by Ashley Beale
"Oh."
"Listen, obviously something is going on, because I haven't had any issues with you up to date, so I'm going to overlook the boyfriend being in the room. I'm sure he heard you screaming and wanted to check on you. Just make sure to clear up the rules with him and don't let it happen again."
I give him a sincere smile. "Thank you. I really appreciate it."
Walking towards the door, he looks back up to me and asks, "You okay?"
"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine."
He nods his head then leaves me alone.
Staying here for a moment, I have to collect myself. Not just for what happened but also for what is to come. He may not ask questions about my screaming but about where I live... yeah. I can only assume Karah or Tristian told him where I'm living, but I have no idea what more was said. Karah swore she hasn't said a word and wouldn't, and I want to believe her. Then again, it'd save me telling him.
I deserve to tell him though. I'm sure that is exactly what my dream was telling me. I need to be honest with him, because I've been doing exactly what I promised Jenny I wouldn't do... I'm being selfish. I need to stop this, all of this, even if it means losing Wes. Maybe losing him is for the best, I deserve it. I need to focus on other things.
Climbing out of the bed, I wrap myself in Karah's silk bathrobe and use her slippers. Wes is waiting for me at the bottom of the steps, pacing around the foyer, throwing his hands around. If not for the situation, I could imagine myself laughing at him, because I'm pretty sure he is also talking to himself.
I clear my throat when I get to the bottom of the steps. Wes pauses but doesn't look at me. "Want to go outside?" I ask him.
Keeping his head held low, he turns and walks towards the door. I take that as a yes and follow after him. He sits on the top step, so I take the seat next to him, trying not to get to close even though I'm wanting desperately to.
"What are you doing here, Wes?"
He finally looks over at me, his expression breaking my heart. "Question is, what are you doing here, Hope? What is this place?"
Knowing I can't hide who I am anymore, I tell him the truth. "A women's home. A place to go when you have nowhere else. A safe haven I guess you could say."
"I knew when I met you there was something different about you. I knew you were hiding something that'd have me running. I just didn't care then. But now? Now I care. Do you understand me, Hope? I fucking care."
I hate seeing him so upset. I've betrayed him, not even meaning to.
"So you don't want me to tell you?" I hold my breath in anticipation. I'd rather just get it out now. I want him to know. He needs to know that I killed her. He'll either stay or he'll run, and although I'm afraid of losing him, he isn't really mine until he gets the truth from me.
I watch as his hands shake. He is too nervous to even answer that. I'm already scaring him and he doesn't even know the truth. Waiting only a few seconds, he finally closes his eyes and says, "Tell me."
Sweat immediately starts to bead around my hair line. "You're not going to like what I have to say, Wes."
"Just tell me." His voice is strong, even in a whisper. I hate having him so terrified of me.
And now he is going to be even more scared.
"I got released from prison just over six weeks ago, the same day I met you, actually."
His eyes snap open and he glares at me as his nostrils flare. "What did you do Hope? If... if that is even your damn name."
I nod my head in a nervous matter. "Yes I'm Hope," I choose to answer first.
This is even harder than I thought to say. Even though I'm boiling hot, I wrap the bathrobe tighter around me, holding it in place under my chin. "In high school, I was a mean girl. I was horrible to anyone who didn't like me. This girl, Jenny, she spread these rumors about me. They upset me, so my high school boyfriend and his friends... well all of us... we planned this awful revenge to get back at her. The plans didn't go accordingly... and I knocked her down."
The rest of it takes me a second to say. As much as I want to look away from Wes, I don't, wanting to see him judge me. I want to see him hate me. Out of all the punishment he's given me, this is the one I deserve the most.
"She hit her head. On the... on the edge of the pool. She died instantly from the fall. I got charged for manslaughter and did six years. My family disowned me, I lost all my friends, and you know everything else about my life since being out."
"The guy in the restaurant."
Wiping at the tears falling from my face, I look over at him confused. What guy? What restaurant? "Huh?"
