by Ian Shimwell
TRENCH: Yes, very clever, Mandrake.
MANDRAKE: It was a harmless prank, that’s all.
RHET: Oh come on, Trench – can’t you see the funny side of it?
TRENCH: All I’m going to say Rhet, is that ignorance is bliss.
(MARLOWE enters the room.)
MARLOWE: Luncheon is now being served. If you please…
(Slowly, the guests move to the dining room.)
(Calmer music changes the scene.)
MARLOWE: I trust everyone enjoyed luncheon. Now, for an unrelated announcement: Myself and the servants, despite extensive searches, have been unable to locate the dratted rat, so we are officially abandoning the search.
DEBSY: Trench, wake me up when he’s finished, will you?
MARLOWE: However, if you happen to observe said rat, please bring the matter to the attention of one of the staff immediately.
TRENCH: I wonder where rat has disappeared to though? What do you think, Sade?
SADE: Probably scarpered from this creepy castle – I wish I could.
TRENCH: Hmm, but all the outer doors are locked though…
RHET: We could start the rat-hunting game again? Any volunteers? (There is a moment’s silence.) No, I didn’t think so.
MARLOWE: Thank-you Rhet, but no. Master has decreed that after this morning’s exertions, a period of rest is in order. As a leisurely stroll through the grounds is also out of the question, due to the inclement weather, you are welcome to browse in Master’s extensive study; relax in the drawing room or play billiards or cards in the games room.
(MANDRAKE opens the door and enters.)
MANDRAKE: Where later, I shall be playing Bridge partnering Marlowe here. I dare anyone to challenge us. We have never failed yet to make our contract, is that not so, Marlowe?
MARLOWE: It is indeed as you say, Master.
TRENCH: Bridge, Mandrake? I bet even that was an obscure previous clue…
MANDRAKE: Speak up, Trench – was that a challenge?
TRENCH: Yes, it most certainly was…
(Thoughtful music changes the scene.)
TRENCH: You’re all alone – where’s everyone gone?
SADE: I’m not sure about Mandrake and Marlowe, but I think Rhet and Debsy are browsing in the study.
TRENCH: Sade, you sound so down. Come on, what’s wrong?
SADE: Can’t you hear them?
TRENCH: Hear what?
SADE: Listen.
TRENCH: (Who listens for a moment.) All I can hear is the howling wind and the driving rain – wait yes, I can just… (Faintly, we can hear the howling, barking hunting dogs.) …hear the hunting dogs. Do they disturb you?
SADE: I just don’t like this castle, Trench. Guess what’s in my bedroom?
TRENCH: Err… a bed?
SADE: You’ve heard of a rocking horse? Well, for some strange reason, I have a rocking dog.
TRENCH: Now I can see your problem – the dog will chase the sheep away you’re counting to go to sleep!
SADE: I must admit, that thought hadn’t occurred to me.
TRENCH: That’s better, you’re smiling again. Debsy and Rhet have been gone for a while – I’ll just check what they’re getting up to in the study.
(TRENCH leaves SADE in the drawing room and wanders into the study.)
TRENCH: A study – it’s more like a small library. (Then cries startled:) Debsy, you Delilah! Rhet, you rat! You’re, you’re kissing. What are you doing?
(There are sharp intakes of breath as RHET and DEBSY part awkwardly.)
RHET: You’ve just answered your own question, old boy.
DEBSY: Trench, I can explain.
TRENCH: Debsy, we are amongst books – so I am quite capable of reading the situation. And from now on, I think it’s best we return to being simply colleagues.
(TRENCH storms out. Breathing heavily, he stops in the hall. DEBSY catches him up.)
DEBSY: Trench, wait. I said I can explain – and I will.
TRENCH: All right – explain then.
DEBSY: (Who takes a deep breath.) You’re not gonna believe this – even I’m struggling… Well, here goes: Rhet and I were just studying the library – I mean librarying the study, no I mean…
TRENCH: Debsy, I know what you mean.
DEBSY: That’s a relief, at least one of us does. Anyway, then Mandrake joined us for a moment – I’ve forgot what he talked about, but his eyes… stared a lot. After that, it’s all a bit of a daze – until you caught me and Rhet red handed…
TRENCH: Incredible – so, your ‘defence’ is that you were somehow ‘hypnotised’?
