by Luxe, Eva
“Well, obviously, that’s not true or else you wouldn’t be so upset. What’s the deal?”
“I’m just ready to get out of here,” he exploded. “We’ve been here for days, waiting for the plane to get going. And while you’ve been living it up on your amazing getaway, I’ve been working around the clock with a ratty, old chair for my bed. I’ve skipped meals and have had to tell my wife ‘I’ll be home soon’ too many times for her not to think that I’m out here banging a chick. I’m just over al of this. That’s all.”
I felt a pang of guilt. I had been really enjoying my stay in the cabin with Kurt. Only briefly had I even considered what type of conditions James had been forced to endure. And I understood his frustration even more at the thought of him being so far from home away from his wife. Even though we were technically stranded, too, Kurt and I at least had each other to keep us company and entertained, in more ways than one.
“Well, what’s going on with the plane? I didn’t think that we’d be here this long. There must be a major problem with the plane because you made it seem like it was something that could easily be fixed. Maybe it’s a good idea for us to look at other options for getting home. It might not be very safe, anyway, to take the plane up in the air if it’s having big problems like this.”
James gave me a confused look, then looked angry.
“Are you trying to be funny or something?”
“Uh…no…I’m just…” I didn’t know what to say or think. I hadn’t expected that response. “What do you mean?”
“We can leave whenever you guys are ready.”
What good news, I thought. Kurt would be so happy that we could finally get back home and back to our lives.
“Wait,” said James. Kurt didn’t tell you?” It was my turn to be confused.
“Tell me what?”
Taking a deep breath, James continued, “I told Kurt that the plane had been fixed yesterday. As a matter of fact, I actually called in the middle of the night, night before last, as soon as we’d put the finishing touches on the repairs and told him that we could leave whenever he was ready. I was prepared to leave and told him that I’d send the car around to bring you guys to the airport. He yelled at me and told me that he would let me know when you guys would be ready. So, I’ve been sitting around, waiting for his call. When he called the driver this morning, we all assumed that it was because he was ready to go. But, then the driver called me a little bit ago, talking something about sightseeing.”
Just then, a plate crashed to the floor. I looked over to see that it had come from our table. A nervous Kurt was apologizing to the barista, who was already halfway across the café, broom in hand. She told Kurt not to worry about it. He and I locked eyes. He looked away quickly.
I was still trying to understand what James was saying.
“You mean to tell me that the plane has been fixed for almost two days now and this is the first that I’m hearing about it?”
“Yeah. Sorry you had to find out this way, but the only reason that we’re still here I because Kurt hasn’t given the word on when we could leave.” I sat back in the chair, reeling from the news. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. But, more than that, I felt completely naïve and stupid for having trusted Kurt, only to find out that he’d been lying to me the whole time.
Once I’d had a chance to let things process, I looked over in Kurt’s direction. He was facing the window, stock still. I knew that he knew that I knew. And if he thought that I wasn’t going to say anything to him about it, he had another things coming.
I marched over to the table where we’d just shared friendly conversation over pastries and coffee and stood next to him. I was so angry and I was shaking so much that I didn’t even to sit down.
“Kurt Roberts, turn around and look at me!” I demanded.
Without turning around or really moving at all, very calmly, he said, “I’m sorry that you’re upset, but let’s not do this here. Let’s go back to the cabin and we can sort everything out there.”
The last thing that I wanted to do was go back to the cabin with him. We had shared so many great times, created such wonderful memories. Now, finding out that he had been lying to me for almost two days made all of it seem like a lie.
Had it just been a game, I wondered. Was this all some big joke played at my expense? And to think that my overactive imagination had hoped, even dreamed, that this could be the beginning of something new, something real. I cursed my childish thoughts and marched wordlessly out the door to the car. After a few minutes, Kurt joined me.
I couldn’t even say anything to him yet. I spent that whole car ride milling everything over in my head. I decided that I would wait until we got back to the cabin before talking to him. And he didn’t bother trying to apologize or explain anything.
When we got to the cabin, I took off ahead of him, making a bee line for our room. The room that’d we’d shared, had passionate sex in, laughed in, now felt like a prison, a chamber of confinement meant only to mock my foolish heart.
I wiped away the tears that began to fall. I was hurt that he’d lied to me, but I almost felt like I was mourning the end of one of the best experiences of my life.
Chapter 15 – Kurt
The long walk down the hallway to our room was one that I regretted with each step. I knew that I was wrong for not telling Dana the news about the plane, but I had been so afraid of losing her, of losing whatever we had had in the past couple of days. I knew that I should tell her that. In fact, I had decided to do just that by the time that I got to the door.
I turned the knob, took a deep breath, and stepped inside.
She stood in front of the door, fist clenched at her sides, shaking like a leaf. I knew that this was not going to end well.
