by Luxe, Eva
I didn’t want to throw her under the bus to save my own skin. I knew I could be a real dick, and my temper was a problem. I was aware of that. But I could put myself into her shoes, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin her reputation for the sake of my own.
Training on Tuesday was a good outlet. Coach started by dividing us up into smaller groups to train together for the day, which meant I didn’t have anything to do with Markus. I was relieved. I felt like giving him a piece of my mind. Or my fist. If he came up to me, I might have followed through.
Luckily for him, he didn’t come up to me. Lucky for both of us.
I pushed hard during training, trying to get rid of all the anger and tension that was pent up inside me. The last thing I needed was to lash out unnecessarily because I was already angry and resentful. I didn’t need more bad publicity where violence was concerned.
I hoped that my subconscious would work for me while I was training and that by the time I was done, I would have an idea of what to do. That wasn’t the case.
When we finally walked off the field, my muscles screamed. I was drenched in sweat, and I still had no idea what to do.
“Hey,” I said to Hanson when we walked into the locker room. “Do you want to go out for a drink tonight?”
Hanson nodded. “I’ll just check with Lacey, but if she doesn’t need me around the house, sure.”
We got dressed and Hanson called Lacey. When he hung up, he nodded at me. “Sure,” he said. “A drink or two sounds like a good plan.”
“Thanks, man,” I said.
We went to the Batting Cage. It was a nice place to hang out, a place I had a feeling was Hanson and Brian’s regular spot. And it also brought back good memories for me, of better times—when I could fuck Kina in the bathroom without the whole world finding out about it and throwing a fit.
We got a table in the middle of the floor and ordered a light beer, each. During training, it was never a good idea to drink a lot, but I needed the alcohol to take the edge off.
“What’s bothering you?” Hanson asked.
“What if I just wanted to hang out?” he asked.
Hanson chuckled. “You know I’m doing for that,” he said. “You’re a cool guy, but I know something’s eating at you. You’ve been keeping to yourself enough for this to be a little out of the ordinary.”
I nodded, looking at my beer. I was transparent. Great.
“Did you see the shit Markus posted on Friday?” I asked.
Hanson nodded and sipped on his own beer. “I saw them. It’s a load of shit, if you ask me.”
“Yeah, it is. I wasn’t even with him. I was with Kina.”
Hanson looked sharply at me when I said it.
“Something tells me you weren’t seeing her on a Friday night for work on your image.”
I shrugged, unable to hide a smile. “It depends on how you want to define work.”
Hanson laughed. “Well, well, well. You too have been at it for a while and still seem to be together. Impressive. It seems that PR managers are just so damn attractive, doesn’t it?”
That’s right, I remembered. Lacey, Hanson’s wife, was his PR manager, too.
“So, the problem is exactly that. I fucked Kina, but I can’t exactly use that as an alibi without coming out with it.”
Hanson nodded slowly. “I hear what you’re saying. Unless you announce the relationship with her, and it’s out in the open. It’s what I did with Lacey, in the end.”
I shook my head. “No, no. God, no. We’re not dating. It’s just sex, bro. God, I can’t do that right now.”
Hanson chuckled. “That was a strong response. You not into her like that?”
I shook my head. “I guess I could be. But after Marisa … It was because of my ex that all the trouble with the assault and then the transfer started. I don’t think I have what it takes to do that whole spiel again.”
“Sorry, man,” Hanson said. “Football and women just always seem to be a flammable combo.”
“Yeah,” I said and sighed.
The truth was, I was into Kina “like that.” Even more than I had been with Marisa. But I felt like a fool, giving up my heart after everything I went through last time. I didn’t have the guts to admit to Hanson yet, let alone Kina. I was just starting to admit to myself.
Chapter 19
Jacob
“You can’t tell them that you just fucked Kina because it would look bad, right?” Hanson asked, stressing the dilemma I was facing.
I nodded. “That’s exactly it. I have no idea what to do. Short of punching Markus’s teeth in, which is the last thing I want out there, I have no idea how to handle this. Kina says retaliating is childish, so I can’t go that road, either. Although, I really want to.”
“Retaliate?” Hanson asked.
“Yeah. I want the world to know what a lying bastard he can be, you know? I’m so tired of things going wrong for me. I know a lot of it was my fault before, but this time, I did nothing wrong.”
Hanson nodded, and we sucked on our beers in silence for a while.
“How is she reacting to this?” Hanson asked.
I shrugged. “She told me it’s my choice in the end, that I need to make a decision by Friday.”
“She’s not pushing you into a direction?”
I shook my head. “I get the feeling she’s the submissive type. In bed, that’s fantastic, but in this case, I wish she would call the shots.”
Hanson visibly minced when I mentioned Kina in bed. He obviously didn’t want to hear about it, and I knew I shouldn’t be talking about it. But I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else.
I flashed on her bending over in front of me, my dick buried inside of her and her ass jiggling as I fucked her. I tried to get the thought out of my mind. Thinking about sex now wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than make me horny.