"The guy I saw you with. You said he was a high school boyfriend. He the one?"
Oh. "Yeah."
"So you didn't lose everyone." He stands up and wipes at his jeans. "I need to call a cab and head home. I'll see you later." I can hear the tension in his voice. It brings more pain to my heart, like it’s wrapping around my heart and with every word he speaks, it squeezes, causing me to slowly die. Slow and painful.
"I hadn't talked to him since the night of the incident," I defend myself. "We ran into each other. He wanted to talk to me about how everything affected him."
Ignoring me, he pulls out his cellphone and dials a number. I listen as he calls for a cab. Knowing there are plenty in the area, he'll be gone soon, and this is probably the last time I'll ever see him. The second he is off the phone, I tell him everything I need him to hear before he walks away. Not for my closure, but for his.
"I'm not sure if it matters to you or not, but I am sorry, Wes. I'm so sorry. For what I did, for not telling you the truth, for who I am. I'm sorry."
He clears his throat before answering back, but refuses to look up at me. Instead he looks to the ground, at the rock he is currently kicking. "You know what pisses me off the most? Not that you think so little of yourself, but that you think so little of me."
"What?" I take a step towards Wes, ready to shake him. "What do you mean?"
He finally looks over at me, just as the headlights of the cab pulling in shine in our direction. "Wes," I hiss when he doesn't say anything. I can't let him leave, not yet. "I don't think little of you, I... I'm pretty sure I love you."
"How can you love someone Hope? You don't even know how to love yourself."
"Wes?" I reach at him but he opens the cab door and climbs in before I have a chance to touch him. He slams the door shut. "Wes!" I yell. He looks down at the hands in his lap, ignoring me. I slam my hand on the window. "No, Wes! Please!" I beg but its too late, the cab drives away from me, leaving me in its dust.
And just as it should, my world crumbles around me. I fall to the ground, enjoying the stinging pain of the gravel against my knees, because any physical pain is better than the searing hot pain of my heart breaking in half.
Wes
I can feel the cab driver's eyes burning holes into my head through his rearview but I ignore him. It’s not until we're close to my house that I finally even speak. "Bring me downtown."
"Where downtown?" he asks.
"The first bar or nightclub you see."
He turns the car down the next road and heads towards downtown, which isn't far from here. The cab pulls up outside one of my favorite places, one I haven't been to in over a month. "Thanks man." I hand him his fare and climb out.
The line is already long but since I know the bouncer, I'm allowed right in. The place isn't too packed but they like to keep a line outside to make it look that way. I don't mind though, a few shots in I know I won't be picky about who I bring home tonight.
Joey, the bartender that’s been here since I started coming around, hands me a whiskey neat. "Haven't seen you around much."
I thank him and take a sip before replying. He wipes the bar top with a dirty rag while he waits. He’s a good man, someone I've found myself enjoying conversation with countless times. He isn't one to judge or lecture, he just listens. Once in a while he even gives some good advice, not that I'm looking for any right now.
"Things have been a little... crazy." I sip the half empty cup in my hand as he prepares a shot in front of me.
"Crazy, huh? Crazy good or crazy bad?"
"Honestly, I don't even know."
He slides the shot in front of me and grins. "This cures crazy, at least temporarily." He winks and takes my now empty cup from me. I throw the shot back then pass him that too.
"Thanks man, I needed that."
"Anytime. You drinking the hard stuff or a few brewskis tonight?"
"Hard stuff."
He laughs before filling up my empty glass with more whiskey. "Should have assumed. You enjoy yourself tonight, looks like you need it." He walks away from me, tending to another customer, leaving me to sulk in my own misery.
"He lives," I hear a familiar voice says.
Turning in my chair, I watch as Virginia or whatever the hell the girls name is, take the seat next to me at the bar. Her hand reaches over and clamps to my leg. I don't respond to her, but I already know who I'm bringing home tonight. Maybe she even has a friend with her. That’s happened before and I have to admit, it was fucking incredible. Those girls were wild that night.
