She looked up at Ruby Jane. “I actually think she loved Wyatt. Or wanted to. But she was too scared to feel it. To let him into her life. She’d been so busy numbing herself to her grief, she also numbed herself to the real feelings she had for Wyatt. So she let him Band-Aid her wounds.”
“That’s an awfully generous description of what was happening in the barn, Ma,” Ruby Jane said, grinning.
“I would call it grace, honey. Something that we need to give as well as receive, every day.”
Kelsey stared at Gerri and heard her words from nearly a week ago. He gave me just enough grace for that day to keep going on with my life.
Ruby Jane finished filling the second tin. “She was so embarrassed, she returned to Russia.”
“Your brother probably blames himself, so go easy on him, RJ.”
Ruby Jane went silent as the buzzer went off on the oven. She walked over to switch the pan to a lower shelf and add the second tin. The tangy aroma of cinnamon and brown sugar filled the air, and Kelsey nearly wept with the smell.
“She was my best friend as well as my sister, and I miss her.” It was the first hint of hurt in Ruby Jane’s voice.
“I know, honey. We all love her. And I’m hoping she’ll come back and realize that her wounds aren’t handicaps but are what make her beautiful.”
And Kelsey couldn’t stop herself. “What do you mean, beautiful?”
Gerri pulled another roll of dough from the pan and set it on the board. “We’re all wounded, Kelsey. But it’s our wounds that allow us to have compassion for each other. It’s how God shows us He loves us too—through the way we reach out and hold on to each other.”
Maybe. Like Ham reached out to care for her after the attack. And Dixie and Glo, when she moved to Wisconsin, and…and Knox.
How Knox had wrapped his arms around her, kept her from falling.
“But of course, we have to be vulnerable. Share our lives with others if we want to connect. And then maybe people will share theirs with us.” She looked up and winked at Kelsey. “Sort of like you do in your songs. What’s that one—‘One True Heart’?”
“That’s Glo’s song. I just sing it.”
Gerri dusted cinnamon onto the dough. “You do it beautifully. It’s so…”
Fake. Kelsey kept her smile, but…yeah, Glo had written a song from her soul and Kelsey turned it into a performance. Something she could cocoon around her, make her seem authentic and honest and…
Frankly, it had probably been only a matter of time before the stage exploded around her. Before her performance cracked and people saw through her.
Dix, Glo, Carter, and Tate had saved her from that moment.
“It sounds like Glo wrestled through a dark night of the soul with that song. So honest and raw and…it makes me cry every time.”
“I’ve never heard it,” Ruby Jane said.
“It’s about lost love and the fear of starting over,” Gerri said.
“Glo lost the love of her life in Afghanistan,” Kelsey said quietly. It wasn’t really her secret to tell, but it just spilled out. “She said she gave David her whole heart and has decided she’ll never fall in love again.”
“I felt that way, too, until…” Gerri didn’t finish that sentence, but instead she pushed the rolls toward Ruby Jane. “That’s the last pan.”
The second buzzer went off and Gerri went after it. Retrieved the pan and set it on a cutting board to cool. “Maybe that’s why I love that song so much… I understand how it feels to lose everything and be afraid to love again, having had so much of it the first time.”
Ruby Jane looked up, gave her mother a sad smile.
Gerri squeezed her daughter’s hand. “Ho-kay, do you think we have enough here to feed the brute squad?”
“Who are you calling brute?”
The voice came from behind them, deep and gruff, as if it had been whisked from the wilds of some northern Montana wilderness.
“Reuben!”
Ruby Jane grabbed a towel for her hands as she rounded the counter and headed for the big man at the door.
They just grew them bigger and bigger up here on Marshall land. Reuben seemed the size of a small buffalo, with hulking shoulders, a trim waist, and arms that could tear a tree from its roots. He caught Ruby Jane up and twirled her around. Kelsey slid off the stool, taking in the petite redhead who came in behind Reuben. Her aviator glasses were perched on her head, and she carried a backpack over her shoulder.
