A Heart of Shame

by Kristen Banet

  It made her feel weak and Sawyer didn’t fucking do weak.

  People damn sure weren’t allowed to violate her mind and step in without a face just for fucking kicks.

  She snapped awake, pushing a hand on her chest to slow her heartbeat down. She focused on the area around her, wondering if she could feel another Source, one that wasn’t the guys.

  She scrambled out of bed and ran out, phasing through the door, wearing nothing and not giving a damn. She was going to find and catch this son of a bitch, this evil motherfucker who violated her privacy.

  She made it to the parking lot when an arm wrapped around her waist. She snarled and kicked back. She hit metal and plastic.

  “It’s me, Sawyer! It’s Jasper” he cried out, letting go of her. “Whoever it was is gone, I promise. I’ve already done a full lap around the building looking for him. He’s not here anymore.”

  She stopped fighting and turned towards Jasper, taking in his face. She was breathing heavily; furious, upset, and feeling dirty. Her nudity didn’t bother her. That someone walked into her mind and nightmares without her permission did. That he felt so wrong bothered her even more.

  “How much did he see?” Sawyer asked, as she began to shake a little. Jasper just cursed softly, took her shoulders gently, and began pulling her back to her room. She followed but asked the question again. “How much did he see, Jasper?”

  “All of it,” Jasper whispered. “I think he saw all of it, but I was locked in for the ride until he revealed himself completely and pulled you out of it.”

  “Oh, shit,” Sawyer seethed. “I’m going to kill him if I find him. Did you feel his fucking magic?”

  “I didn’t. Did you?” Jasper asked, frowning. He got her through her door again, reminding her that they could both phase. She forgot sometimes. He couldn’t go through as much as her.

  “I did,” Sawyer disclosed. “God, Jasper… it was wrong. Twisted… Oh, shit…”

  The idea stumbled into her head before she could stop it.

  “Sawyer?” he asked, trying to lead her to sit down. “We can worry about it in a minute.”

  “I think our killer can dream walk,” she whispered. “Oh, God, Jasper… I think our killer was here.”

  A sinking feeling filled her.

  Their killer knew they were around now.

  “Alright,” Jasper responded, looking a bit terrified. “And as for how he kills people…”

  “Fuck, let’s hope he can’t phase,” Sawyer groaned, rubbing her face.

  “I’m going to check on Vincent and Elijah. Will you check Quinn? I know Zander is fine.” Jasper pointed between the walls as he mentioned their teammates. She nodded.

  “I’ll get Quinn,” she sighed. She knew Quinn was safe, though, since Shade and Scout were both still healthy and happy. There was no way anyone was getting into that room without one of those three catching said person.

  She grabbed sweats and a tank top, not bothering with anything else. She phased straight into Quinn’s room and was immediately met with a snarl. She locked her gaze onto gold eyes glowing in the dark.

  “Shade, something happened,” she said calmly. She knew better than to ignore the wolf and go for Quinn. They were loyal to their Magi and would attack her in a heartbeat if she posed a threat. “The team has to wake up.”

  The growls stopped, and Sawyer looked towards the bed finally. Quinn and Scout were both still out, and Shade walked next to her as she drew close. She’d never woken Quinn up. She didn’t want to get the other guys though.

  She barely grazed her fingers to his shoulder. That was all it took.

  He snatched her wrist and practically flung her over him. She sublimated before she hit the bed and flew across the room. Quinn snarled as she reformed near the wall to her room.

  “Holy shit, Quinn,” she gasped. “Now is not the time for that.” She met his ice blue gaze and watched his snarl change into something else. He launched up from the bed and stalked over to her. She didn’t fight. She knew to let Quinn do weird Quinn things without interfering. Getting thrown, however, had not been something she was okay with.

  He backed her up into the wall, and she kept her gaze up. At his eyes. Good place to look. After everything tonight, Quinn’s early morning wood was not something she needed to lay her eyes on.

  “Why are you in here?” He growled softly, his hands on either side of her against the wall. She sighed.

  “We think the killer was nearby earlier, and he dream walked into my nightmare,” she answered him softly. Calm was the best approach with Quinn. If she freaked out, he would freak out. If she was calm, he would think everything was okay.

