by Lyn Cote
Rachel didn’t really have the patience to deal with this, but she worked her way through the problem, showing the girls how the batter was to look and then letting them experiment with how many handfuls it took to make their batter take on the same consistency as hers.
By the time this had been accomplished, she understood the phrase, fit to be tied. She couldn’t erase the awful words Brennan Merriday had spoken to her.
Brennan would leave now, taking Jacque with him, and she would live alone here in this cabin and make a living selling her baked goods and sweets. She would be a success and she would be miserable.
*
Evening came. Jacque arrived for supper but Brennan did not. Jacque looked worried. “What’s wrong, Miss Rachel?”
She forced back the tears that had hovered all day. “Did Mr. Merriday read thee the letter from Louisiana?”
“What letter?”
She pressed her lips tightly together to keep from saying something uncomplimentary about the boy’s father. “Come in. We will eat our supper and I will make up a plate for thy father. After he eats, thee must ask him to read the letter.”
Then Jacque did something he had never done before. He threw his arms around her waist and clung to her. “I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay here. I like school and I got my first real friend and you treat me good. Don’t let him take me away.”
Rachel bent over and hugged the boy to her. Tears fell yet she stifled her sobs for the boy’s sake. Finally she commanded herself again and straightened up and wiped her face with her fingertips. “Jacque, I care about thee a great deal and would love to have thee stay here. But that is not my decision, it is Mr. Merriday’s.”
“Why do I always gotta do what other people say I gotta do? When I’m bigger, I’ll do whatever I want.”
She brushed his curly black hair back from his forehead. “I am bigger and I don’t get to do whatever I want, Jacque.” She leaned down and kissed the place between his eyebrows. “I will always be thy friend, Jacque. No matter where thee goes, thee can always come back. My door will always be open for thee. And I hope thee will learn to write and send me letters so I know where thee is.”
Jacque nodded, but did not look comforted.
They tried to eat their supper. Then Rachel fixed up a plate for Jacque to take to Mr. Merriday. Downcast, he carried it, covered with a clean dishcloth, out of her clearing.
The stray striped cat wandered into view and walked over to Rachel and then rubbed her ankles, mewing softly.
Rachel bent down and petted the cat. “Hello, Mrs. Cat. Has thee come for scraps? Please come in.”
The cat followed her inside and ate the plate of food Rachel had no appetite for now. When Rachel sat outside on her bench, the cat lay at her feet, purring loudly. Rachel was comforted and she could bear the pain—not forget it, but bear it. Could God use a stray cat as a blessing? Why not?
*
Brennan saw Jacque coming, bearing a covered plate. The sight brought Miss Rachel to mind and her image grabbed him in its clutches. His whole body tightened with the anguish of hurting her. He’d regretted much in his life but this was the worst.
Jacque handed him the plate with a resentful look. “Miss Rachel says to read me the letter.”
Brennan held the plate but didn’t move.
“What does a letter got to do with me? I know you’re fixin’ to leave, but I’ve decided I ain’t goin’ with you. You’re not my pa. I want to stay with Miss Rachel.”
Brennan set down his plate and reached in his back pocket and withdrew the creased letter. He opened it and read it to the boy.
Jacque stared at him; Brennan returned the stare.
“That means you’re really my pa?”
Brennan nodded, dry-mouthed.
“Why don’t you go to Miss Rachel’s anymore?”
“I have finished working for her,” Brennan said, concealing all the important information. “I’m going to build Levi a house and then we’re heading out.”
“I don’t want to leave!”
I don’t either. How could he tell the boy he’d ruined everything? “Now we know you’re my son and that means you’ll go where I go. And I got to go where I can get more work. I hear they want men for logging and building a railroad east of here. We’ll go there.”
“I thought you wanted to go to Canada,” Jacque pointed out.
“Maybe we will. Maybe we won’t. We need money to get established with a place to live. Both of us will need warm clothes for the winter. You’ll need boots and I need new ones. That all costs money.”
“Why can’t we stay here? You could marry Miss Rachel and we could be a family.”
Brennan drew in air. The boy’s words pierced him like daggers of ice. “Marrying is a delicate matter. Just because Miss Rachel is nice does not mean she wants to marry someone like me.”
Jacque stared at him. “You’re not good enough for her?”
“That’s right. I’m not good enough for her.”
“I know she likes you. She looks at you when you’re not looking.”
More ice plunged into his heart. If that was so, he’d hurt Miss Rachel even more deeply. He was an idiot lout and no doubt about it. “Go to bed.”
Jacque glared at him and turned away, muttering to himself. “I don’t want to go…”
Brennan didn’t blame the boy. He hated himself for what he’d done. If only the past didn’t hang on to him so tightly, if only he hadn’t failed Miss Rachel, if only he hadn’t insulted her as bad as a man could insult a woman…
*
Saturday had come and Levi had shut down his forge so he could work on his cabin. In addition to Brennan and Noah, Gordy Osbourne, Kurt Lang and Martin Steward, all near neighbors, had come to help raise Levi’s roof and shingle it today. Then the cabin would be ready to furnish.
