by Luxe, Eva
Waking up in my own bed was a great feeling, one that I didn’t realize quite how much I had messed. But, as good as it felt, I had to admit that I felt a pang of something else. Was it loss? Regret? I wasn’t exactly sure, but it was such an unsettling feeling that it made me bolt out of bed at 6 a.m. and go for a run to try to clear my head. I hoped that listening to my power playlist on my iPod would help to shake the feeling and get the thoughts out of my head, but no such luck.
I just kept thinking about Kurt and everything that had happened over the course of the last few days. I ran as fast as I could, trying to outrun the thought that was bearing down on me no matter how hard I tried to escape it. Kurt had been one of the best things that had happened to me and I blew it.
No matter how much I tried to justify the way that I had acted toward him, insisting that his withholding the information about the plane from me was the ultimate form of betrayal, deep down I knew that that simply wasn’t true. The faster I ran, the more I began to wish that I had some kind of time machine and could go back to the beginning of that flight with Kurt. I would have ignored the feelings that were brewing up inside of me and just stuck with my professionalism.
When we landed the plane, I would have taken y place with the staff and waited at the airplane hangar until the plane had been fixed. I would have done everything in my power to make sure that no lines would have been crossed. I became blinded by tears as the regret crept up, threatening to choke out any semblance of joy that I could have had.
I felt like I was in mourning. I was mourning the loss of what could have been a beautiful relationship. I mourned the loss that I felt for my career. I was convinced that I would find a new job somewhere. I had too much experience and I was driven by the fact that I would have to do something to continue caring for my son.
But, this was the opportunity of a lifetime, in more ways than one and I had thrown it all away on the hopes that I would find love. And now, I had nothing, not a job or love.
About half a mile away from home, I slowed to a walk. I felt like my lungs were on fire and I was gasping for breath. I needed some time to gather my thoughts before walking into the house.
I was going to tell my parents the bad news about my job and hope that they wouldn’t ask about the details. I wanted to be honest with them, but I wasn’t prepared to give them all of the details just yet.
Just as I was rounding the corner and our house came into view, the sun was beginning to peak up over the horizon. The brightness beamed down on me, giving me a glimmer of hope that the day might actually turn out OK. I hoped for my sake that that feeling was right.
I walked through the front door and found my mother already busying herself in the kitchen.
“Good morning, dear,” she sang out, smiling warmly in my direction.
“Good morning, mom,” I said, sliding onto a stool that sat beneath the breakfast nook, giving me a front row seat to her daily morning dance of preparing a hot and nutritious breakfast. She flew around the kitchen with ease, laying all of the ingredients that she needed out on the counter in front of her. She hummed happily as she moved, focusing on the task at hand.
I figured that this was as good of a time as any to break the news to her about my having lost my job. The sooner that I admitted the truth, the better. I knew that my mother already was expecting something and I felt guilty leaving her in suspense.
“Hey, mom? Can we talk for a minute?”
She stopped mid-step with a carton of eggs in her hand. She turned to look at me, trying to read my face, and placed them gently on the counter with the rest of the ingredients that would make up our morning breakfast.
“What’s the matter, honey?” asked my mother, walking over to where I sat at the breakfast nook and placing both of her hands on top of mine.
“I think that I lost my job.” The words hung in the air like a toxic cloud. There. I had said it. I stared at the speckled marble granite of the countertop, afraid to look up and see hurt or disappointment in my mother’s eyes.
“What happened?” came her calm, even voice. I hadn’t been prepared for that part of the question, but I guess that I should have expected her to want some sort of explanation. So, I did what I thought was best to do in that moment. I lied.
“When everything happened with the plane, I think that I may have overreacted. I felt like my whole life had flashed before my eyes and I panicked. I got really emotional and lost my cool. I said some harsh things to my boss that I wish now that I could take back, but I can’t. When it was time for us to come back home, I could tell that things had soured. Now, I’m just waiting for them to give me the official word that they are going to fire me.”
“I see,” was all that my mother said. I found the courage to look up and saw a faraway gaze in her eyes and her lips were pursed the way that they were when she was trying to figure something out. After a few minutes, she started to speak again.
“So, you weren’t officially fired, then?”
“Well, no, but that’s just a minor technicality. Trust me, if you had been there, you would understand why I am convinced that I am going to be fired.”
“I don’t really know everything that happened, but the fact is, you haven’t actually been fired. And until that happens, if it even does happen, you have to stay positive. What you went through in the past few days was traumatic and unexpected, so maybe your boss may understand that more than you think.”
I appreciated my mother for her optimism. It was one of my favorite things about her. Unfortunately, in this situation, though, I just didn’t share her sunny outlook. And maybe if she knew the real details of what had happened, she wouldn’t feel that way, either. But, again, I wasn’t prepared to share any more news than I already had. If she could be positive about something that I considered to be heartbreaking news, I wasn’t about to be the way to take that away from her.
