by Kim Jones
“Brooklyn and Red know what is going on. They tried to hide it, but I saw straight through them.” I wanted to rat Red out, but I kept my mouth shut. “I am the President’s ol’ lady. Doesn’t that mean something?” Luke’s reaction was a huff and an eye roll, better than I was expecting.
“You gonna play the ol’ lady card on me? Really? What’s it been, Dallas? Twelve hours?” I knew Luke was still trying to avoid my question. I knew he was fishing for low blows to piss me off and shut me up. He was struggling with not telling me. I could see that he wanted to do so, but either he believe the truth would hurt me, or he thought I couldn’t handle it. A small voice in the back of my mind was telling me he didn’t trust me. Luke and I had been through too much to have trust issues, but it still made sense. I tried a different tactic, one that always seemed to have the best end result. I closed the space between us and stood on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck. His pleading eyes begged me not to ask, but I had to. I had to know what was going on.
“Please, baby. Just tell me. I can handle it. Whatever you tell me is just between us. I want to know what’s going on. I deserve to know.” I searched his eyes, watching as the pools of ocean-blue stared through me. I had covered all my bases. I had told him I could handle it. I had told him he could trust me, and I had let him know that I was deserving of the truth. When he brought his lips to mine and kissed me softly, I thought I had gotten through. I had beaten the truth out of him using my best tactical weapon. He was going to tell me because I was worthy of the information. His hands came to my face, brushing my hair behind my ears, as he kissed my forehead.
“It’s nothing, babe. Nothing at all.” I could feel his body tense as he forced the lie out of his mouth. His head rested on top of mine, as he held me close to his chest, probably in fear of me running. I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat. I wasn’t sure what hurt more, that he had lied to me, or that he thought I was weak. I pulled out of his grasp and headed to the shower. I stripped my clothes off, not bothering to look at the wounded girl in the mirror. I stepped in, letting the hot spray of water cover my body, watching as it disappeared down the drain, and wishing my problems would wash away with it. A sudden wave of homesickness came over me. I wanted my house, my things, my dog… I wanted my old life. Maybe not for forever, but at least for a little while. I needed to be alone. I needed to process everything that had happened in my life over the past few days. I needed someone who might be able to shine some light on my fucked up situation. Someone not connected with the club. Two hours ago, I had thought I had it all. Now, I felt like I was on the outside looking in. Would I ever belong? Would they ever see me as an equal? Would Maddie ever be able to look at me, confide in me, and treat me the same way she did Red? Would Luke ever see me as the strong woman he could depend on like his other sisters? Or would I just be the woman he loved and kept locked away from harm and discomfort. I sobbed quietly, my salty tears mixing with the fresh water and sliding over my lips, giving me a taste of the pain I felt in my heart. Maddie was right. You can’t be with someone who doesn’t live this life. I thought I was different. I thought I was one of them, but I was just that girl that Luke fell in love with. That girl that Luke was paid to watch over. That girl that took up everyone’s time. That girl that didn’t read the fine print on the love, loyalty, and respect motto. That motto was true, but only applied to certain people. I was loved, because Luke loved me. They were loyal to me, because they were loyal to Luke, and I was a part of him. They respected me because I was the most respected man’s ol’ lady. I stepped out of the shower and came face-to-face with that girl in the mirror; the one that was not a member of the Devil’s Renegades family.
Luke was sound asleep when I made my way back to the bedroom. This would be the first good night’s sleep he had had in a while. He lay on his side facing me, a position that invited me to come lay with him. I couldn’t leave him. I wouldn’t. I was in love with Luke. He was my better, my other, half. Everything he did was to protect me. He couldn’t control how the club treated outsiders any more than I could. This was a family that had been together a long time. Even the newest women had been around for over a year, which was the minimum time their men had to prospect. They were in the same boat as I was. The only difference was that mine was a kayak-that held one, and theirs was a pontoon-that held many. They were accepted because they had done their time, but even they were out of the loop on much of what was going on. Red was the queen in Hattiesburg, and Brooklyn was the queen in Lake Charles. They knew everything, and it was very apparent that they wanted me to know that they were aware of what was going on. I guess it made them feel powerful. As I crawled in beside Luke, letting him cradle me in his arms, another thought hit me. If I stayed around, which I knew I would, to what lengths would Red go just to prove that she was number one? Red was not the type of woman to back down from a fight, nor was she the type to accept second place. She would never let me be the leading lady in Luke’s life, the truest sister to Maddie, or the best aunt to Logan. I shut my eyes, trying to enjoy the comfort of Luke’s arms, hoping they were enough to push thoughts of Red and the club from my mind. I desperately needed a distraction. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough. The job I regretted having to go to now sounded more appealing than ever.