Her hand reaches across the bulge in my jeans, adding a little pressure on my limp dick, probably trying to bring it to life. Its not going to happen right now, I need to throw back a few more. I use to think this girl was pretty smoking, considering her wild red hair and curvaceous body, but now that I look at her, I realize that she isn't nearly as beautiful as I once remember. She’s just a hot mess, and not in the good way.
She sighs when she realizes that I'm not getting hard right now, and pulls her hand away. "Good seeing you, Wes."
"Don't go," I say, stopping her before she can climb off the stool.
Her brow pops up, probably surprised I'm not letting her go yet. "Why?"
I finish off my drink and slide the cup across the bar. I don't even need to get warmed up, I just need to get fucked. Or sucked off. Something. "I've missed you," I lie. "Lets..." I nod my head to the back area of the bar. I'll just get this over and done with now. If she’s as good as I remember, we can do a second round later tonight.
When she realizes what I'm asking, she bites down on her painted red lip, then slides off the chair. "I knew you'd be back," she says seductively. I follow after, watching her ass sway back and forth as she works her way to the back of the bar. We've fucked countless times back here, using the storage room. The door is never locked and no one has caught us yet, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't give a fuck about it.
Before the door is fully closed, she is pulling at my jeans, ready to get them off. Ready to get me off. Watching her greedy and desperate is pretty damn hot. Hot enough to make my dick hard. She holds my dick in her soft hand, working it back and forth. Her thumb runs along the head, spreading the wetness that forms. "Mm," she moans, as if this pleasures her as well.
I work the hem of her dress, pulling it up enough to notice she isn't wearing any underwear. I'm not surprised, its not often she does. My fingers glide between her legs, rubbing the delicious juices. Bringing my lips to her ear, I tell her, "Just suck me off right now. I'll be fucking this delicious cunt tonight."
She starts to argue so I push three fingers up to her, hard. Her knees buckle, allowing her legs to spread even more. I add pressure, fucking her with my fingers until she starts to pant. Her hand even loses grip on my dick, so I know she is fucking enjoying this. I pull my hand away and slap at her clit, punishing the bitch for disobeying my order. "Suck me off right now or that is the last time I touch your pussy."
Without hesitation, she gets down on her knees in front of me and takes my dick in her mouth.
It takes me longer than normal to get off, and I hate the fact that when I close my eyes, I envision its Hope's mouth bringing me pleasure. It’s the only reason I find myself coming.
As soon as her mouth is off me, I tug my jeans up into place. She smiles at me, waiting for me to tell her job well done or some shit like that. "Damn Virginia, you always know how to make me feel good." I wrap my arms around her waist to pull her closer but she pushes at my chest.
"What did you just call me?"
"Uh... Virginia." Or at least I think I did. I know I didn't call her Hope.
Placing her hand on those thick hips of hers, she gives me a sharp look. "It's Veronica, asshole." Shaking her head, she storms past me to leave the room. "Should've known better." Her voice rambles on as she walks into the main room.
Fuck. I really am an idiot. But I also got played like a damn fool. This is why I keep myself distanced from people.
She thinks she loves me? She doesn't fucking love me. She doesn't know how to love.
It’s taken until now for my head to wrap around everything Hope said. She killed someone. Yes, by accident, but she still killed them. She is an ex-convict. I've been fucking an ex con. She's been in my damn house, sleeping in my damn bed, and I hadn't even known. How can I trust her now? Do I even want to chance trusting her?
Falling to the ground, I press my face into the palm of my hands. Thoughts of Hope work their way through my head, making me entirely too dizzy for my own good. I've received way too much shitty news today.
Walking away may have been for the best. It’s obvious she has issues she needs to work on, and I already know I have more than I can count. I was becoming too attached anyways. I hadn't realized quite how attached I'd become until she told me she loved me... because walking away from her after hearing those words, it killed me.