“Gilly!” This from Gerri who had also crossed the room. She pulled the woman, dressed in army-green cotton pants, a T-shirt, and a jean jacket, into a hug.
Knox pushed past them both, and Kelsey’s insides released a little. Apparently, she’d been holding her breath again.
He came over to her as Wyatt emerged from the den and caught Reuben in a hug.
“That’s my brother Reuben and his fiancée, Gilly. He’s a smokejumper on a base northwest of here,” Knox said.
Reuben looked like Paul Bunyan, as if he could put out a fire with one breath of his mighty lungs.
“C’mon, I’ll introduce you.”
But she didn’t move under his nudge.
“What?” he said softly.
“It’s just…there’s…so many people.” And it was just an excuse, she knew it, but…
“This isn’t a crowd, Kelsey. This is a family.”
She took a deep breath. Yeah. That’s what she was suddenly, oddly, afraid of. So many people to know her.
But wasn’t that part of freedom too? Being known…and still being loved?
She glanced up at Knox and found his gaze on her. Warm, the kind of smile simmering at his lips that made her insides turn to flame.
This is a family.
She wove her hand into his and nodded, the words bubbling up. I want to stay.
Maybe he saw her intent, because his mouth edged up in a smile. For a second, his gaze dropped to her lips, and she had the sense that if his family weren’t here, he’d be wrapping his big hand around her neck and pulling her close for one of his smoldering kisses.
Later. Maybe tonight under the beautiful cascade of Montana stars.
After she told him that she’d stay.
She turned to meet the rest of his family when Glo came through the back door, off the porch. She caught Kelsey’s arm, glancing up at the crowd. “I need to talk to you for a second.”
Tate had come inside, and Kelsey saw his gaze falling on Glo, then off, as if it stung him.
She turned to Glo. “What?”
Glo sighed, glancing up over her shoulder at Knox, then back to Kelsey. “I got a text from Carter. We…we did it, Kelsey!”
Kelsey frowned, shook her head—Did what?
“We landed the NBR-X tour. Our first gig is next weekend.”
Oh. Kelsey drew in a breath, turned and looked at the crowd—no, family—gathering at the front door. At Knox. Then back to Glo.
“So, what do I tell him?”
It should be a magical night. With the stars strewn across the sky like fairy dust, the mountains cordoning off their pocket of paradise. The entire family, save Ford and of course Coco, had made it home for the weekend bash, and Knox was still holding out hope that his brother might show up. At least on Skype.
He’d done it—brought them all home.
And all he could think about were Glo’s words to Kelsey about NBR-X…and Kelsey's response to Glo’s question—So, what do I tell him?
So, he’d eavesdropped a little. A lot. The entire thing, really, his gut in a knot as he pretended to listen to his family’s chatter.
Kelsey was going to break his heart. Knox knew it in his soul as the night deepened. Every time she looked over at him, offered a tiny smile, so much pain in her eyes, his chest tightened, claws digging in, tearing him apart.
He bit back the crazy, dark edge of tears as he stared at the flickering flames of the campfire.
He didn’t blame her. This was her big break.
&
nbsp; And what was he going to do? Run after her? Be a groupie? He couldn’t leave the ranch.
But the old stirring had only deepened with the thought of watching her sing every night, being in the wings to catch her up when she ran offstage, triumph in her eyes.
She was the adventure he’d longed for. And he might be boring, and nice, but she made him feel like the safe, dependable guy was the hero after all.
It was all Knox could do to smile and not let the howl inside escape.
Reuben sat on the ground, leaning back on his hands, Gilly pocketed between his legs as she extended two marshmallow sticks into the coals around the edge. The fire turned his face hard-edged and gritty, but he wore a sappy grin as he watched his fiancée.
Happy. The guy looked downright happy.
And then there was Tate, who had gotten up to hand Glo a beautiful brown-crusted marshmallow, now sitting down on the peeled, smooth log next to her. Oh, the guy was so perfectly whipped for the tiny blonde, he practically wore his tough-guy heart on the outside of his body.
