Skylar and I were upstairs in her bedroom at her dad’s house primping. Our mother had her hairstylist and
make-up artist come in earlier to make us beautiful, and we were now both donning the Vera Wang dresses my mom had settled on. She had rejected all of the dresses she’d had me try on the day I was mobbed by the paparazzi on Rodeo Drive and had gone traditional, which honestly irritated me just a little.
I peeked out the window to the guests milling around on the expansive lawn of Luiz’s estate between the two white tents that had been set up on opposite ends for the food and the band. I didn’t think anyone had figured out that they were attending a wedding, which thrilled my mother to no end. She loved surprises and loved to be the center of attention, and that night, she’d get both.
“Is Jase coming?” Skylar asked.
She loved Jase. They’d always gotten along well, and she was devastated to hear that we’d broken up.
I shook my head, still scanning the lawn. From three stories up, I could see Ethan and Nora holding hands, talking to Garrett and Ellie. Ethan had been happier than I’d ever seen him in the past month, and it was all because of Nora. She and I were slowly becoming friends again, but I knew it would be a long road back. I’d betrayed her trust, and even though she and Ethan hadn’t been together at the time, I shouldn’t have hooked up with him when I knew how she felt.
“No, he’s not,” I finally told my sister. “I didn’t invite him.”
“Daddy invited him.”
I spun around and faced her. “He did what?”
She rolled her eyes. “Jase is starring in his next movie, duh, of course he invited him.”
I was surprised to hear that. Luiz usually didn’t let Hollywood politics come between family and friends, and I figured he’d stick to that rule in this case, especially since he knew what Jase had done to me.
I immediately turned back toward the window and frantically looked for him down below. I didn’t see him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t there. I could only hope he’d done the right thing and declined the invitation.
I was pretty sure he’d finally gotten the message that we were over since I hadn’t heard from him after the photo shoot. I touched my finger to my lips, remembering how his mouth had felt on mine. I remembered it all too well. And just as he’d wished, Jase was still the last person I’d kissed.
Gravity Happens (Forcing Gravity) Page 31
