by Clare Revell
11
Hope didn’t want to drop it. The bloke had said he loved her. No one had said that to her for years, except Angel, but was she imagining the way he looked at her? How could he care? But she had to know.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur, with the ache and longing in her heart growing. Watching Lara playing and the baby feeding and gurgling just made things worse.
Nick left early, saying he had a sermon to write, without them having a chance to finish the conversation.
Not feeling comfortable with the family, Hope made her excuses and went up to her room. She curled up on the bed, rubbing her wrist. What Nick had said rolled around her mind. His ‘I love you’ mixing with ‘God loves you’ and the words of a long forgotten hymn tumbled together inside her head until she could no longer distinguish them one from the other. The sound grew louder and louder and her mind would not shut down and let her sleep or even rest.
She was fallen, a woman of low repute. How could anyone love her after what she’d done? She lay there unable to sleep as the house grew quiet around her. Tears filled her eyes and streamed unrestrained down her cheeks. Getting up, she went to the kitchen and found Nick’s number on the pad next to the phone.
The phone rang five times. “Hello?” answered a sleepy voice.
Guilt ran rampage through her. “I woke you. I’m sorry.”
“Hope, what’s wrong? Are you OK? It’s two in the morning.”
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize…sorry.” She hung up, ending the call. Idiot. He wouldn’t want to talk to me anyway.
The phone rang, making her jump. Should she answer it? She hesitated. It wasn’t her house, so best not. The ringing ceased, solving the problem.
Footsteps squeaked on the floorboards upstairs. Then the stairs creaked. The kitchen door opened and Pastor Jack held out the phone. “It’s Nick, for you.”
Hope shook her head. “Sorry…” She fled past him, running from the room. The front door was locked and the way behind her barred. She ran up to her room, shut the door, and flopped on the bed.
She’d woken everyone now. She only thought about herself. Never anyone else. She didn’t know how long she sat and cried, not knowing how to put things right and fix the aching hole within her.
The door creaked open.
Nick stood there, hair tousled and shirt buttons done up crooked. He looked exhausted. “Hope, are you all right?”
“No…”
“I didn’t think so. I would sit on the floor, but Jack has this rule about men in the bedrooms…”
Hope nodded. She pushed to her feet and rubbed her sleeve over her face. “I must look awful.”
“I’ve seen worse.” Nick held out a hand and took hers for an instant. “Kitchen? Jack’s got the kettle on.”
“OK.” She followed him to the kitchen.
Pastor Jack set two mugs of tea on the table. “There you go.”
“Sorry,” she apologized again. “I didn’t mean to wake everyone.”
“Stop apologizing.” Nick pulled out a chair for her. “Two o’clock calls go with the job. So you are not disturbing anyone.”
“I’ll leave you two here,” Pastor Jack said. “Unless you need me to stay?”
Nick shook his head. “We’ll be fine.”
“OK. G’night.”
Hope gripped the cup tightly, allowing the warmth to seep through her cold hands.
Nick looked at her. “Drink it,” he said. “Actually…” He rose and went to the cake tin. “Cassie makes the best chocolate cake ever.” He cut two slices and carried them across on plates. “Now, talk to me while we eat. Why did you ring?”
“Just thinking about what you said and it all got muddled up in my head. And the voice got louder and louder and—”
“Slow down. What voice?” Concern beaded his brow, cake crumbs sticking to the corner of his mouth.
She longed to reach out and wipe the crumbs away, but daren’t. “The internal one. When your mind won’t turn off and just goes on and on.”
“Oh, yeah, I know that one all too well. The same thought or song gets louder and louder and mixed up.”
She nodded. “I just don’t see how anyone could love me now.”