“Kurt what you did was the lowest of the low! You really should have told me that the plane was ready. I had to hear it from the pilot himself, who you have chosen to purposely inconvenience. You are selfish and I wish that none of this had happened. I’m ready to go home. Now.”
Her words stung. I understood why she was upset, but to say that she wished that it had never happened were words that cut like a knife. Did she mean the engine failure or our time together? I wasn’t sure if I wanted an answer to that question and I certainly wasn’t about to ask her, especially with her being so enraged.
“Now, Dana, calm down. I understand you being upset, but I think that you’re being a little dramatic here.”
“Oh, you would think that! But, let me clue you in on something, Kurt. Not all women are overly dramatic like that bitch of a wife of yours may have been. My anger now isn’t me being overly dramatic. Seeing you for who you really are now may be the reason why she left you in the first place.”
Dana broke down and began crying. I felt so low. I knew that she was right. I hung my head in shame.
“I have good reason to be mad,” Dana continued. “You should have told as soon as you found out. I trusted you and you betrayed that trust.”
She sobbed uncontrollably. I instinctively moved to hug her consolingly. She pushed me away.
“No! No!” she cried. “You are just a huge liar!”
My eyes widened at her accusation.
“I admit I wanted to prolong our trip a bit longer,” I told her. “I was enjoying having you whenever I wanted you.”
“You liked that I was your little plaything,” she yelled at me. “Your toy you could take out and play with whenever you wanted to.”
“That was kind of our agreement,” I told her, but that just made things worse. She squinted her eyes at me and said, “Oh, please,” in an obviously upset tone.
I threw my hands up and said, “Dana. Please. I’m sorry.”
“It’s one thing to act all possessive and say I have to submit to you while we’re here. But it’s another thing entirely to keep me here longer than necessary, without even telling me. Even if I am glad it happened.”
When I heard the last part, I coc
ked my head at her, wondering if there was still some hope for us to work out. But she must have noticed, because she shook her head and said, “This is really inexcusable, Kurt.”
I listened to her words with shocked horror. It was then that I realized how big of a mistake that I’d made.
“Dana, I am truly sorry that I didn’t tell you right away, and sorry that I triggered negative feelings in you. You are right that you deserve better. I should have treated you better. I was using you for my own selfish needs, and I’m very sorry I made that mistake.”
Dana was still upset.
“You’re right,” she spat. “Being here with you was definitely a huge mistake.”
Her icy words chilled my bones. I never imagined that I would be hearing such words from someone that I’d spent days creating such happy moments with. I wished that I’d told her the truth about the plane and my real feelings when we were opening up to each other. Maybe all of this fighting and tears could have been avoided.
As much as I hated to admit it, I was hurt. I knew she enjoyed her time with me as much as I’d enjoyed it with her but she was throwing it all back in my face because I had fucked up.
Good thing I protected my heart from her , I thought. But, deep down, I knew that the only thing that I’d done was manage to ruin my chance at something that I’d never had and had longed for for quite some time.
I guessed I’d really gone and ruined things for good.
Chapter 16 – Dana
The trip back home was one of the longest flights that I’d ever taken. And I’d flown overseas to Europe several times. I didn’t even bother getting back into uniform. It just felt wrong.
It was all I could do manage to say goodbye to Maggie and her husband, but I didn’t want to leave without thanking them again. I pretended everything was fine between Kurt and me, and she’d squeezed my hand and said she was so glad the happy couple had a good time.
Now, I endured a couple of strange looks from James and his co-pilot, who didn’t understand the change. But, I thought, considering all that had happened, it would almost be a mockery for me to put that uniform back on.
It did raise some questions about our travel arrangements. Was I his employee? Was I a love interest? A friend?
Whatever the case, we had certainly surpassed the line between employer and employee a long time ago. And speaking of employment, it was still yet to be seen what would be the outcome of all of this in relation to me working for Kurt. I wished that I could just end the trip the way that I’d started it: as his flight attendant.
Either way, we sat close enough to each other in the small plane where we could have said something to each other, but neither of us said a word for the entire trip.
When I got up to use the bathroom, James called me over the cockpit.
“Hey, Dana. Everything okay? I noticed that you weren’t wearing your uniform.”
“Oh yeah, it’s okay. It’s just that with everything that’s going on, Kurt…I mean…Mr. Roberts said that it would be okay if we just got home safely and sorted things out later.”
In more ways than one, I thought.
“All right,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. Let me know if I can help in any way.”
I thanked him and quickly returned to my seat. Kurt had his gaze fixed out the window and didn’t even budge when I returned.
When the plane began to make it’s decent, my heart began to beat a little bit. I felt like I was at the crossroads between two worlds. Did I want to make the leap? I didn’t really have any choice.
As soon as the plane landed, I could see my family standing in the distance. My heart leapt in my throat as I became overwhelmed by emotion to see them. It hit me right at that moment just how much I had missed them. With all that had happened in the past few days, I hadn’t really given myself the opportunity to really think about how much I had missed them.
