“So I am rather glad you would have me as I am, because he was not best pleased.” She looked worried now, and he spoke quickly to alleviate the new fear. “But luckily, we shall not have to go to such an extreme to live our life together.”
“Gerard…”
“My grandfather, as you know, is a formidable man. And if I wish, if we wish, the barony may still be mine.” He held his breath for her answer. He would do whatever she wanted. She had saved his life, his soul, and made him whole in a way he had never been before. She loved him, an impossible thing to believe, but she had said it, and despite everything she was there in his arms. Warm, alive, vibrant.
Jane felt like a ship battered in a storm. So many emotions had filled and destroyed her these last few minutes that she barely knew what to say or what to think. But Gerard was holding her, and he had chosen himself over pursuit of her. He had…he had finally let her go, and in doing so…
Tears spilled again as her heart burst. She had doubted him. His past, the intensity of his desire for her, all of it had terrified her. But he had chosen a different life.
He had said she had saved his life but she could see now that he had also saved their love. Perhaps she had been willing to run away with him, but she had settled for a love that pained her even as she could not live without it but now…now she was learning that there was a love even greater, that her admiration for him was even greater.
“Jane, what say you?” His voice was warm and deep, caressing her with each syllable.
“I love you.”
He bent his head and captured her lips. She gave in to the touch with a sigh of pleasure, of love, of coming home. But then there was cool air where he had been.
“I love you too, but the barony. Is it what you want? Landsdowne will make it so, if it is.”
Landsdowne. His very name was a weight upon her. The way Anche had been. So he had recognized Gerard as his own. Perhaps it was an acknowledgment of his debt to his grandson, but acquiring a title for Gerard would be more than that, another debt to repay. She shook her head.
“No,” she said. “No. Let us start our life without any intrigue and darkness. Just…just Jane and Gerard, as we were in that inn in Vienna. But forever.”
His beautiful smile made her heart lift to meet it. “I love you, Jane. You are wise and perfect and…”
“I am neither of those things, but what of Szabo? Will we ever truly be free of the intrigue?”
He took a deep breath and then shook his head. “I do not know. Though Szabo does not know my…this name, he knows yours. And though I am confident in the safeguards I used to conceal my identity, to ensure I had an identity I could return to, I don’t wish to mislead you.”
She nodded. “Then perhaps England is not the place for us? Perhaps we need a new home altogether, one where Lady Jane Langley is merely Jane Badeau. Or Jane…whatever name we choose.”
“Is that what you wish?”
She shook her head. “No. I would do it if it were the only way to be with you but I think…” She laughed. “Perhaps Herr Bohm would consider staying. Perhaps we need a half dozen Herr Bohms.”
His smile was tight.
“We will figure it out,” she said with a shrug. It was morning and he was here in her room, holding her. There would be time enough for the practicalities. “Gerard, I love you.”
His eyes brightened. “I cannot hear that enough. Say it again.”
She laughed. “I love you.”
He wrapped her close in his arms again, mouth meeting hers. She had a million questions to ask him and there was so much more to discuss. About Anche, about his grandfather, about his childhood and about Szabo, but all of that could wait. What mattered at that very moment were his lips on hers, on the fact that he was hers. His hands that held her tight as if he’d never let go.
And he wouldn’t.
Neither would she.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jane had never seen Lord Landsdowne in a more domestic situation. Sitting next to Thomas and Mr. Brown, Thomas’s tutor, a crackling fire in the background, he was surrounded by the greenery and mistletoe that decorated the sitting room for the Christmas season. Of course, he was arguing with Mr. Brown about Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason, but still.
In fact, Jane was bemused by the entire situation, the room that was filled with people visiting the estate until after Twelfth Night. Lord and Lady Templeton were present, with their daughter. Her father, Lord Langley, was there as well. That had been a surprise. Silvie was there, too, and Herr Bohm, of course, who had become more of the family than a bodyguard.
And then there was the newest addition, Katherine, who rested in her father’s arms despite the nurse who hovered nearby. Katherine was why Jane’s father was there, why the Templetons had come as well, a baby being sufficient reason to bring this rather motley family together.
The only one still missing was Giana, Gerard’s plans to retrieve her during a post-wedding trip to the Italian peninsula postponed by Napoleon’s escape from Elba and the renewal of conflict on the continent. Traveling alone, he could easily have avoided the battlefields, but he had wished neither to leave a pregnant Jane nor to endanger his sister. After Twelfth Night, now that Jane, Katherine and Thomas were settled at the new estate, and with Silvie staying until his return, he would go.
“My turn, Alandale,” Langley said, reaching for Katherine. Her father took great pleasure in calling Gerard by his new title, as if it were balm for having to earlier accept a match he felt was beneath the family.
The new title was a significant source of Jane’s bemusement, as well. Not only because she and Gerard had decided not to pursue the barony, but also because she had only just begun to accustom herself to the name Mrs. Badeau when she had had to adjust to answering to Lady Alandale. Nonetheless, Lady Alandale she now was. Only two weeks after marrying and beginning to settle down at Gerard’s newly purchased estate, Anche had arrived, a dour look upon his face. With Napoleon escaped, he was desperate for information, and Gerard just happened to have some of use, as well as contacts with whom he could put Anche in touch. Eight months later the barony had been awarded.
Had Landsdowne been involved behind the scenes, pulling strings he had been reluctant to pull before? Jane couldn’t say. All she knew was that ever since changing his mind about assisting Gerard, Landsdowne had taken a great deal of interest in his grandson, insisting on introducing him to his closest friends.
While some acquaintances had remained sticklers and Jane had received fewer invitations for a while, Landsdowne’s approval had certainly helped ease the awkward transition into a somewhat scandalous married life. At the same time, being married had afforded Jane a freedom to pursue intellectual interests she had not previously. Those circles, the ones she most valued, were even more welcoming than before.
“Careful,” Gerard said as he gently transferred the bundled infant.
Langley shot him a baleful look before he turned his doting eye back on his granddaughter. “What a pretty Kate you are. With any luck you’ll grow up to be as intelligent as your mother, as well.”
Jane stiffened at the words, the overheard compliment that her father had never given to her directly. She hated that she felt some small pleasure at them. After all this time, she should hardly care what her father thought. Yet, she still did.
“Come, Jane,” Gerard said softly, stretching a hand out to her. “Let’s take a stroll out on the balcony and look at the stars.”
She pulled her thick cashmere shawl tightly around her shoulders and followed him outside into the cold December night. He pulled her into his side, his arm around her waist, and they stood close together, breath frosty in the air. The moon was a sliver and she could barely discern the outline of trees that delineated the garden from the woods beyond.
“Did you ever imagine—” She stopped, because of course he hadn’t. How could either of them have imagined such a gathering as the one tonight? His grip tightened.
He turned her and she looked up into his face. The moonlight reflected on his eyes and she studied them, marveling at the change a year had wrought, the lack of shadows in his gaze.
“For once I agree with your father. You are beautiful and intelligent, and now the mother of our child.” He broke off and she thought his eyes glistened. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For Kate, for your love, for life.”
Tears stung her eyes, and her heart was too full to speak. Instead, she lifted her face to his. Her lips to his, to the kiss that was everything she needed and more. To the love she had never truly imagined possible but now was theirs.
About the Author
Sabrina Darby has been reading romance novels since the age of seven and learned her best vocabulary (dulcet, diaphanous, and turgid) from them. She started writing romance the day after her wedding when she woke up with an idea for a Regency. She resides in Southern California with her husband and son. She can be reached on Facebook, Twitter, and her website www.sabrinadarby.com. To learn about new releases, join Sabrina Darby’s New Release List.
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