  Everything wasn’t okay, though. Her gut still twisted in the sense of violation. Her heart still clenched in the shame and bitterness of a stranger, a sick stranger, watching her get beaten down in her own nightmares.

  “How much did he see?” Quinn asked softly. His face was still hard, but his voice was soft, a whisper on the wind. Midnight and wild, a growl, but softer than she thought his hoarse voice could get. “And what?” His tone made her pulse race in a different way than it had been only minutes before, something she didn’t think was possible. She saw his nostrils flare and some fire enter his eyes. That made her shift uncomfortably, and he just stepped slightly closer, his face hovering too close to her own.

  “Standard nightmare,” Sawyer said with a nonchalant shrug. “Me, Axel, beatings. It’s not-”

  “This stranger scared you,” Quinn cut her off, and she noted the anger his sudden declaration. “You.”

  “Yes, Quinn, I’m a little freaked out,” she whispered. “Meeting in Vincent’s room.” She didn’t know if there was a meeting, but it was better if she gave Quinn something to do. She didn’t want him running off into the night, like she had tried to do.

  She phased through the wall backwards and back into her own room, unwilling to talk about how this stranger had shaken her any more than she already had. She felt her hands quiver and rubbed her face.

  Gods have mercy on her. She needed to start praying to any of those. This was beyond fucked up. She didn’t have time to stop and breathe, though. She moved towards the wall to Vincent’s room and walked through.

  “Sawyer,” Elijah greeted her carefully. She met his hazel gaze, his face dark from the low, yellow lighting of the motel room. He looked so concerned. “How are you feeling?”

  “Pretty awful,” she sighed, shaking her head. She took a moment to look around the room, which gave her a prime opportunity to not look at Elijah, his lack of pants or a shirt. Instead, she got an eyeful of an olive-skinned, scarred chest she knew very well and a pair of black boxer-briefs. She looked back to Elijah, who just gave her a small smile and a lift of his eyebrows, some lightness returning to his posture and face.

  “We’ll start putting people on watch,” Vincent sighed from out of sight. She kept her eyes on Elijah and his smile and those suggestive eyebrows.

  “Stop that,” Sawyer hissed, swatting at Elijah, who chuckled and grabbed her hand.

  “I’m trying to distract you,” he told her, pulling her into a hug. “What this guy did was fucked up and wrong, but we’re awake now. It gave him away, so he couldn’t get any closer. Hopefully, he’s long gone, and we can continue the chase tomorrow.” She let him hold her for a moment and noticed he was rocking slightly. It was comforting, the easy friendship she had with Elijah and the physical way he behaved. He always wanted to touch and hug. She saw him do it with the guys, on occasion, too. A pat on Zander’s back, an elbow to Vincent’s ribs. She wondered for a moment if he knew how to do anything without touching someone.

  “Did you see anything in your dream?” Vincent asked as others began walking into the room. Quinn walked in wearing only a pair of pants, followed by Shade and Scout. Vincent popped open the room’s window and Kaar swooped in, landing on a desk. Jasper and Zander were last, both already dressed. Sawyer pulled away from Elijah and sat down with a deep breath. />
  “No,” Sawyer told him. “He or she was just a black human shape.”

  “Your mind doesn’t have a face to fill in the identity of the intruder,” Jasper informed her. “You never felt the magical signature of this person and associated it with a face, so you can’t form that face in your mind.”

  “Thanks,” Sawyer mumbled. “Luckily, when he or she stepped in all the way, I noticed. I was pulled into the lucid state and told them to fucking get out. When they left, I woke up.”

  “And I was already out there looking,” Jasper added. “I found nothing, no one. Who this was… they’re good.”

  “Zander,” Sawyer looked to her redhead. “The magic… it felt wrong.”

  “It would have to if they are using healing to kill people,” Zander chimed in. “Fuck. God damn it.”

  “I’m going to rip his limbs from his fucking body,” Quinn snarled, and Sawyer shook from the wolves snarling with him. She sank in her chair a bit as Quinn’s magic lashed out and shook objects around the room. She watched as no one else seemed to mind, which astounded her. Were they comfortable just because they’ve known him so long?