“Maybe you should talk to her again,” Hanson said.
I nodded. Maybe he was right.
We changed topics and talked about other things. I was starting to realize I could relate to Hanson more and more. He was a decent guy, the kind who would have your back if he deemed you a friend. I wanted to hang out with him more, get to know him better. He seemed to have his shit together.
He told me he didn’t have it together from the start. I hadn’t followed the other players’ scandals all that closely—nothing beyond what I occasionally saw on the tabloids or in social media here and there—but back in the day, apparently, he had a terrible image as a womanizer. He had managed to turn that around. That meant there was still hope for me, right?
“I have to get going,” Hanson said when we were both two beers down. “Lacey’s waiting for me.”
I nodded. “Thanks for coming out with me,” I said.
“No problem, bro.” He clapped me on the back. “We’re a team.”
He winked at me and sauntered off as if he didn’t have a care in the world. What a wonderful life that must be.
When I left the bar, I pulled out my phone and dialed Kina’s number.
“I was just thinking about you,” she said, and I smiled.
“Well, that sounds like a good start,” I said. I loved the sound of her voice, especially if she was saying things like that. “What were you thinking about?”
“Have you decided what you want to do?” she asked.
I deflated a little. She hadn’t been thinking about me. She’d been thinking about my job. Fucking fantastic.
“I haven’t,” I said. “I was hoping we could have a chat about it, maybe get me moving in a direction, at least.”
She sighed. “I can’t really help you with that, can I? I have suggestions, but in the end, it’s down to you. I’ll support whatever you decide.”
I wasn’t sure if she meant that. Surely, she knew that would put her in the spotlight as well? And that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
“You’re not giving me anything to go by, are you?” I asked.
“
Of course, I am. There just aren’t that many options. Markus has you backed into a corner.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t like the idea that it was true.
* * *
On Wednesday morning, training wasn’t in groups, and I had to face Markus this time. I had to run a play with him, and I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I tried to avoid him as best I could, but he was on my team. What was I going to do?
When I dropped the ball, Markus laughed out loud. I was already irritated.
“Come on, Lawson. Don’t give the other team a reason to mock you.”
“Shut up, Markus,” I said.
“Or what?” he asked, coming up to me. He got right in my face, so close I could smell his sweat. “Are you going to hit me?”
I didn’t do anything. I stood there, staring him down, picturing every way I wanted to hurt him and biting back so that I didn’t.
“Come one, man, you’re so good at it. Or did you lose your nerve?”
I saw a flash of white for a moment, I was that angry. But I couldn’t hurt him, not now. I would just prove his lies true. Kina had said that, and she’d been right. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I wouldn’t make the rest of the team doubt me. I was here to prove that I was bigger than my past.
“I thought so,” Markus said when I turned away from him. He gave me a little shove. God, if I just turned around and hooked him with my right fist he would go down. He wouldn’t expect it at all. I could almost feel his jawbone connect with my knuckles. I balled my fist, ready to swing.
Hanson’s eyes found mine, and he shook his head almost imperceptibly. It was possibly the only reason I didn’t attack the guy, after all. Hanson had been there for me when I’d needed to talk, and he’d been a good friend. He had my back, and this wasn’t a good idea.
I took a deep breath and let it out, slowly, unclenching my fist. I was being the bigger man. That was what Kina had meant, too, I’m sure.
“Come on, gentlemen!” Coach shouted from the sidelines. He hadn’t gotten involved. I knew he’d been waiting to see what I would do.
I glared at Markus, telling him with my eyes what I wanted to do with my firsts and turned away from him.
“You best be watching your back,” Markus said.
I didn’t deign to answer him. I walked back to my spot and waited for the rest of the team to huddle up so we could run the damn play again.
Chapter 20
Kina
I met Jacob for lunch Wednesday. We had to talk about what to do. We couldn’t leave these rumors hanging for more than a week before it affected Jacob’s career in a way he wouldn’t be able to fix. If Jacob’s history had been milder, something less affected by the rumors, it might have been all right, but seeing that he had an assault charge on his name already, it wasn’t that easy to shrug off.
Jacob might have been suspended for a whole year after he’d attacked the other player, and he might have transferred to another team, but the world still remembered Jacob Lawson and his poor hold on his temper.
Which meant Markus’s accusations of Jacob attacking him would hit a nerve with the public, and that was exactly the problem. Markus had known exactly what to do to get Jacob in trouble, and that bothered me. What else did he have up his sleeve? What else was he going to do to Jacob to get him kicked out of his football career for good?
“Thank you for meeting me,” I said to Jacob. We sat at Zuma, a beautiful restaurant on the waters of Biscayne Bay, looking out over Brickell Key. The atmosphere was calm, the weather sunny. I didn’t feel as bright as the weather, though. If something went wrong with Jacob, it wasn’t just his career that would be questioned, but mine, too. I didn’t know how to handle what had happened.
“I have an idea,” Jacob said. “I don’t know if it’s any good, but it’s worth a shot.”