Nick pulled over Jack’s Bible and opened it. “Look here. 1 John 4:19 says we love because He first loved us. Verse ten says this is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. And verse eighteen says there is no love in fear. But perfect love drives out fear…”
As Nick read, something broke within Hope. Her eyes once more filled and overflowed, only this time she had no idea why. “I want to believe again,” she whispered, “but…”
“No buts. No one has fallen too far when they get as upset as you are over this. Just come back to Him, Hope. He’s waiting on the road for you, just like the father in the story of the prodigal son. But don’t just take my word for it.” He pushed the Bible over to her. “Jack won’t mind you borrowing this tonight. Read John’s gospel. Come to church on Sunday. See, what makes no sense now will make perfect sense with God. It doesn’t mean things will magically appear when you need them or life will get easier, because it won’t. But you will find things easier to deal with.”
Hope took the Bible. “OK, I’ll read it.”
“And if you have any questions, just ask.”
“OK.” She yawned.
“Go get some sleep,” he said.
“OK.” She stood, holding the Bible tightly. Maybe the answers were in here. He seemed so sure of it. “G’night.”
****
Nick sat holding his cup. He closed his eyes, praying that what he’d said would make a difference. Then he stood and took the cups and plate to the sink to wash them.
“Nicely handled,” came Jack’s voice from the doorway.
Nick grinned. “I didn’t think you’d really gone to bed. How much did you hear?”
“All of it. I was backing you up in prayer from the hallway. You did good.”
“Thanks. You don’t mind her borrowing your Bible?”
Jack shook his head and held out a duvet and pillows. “No. It’s snowing hard. Cassie said to tell you to sleep on the couch.”
Nick dried his hands and took them. “Thank you and thank her for me.” He paused. “You think Hope will come to church?”
“She might.”
Nick nodded. “I’ll take her to town tomorrow to get a Bible of her own.”
“And get a haircut,” Jack teased.
“Me or her?” Nick ran his hands through his hair, knowing it was far too long.
Jack shook his head. “I’ll give you some money from the fellowship fund to get Hope a couple of changes of clothes, a coat, shoes and any other bits she might need. I’ve already given Grace some to kit out Angel. Nate is going to speak to Grace and Faith tomorrow afternoon and tell them he’s located Hope. He’d like for you to be there when he does.”
“I’d like that too.” He yawned. “And now I really should get some sleep.”
“OK. Did you finish the sermon?”
“I did. You can have it in the morning. G’night again.” He headed through to the lounge and made up a bed on the couch. He lay down, burdened for Hope, and prayed until he fell asleep.
****
Snow lay deep and crisp on the winter streets as Hope and Nick walked quietly through the busy town center. The last Saturday before Christmas had brought the shoppers out in their droves.
She’d paused by the holly wreaths on a market stall, the family tradition piercing her heart again. They’d hang the wreath and light a candle, one for each member of the family, symbolizing their love for each other.
Nick led her into a clothing store. “Right, I’m under instructions to make you buy two sets of clothes.”
“I can’t,” she objected.
“Yes, you can. What you can’t do it keep wearing the same things over and over. I’ve noticed, and I’m a bloke. The money isn’
t mine before you ask. Jack gave it to me from the fellowship fund. That’s designed to help those in need and right now that’s you. So, two changes of clothes and night things, as well.”
“Angel needs stuff, more than I do.”
He rolled his eyes. “We knew you’d say that, so her temporary foster parents have been given money to kit her out with clothes, too. Now, I’m only a bloke, but I reckon in order to cover all the bases you’ll need a skirt, a pair of trousers, couple of shirts, jumper, underwear…”
Hope’s cheeks burned.
Nick put a hand over his mouth and his eyes widened. “Oops, did I say the U-word?” He winked. “Hate to disillusion you, but pastors also wear underwear.”
She tilted his head. “Bras and knickers, or just knickers?” She grinned as he flushed bright red.
“No…” he groaned, squirming in his shoes. “No, no, no, she said the B-word.”
Hope laughed, the momentary discomfort forgotten.
“I’ll leave that bit of the shopping to you,” he grinned.