DEBSY: Err, yes – a hypnotic victim! I knew you wouldn’t believe me.
TRENCH: I don’t know which one of us the craziest – but yes, for some bizarre reason, I do believe you Debs.
DEBSY: Oh, brill! (She flings her arms around TRENCH.)
TRENCH: You can let go now.
DEBSY: Oh… right. (She lets go.) I have one more guilty secret to admit to which you’re not going to like…
TRENCH: They’re coming thick and fast… What is it this time then?
DEBSY: I visited Old Tom.
TRENCH: (Says angrily:) You did what?
DEBSY: Don’t panic – he wasn’t there. Let me explain… again – while my boyfriend Rhet, sorry only joking.
TRENCH: Don’t push it.
DEBSY: Anyway while Rhet searched for the rat on the first floor, I thought I saw the rodent scamper up the spiral steps. I followed and ended up in Old Tom’s tower room. The rat was nowhere to be seen, but neither was your Old Tom.
TRENCH: He must have been in the en-suite bathroom.
DEBSY: Maybe, but I called his name and there was no reply. I did, though, see his armchair – it was still warm, you know.
TRENCH: It would be – that’s where he usually sits. Right, I suppose I’d better go and beat M and M at Bridge.
DEBSY: M and M? Oh, I see – Mandrake and Marlowe.
TRENCH: Fancy partnering me?
DEBSY: No, thanks – I’m going to lie down for a bit. These strange castles really take it out of you.
(DEBSY walks through the hall, and up the stone steps. TRENCH walks back into the drawing room.)
TRENCH: Sade, you’re on all fours – what are you doing?
SADE: I’ve lost my wristband, must be here somewhere…
TRENCH: Here, let me help…
SADE: No, it’s all right – I can manage.
TRENCH: Here it is – I’ve found it. Now, let me do the honour of putting your band back on. (Momentarily, TRENCH recoils in shock.) I’m sorry – your wrist, such a terrible scar.
SADE: Thank-you. (She quickly puts her wristband back on.) Now you know why I wear a wristband.
TRENCH: Err, I came in here to see if you’ll join me, playing Bridge – will you?
SADE: Yes, Trench – I will.
(Thoughtful, disturbing music changes the scene.)
MANDRAKE: So, we are agreed: Best of three Rubbers and as I have dealt, I shall make the opening bid. One Spade.
TRENCH: I’ll say: One No Trumps.
MANDRAKE: Interesting overcall, Trench. Marlowe…
MARLOWE: Sorry Master – Pass. (There is a moment’s silence.)
MANDRAKE: Sade, your bid please – in your own time.
SADE: I was somewhere else. Right, I’ll Pass.
MANDRAKE: Four Spades.
TRENCH: What? Straight to game with no support from your partner, Mandrake? Your over-confidence is bordering on the arrogance.
MANDRAKE: Arrogance is only arrogance when not backed by strength. By the way, Trench – I have just come down from having a very long chat with old Thomas.
TRENCH: (Sounds worried.) Really?
MANDRAKE: Despite Thomas’ reticence on the subject, we talked at great lengths about the Old Days. We had an awful amount of catching up to do… I think it’s marvellous to discuss the past with a dear old friend, don’t you?
TRENCH: Maybe, but does Old T
om?
MANDRAKE: Back now to Bridge, if there are no more bids? No, then you are the dummy, Marlowe – and you are to play the opening lead, Trench – with my good old self in total control…
(TRENCH places his cards down.)
TRENCH: Ace of spades. This is one contract, Mandrake that you will fail to honour.
MANDRAKE: Nonsense. (MARLOWE carefully displays his cards for all to see.) Thank-you partner. I can already confidently predict that my contract will now be more than successful.
TRENCH: I’m afraid not. (TRENCH throws his cards in.) The contract will fail because I withdraw from the game – I’m going to see Old Tom instead.
(TRENCH gets up to leave.)
MANDRAKE: Spoilsport.
(TRENCH runs up the stone steps – and then up the spiral staircase. Slightly breathless, he enters OLD TOM’s room.)
TRENCH: Old Tom, Old Tom – are you all right?
OLD TOM: Of course I am.
TRENCH: But Mandrake’s been up here talking to you alone.