Putting her hand under my chin and lifting my head so that our eyes met, she continued, “And, besides, if he can’t see how wonderful you are, he doesn’t deserve to have you, anyway.”
She smiled a knowing smile. It made me wonder if she knew more than she was letting on. Maybe she did. But, of course, she wasn’t going to tell me and I certainly wasn’t going to ask.
“I love you, mom,” was all that I said, smiling back at her. No matter what was going on in my life, she had always had this magical way of saying just the right words at the right time and making me feel better.
I went back to my room, feeling a little bit better about things.
When I looked at my phone and saw that I’d missed a call from Kurt’s assistant, my heart sank all over again. I guess Kurt felt the same way that I did, that there was no sense in prolonging the inevitable.
I saw that there was a voicemail, so I dialed and listened.
“Hello, Dana. This is Alyssa, Mr. Robert’s personal assistant. If you could give me a call right away, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.”
I still didn’t know what direction the call was going to go in, but I decided to call her back to find out.
She picked up the phone after the second ring.
“Hello, Alyssa speaking.”
“Hi, Alyssa. This is Dana. I’m returning your call.” My voice was shaky and I hoped that she didn’t notice. I prepared myself for the worst.
“Oh, hi! I’m so glad that you called me back right away. I know that a lot has happened and we want to extend our sincerest apologies for the way that your job started here with us. I know that you just home but Mr. Roberts was wondering: how soon will you be able to get on a plane?
My heart skipped a beat. My mother had been right. I wasn’t being fired, after all.
“As soon as possible,” I said.
“Great. Also, Mr. Roberts wanted to make sure that you had his personal cell phone number and asked me to have you call him right away.”
“OK,” I said, eager to take down his number and even more eager to hear his voice. When sh
e gave me his number, we quickly said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
My legs felt rubbery underneath me, like they would give out at any moment. I sat down to give myself a moment to soak in what had just happened. So, at the very least, I wasn’t being fired. That was a good thing. But, the question still remained: what did that mean about Kurt and I’s relationship? I knew that there was only one way to find out.
I dialed his number and each ring felt like it went on forever. I felt like my throat was going to close as I tried to swallow. I didn’t know what he was going to say and, even more, I didn’t know what I was going to say to him, either.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Kurt. It’s Dana.”
There was an uncomfortable silence. I’m not sure how long it really lasted, but it felt like forever.
“Oh, hey, Dana,” he said, finally, sounding genuinely happy to hear from me. “I’m so glad that you called. I was wondering if you could meet me at the airport tomorrow morning at 6 a.m.
I hadn’t expected that he would be wanting to get back in the air so soon, especially with me and after the week that we’d had.
“Tomorrow?” I asked him. “That’s Christmas day.”
“I know. By the way, can you bring Scott along with you?” Another unexpected request.
“Um, actually, it might be easier to let him stay here with my parents. But, I would be happy to meet you at the airport tomorrow myself.”
His voice got very low and serious.
“Dana, just trust me. Please be there with Scott in the morning.”
I didn’t understand what Kurt was up to, but I was willing to go along with it if it meant me keeping my job. Not to mention, hopefully, our relationship.
Now, to try explaining things to my parents, especially after the conversation that I’d just had with my mother. I walked slowly to the kitchen, where my mother was finishing up breakfast and putting it on the table.
“Um, I’ve got some news.”
“Good news, I hope?”
“Well, I guess so. I just talked to my boss and he wants me to work tomorrow morning.”
“Wow, Dana! See? I told you that he would understand and everything would work out. That is definitely good news.
“And there’s something else.” My mother stopped dead in her tracks and stared at me, waiting for me to speak.
“He wants me to bring Scott with me.” I could see my mother’s whole body stiffen.
“Why?”
I shook my head and shrugged.
“I’m not too sure, actually. But, he insisted that I bring him. And since it’s Christmas day, I’m not about to be separated from him, anyway.”
My mother was still hesitant, so I said, “I’m sure that it will be fine,” in a feeble attempt to calm her fears.
“If you think that that’s what’s best, I’m not going to stop you. But, for the record, I would just like to say that I don’t think that it’s such a good idea.”
“I understand, mom. But, like you said, everything will be OK.” I spoke with more confidence than I really felt inside. I had so many questions myself and even outside of the professional aspect of our relationship that still needed to be worked out, there was our personal relationship that was in shambles and needed to be hammered out.
My mother slammed the rest of the food onto the table and ran off to get Scott’s suitcase ready. She was visibly upset, but she was trying to hold it in.
Before bed, she knocked softly on my door and told me that she leaving his suitcase by the door. She also wished for me to have a safe trip and told me that she wasn’t going to be seeing us off in the morning. She wanted us to have a good Christmas.
The entire time that she talked, I could tell that she was holding back tears. I felt terrible, like I was responsible for how she was feeling. I wished that there was some way that there was nothing that I could really say to her that would make her feel any better. So, I didn’t even bother.
The next morning, I sprung out of bed at the first sound of my alarm. I was anxious to get to the airport. I loaded a sleepy Scott into the car along with both of our suitcases.