In truth, Tate’s actions in New York City had rattled Knox. But he didn’t want to dig too deep around Tate’s past. Especially since it seemed he wanted to leave it behind, start new.
Apparently, that was the theme of the night, with the appearance of their neighbor, Hardwin Colt. He’d simply come around back to the campfire pit about an hour ago, his hands shoved into his pockets, freshly shaved, and wearing a clean button-snap shirt. He wore a brown cowboy hat over his gray hair and a warm smile, especially when it landed on Knox’s mother.
Huh.
She introduced him around, and when Hardwin reached him, Knox met Hardwin’s eyes, studying him.
Hardwin didn’t flinch, just stood there.
Knox finally nodded. He said nothing when Hardwin went to sit by his mother. Nudged her, got her to laugh.
Wyatt and Ruby Jane sat together, and now Knox picked up snippets of their conversation.
“You were lousy in the game against the Bruins,” RJ said.
“Hey, that’s not all my fault. Rusk was trying to play goalie—he opened up holes and screened the shooters. They just need to stay in their lane, let me do my job. If I see the puck, I’ll stop it.”
Wyatt stuck a marshmallow on his stick, set it deep into the coals.
Knox’s gaze lifted to Kelsey, across the fire. She was gazing into the flames, the fire flickering in her beautiful eyes.
Please don’t leave me, Kels.
“Yeah, but that shootout! That was crazy.”
“People forget that I had thirty saves in that game.”
“And one that slipped through.”
“Oh, you’re brutal, RJ.”
Knox wanted to smile at their laughter, at the fact that in one moment, it all felt exactly how he wanted it to be. With a few gaps, of course.
Their dad would have been talking about setting fire to one of the fields, or repairs he needed to make to the house. Maybe telling the epic story about the time he rode rodeo, competing in roping and bull-riding events. Or worked as a smokejumper in Glacier.
He’d even played hockey. So much of their dad spread out amongst his sons.
Dad, I hope you’re proud of us.
Me. I hope you’re proud of me.
His mother made a sound of delight as she pulled out her cell phone. “It’s Ford! He’s video calling.”
Ford, you champ, you.
She answered, and Ford’s face filled the screen, just a gray wall behind him. “Hey, Ma, happy birthday.”
She held up the phone and ran her hand across her cheekbone. “Where are you calling from?”
“Aw, Ma, he can’t answer you,” Ruby Jane said. “Just tell us, are you hot or cold?”
He laughed, his pale green eyes shiny. He wore his hair shaved short under a blue cap. “Neither. I’m hungry!”
They laughed at the old joke. His mother caught him up on the festivities in the making—tonight’s campfire, tomorrow’s barbeque—Knox had spent the day hauling in charcoal to the barn and cleaning out the massive chuckwagon grill. Last time they’d used it might have been for a wedding they’d hosted a couple years ago.
“When are you coming home next?”
“I dunno. We have another four weeks in country, and then…I’ll try.” He glanced away, then back to the phone. “I gotta go, Ma. Love you guys.”
He hung up, and they sat in silence for a moment.
Then Ruby Jane turned to Wyatt. “Remember that shootout between you and Ford? He totally smoked you!”
Wyatt made a face.
“I think we have it on tape,” Tate said. “In Dad’s VCR collection.” He stood up.
Kelsey was still staring into the flames. Knox longed to go over, pry open her thoughts. What are you going to tell him?
But really, what did he expect from her? That she’d settle down here, on the ranch, and live happily ever after with him?
Maybe, yes. After all, he had.
And it hit him. He was happy here. Loved the smell of the land, the hard work, the bone-weariness at the end of the day. The sense that this family depended on him. You can count on me.
His words to Kelsey from a few nights ago, but now they burrowed deep.
Please, Kelsey, count on me.
Around him the hockey argument had stirred to flame, and suddenly Wyatt, Tate, Reuben, Gilly, and Ruby Jane were headed into the house.
Tate grabbed his shirt. “C’mon. We know you took over the den—we need to find Dad’s tape.”