  “Damn right,” Zander growled.

  “Calm down,” Vincent told them. Kaar squawked and ruffled his feathers. “Everyone, calm down.”

  “Yeah, let’s do that,” Sawyer agreed with Vincent, nodding. “Shit, it freaked me out, but it gave him away. This could have been worse, but it wasn’t.”

  “Why you?” Elijah asked softly. “Why do you think he went into your dreams?”

  “No one has nightmares like Sawyer,” Jasper said. Sawyer nodded with him. She was nearly thankful for him jumping in. “They are soul deep, not just dreams, but memories clashing together, and they are true feelings. If his magic feels anything like what Sawyer says it does-”

  “His mental state is disastrous,” Vincent finished, cutting in. “He’s mad. He or she. God, I hope this isn’t a female serial killer. They are always worse.”

  “So, he gets close to us and then feels Sawyer’s dreams, because we all know they leak to dream walkers?” Elijah sounded like he was trying to put the pieces together and Sawyer frowned. They all knew she leaked? That was going to be a conversation later. Why hadn’t they told her way sooner? She only found out that Jasper was picking her up at night two fucking days ago.

  “He was probably curious.” Vincent sighed, looking ill. “And maybe he enjoyed the show.”

  Sawyer gagged and stood up, running to the bathroom as the feeling of revulsion swept through her again. Revulsion at the idea that someone could watch that happen to her and just watch. Not attempt to help, not attempt to stop it. The fucker had shrugged at her. He’d seen her broken, bleeding, and crying out for mercy. Add the memory of his magic, and something inside her was sick.

  This freak had been in her head.

  She hit the toilet and lost everything in her stomach.

  When one of the guys walked over, she raised a hand to stop him. She needed to just let this happen. A pat on the back wasn’t going to help her.

  She stood back up slowly, grabbed a towel, and cleaned off her face. She pushed all of her wild hair off her face and looked at herself in the mirror. She was healthy and fine. The scar on her lip wasn’t busted open like it had been in the nightmare. She wasn’t covered in bruises and cuts. She was okay, and whoever had stepped in on her nightmare was going to see that when she ran into them again.

  She was not the girl from the nightmare. This freak was going to realize that the hard way.

  She looked at whomever was in the door and sighed. Jasper was there, holding out a hand to her. She patted his shoulder once she was done cleaning up.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered. And if she wasn’t, she would be. “What’s next?”

  “We were waiting on you,” he answered softly. She didn’t like how dark his stormy blue eyes were. “If you need to get out of this case, we can make that happen. There are rules about removing agents from the field if they find themselves the target like this.”

  “I’m not leaving this state until we have this guy.” Sawyer hissed, bristling at the idea of running. “He wants to play games in the dark? I’m going to show him just how dark it can get.”

  She stepped around Jasper, who stuttered for a moment. She walked back into the main room and looked to the rest of the team.

  “What’s our plan?” she asked, looking around. Jasper came up behind her and she wondered what he did, because Vincent cracked a small smile and Zander grinned. Elijah was nodding appreciatively.

  “You and Jasper are going to start stalking Stevenson. Dig into everything. Find out who he is, how he’s unregistered, what’s his story. All of it. I want that man to have no secrets when you’re done,” Vincent began. “We’re already talking to Dallas, they’ve been notified of him. They’ll clean up the mess.”

  “You think it’s coincidence that we had the probable killer come so close right after we found out Stevenson’s status?” Jasper asked, finally moving around her. He sat down on the closest bed, and she watched him rub out his left thigh.

  “I didn’t even think about that,” Elijah groaned. “I outed that we knew he was a Magi, because we aren’t idiots. I never considered that he could possibly be unregistered.”

  “Of course, you didn’t,” Sawyer told him. “Because no one in their right mind considers that a grown-ass old man could possibly be unreg in a position of power he’s not supposed to be in. None of this makes any fucking sense. You know how many unreg Magi I’ve met?” She could count them on one hand. “Three. All of them were in their late teens to early twenties. They were all also found out and registered within months because they couldn’t keep their heads down for long. Readers, however they do it, are always on the look-out for people who aren’t in their books. Always. They have like a sixth sense about it.”

