Slow Burn

by Janice Maynard

  Even when she left the room, Jake’s low, masculine voice carried in the small house. It was impossible to ignore him, impossible to pretend she didn’t react to him strongly.

  Fifteen minutes later, Nikki returned to her daughter’s room. “Time for bed, Emma.”

  “Just one more chapter, please, Mommy.”

  Nikki had played this game far too many times. “Now means now. Tell Mr. Jake thank you.”

  Emma slid off Jake’s lap. “Thank you, Mr. Jake,” she said, her expression doleful. The sad-little-girl act sometimes won her five extra minutes, but Nikki held firm this time.

  Nikki managed a smile for Jake, though she was nervous and jittery. “There’s beer and wine in the fridge. Help yourself.”

  He gave her a slow, sleepy smile. “I’m good. Take your time.”

  Emma yawned. “Can Mr. Jake tuck me in?”

  Nikki froze. She was pretty sure Jake did, too. It was one thing for a visitor to read a book. Tucking in was for family members. “Um, no, sweetheart. That’s for mommies and little girls.” She picked up her baby, who was getting almost too heavy to carry like this. “I’ll be back, Jake.”

  Five

  Jake stood and paced. Suddenly, this small house felt stifling. The home-cooked meal. The cute kid. The beautiful mother. All the things he had managed to avoid in his life.

  In Atlantic City five years ago, Nikki had appeared as a sexy woman from his past. A chance to indulge in some hot and heavy no-strings sex. But now, Nikki had changed. She had moved on. She had grown up and matured. Or maybe she had already changed five years ago, and he hadn’t seen it.

  Though Jake admired her for the life she had created despite her father’s deeds, he was wary. He’d been on the run for far too long to be seriously tempted by the idea of settling down. It would be unfair to let Nikki think that he might. Better to keep his distance and fight the sexual hunger that consumed him.

  Maybe Nikki was right. He had no business playing “Daddy” unless he was ready to go all in. And he wasn’t.

  Returning to Falling Brook had been hard enough.

  This little blue-collar town where Nikki lived, Poplar Ridge, was less than an hour away from where she had grown up, but by every other measure, it might as well have been on a different planet. Jake had hung his hat in all kinds of communities over the years. He’d enjoyed luxury, and he had found meaning in testing himself with deprivation. But all the while, he had known he had a safety net. He always had money.

  Even when he fled Falling Brook and the reporters that were hounding him, he’d had secret money saved from playing poker. Jake had used his skills in day-trading and gradually built his fortune.

  But Nikki and her mother had been left with virtually nothing.

  Roberta Reardon had come from a social background and a generation where trophy spouses entertained and visited the spa but weren’t employed. Nikki had been seventeen, almost eighteen, when her father disappeared. Not a child, but certainly not a full-grown adult. In the midst of grief, her whole world had imploded. At the time, Jake had insisted she was partly to blame. Even now, he regretted that.

  He had lashed out at his teenage girlfriend, because the truth was too much to bear. Vernon and Everett had embezzled money and left their families behind. In search of what? If Everett Reardon hadn’t been killed, if he had joined his partner in the Bahamas, what were the two men hoping to accomplish?

  That unanswered question had shaped Jake’s life. Bitterness and angry regret kept him on the run. Or maybe it was the memory of the woman he had lost that locked him in a lonely cage of his own making.

  Thinking about the past was never fruitful. Jake shoved aside the baggage and sprawled in a chair, his focus returning to the present. What would Nikki and Roberta do with their windfall from Black Crescent? Jake had thought about asking if Joshua could add Nikki and her mom to the list of people Black Crescent was repaying, but Josh had beaten him to the punch.

  Would Nikki and Roberta want to return to Falling Brook?

  His turbulent thoughts were eventually interrupted when Nikki appeared in the doorway. Her ponytail was mussed from being in bed with her daughter.

  “Is she asleep?” he asked.

  “Close,” Nikki said. “She played hard today.”

  Jake patted the sofa beside him. “Come sit with me.”

  Nikki hesitated, but did as he asked. It didn’t escape his notice that she left a good four feet between them.

  Didn’t matter. He felt connected to her and drunk with wanting her. He didn’t know what to do about that.

  “Emma is delightful,” he said gruffly.

  “Thank you.” Nikki’s response was subdued. In fact, she seemed to be having trouble looking at him.

  He sighed. “You’re right about me. I don’t know that I’m father material. I’d still like to hang out with her now and then while I’m here. But I won’t cross any boundaries, I swear. I would never tell her she’s mine. That would be cruel.”

  Finally, Nikki lifted her head. “I don’t know if you saw it, but what happened between you two tonight was extraordinary. She’s usually shy with strangers, especially men. But with you, she was happy. Excited. How can I not tell her the truth?”

  Now the roles were reversed. Nikki wanted full disclosure, and Jake was uncertain about the future. “Let’s give ourselves time,” he said, feeling some unseen noose tighten around his neck.

  “So, what? You’ll just stay away until we figure it out?”

  “Do you have a better idea? If our goal is not to hurt our daughter, we both have some thinking to do.”