My mother came rushing to hug me, running and squealing like a child on Christmas morning, which it almost was. She landed kisses all over my face and hugged me so tightly, like she didn’t want to let me go. Then, she broke down in full sobs, spilling wet tears all over my neck and shoulders.
It was like a dam had broken and then overflowed. I had to choke down my own tears brought on by her display of emotions. My father was happy to see me, too. He smiled so big and gave me one of the bears hugs that he had been giving me since I was a little girl.
And then, there was my son, Scott. He held back, watching his grandparents embrace me happily. He was quiet, which was not unusual for him. His arms were crossed. When I moved toward him, he looked away. I could feel the coldness emanating from him and it hurt a little. He definitely was mad at me.
I ignored it and continued toward him anyway.
“Hey love! How are you? I’m so glad to see you!”
“I’m good,” was all that I got out of him.
My heart sunk and I immediately became riddled with guilt. Maybe I should have just found the nearest bus or train station and came back home sooner. I told myself that I would just wait it out and see when the plane would get finished, thinking that it would take a day or two and reasoned that it would be good for my first job assignment to wait it out, but the truth was, it was really more of an excuse to stay locked away in a cabin with Kurt.
I started to get angry thinking that, at the end of all of that, he had been lying to me anyway. He had probably lied about everything. Either way, I felt like I had abandoned my job as a mom to my son and, from the looks of it, he felt the same way.
“Let’s all get ice cream!” said my dad, always the one to come up with a great idea right on time.
I could see a flicker of excitement cross my son’s face. He loved ice cream. But, he tried to quickly stop the smile from fully spreading so that no one would see it. I had to hide my own smile so that he wouldn’t know that I had already seen it. It gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe things would smooth over sooner rather than later. If all it took was an ice cream cone to do it, I would be forever grateful.
Once we got to the ice cream parlor and sat down to enjoy our delicious frozen treat, my mind went back to the last time that I had had ice cream. It was just a few days ago with Kurt during our wild game of truth or dare. I laughed thinking about how silly we were being, but I loved being out there without a care in the world. Wearing the ice cream was another thing altogether. I could still feel the coldness of it running down the front of my shirt.
Then, my mind went back to what happened after that, how we made our way back to the cabin where Kurt had cleaned all of the sticky dessert from my body with his tongue, lapping every crevice of it greedily. The way he did it with such care made me wonder. Was it all a game to him or could it have been more?
My thoughts must have been showing all over my face because my mother spoke up in her soft voice.
“What’s on your mind, honey? You know, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something very different about you now that I hadn’t noticed before you left. What happened out there?”
My father, son, and mother all sat, eyes wide and round, waiting for my answer. It was almost as if they all had been thinking the same thing, but it was my mother who asked first.
“Uh, it was just a lot of waiting around,” I lied. “My boss found us a cabin that doubled as an inn. The couple that owned it were very nice and hospitable. We got there in the middle of a festival, so there was a lot of activity going on. We went and saw a few things going on in the town. But, mostly, we just hung around the cabin waiting to hear news about the plane.”
I knew that I had painted a slightly different picture of the events that had happened, but there was no way that I was going to tell them that I had spent the better part of a week holed up in a room with my boss, letting him have his way with me in every way imaginable.
But, my mother, always on the alert, had a knowing smile on her face when she asked, “We?”
“Y
eah, uh, there was my boss, two pilots, and the limo driver. Not exactly the most entertaining bunch, but we got through it…”
My voice trailed off. I could feel myself squirming in my seat as my mother’s eyes lasered in on me as I rambled.
“Did you now?” she asked slowly, nodding and stroking her chin.
I wondered if she was on to me.
I quickly changed the subject and asked Scott about his new friend. He was so excited to tell me all about his new videogame partner, Tim. They connected in class over one of those videogame magazines that Scott always had his face buried in and a friendship grew from there. He said that they had been talking about playing together for months and then Scott just invited him over. He talked about it like it was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.
It made my heart happy to see him so happy finally. And it made me even happier to see that he was opening up to me and not acting like he was mad anymore.
Ice cream for the win.
We finished our ice cream and went home. I told them that I needed to rest because the last few days had taken a lot out of me emotionally and physically. My parents understood, of course, and kept Scott company while I stayed in bed.
I napped on and off for a while and each time I dozed off, I would see Kurt’s face in my dreams. I would always be so happy to see him. It was like nothing bad had even happened between us. But, when I woke up, reality would set in and I would remember how he had lied to me. And I would get angry all over again. I cried a few times out of sheer frustration.
Then, I started to have another thought. I know that I had been secretly dreading the moment that we would get the news that the plane had been fixed and we would have to head back home. What if he had been feeling the same way and didn’t tell me because he wanted to have more time with me? With his busy schedule, there was no telling when we would have time to spend together again, especially so intimately. He had told me as much, but I had been too upset to listen.