“Pull the fucking trigger, Dallas! Do it now!” Frankie screamed at me from his place on the floor. He was on his knees, begging me to take his life. I didn’t understand why he wanted to die so bad, or why he so desperately wanted me to be the one to do it. “Hurry the fuck up! She’s coming!” Sweat poured from his face and I reached forward, wiping it with my hand. I realized then that it was not sweat rolling down his cheeks, it was tears. I touched his face again, removing the moisture, but before I could wipe my hand on my leg to get rid of it, he was covered again. “There she is! You are too fucking late! You are too late, you stupid bitch!” He was screaming at me so loud that I covered my ears with my hands, the gun falling to the ground with a loud thud. I watched as Frankie’s eyes focused on something behind me, and I turned to see Red standing there with a piece of rope in her hand.
“Scream and I might let you live,” she said, but her eyes were not on Frankie; they were on me. “Scream!”
I awoke with a jolt, my eyes trying to focus on my surroundings. The image of Red’s gaping mouth demanding I scream was still visible in my head. My throat hurt, and it took me a moment to realize that I really was screaming. I clasped my hands over my mouth as the door to Luke’s bedroom was thrown open and a herd of people pushed inside, with Red leading the pack. Her face was twisted in horror as she ran toward me. As soon as she was in reach, my hand lashed out and slapped her across the face, stopping her in her tracks. I only had a second to see the shock in her eyes, before she was not so gently pushed to the side, and Luke was in front of me.
“I’m here, baby. I’m here,” he chanted, as he pulled me to him.
“What’s wrong with her?” I heard Logan ask from the door. He was my undoing. I cried loudly into Luke’s shoulder. I wailed like a wounded puppy as tears flooded my face, and my body shook. I took deep breaths, each one sucked in loudly and never enough to fill my lungs. The room was quiet now, except for my cries, Luke’s whispers of “shhhh” and the sound his hand made, as he rubbed and patted my back.
Rub up. Pat, pat.
Rub down. Pat, pat.
Rub up. Pat, pat.
Rub down. Pat, pat.
I forced my mind to concentrate on the steady rhythm that flowed in time with his gentle back and forth rocking. I let his motions soothe me as I allowed all the events of the past few days to leave my body via a wail and a tear. My mind didn’t need a reason for me to have a breakdown. It was long overdue. I didn’t think about anything other than Luke’s continuous pattern across my back, the rocking of our bodies and the whispers coming from his mouth. I cried for a long time. In this moment, I was making up for all the times I had held it in and stayed strong. Every bad experience in my life,
every worry in my heart, and every horrible nightmare that had me waking up screaming was being dealt with. Sometimes I guess you just need a good cry. Even when my eyes were dry, my body was still and my breathing was normal, I let Luke hold me. I let him protect me from my fears and my past. My body was tired. My mind was a mess, and I felt myself slipping into a place where I longed to be. A place of peace.
Luke
Dallas was a fucking wreck. The nightmares, the kidnapping, the lies, the club… they had finally broken her. I wondered how long it would take her to deal with Frankie’s death. She was just trying to be too strong, and trying too hard to prove to everyone that she could handle everything. My girl didn’t like to show weakness, but this morning, she left nothing on the table. I held her, rocking her fragile body, as I let her fall to pieces in my arms. When she cried herself unconscious, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved. Women. Sometimes I guess they just need a good cry. Now I sat looking down at her, asleep and resting peacefully in my bed. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips chapped and slightly parted. Yesterday’s make-up still covered her lashes, a result of a shower that had been intended to wash away her worries, not the residue of the day’s filth. She still looked fucking perfect.