  She nodded thoughtfully. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “But let me be clear about one thing.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh?”

  He reached for her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “I don’t think I can stay away from you. I’m feeling the same things I felt five years ago. Seeing you face-to-face destroys me. Everything inside me says, ‘Hell yeah!’ I want to make love to you, Nikki. Rather desperately, in fact.”

  Her eyes flashed with anger. “Those feelings in Atlantic City didn’t last ’til morning, Jake. You’re a flight risk.”

  “What does that have to do with me wanting you? Besides, I don’t think this attraction is one-sided...is it?”

  Tears sheened her eyes. Her chin wobbled. Her fingers curled around his. “No. But at what cost?”

  “It will be our little secret. Just the two of us.”

  “We both know that secrets can tear a family apart.” Her gaze clung to his, begging for assurance.

  “Not this one. I give you my word. Come here, Nik. Let me show you.”

  They met in the middle of the sofa, a ragged curse from him, a low moan from her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her recklessly, telling himself there was no danger. Sex was good. Sex was healthy.

  Her body was soft, pliant. Her scent tantalizing.

  She was perfection in his arms. That one night in Atlantic City had haunted his dreams. He told himself he had embellished the memories...the way their bodies seemed to recognize each other. But something had been different that night, and it was different still.

  He wanted Nikki to be his teenage sweetheart, but she was not the same woman now. She had made a life for herself. What had Jake ever done but run?

  Despite his unease, he couldn’t walk away. Touching her, kissing her, needing her. It was as simple and perfect as falling asleep in a feather bed. But the dark edge of lust was something more. Dangerous. Powerful. He was a man who respected women, yet in this fraught moment, he felt capable of behavior that frightened him.

  Why, after so many years, did Nikki still have the power to push him beyond all reasonable boundaries?

  When she put a hand to his chest and shoved, he was almost relieved.


  “Wait, Jake. Please.”

  He released her instantly, still recognizing the beast inside him. “You changed your mind.” His tone was low and flat, his mood mercurial.

  She met his stormy eyes bravely. “I want you every bit as much as you want me. But I don’t have the same freedom you do. Every choice I make, every road I take, affects at least two other people. My life is inextricably tied to my mother’s and to Emma’s. I don’t have the luxury of spontaneity or reckless pleasure. As much as I wish things were different, I have to face the truth.”

  “So you won’t make love to me?” He was frustrated now and trying to pretend this conflict wasn’t proof of all his misgivings.

  “I don’t know,” she said, the words taut with misery.

  “That’s no answer, Nik.”

  “Then how about this? Not now. It’s too risky.”

  “Does Emma wake up during the night? Is that it?”

  “Not usually. But it feels wrong with her in the next room.”

  “How can it be wrong if our being together created that perfect little girl?” Nikki was pale, obviously distressed. It was all he could do to keep his distance.

  “Jake,” she said quietly. “This thing between us is like sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold night. Even though we scattered the logs years ago, and the blaze went out, somehow, a couple of small embers stayed close enough to create danger. I can’t explain it. We’re a weird paradox. Virtual strangers who somehow know each other very well.”

  “You don’t feel like a stranger to me.” It was the God’s honest truth. One encounter in fifteen years? They should be awkward together. Instead, touching her was the easiest thing he had ever done. He wanted to drown in her.

  “Maybe we need to back up. Spend some time talking. Getting reacquainted.”

  “Talking?” He clenched his fists. “What will that accomplish?”

  She lifted her chin. “You think you know me, but you don’t, Jake. We can’t pick up where we left off fifteen years ago. And not even where we were in Atlantic City. Time changes people. I’ve changed.”

  His body vibrated with sexual tension. He was hard and desperate—a toxic combination. There was the tiniest possibility she was right. Only in Jake’s case, he had dealt with the tragedy in his past by moving slowly through the years. He’d made plenty of money. But he lived from day to day. Alone. Sometimes in the midst of a sea of people, but alone.

  Now he was back in New Jersey. What was his next step?

  Emma complicated the outcome. Enormously.

  Maybe Jake could be a lover, but not a dad. It was painful to admit.

  He exhaled and told himself no man ever died from unfulfilled lust. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Would popcorn make you feel better?”

  His nose twitched, already imagining the scent. “With real butter?”

  “Sure.”

  He followed her into the kitchen. Nikki’s body language was wary, as if she knew he was on a short fuse. As he watched, she pulled out an old-fashioned aluminum popper. She added oil, seasoning and kernels, then put a chunk of butter in a tiny pan and set it to low.

  Her small dinette chair was barely big enough to support his weight. He sat, anyway, his knee bouncing under the table with nervous energy.

  When there was nothing to do but wait, she joined him, her body language guarded.

  Jake plowed ahead. “What shall we talk about?”

  Nikki shrugged. “You first.”

  “Will your mom want to go back to Falling Brook now that money won’t be an issue?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know.”

  “I guess she’s made friends here.”

  “Not really. We’ve moved around a lot, at least we did before Emma was born. For years, we used my mother’s maiden name. A dozen different apartments. A dozen not-so-legal leases. She was terrified that someone would recognize her from the news.”