OLD TOM: Yes, we did chat for a while. What is wrong, Trench?
TRENCH: I was… err worried, I suppose.
OLD TOM: That is what he wanted you to be. Now, calm down; sit down – and I’ll pour the tea while you tell me what’s been going on.
(The sound of OLD TOM pouring the tea merges into mysterious music, as time passes on a little bit.)
OLD TOM: Very interesting, Trench. But like this biscuit, I will need a little time to digest the information before I solve Mandrake’s mystery.
TRENCH: But there’s no mystery here, only how he will break me or Debsy to get to you.
OLD TOM: Possibly… Mandrake, the master manipulator – the grand puppeteer, pulling all the strings from behind the scenes…
TRENCH: You mean, mine and Debsy’s ‘friendship’ was also part of his plan?
OLD TOM: Why else put you together in the same room? Even your ‘break-up’ was no doubt engineered by yours truly.
TRENCH: Through hypnotising Debsy?
OLD TOM: Hypnotic suggestion, more likely… But the big question is – before this weekend is out, will Mandrake succeed..?
(The door opens.)
MANDRAKE: Of course Mandrake will succeed, but at what old friend?
OLD TOM: You know only too well ‘old friend’…
MANDRAKE: Do I, now?
TRENCH: All this plotting, Mandrake. Can’t you leave the past where it belongs… in the past?
OLD TOM: Yes, what is the point of destroying another life just to hurt me?
MANDRAKE: Like you destroyed Eleanor?
OLD TOM: That’s not fair. (OLD TOM takes a heavy breath.) But maybe in some part it is…
MANDRAKE: The past, my dear friend, has a habit of catching up with us all…
OLD TOM: Your words are a cloud, Mandrake – but obscuring what I wonder? Like this Edwardian castle, your argument is only a façade – a diversion. And by your smug, self-satisfying expression, you are about to succeed…
MANDRAKE: Come now, Thomas – are you not still barking up the wrong tree?
OLD TOM: Barking? Of course, that’s it. All the time, I thought Trench and Debsy were the target but really… Trench, you must hurry.
TRENCH: I’m not sure I follow.
OLD TOM: What would hurt me more than anything? If an innocent was broken.
(In the distance, we can hear growling, barking dogs.)
OLD TOM: Who’s mortally afraid of dogs? Who’s most likely been horrifically scarred by one? Come on, think Trench think.
TRENCH: Sade! I must go to her.
MANDRAKE: Don’t let me stand in your way.
OLD TOM: But you will be too late – even this must have been planned, unless… How did you originally enter my room, Mandrake? Trench, you said the bookcase behind me looked out of place. Pick a book out.
TRENCH: Which one?
MANDRAKE: Little Red Riding Hood?
OLD TOM: Now, which was your favourite book at the institute, Mandrake? Yes, now I remember… Les Liaisons dangereuses, find that book and pull it out, Trench – quickly!
TRENCH: Ah yes, here it is. (TRENCH withdraws the book, a hidden mechanism makes a grinding sound.) A secret passageway!
MANDRAKE: Bravo, you haven’t lost your famous technique, after all – have you old Thomas? But, you will still be too late.
OLD TOM: Not if you hurry Trench – so hurry!
TRENCH: I am!
(TRENCH runs down the spiral steps in the secret passageway… and comes out in the drawing room. We hear the door mechanism close behind TRENCH. We can hear the dogs in the hallway, now very loud, barking, growling and slavering.)
TRENCH: Sade, it’s all right. (Then says unconvincingly:) The dogs will not harm you.
SADE: (Who’s almost hysterical.) Don’t let them in, Daddy. The teeth… they’ll…
TRENCH: Calm Sade – I won’t let them in, I promise.
(TRENCH stands in the doorway.)
MARLOWE: Move aside from the doorway, Trench – Master’s dogs wish to greet Sade.
TRENCH: I’m staying put, Marlowe.
MARLOWE: The dogs will not harm Sade, but I will make sure they will tear you to pieces – now move.
TRENCH: No, but they will break Sade, mentally – so if the dogs still want to enter the drawing room, they will have to get through me first.
MARLOWE: Very well. Dogs… attack!
(The dogs growl very deeply as they prepare to attack… but then suddenly they begin to whimper and howl in fright.)