It was almost ten. I needed to get up to see Lake Charles off, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her. They would understand. I had been up early this morning. I had only had four hours’ sleep, but it was still more than I was used to here lately. Before I heard Dallas’ screams and came back inside, I had found Chris, the PROSPECT from Lake Charles, putting the finishing touches on the last bike when I had gone to the clubhouse. He had looked surprisingly bright-eyed. I knew this was a result of Red and her generosity. She thought she was smooth, but I wasn’t stupid. He had refused her help, but she is a persistent bitch, and I bet he was thankful for that this morning. Tiny had been on the side of the building taking a piss, and had overheard their conversation. He later informed me that Chris had even tried to explain to her that he deserved it. When she countered, by telling him that he might wreck on his way home tomorrow if he didn’t accept her gift of caffeine, he told her he would rather lose his life on the road than have to ride without his rocker. He was gonna make a great fucking brother.
A soft tap sounded on the door and I stood, holding my cramping side and wincing as I did. Fucking Charlie. I would say he would one day pay for kicking the shit outta me, but I wasn’t gonna give myself any false hope. You can’t fuck with the untouchable Charlie Lott. I pulled the door open, to find Red standing there with a plate of food and some juice.
“Thanks, babe, but I’m good,” I said, offering her what I could manage in the way of a smile.
“You sure? I mean, I did set three alarms to get up in time to make this shit for everyone. The least you could do is try it, rather than refuse it, and make me feel like my entire day has been wasted.” Red always had a way of making you feel like shit. I took the food from her hands, without another word. What was the fucking point? It wasn’t like I could argue with that.
“Thanks, and sorry about earlier. I don’t know why she did that.” Dallas had slapped the shit outta Red. I didn’t see it, but there was no mistaking the sound, or the huge red welt that still covered Red’s cheek.
“It’s cool. Bad dreams make you do bad shit. I know that all too well,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “Lake Charles is leaving. I’ll tell them you said bye.”
“They’ll get it,” I said in way of explanation.
“They always do.” Red turned and sashayed away, her smart-ass remark not going unnoticed. I closed the door and placed the food on the dresser, taking the juice with me, as I joined Dallas on the bed. Ronnie was having some issues in Lake Charles. Territory issues, which always seemed to be the worst kind. A group of bikers who refused to abide by the rules and do things by the book had moved a chapter in. It had come to blows and word had it that they were bringing in reinforcements, trying to show the Devil’s Renegades that they weren’t scared. The Confederation of Clubs (CoC) was an organization built to unite Motorcycle Clubs (MCs). If you started a club, you went through the CoC. If you had a problem with a club, you brought it to the CoC. If you wanted respect, it started with the CoC. But there are always those motherfuckers who don’t understand what being in an MC is really about. They didn’t earn the respect of other MCs because they didn’t want to live by the rules and follow proper protocol. Most of these guys were doctors, lawyers, and cops. They thought they were untouchable. They thought they could just show up in someone else’s territory and take over. Well, that wasn’t how shit worked. My Pops had sat on the board of the CoC. My club was built on principles formed by the CoC, and we worked our way to the top. It was a hard fucking road for my Pops, and it has been a hard road for me. He got us here and now it’s my job to keep us here. When people see us, they stand in line to shake our hands. When we ride, we are always in front, and when someone fucks with us, we handle our business. Now, business needed to be handled, and I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The last thing I wanted to do was leave Dallas. I knew she needed me now more than ever, plus I had promised I would not leave her behind. She was my ride-or-die bitch, and everybody fucking knew it. But I didn’t want to uproot her, and make her come with me to Lake Charles for an undetermined amount of time either. I had just made her my official ol’ lady. I could only give that patch to one woman, not that I had any intention of letting anyone else have it. Being an ol’ lady was new to her, and after everything she had been through; a territorial war was the last thing she needed to be caught up in. I felt the bed shift beside me, and turned to see Dallas rolling onto her stomach. After she settled herself, I thought she would go back to sleep, but her eyes opened, searching until they found mine. She showed no emotion, just stared at me with those big green doe-eyes I had fallen for long ago.