Brennan didn’t like all the company but it would finish the job and his obligation to this friend quicker. Jacque was with Johann playing at the nearby creek. The September sun rose high yet the day felt as hot as July. The men paused to drink cold water from the spring and mopped their brows.
A wagon creaked into the clearing. Mr. and Mrs. Ashford, with Posey’s grandmother between them, sat on the wagon bench. In the rear wagon bed, Amanda, Posey and Miss Rachel clung to the sides as the wagon rocked over the ruts.
Levi hurried forward, beaming. “Miss Posey! Everyone! Welcome.”
Brennan hung back toward the rear. Why had Miss Rachel come? He’d avoided her ever since he’d been fool enough to propose to her. But with all these people present they wouldn’t have to speak.
Mr. Ashford tied up the reins and helped his wife and Posey’s grandmother down. The older woman was breathing with the effort but she smiled. “I wanted…to see…where Posey would be living.”
“You’ll be living here, too, Grandmother,” Posey said and Levi nodded in agreement.
Almeria merely smiled and took a few steps, leaning on Levi’s arm. “A good-sized cabin.”
“Two rooms with a loft and root cellar,” Levi said. “Thanks to Brennan and Noah and everyone else who has helped, it should almost be done today.”
Almeria nodded to the men, thanking them breathlessly. “Walk me inside…please, Levi.”
Rachel did not like how the woman sounded or looked. She had tried to persuade Almeria to wait to see Levi’s place but the grandmother had insisted she view the cabin today. So the Ashfords had left Gunther in charge of the store and set out. Rachel wished there were some medicine to help the woman, but there was so little a doctor could do. And the stress of a trip down to Illinois or to upriver Minneapolis might kill the woman.
Posey had insisted Rachel come, too. Of course the whole town was aware of the breach between Mr. Merriday and herself. Did Posey hope to bring them close enough to begin speaking again? But he’d said nothing and neither had she. She saw how Brennan avoided her. They would just be polite to each other and not incite further gossip.
“I need to sit down,” the grandmother said, holding on to Levi’s arm tightly.
Noah hurried outside and he and Mr. Ashford brought in a bench the men had used. Soon Almeria sat on the bench leaning against the wall. The men moved outside and the women gathered around Almeria.
Rachel began to worry. This short jaunt might have taxed the older woman too severely. She was gasping for air and her face was beet-red.
“Perhaps we should take you home now, cousin,” Mrs. Ashford said.
“I…am going…to die…today.”
“No!” Posey exclaimed. “Grandmother, don’t say that.”
Rachel looked through the window at the men gathered there. “Someone please fetch the lady some cold water.”
Martin leaped to obey. Brennan and Gordy stood at the window; Noah and Levi remained, hovering close to the door.
“Levi,” the older woman gasped, “come here.”
He ducked inside, doffing his hat.
“I am glad…you have…provided Posey with…land. I wanted…to see…it…before…”
Martin Steward came in and handed the mug of water to Posey.
Posey held it for her grandmother, who sipped slowly, feebly.
When she’d drunk enough, she said, “I…wish…I could…live to see…you wed.”
Levi looked to Posey who was weeping, clutching the cup. “Ma’am, I love Posey with all my heart. I’d marry her today if I could.”
Posey nodded her agreement.
Sadness swept through Rachel. Posey’s grandmother shouldn’t be denied the joy of witnessing Posey’s wedding. “You can,” Rachel said, an idea coming swiftly to her. “Noah, could you help these two? Can’t they recite their vows here in their home for her grandmother’s sake?”
Noah stepped over the threshold. “I can see no objection. Both are free to marry and of honest character. I could perform the ceremony here before these witnesses.”
“But we’re sewing her wedding dress,” Mrs. Ashford objected.
“There’s no reason they couldn’t have a formal ceremony later,” Rachel said.
“Yes,” Almeria gasped. “I…” The woman couldn’t go on.
Mrs. Ashford sat beside her on the bench and put her arm around her, trying not to weep.
Noah cleared his throat. “Levi, Posey, do you wish this?”
Posey looked at Levi. Each asked the other this question without words. In reply they joined hands in front of Almeria.
Rachel shifted and saw through the open window Brennan outside, also frozen and watching.
Noah bowed his head and prayed for God’s blessing. Then he began the ceremony. “Will you, Levi, have this woman as your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health and, forsaking all others, keep ye only unto her, so long as you both shall live?”
Levi cleared his throat and answered, “I will.”
Rachel could not tear her gaze from Brennan’s. The two of them were riveted by these words.
“Will you, Posey…” Noah continued.
Rachel felt almost as if she were taking the same vow as the young woman holding Levi’s big hand—to Brennan who stared back at her.
“I will,” Posey whispered, her voice muffled by tears.
Then Noah led the two through their vows.
“I, Posey, take you, Levi, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…”
Rachel felt her heart wrung. How she longed to make the same promises to Brennan. But he wanted her only as a mother to Jacque. Or that was all he would admit.
Noah finished, “Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.”
Rachel realized she was weeping and wiped her face with her handkerchief. When she looked up, Brennan had vanished from the window. Of course he had.
Posey knelt in front of her grandmother, as did Levi.