Hope wandered slowly, taking her time over choosing a full length thick skirt, jeans and shirts. She added a thick sweater and socks and tights. Then she walked around the lingerie section.
Nick did his best to avert his gaze, to the point of putting up his hand to shield his eyes.
She giggled. “You’re silly.”
He looked at her over the top of the rack. “Yep.”
Hope added three matching sets to the basket. One on, one off and one in the wash. Then she picked up warm fleece pyjamas.
Nick tossed in a second pair. “And we need a hat, scarf, gloves, and coat.”
“I have…” She broke off. Most of her clothes had either been left behind when they’d left the flat or were worn out. But it summed her up completely. Nick was right. The bits of the Bible she had read last night and remembered from her childhood were right. She needed a Savior. That was the only way to make things the way they should be. But how did she find the words to put things right between her and God?
“You need one,” Nick repeated.
Hope rolled her eyes. “You can take the verse, ‘behold I am making all things new’ too far, you know.”
He grinned and slid an arm through hers, leading her to the coats. “I’d go for pillar box red, myself. With black fur and matching hat.”
“You do that, then. Personally, I prefer black or blue.”
“Fine, so long as we add shoes and boots.”
“I don’t need…”
“Hope, this is a gift,” he said gently. “Not charity, before you say anything. Just go with it.” He held the basket as she tried different coats on. It was time to change the subject. “Hey, did you know that ‘live long and prosper’ is in the Bible?” He groaned at his choice of subject as soon as he spoke. Now’d she’d know he was a science-fiction geek.
“Really?”
Nick nodded. “Jack mentioned it a few weeks back. ‘Walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.’ Deuteronomy 5:33.”
Hope modeled a coat for him. “But did you know that the “Vulcan” salute is the Jewish blessing of ‘The Lord bless you and keep you?’”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”
She nodded, changing the black coat for a beautifully cut navy blue duffle coat. “Apparently.”
Nick pointed to the coat she had on. “That one. And where did you learn that snippet of information?” he asked.
“Convention many years ago,” she said slowly.
“You’re a sci-fi geek, too?” he asked. “No way!”
She took the coat off and folded it over her arm as there was no room in the basket. “Yes, way. I haven’t seen it in years. I’m not sure it they’re still showing it.”
“Yes. And they’re making new films, too. You ought to catch up with them.”
“But is that verse really true?” she asked, as she added shoes and boots before following Nick to the checkout.
“Right along with all the other verses in the Bible.”
“Some of them seem a little hard to swallow…”
“That’s where faith comes into it.” He paid and took the bags. “Are you sure I can’t persuade you to come to the hairdressers with me later on?”
Hope ran her hands through her hair. “No. You’ve spent enough on me. Besides, I normally cut my own hair. I do need a chemist though.”
Nick nodded. “Sure.” He led her across the road and gave her a basket. “Pick up what you need and meet me by the baby stuff. Jack wants baby shampoo and talc.”
Hope picked up stuff as she wandered around to where Nick waited.
Nick dropped a few things into the basket. “Those sponge letters look fun. You should get a set for Angel for Christmas. She can stick them on the bathroom tiles.”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can. It’s easy. You pick it up and put it in the basket.”
Hope picked one up, doing what he said. “Like that, you mean?”
He grinned. “You catch on fast. What else does she want?”
“She wants a doll with hair that grows….” She broke off. “I got her a rabbit. She took it everywhere, but she dropped it on the bridge. I found it there. She’ll be missing him.” Tears formed in her eyes.
“I’ll give it to Nate to pass on. But first we’ll go to the toy shop and get her a doll.” Nick squeezed her hand.
“OK, but I can pay for that. They gave me some severance pay. I was hoping to use it for a deposit on a new place after Christmas. Or to simply save it. Especially when it has to last who knows how long.”
He glanced over her basket. “You forgot to pick up shampoo and a hairbrush. I thought girls were good at shopping.”