“You feeling better?” Maybe that wasn’t the best question to ask her right now. I actually sounded like a dick, which really wasn’t out of my norm here lately. She nodded her head at me and continued to stare. I wondered if maybe she was suffering from temporary amnesia or some shit. “Babe?” I asked, feeling my brows knit together. Perhaps she was in shock.
“I’m fine,” she said, her words coming out rough. I watched as she licked her lips. Fuck, she was sexy. I damned my growing dick to hell, and kept to the conversation.
“You sure?” I asked, not convinced. I watched as a spark flickered in her eyes, and she pulled herself to a sitting position. In times like this, I was a greedy bastard. It sucked to have Dallas hurting, but when she curled herself in my arms, it almost made it worth it. This time was different. There was a look about her, as if she knew she was about to receive some bad news, and had already accepted it. Instead of coming to sit in my lap or curl in beside me, she sat across from me. Not to be intimidated by a woman, I mirrored her position, sat cross-legged across from her, and looked her dead in the eyes. Now, would be a good time to tell the truth.
Chapter 5
Dallas
Me and my fucking meltdowns. What was wrong with me? Every time I let it all out, why did I feel like such a fool afterwards? Not saying that it wasn’t much needed, but still. I hated falling apart and for the past few months of my life, that was all I had seemed to do. This shit was getting old. While I had laid next to Luke, pretending to sleep for the past hour, I had had an epiphany. Luke didn’t fall in love with me because I was some weak woman who needed him. He fell in love with me because I was, well, me. I was a strong, independent, self-righteous woman, who didn’t need any man telling her what to do or running her life. I always got what I wanted, and this time was no different. I was not intimidated by Red. She wasn’t going to scare me off, and if that was her plan then she had better rethink it and consider who she was fucking with. I would no longer be that blubbering mess of a fragile human being. No, starting right now, I was going to be the woman that I knew how to be all too well. The Dallas Knox this
cruel world had turned me into. Now, here I sat, on Luke’s bed, watching as his acknowledgment of my independent actions surfaced in his brain. He clearly had something to say, and I knew it would not be good. I also knew that I would deal with it as best as I could, and if I couldn’t, I damned sure wouldn’t make the mistake of falling apart in front of him and his family, again.
“I don’t expect you to tell me everything. That is not my expectation. What I do expect is for you to tell me things that concern me. I will not be a victim of Red’s bullying, nor will I tolerate you keeping secrets from me that could affect us and our relationship. So, whatever you have to say just spit it out. And don’t ever treat me like I am some hopeless, frail woman that you have to shelter from the world. You brought me here because you knew I could handle it. Don’t fucking play these games with me, Luke. I’m not as brittle as you think.” I felt my heart beating harder in my chest, as the words flew from my mouth. I knew Luke was trying to shield me, but damn that. And damn him for not having enough confidence in me to endure whatever he had to say. He seemed to enjoy my outburst, and fought hard to contain his smile. His lips twitched and he looked away, but I could tell it delighted him to know that I had not lost my touch.
“You are so fucking incredible. Do you know that?” he asked, smirking at me, causing my moment of pissed off boldness to disintegrate, like sugar in a hot cup of coffee. Why did he always have to do that to me? He knew he had me when my traitorous body relaxed in a sigh. “I don’t want Red bullying you. I don’t want any of the ladies to make you feel like you are less than they are. You are all just ol’ ladies. Red sometimes acts as though she wears a patch herself, and I will make sure she knows her place before I leave.” I felt a twinge of satisfaction, knowing that Luke was going to straighten Red out, but it was washed away at the word ‘leave.’ Not giving my brain enough time to process his comment, he continued, “Lake Charles is having an issue with a club. The club is big and has chapters in 47 states. They came in, trashed some bars, disrespected some citizens, and are making a bad name for MCs. We have fought like hell for the right to wear this cut, and we refuse to let someone take that from us. There is talk that this club is bringing in reinforcements, following an altercation they had with some of the guys. I need to be there. Know that I want to be with you, but this is where I belong. There will be times when you can’t come with me, Dallas, and this is one of those times.” He was silently begging for understanding, but there was no need. I knew this was something Luke had to do and I had plenty to keep me busy around here anyway.