I looked at him, sipping the bottled water I’d ordered. “What is it?” I asked.
“A charity,” he said.
I blinked at him. “What about it?”
“If we use you as my alibi but tell the press you were at my place discussing a charity I can donate to, it will sound better than saying why you were really at my place.”
“On a Friday night?”
Jacob shrugged. “It’s better than the alternatives. Besides, I have you on my security tapes, both your arrival and your departure, and it will prove I was with you that night, so what Markus said can’t be true.”
I thought about it. It could work if we did it right.
“Black and white videos?” I asked. I hadn’t exactly been dressed for work, but if it was at the right angle and not too great quality, then it would work.
Jacob nodded. “I’ll show you the footage if you like. It’s exactly what we need. I checked.”
I looked out over the water, thinking about it. It might just work out. It was a golden midway that somehow had come out of nowhere. If Jacob was to say that I was there for business purposes, it would save my own reputation, and if it was proven that he hadn’t attacked Markus, it would save his as well.
“You know,” I said, “it might work.”
Jacob grinned at me, and he was handsome. His eyes were a bright blue, his face lit up with that smile. I didn’t get to see that expression very often. He looked so haunted and down so very often.
“We’ll have to make sure we know exactly what we’re talking about. Which organization were you thinking of?”
Jacob mentioned the name of an organization I’d heard of before.
“They’re involved with the homeless, feeding them, distributing clothes, that kind of thing. I think it’s a noble place to start if I’m going to do this right. Might as well choose something I’m passionate about.”
I smiled. “You’re passionate about the homeless?” I asked.
Jacob shrugged. “It’s not that I’m passionate about it as much as I often think about everything I have and how many people don’t have a roof over their heads at all. I don’t think it’s fair of me to live a lavish life when people have to sleep on the streets every night.”
I nodded. I was impressed. Jacob was selfless in a surprising way.
“All right, I’ll do some research later today and see how you can get involved. If you make a donation of sorts as soon as possible, it will look like we were planning this all along—Friday, in fact—and you did what we’d planned to do.”
“Right,” Jacob said. “As soon as you find out details and send them to me, I’ll make sure I donate money into their account.”
“We should follow it up with something like you meeting with them or going on an outreach or something of the like.”
Jacob nodded. “I can do that. Soup kitchen for a day, that kind of thing?”
I nodded. It was exactly what Jacob’s image needed. It helped that he cared so much about being involved. It made me feel like we weren’t just trying to clear his name or that the whole thing was two-faced. Jacob really was a good person.
“I’ll get on it and have something to you before the end of the day. If we can do a press release stating your intentions tomorrow and the charity contacts you to thank you, which they will almost right away, it will look perfect.”
Jacob nodded, satisfied, and leaned back in his chair. We had come to an agreement, and somehow, it wouldn’t jeopardize either of our careers. I had been ready to let him mention what we’d done on Friday, to tell the world that he’d had sex with me. It was about his career, and I had been ready to sacrifice myself.
That was necessary anymore. Jacob had found a way around it, and I was more than grateful. The more I got to know him, the more I liked who he was. I hadn’t ever known him very well. I got to see a side of him I was starting to think no one saw. The world was so quick to believe what they’d said about him in the papers, that he was the kind of man who would hurt someone without thinking about it twice.
I disagreed. I was starting to see a side of Jacob that was compassionate and caring
and quite the opposite of what everyone was saying.
“I’m relieved we have it taken care of,” Jacob said. “I was worried I would have to say something worse or let the world think I was the kind of person to just fight someone.”
“I’m relieved, too,” I said.
Jacob chuckled. “Markus won’t be happy.”
“What does he want?” I asked. “Why is he doing all of this? He seems to have it in for you, for some reason. Why?”
Jacob shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “Brian and Hanson told me that he’d caught wind of possibly being traded himself, and he’s not happy about that, but I don’t know what his problem is with me personally.”
“Maybe it’s because you got traded in and he’s getting traded out?” I asked.
Jacob shrugged. “I wish I knew. It would be so much easier to talk it out. But Markus doesn’t seem like the type who would be willing to sit down and talk something out. Ironic as it sounds, he’s the one who would rather fight than have a chat.”
I chuckled. “Well, at least that’s taken care of now. If he does something else, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
Jacob nodded. We finished our lunch and ordered the check. I paid for it. When we stood up, Jacob put his hand on my hip. It was a very intimate gesture for a public place, especially when Jacob was famous and everyone watched him.
“What are you doing after this?” he asked. His voice was low, his blue eyes darker than they’d been a moment before.
I swallowed hard. My body responded to the way he looked at me, heat flushing through my body. But I couldn’t do this with him, not now.
“I can’t go home with you, if that’s what you’re getting at,” I said.
Jacob’s face fell a little.
“No matter how much I want to,” I added. His eyes flicked back to mine, and his lips curled into a smile. “We’ve been seen in public together. You must accept that the paps might be following you right now because of the accusations. If they see us leaving together …”