“Merry Christmas!” I told him. “I promise we’ll open all your gifts from Santa soon.”
He was too out of it to even really ask any questions and fell right back to sleep once we had been driving for a few minutes. At least I didn’t feel too bad about ruining his Christmas morning, considering it hadn’t even started yet.
When we got to the airport, I was met by Alyssa, who was on the phone. Actually, she was on two phones and she was barking orders back and forth between both of them. When she saw me, she hung up both phones and rushed toward me.
“Oh, good! You’re here. Mr. Roberts is already on the plane. You can leave your luggage with me and I’ll take care of it.” She spun on her heels and answered the phones as they began chiming.
I turned to face a now awakened Scott who just stood there like a deer in headlights, looking to me for some sort of explanation. I offered none and beckoned for him to follow me as I walked toward the plane.
Once on board, I was greeted by a sight that I hadn’t expected to see.
Kurt was sitting with a little girl by his side.
Standing and moving in my direction, he said, “Dana, it’s so good to see you. I would like for you to meet my daughter, Olivia.”
My mouth opened and closed as I struggled to find my voice.
“Hello,” said Olivia, getting up and extending her hand in my direction. I couldn’t help but smile. She was truly her father’s daughter. He stood next to her, beaming proudly.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Olivia,” I said, shaking her extended hand. “And this is Scott.”
Scott stared awkwardly at the floor, not bothering to greet either one of them.
“Hello, Scott,” said Kurt. “I’ve heard a lot about you. All good things, of course.” He winked playfully at Scott. Scott smiled. I could tell that he liked Kurt despite his shyness.
“So, where are we going?” I asked, eager to start getting some answers to my questions.
Smiling like the cat who ate the canary, Kurt said, “ I wanted to go back to where it all started for us, to the place where I found the woman that I have spent a lifetime looking for.” I didn’t dare breathe. I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me.
Coming closer and clasping his hands around mine, he asked, “I would love to have you in my world, to have you be the center of my world. That is, if you want to be a part of it.” My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. Was I dreaming? Was this really happening?
“Well? What do you say?” He shifted back and forth, nervously, waiting for my answer.
“Kurt, honestly, I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.”
He sighed and pretended to wipe sweat from his brow.
“You had me worried there for a minute.” He let out an uncomfortable laugh.
“I am so happy that you called,” I continued. “Kurt, I am so in love with you.”
We shared a passionate kiss, holding onto each other for dear life.
“We are now preparing for take off. All passengers should find their seats.”
We buckled ourselves into our seats and hold hands for the entire flight.
The flight seemed so short. Before I knew it, we were back at the cabin. Our happy hostess squealed with delight when she saw us.
Welcome back! I didn’t think I’d be seeing you so soon, but I’m glad that you’re back. And you brought guests!”
We walked into the cabin and no sooner than the front door closed, Kurt started pulling me in the direction of the room that we shared. Once we got to the room, Kurt closed the door, scooped me up in his arms, and growled.
“We have some unfinished business to attend to and I’m not going to wait another minute.”
“Kurt,” I said, in protest. “We can’t just leave the kids out there with complete strangers.”
&nb
sp; Undressing himself, he said, “Oh, Maggie isn’t a stranger. They will be fine. I cannot wait another minute to feel you.”
The way that he said it made me feel hot all over. I wanted him, too.
He came over to the bed and pressed his body against mine.
“I love you, Dana.” Words that I had been dying to hear for so long. “Merry Christmas.”
“I love you, too,” I said, tears filing my eyes. “Merry Christmas.”
He took out a condom and put it on, and all the while I waited with anticipation. He entered me with such ease, slowly pushing his hardened dick head into my pussy, inch by inch. I let out a soft moan, welcoming his familiar thickness into me. He was trembling, trying to control himself. He began to pant.
“I’m sorry,” he said. The words penetrated my fog and touched a part of me that I hadn’t realized was there. Something broke inside of me and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Stroking me gently, he kept repeating, “I’m sorry,” landing kisses all over my cheeks, giving no heed to the tears that continued to fall.
When I came, it was powerful, yet seemed to build very slowly. The waves of my orgasm washed over me, making my whole body seize like I had been struck with electricity.
“Now that we’re here and we’ve made up, we need to get to that unfinished business,” he said. “I told you I was going to take your asshole as mine. And I meant it.”
He put me on my hands and knees. Then he slipped a finger into my asshole and wiggled it around. It pulsated as I squeezed it against his finger.
“I’ve actually never done that,” I told him.
“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” he said. “And you’re going to do what I ask and give me your anal virginity, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I told him, nodding, loving to play the submissive role that he and I had begun and continued up until now.
He took off the condom and pushed his naked cock inside me, gently, but it still hurt, and I arched my back closer to him. He kept pushing, until he had slid all the way inside me, and I relaxed some. It didn’t hurt as badly, now. In fact, it felt rather good.
“Do you like when my cock fills up your asshole?” he asked me.