Knox met Kelsey’s eyes a moment, and she gave him another enigmatic smile that only tightened his gut.
Fine. He would get the tape, then he was going to get her away and tell her…what? That he loved her? Maybe. Beg her to stay?
He drew in his breath, screwing up his courage to do exactly that as he followed Tate through the house.
His siblings were rooting through the built-in bookshelves and cupboard at the far end of the room. He moved RJ aside, bent, and found the old shoebox of Dad’s videos, tucked behind his saved newspapers from pivotal events in history and a couple old National Geographic magazines.
“Where is the old VCR?” Tate asked, and of course, Knox pulled that out next. He handed it to Tate, who set it beside the television, unwinding the cords. Reuben pulled the television from the wall, and in moments they had the thing hooked up, the screen fuzzy as they changed inputs.
Reuben shoved in the tape, pressed Play, and in a moment the grainy image came up.
Not the Ford versus Wyatt after-game shootout, but the game itself—the Garnet County Wildcats against a Kalispell team. Wyatt, a senior, at goal, Ford, a sophomore playing defenseman. He’d wanted a glory position, but back then, he was bigger and tougher than the other guys his age, and the coach slotted him where they needed him.
The camera panned to Wyatt and Ford, bracing for a fast break, and when the puck pinged off Wyatt’s glove, bounced out, and Ford shot it back down the ice, a fist crossed the screen, a hooyah rising above the cheers.
Dad.
The camera flicked to him—probably their mother at the controls—and then the room went quiet as Dad glanced into the camera. “Way to go, boys!”
Dark hair, brown eyes, a smug smile. He wore such pride in his eyes, Knox’s throat simply tightened.
The air in the room seemed to empty, and in his periphery, he saw Ruby Jane wipe her eyes.
Tate took a deep breath.
Gilly put her arm around Reuben.
The camera turned back to the game, but no one spoke.
Shoot. Dad.
A knock came at the door, and Reuben reached over to pause the tape.
Hardwin stood in the threshold. He glanced at the television. “Sorry to interrupt. Looking at an old game tape?”
Tate nodded, like they hadn’t all just been sideswiped by the past.
“Um, I wanted to talk to you all, and I thought this might be the only time—without your mom around.”
&nb
sp; Knox stiffened. Reuben got up off the floor, folded his arms.
Hardwin came into the room, closed the door. Took off his hat.
What in the world—
“So, I’d like your permission to court your mother.”
Knox stared at him.
Reuben’s gaze didn’t move, either.
Tate looked at the ground.
“Really?” Ruby Jane said. “I thought you were…I mean…you and Ma?”
“I moved out here five years ago, and then lost my wife suddenly two years later. I never thought I’d meet anyone who…well, your mother is amazing, and we like spending time together, and I’d like to see if…I mean…with your permission, I’d like to see if we have a future together.”
“I don’t want to see Ma hurt,” Reuben said quietly, darkly.
“I won’t hurt her,” Hardwin said. “I promise.”
Knox’s mouth tightened.
And then, Reuben took him out at his knees when he held out his hand. “Okay, then.”
What—? Since when was he the family spokesperson?
Hardwin shook his hand, nodding. “Thank you, Reuben.”
But—
Knox waited until Hardwin left, then he closed the door behind him and rounded on his brother. “Seriously? Who appointed you family boss? Listen, you left here, kicked the dust off your boots, and left me in charge. If anyone should be giving permission, it’s me—”
“No one needs to give Ma permission to date. She can run her own life—” Ruby Jane interjected.
“Yeah, well, I’m here, I’m the one who has kept the ranch running, who is paying the bills and keeping us in the black. Of course Ma doesn’t need permission, but if Hardwin is asking, then I’m the one handing it out.”
“I don’t think so, Knox. I’m the oldest. I’m the one who the responsibility falls on—”
“You’re not even here!”
“Actually, I want to talk about that. I’m glad everyone is here.” Reuben turned, sliding his arm around Gilly. “We want to get married soon. And then…” He met Knox’s eyes. “I want to move back and help run the ranch.”
Knox Page 19