“Not me.”
He winked. “Nah, you’re just out of practice. You’ll soon pick it up again. Come on.”
She groaned. “Are your sermons full of bad jokes?”
“You’ll have to come tomorrow and see. I’m preaching in the morning, and Jack is taking the carol service in the evening. You have to come to that. It’s traditional. And we lower the lights for it.”
“OK.” Perhaps there in the stillness of the church she’d find the words she needed. “I’ll come.”
Nick beamed. “Then I’d better polish my sermon and stick in several really bad jokes.”
“OK.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the blue rabbit. “Please give this to the DI. His name is Mr. E-T. Well, that’s what I call him for short. Please make sure Angel gets it.”
Nick nodded. He carefully took the rabbit and slid it into his coat pocket. “He’ll be perfectly safe there. I wonder if I can work a ‘hare today, gone tomorrow’ joke into the sermon.”
Hope shook her head. “Not if you want your head left on your shoulders.” She paused, waiting for him to react. “Then your hair really would be gone.”
He groaned. “What have I unleashed?”
****
Once he’d taken Hope back to the manse, Nick headed across to Carnation Street where Nate was already interviewing Angel. Opposite the florist shop stood the rebuilt home of Grace and Faith Chadwick, with the home of Elliott and Joel Wallac next to it. He parked his car and got out, noting the other two cars there and not recognizing them. He trotted up the path and rang the bell, blowing on his hands to warm them.
Grace opened the door and smiled. “Hi, Nick, come on in. We’re all here now. Nate wouldn’t start without you.”
Nick shed his coat. “It’s nice and warm in here.” He took the rabbit out and slid it into his trouser pocket before he followed her through to the crowded lounge.
“You know most people,” Grace said pointing to Faith, Nate, Elliott, and Joel. “These are my parents, and my brother. Nate insisted on them driving down from Ely, but won’t tell us why. This is Nick Slater, our assistant pastor.”
Nick shook hands with them. “
Hi.” He glanced around. “Where’s Angel?”
“She’s watching TV in the bedroom.” Nate offered. “We just finished talking.”
“OK. I have something of hers in my pocket. I need to give it to her when we’re done.”
“OK.” Grace turned to Nate. “So what’s going on? Does this have anything to do with Angel? She turns up here wanting to know where Aunt Tilja was.”
“In a way, yes.” Nate smiled. “I thought you’d like to know that we’ve traced Hope.”
Gasps filled the room.
“Hope?” Faith managed. “You found her?”
“Yes,” Nate replied. “We found her. She’s alive.”
12
Nick watched as the Chadwicks’ faces went through a myriad of emotions from shock to joy.
Mrs. Chadwick dropped to the couch. “What…? Where is she? Is she OK?”
“She’s doing all right,” Nate said.
“Are you sure it’s her?”
He nodded. He held out the battered photo. “She had this with her. I told her I’d let her have the photo back.”
Mrs. Chadwick took the picture. “It’s us. Where is she?”
“Right now she’s in a safe house here in Headley Cross.”
Nick stifled a grin at that description of the manse, not sure how Jack would take it if he found out.
“Can we see her?”
“She has several issues she’s working through right now,” Nate said diplomatically. “And there are several other concerns you need to be made aware of.”
“Like what?” Mr. Chadwick asked. “She’s our daughter. Surely nothing else matters.”
“Nick, do you want to explain?” Nate asked.
Not really. Nick sucked in a deep breath, not sure how to say any of it without saying too much. He cleared his throat. “I met her in the block of flats I live in. She was moving out. I helped her down the stairs with her bags as the lift wasn’t working.” Nick stopped to gather his thoughts.
“She’s been here all along?” Grace interrupted.
Nick nodded. “From what she’s told me, yes, she’s been working and living here for several years. She lost her job just recently and the flat went with that. Since then she’s been in a homeless shelter.”