  “It’s an enchantment on the Registrar,” Jasper informed her quietly. “Any Magi with reading is attuned to the enchantment and gets a… I’ve heard it described as a vibe from a Magi that had reading. So, if they don’t get the feeling, they know a Magi isn’t recorded. It’s old magic, created centuries ago.”

  “Can we call a Reader out here?” Zander asked. “There could be more. Like our killer.”

  “I can try.” Vincent sighed. “One will have to come out eventually for Stevenson, anyway.”

  “Doing it with the killer on the loose, though, could put the Reader at risk and give us more work,” Jasper reminded them.

  “Or could scare them all into deeper hiding, and chase Stevenson off. We need him where we can see him,” Elijah mumbled.

  “Still think this is an easy case?” Sawyer asked Vincent across the room. He gave her a dark smile before falling into his cold mask, but she saw something in him seemed to come alive.

  “No.”

  Sawyer reminded herself that Vincent loved games, and this was getting more complicated by the hour. He was thrilled with the idea of picking apart the inner workings of what was going on in this Podunk town.

  It was kind of hot, in that very Vincent way. Disheveled appearance, dark thrills in his eyes, cold mask on his face, the five o’clock shadow… Yeah, Vincent was a good-looking man, and now that she knew just how not like Axel he was, she could seriously appreciate it.

  They were all dismissed to get some extra sleep after that. Sawyer and Jasper would be heading out at daybreak to begin messing with Stevenson. They didn’t even know where he lived yet because there was no public information on him, and Jasper hadn’t found anything online.

  She didn’t enter her room alone, though. Shade trotted in after her and she stared as the wolf jumped onto the extra bed. Shortly after him, Quinn and Scout entered.

  “Quinn,” she groaned. “You have your own room.”

  “You were targeted in your sleep,” Quinn said roughly. “So, now we’ll protect you so you can rest easy and go back to sleep.”

  Sawyer felt a twist of her heart
at that. She hadn’t been planning on sleeping again. Sleep was never easy for her in new places, and the night’s events had made sure she wouldn’t for the rest of her stay in Texas.

  But here was Quinn, realizing this, and coming to make her feel easier. It possibly wouldn’t help, but she appreciated the gesture. She couldn’t bring herself to turn him away. Something like this from Quinn was a gift.

  “Lie down,” he said gruffly, pointing to her bed. She noted the book he held in one of his hands. “Sleep. Be easy.”

  She nodded slowly and went. She watched Scout jump up on to the extra bed with Shade and expected Quinn to follow them. He didn’t. Once she was under her own blankets, he took the other half of her bed, staying on top of the blankets, and began to read, a quiet mumbling as he sounded out the words.

  She did get a couple more hours of sleep that night, lulled by Quinn’s steady presence.

  She promised herself that she wouldn’t forget this gift from him.

  17

  Jasper

  Jasper suited up and met Sawyer as the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. They were both in black cargos and black tees with their sidearms.

  Jasper had the sneaking suspicion that she had more than just the Sig, though. He just couldn’t see where she was hiding the daggers. He knew they had to be there, because he knew who she was and what she was capable of. He wasn’t going to ask, though.

  “Ready?” He asked as she shifted the shoulder holster around. “We’ll have eyes up there too. Kaar will be following us at a safe distance.” He pointed up as Kaar took off into the still-dark sky.

  “I’m ready,” she told him with a nod. He searched her face and didn’t like the lack of emotion on it. “We’ll probably find him somewhere near his office.”

  “You’re right,” Jasper said with a nod. “We just need to maintain our distance, so he doesn’t feel us.”

  “I think we have about thirty yards,” Sawyer told him as they began to walk. The town was small enough that the Explorer was more of a hindrance for this sort of work, Jasper knew that. Sawyer wouldn’t cloak both of them until it was necessary because it would drain her too quickly to be very useful. They were doing this together because they could both phase, and Jasper could make some impressive illusions if they needed a quick distraction. He was ready for it.