Standing up, I make my way out of the storage area and straight to the bar. I hop on a bar stool that’s empty, waving my hand over to Joey. He nods his head, letting me know he'll get to me in a moment. Before he makes his way over to me, my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I pull it out to see my dad calling. Not that I want to deal with any more bullshit tonight, I head outside to answer it, knowing it has to be something to do with Paul.
I answer the phone as soon as I step out onto the sidewalk. "Yeah?"
"You need to get to my house... now."
Hearing the urgency in his voice has my heart pounding. Paul better not be dead. He better not be. I'll fucking snap.
"On my way." Hanging up the phone, I jog over to a cab parked on the side of the street.
Opening the back door, I slide my head inside. "Can you bring me to Sixty-One Shallow Lane?"
He doesn't say anything, he just drives straight there. My legs start bouncing, wishing I could speed up this damn cab. I need to get to dads. I need to find out what happened. But I'm scared to fucking death to hear anything he has to say.
I throw cash at the driver when he stops then go rushing into my dad's house without so much as a knock. He is sitting on the couch with a cigarette in his hand. He looks up to me, shaking his head, his face pale. My stomach tightens. I can tell by the way he looks at me that this isn't going to be what I want to hear.
"No," I say, shaking my head. I start pacing, not understanding how my dad can just sit there like that when something so horrifying happened to someone he loves.
Clearing his throat, he finally speaks. "Not Paul." I watch his eyes start to fill with liquid. Its not often my dad cries. "Its... Hope."
My life comes to a sudden halt. "What happened to Hope, dad?"
Hope
After a moment of clarity, I run inside to get dressed into something more presentable. I don't really care about how I look right now, seeing as my face is already swelling from the tears pouring down my face, but if I'm going to walk to Wes' house, I need to be in more than a silk robe and slippers.
Once I'm dressed again and have on the proper kind of shoes, I leave the house and head down the road. Its less than six miles from my house, and although it'd be much smarter to take a cab this late at night, I need the time alone and fresh air to clear my mind. I have too many thoughts taking vacancy in my head. Plus, it gives Wes time to process what he learned about me tonight.
He may not want to see me aga
in, and he may not want to hear what I have to say, but I have to say it. I need him to see that I can learn to love myself. I can. For him. I'd do anything for him. I've been fooling myself this whole time, trying my very best not to fall in love because I didn't want to be selfish, when in reality, I was being selfish by not admitting my feelings before now.
Or not admitting the truth to Wes.
Rounding the first corner, bringing me more into the city lights of Raleigh, I am met with an SUV. It looks familiar but I pretend not to notice it, instead I try to walk around it. The driver's window is already down when I walk to the side of it. I can't help but at least take a glance at it, and instantly I realize where I know this SUV from, it’s the same one that drove me to the dinner party. The one Wes had sent.
"Ms. Manson," the driver says. "What are you doing out wandering around so late at night?"
I smile at him for remembering my name. He was a kind fella. We didn't talk much that day on the ride to the dinner, but he managed to ask a few questions. Down to earth for a person in a suit.
"Actually, on my way to Wes' house. I wanted to walk to get some fresh air."
He gives me a concerning look. "You really shouldn't walk on the outskirts of the city alone, you could really run yourself into some trouble this late at night. I can give you a lift. I've been waiting for a call from someone, but he doesn't live far, I don't mind."
"Oh, I don't want to be any trouble. I'm fine. Thank you though."
"Hope. Get in." He smiles at me sincerely. "I wouldn't able to live with myself if anything happened to you."
I ponder on it a minute before giving in. "Okay, if you're sure?" He nods his head at me. Opening the back door, I climb in and secure myself with the seatbelt. "I really appreciate this."
"It’s my pleasure, Ms. Manson." He reaches to the center console, grabbing his cell phone. "I'm just going to send a text out to my boss to let him know I may be an extra minute."
I sit back and look out the tinted window towards the city lights. My body shakes softly with nerves, scared to face Wes again. I was really counting on the time alone to file through my thoughts, but it’s true that it probably isn't safe for me to be walking alone. You never know who you'll run into.