  “That’s understandable.” Wasn’t that why Jake, himself, had fled?

  The sound of the first pops ricocheted in the small room.

  Nikki jumped to her feet. “You want wine?”

  “Coke goes with popcorn. If you have any...”

  She cocked her head. “Jake Lowell is asking for a sugary soft drink?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s been a stressful week. I think I’m entitled.”

  “That’s an understatement, for sure. Here you go.” She got a can and handed it to him, then reached up into the cabinet for bowls. “I’ll let you salt yours how you like it.”

  “Thanks.” The fact that Nikki’s brief, light touch affected him so deeply meant he was in real trouble.

  Moments later they were enjoying their snack in silence.

  His throat tightened. “Your turn,” he said gruffly.

  “I’m surprised you’re willing to answer questions.”

  He frowned. “What does that mean?”

  “Fifteen years ago, it was like you disappeared off the face of the earth.”

  The tops of his ears got hot. “It wasn’t that extreme,” he said, feeling guilty all over again. “I sent the occasional text or email to my brothers. First question, please.”

  “I know you’re good at playing the stock market. But day-trading isn’t a full-time occupation, at least not in your situation. What else have you done for the past fifteen years? I wanted to write to you, but I never worked up the nerve to contact Joshua and ask for your addresses, snail mail or otherwise.”

  “Why would you have to ‘work up the nerve’?”

  She gnawed her bottom lip. “You blamed me for what happened. I thought Josh might, too. Believe me, I’ve wished a million times that I could turn back the clock and beg my father not to get involved with yours.”

  Jake’s chest was tight. Mostly because he knew Nikki was right. Even as a twenty-two-year-old, Jake had known that his dad must have orchestrated whatever convoluted plan led to the painful implosion of Black Crescent. With Vernon Lowell missing and presumed dead, and Everett killed in a car chase, the details weren’t all that important.

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he muttered, “but I’d rather talk about me than what happened fifteen years ago.”

  Nikki nodded. “Fair enough.” She poked at the unpopped kernels at the bottom of her bowl. “You can hit the high spots. What does a twentysomething do when he sets out to seek his fortune?”

  Jake leaned his chair back on two legs, completely willing to narrate a travelogue. That was a hell of a lot easier than dealing with messy emotions. “Everyone expected me to head to Europe, so I started out in Wyoming instead,” he said simply. “Working for a mountain-climbing school. Teaching inexperienced tourists the basics, so they could climb Grand Teton. It was a dangerous job at times. And I pushed the edge more than I should have. I wasn’t suicidal. But I didn’t really care what happened to me at that point.”

  “How long were you there?”

  “About eighteen months. One day I heard some guys whispering and snickering. They shut up when I walked by. I found out later that one of our climbing school pupils was from Jersey and recognized my face and my name from the news.”

  “That must have been awful.”

  “It was shocking. Humiliating. So I decided that North America was too close. I set out for Australia. I always wanted to travel more, so that’s what I did. A couple of weeks here. A month there. Gradually, I worked my way around the globe.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  “It was. Mostly. Still, there were days I was so homesick I could hardly stand it. It was as if I was living life in slow motion. But that slow pace was the only way I knew how to handle the upheaval. Every time I thought about flying back to New Jersey, I remembered there was nothing left to return to.”

  “
How can you say that? Joshua and Oliver were here...and your mom.”

  “I sent Oliver a few texts over the years, but he never answered. I thought he was still angry with me for leaving, but now I know he was busy partying, doing drugs. And I couldn’t face Joshua. I had run out on my twin... Left him to clean up my father’s mess.”

  “My father’s mess, too...”

  “Yes.”

  “What about your mom?”

  “She was in deep denial when I left. The few times I called home it was the same. ‘Vernon will be back. This is just one of his stunts.’ After six months, I still called her occasionally, but I quit talking about anything that happened at Black Crescent. I didn’t mention my dad’s name. It was too damn sad.”

  “I’m sorry, Jake.”

  “She and Oliver went to see him recently. Before I got back. Joshua couldn’t get any details out of them.”

  “In a way, your mom was right. Vernon did come back. Don’t you wonder what happened to the money?”

  “Every damn day.”

  After a heartbeat of silence, Nikki smiled. “Still my turn,” she said. “What about you, Jake? Did you ever get married?”

  The question stopped him dead in his tracks. “No,” he said bluntly.

  “Any close calls?”

  The expression on her face reflected mild curiosity, but he suspected she was hiding her true feelings. “None. I like my freedom too much.”

  Nikki surprised him when she reached across the table and squeezed his arm briefly. “We have to get past this and move on. We’ve both played the hands we were dealt. I don’t hold any grudges, Jake. You are who you are. Maybe we could tell Emma the truth when she turns eighteen.”

  “And have her resent me for missing her childhood?”

  “You can’t have it both ways.”

  He had to get out of this house. His head threatened to explode with a million unanswered questions, and his libido wanted to get laid.

  Not with just any woman. With Nikki. Nikki of the pale white skin and the fiery hair and the eyes that went moss green or forest green depending on her mood. She was a fascinating, desirable female.