“Now…I can…be easy,” the older woman managed to say. “Take care…of…my girl.”
“I will, ma’am. I’ll make sure Posey never has reason to regret this day,” Levi said with an evident frog in his throat.
The older woman patted his hand and then Levi carried her out to the wagon and set her on the bench. Mrs. Ashford clambered up beside her and Almeria leaned heavily against her. Mrs. Ashford was openly weeping.
Rachel glanced once more around the clearing for Brennan but he had vanished. She climbed onto the rear of the wagon and watched Levi kiss Posey goodbye till the evening.
“We’ll finish up the roof, dearest,” Levi said. “I’ll come as soon as I wash up tonight.”
“Yes,” Mr. Ashford turned to say. “You’re family now, Levi. You’ll eat meals with us till you two move into your cabin.” Then he urged the team to make a wide circle and head back to town. Rachel wrapped an arm around Posey’s waist and held the girl close, letting her weep on her shoulder—while Rachel wept unseen for the vows she would never say.
*
Brennan rose early the next morning and roused the boy. Levi had paid him last night and now made him a breakfast by the river.
“I wish you wouldn’t go,” Levi said again. “You could work steady here.”
“We’re going,” Brennan said with as much force as he could.
Jacque said nothing, just looked dejected.
Soon they finished the eggs Levi had scorched for them and drank the bad coffee and set out, heading eastward. The day was a windy one. Brennan traveled at a spanking pace, wanting to be away from the settlement before people began streaming toward the school for Sunday worship.
The plan worked. Soon they were far east down an Indian trail and then onto an old military road that would take them toward Green Bay. Birds flew high overhead in large groups. Brennan and the boy had days of walking ahead. His heart weighed as heavy as lead and his feet did not want to carry him away from this place, from Miss Rachel.
But he’d wounded a fine woman. He’d carry this latest guilt the rest of his life. He’d been run out of his own town by his own people like Cain in the Bible. And he would wander like Cain the rest of his life.
*
All that day Brennan and Jacque walked east away from the lowering sun on the old military road—really a track of wagon wheels through the forest—to Green Bay.
Something was making Brennan uneasy. The farther they walked eastward, the more he glimpsed glimmers of fire far away in the trees. Once in a while smoke lifted above the forest.
Everything was tinder dry and each footstep sent up a plume of dust around their feet. Jacque did not speak and neither did Brennan, but he kept watch on the flickers of fire far back in the trees.
Ahead was a clearing and a small cabin. The owner must have heard them coming because he was standing at the end of the trail to his home. “Hello. Where you come from and where you going?”
Brennan still did not feel like talking but he took pity on the man who so obviously wanted some news from outside the forest. “Hey. We’re from Pepin on our way to Green Bay area. I hear there’s work there for loggers.”
“You got a ways to go then.”
Brennan nodded and decided to ask the question that had been bothering him. “I’ve been wondering about the flame I see sometimes back in the trees—just a flicker here and there.”
“Oh, hunters leave campfires burning when they set out in the morning. Some Indian. Some whites. It’s been so dry they should throw some dirt on them, but…” The man shrugged.
The hunters’ carelessness troubled Brennan but he let the subject drop.
“This your boy?” the man asked affably.
Brennan had to swallow down the sudden thickness in his throat. “Yes, this is my boy.” My blood, my only kin.
“
I got a good spring here. Need water or anything?”
“Yes, thank you.” Brennan smiled at the man. After drinking deeply at the spring, they started walking.
“Good luck!” the man called after them and within moments he was no longer in sight when Brennan glanced over his shoulder.
The two trudged onward, Brennan surveying the thick forest on both sides of the faint old road. Rachel’s face kept coming to mind. He kept pushing it away. The solitude of the trail was not what he wanted or needed right now.
He picked up his pace, trying to think ahead for him and the boy. He hoped he’d find some school in Green Bay for Jacque but his mind didn’t seem to be able to concentrate. He would deal with that when he got there. Working with a group of loggers would keep his mind busy and tire him out so that he’d sleep better than he had since he’d insulted a lady who didn’t deserve such.
*
Rachel had wanted to stay home and lick her wounds, but she’d forced herself to go to worship at the school and had accepted Noah’s invitation to spend Sunday at his house. Now she sat beside him on the Whitmores’ wagon. He was taking her home.
“I’m sorry Mr. Merriday left,” Noah said.
“I am, too.” Each word was torn from Rachel.
“I know you had feelings for him.”
She nodded, not bothering to deny the obvious, still aching with such suffering. It was beyond words.
“It’s too bad he didn’t let God begin healing him from the war. I’d hoped being around you, Levi and then his son would begin to help.”
“Sometimes the pain becomes part of a person and he can’t let it go.”
Noah exhaled in a sign of dejection. “Rachel, I know you say you never intend to marry, but I hope you know that any man would be fortunate to win you.”
She turned to look at him, her mouth open.
“You and I lost our mothers too young. That hurt runs deep. But you are worthy of love, Rachel Woolsey.”
Rachel remained speechless. What had caused her cousin to say such things?
They rounded the bend into town. Many people had gathered on the porch of Ashford’s General Store. Noah pulled back on the reins, stopping the pony.