MARLOWE: Attack, I ordered – what is wrong with you mutts?
(TRENCH starts laughing.)
TRENCH: The rat! The fearsome hounds from hell are scared… of a rat! The little blighter must have followed me from the secret passageway where it must have been hiding all along.
(MANDRAKE comes downstairs.)
MANDRAKE: Marlowe, what are my dogs doing inside my castle? Remove them at once. I will punish you later for your insubordination.
MARLOWE: But you ordered… Sorry, yes, Master.
(MARLOWE leaves, taking the still whimpering dogs with him.)
MANDRAKE: I trust no one is harmed here, mentally or otherwise?
SADE: (Says shakily, but determined:) Thanks to Trench here, I’m all right.
TRENCH: You really should thank rat though, he saved you really.
MANDRAKE: I will personally thank the rodent later – now is there anything else I can do for you good people?
TRENCH: Yes, the storm has finally subsided – and I think it’s high time we all went home.
MANDRAKE: As you wish, Trench. (Then roars:) Marlowe, fetch the horses.
(Breathless, DEBSY enters the scene.)
DEBSY: Have I missed anything?
(Reflective music changes the scene.)
TRENCH: That tea was lovely, Old Tom – cold, but lovely. So, what does it feel like being back in your old armchair?
OLD TOM: What do you think?
TRENCH: It was a remarkable weekend, though.
OLD TOM: Yes, the culmination of Mandrake’s extraordinarily complex and intricate plan. You almost have to admire him. Who would suspect that a person in his former employee would be his intended victim?
TRENCH: You did, just.
OLD TOM: Mandrake must have found out about Sade’s childhood fear of dogs, which was probably due to being savaged by one when she was little.
TRENCH: Her scarred wrist.
OLD TOM: And his intention all the time was to use that to break her – to break me. Social engineering on a breath-taking scale… And if you were mauled in the process Trench, then that would have been an added bonus.
TRENCH: Thanks. But at least that means Mandrake was not manipulating me and Debsy after all.
OLD TOM: I am afraid he was. You were his diversion; his red herring to shift attention from his real victim.
TRENCH: The devious son of a… rat. Oh, by the way – I took rat home as a thank-you to the little furry
one. I dread to think what Mandrake would have done to rat – if he’d got his hands on him.
OLD TOM: You will have to bring your new pet here sometime… for a visit. Now, back to you two, how are… err things with you and Debsy at the moment?
TRENCH: Oh, we’ve agreed to be just friends for the time being – and still colleagues of course.
OLD TOM: I understand.
TRENCH: You know, looking round your flat, Old Tom, out of the long vendetta with Mandrake – one thing is certain. He lives in a lavish castle with land and servants and everything, while you live here in a grubby… err very modest flat. Your financial fortunes are as extreme as your personalities. Now, why is that?
OLD TOM: After… what happened in the Old Days – I could not bring myself to enjoy the trappings of money or anything really. Guilt almost consumed me. I chose to live in a council flat, drinking cold tea and eating stale bread. Call it a form of self-punishment, if you like. But now, I’m that used to it, I wouldn’t have it any other way…
TRENCH: Can you tell me how Eleanor died?
OLD TOM: Eleanor dead? I’m afraid you are mistaken, dear fellow. Eleanor is very much alive, but sadly her tragedy is an unending one.
TRENCH: And by your tone, I won’t press you further on the subject…
OLD TOM: You exhibit great understanding at times, Trench.
TRENCH: Thanks. So, the Armchair Detective has survived the castle of Mandrake?
OLD TOM: Yes, but so has Mandrake also.
TRENCH: Do you think he’ll be back… to haunt you?
OLD TOM: Without a doubt. Whether it’s six months or six years, only time will tell. Best thing to do – is to forget about him completely.
TRENCH: Old Tom, the dark clouds have finally been chased away. Do you fancy coming out for a walk with me in the warm sunshine?
OLD TOM: Very kind of you to offer, Trench – but, if it’s all the same to you, I would rather stay put – right here, in my favourite armchair.
CLOSING MYSTERY MUSIC
Read more…
Read Marlowe, Me and Memories, a ‘sideways glance’ which is intended to accompany and compliment this script in an original and thought-provoking way.
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