“Henry the Sasquatch in the back is Brian, my personal pet, I guess you could say. Brian. this fine man is the Chief’s son, Henry. He was a Sergeant in the Army during the first Gulf War.”
Henry took his right hand off of the wheel and slid it behind his seat, never taking his eyes off of our path. Brian took the proffered hand and shook it quickly.
“Nice to meet you, Henry. The Major, by the way, is a big cry baby, but he will grow on you. Kind of like herpes.”
Henry’s face had looked like it was carved from stone into a flat feature, but it cracked into a half smile and he let a little laugh escape.
“Looks like I got the fun Humvee. Nice to meet you, Brian, or Sasquatch. Once we meet up with your convoy, I will direct them across the desert and over some mountain passes. It will take a while to make it to our destination, more if we have to stop for the night.”
“Oh we will need to stop, before it gets dark. We find driving at dark is not a good idea. When you find a good flat area, we will have the vehicles form a wagon circle and we will eat and rest, and then leave again at first light.” I suggested.
“You have your reasons, sir, and who am I to question them? I have the perfect place for us to rest for the night.”
We pulled up to the convoy and took the lead, with Kuppers’ APC right behind us. We drove on through the terrain, letting it dictate our speeds. We forded through small streams and one river that seemed to have seen more water at times. Henry drove the Humvee better then Brian did, and seemed to become more comfortable as we went. Brian climbed back up into the cupola, manning his M-4 and keeping vigilance of our path and flanks. I sat with the map open on my lap and tried to figure out where we were, by glancing out at mountain ridges and natural formations. I took out my notebook and made notes of the thoughts, running through my head. The thoughts consisted of our supplies, possible rest stops and what I thought would be the best path through the mountains to get to our destination.
Brian tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a handheld radio. I took it and pressed it to my ear. “Kuppers to Dan, come in, Dan. Over.”
I found the transmit button and pushed it down. “Dan here, Kuppers, what’s up? Over.”
“So, we are going to drop military standards for talking on the radio now? Over.”
I rolled my eyes. “I see no reason to be all professional, Kuppers. I see we don’t use ranks anymore either. Over.”
“Fine, you do have a point. We have a vehicle in the convoy that needs to stop for repairs. Are there any places nearby where we can circle the wagons? Over.”
“I’ll check with Henry. Over.”
I turned to Henry and found him studying the terrain. He pointed up ahead to a small hill. “If the vehicle can make it up that small hill ahead, there is a natural flat area with good sight lines of the valley. There is also a small creek with flowing water up there that is clean to drink, Major.”
“Kuppers, do you see that small hill in front of us? Over.”
He came back a second later. “I see it. Over.”
“Henry says it’s a perfect spot to camp and do repairs, if the said vehicle can make it. Over.”
“Roger, if we have to, we will tow the damn thing up there. Lead the way. Over.”
I handed the radio back to Brian and he stowed it. I was getting tired and no matter how I adjusted my armor I hurt. I needed to eat something and maybe take a little medication from Apache and catch a small nap. Henry expertly climbed the small rise, picking the right lines that lessened the jostling. I turned back to Brian.
“You just lost your driving privileges. Henry here knows how to drive with much more courtesy, instead of your full speed up the rocks and throw everyone around technique.”
“If it means I don’t have to hear you complain, he can have the job.” Brian showed me his middle finger and stuck his tongue out.
Henry came to a stop on the far side of the plateau and turned to see if we were being serious. “You two don’t treat each other like an officer and his aide.”
Brian and I both bust out laughing at the same time. “Oh Henry, we have a story to tell you.”
Brian filled him in on our brief history together, and our misadventures in the Trans-America Tower in San Francisco. Henry’s eyes grew wide as he listened to the story. He then regarded us in a different light.
“I knew you were not in the military long, Major. You just don’t have the bearing. Most officers are also self-absorbed jerks, and you just don’t fit that mold.”
“First, Henry don’t call me Major, my name is Dan. Secondly, I was drafted into the military and had this rank thrust upon me. But I am doing my best, and with Brian here to stop me from making too many mistakes, I am doing ok so far.” I chuckled a little.
“Ok. Sounds good, Dan.”
Brian and I crawled out of the Humvee and Henry came around the hood over to our side. He looked around and then at us.
“Any way I can get one of those nice big guns?” Henry asked.
“When Doc gets here, I’ll introduce you to him. He tends to be the scrounger and I am sure he can hook you up.”
“Brian, why don’t you and Henry go make sure the convoy is doing ok and show them the best lines. I will stay up here and cover the area.”
Brian saw the pain in my eyes and nodded his agreement. “Come on Henry. Maybe you can show those guys the line you came up on. They, like me believe that power is all it takes.”
They walked off and I leaned against the Humvee’s hood, feeling the pain in my torso spread out and roll to my back, even my teeth were starting to feel the pain. I tried to act like I was keeping watch, but failed pretty bad when Apache appeared next to me. She slipped her arms around me and helped me to the ground, resting my back against the side of the Humvee. I hissed in pain and bit my lip from letting out a cry. Apache watched my face and gave me a weak smile as she slipped her hand into her vest pouch and retrieved that bottle full of little white pills. She shook three into my hand and retrieved my canteen. After opening it, she handed it over. I threw the pills into my mouth and took a big pull of water off of the canteen. The water was warm, but at this moment, it could have been boiling and I still would’ve drank it.
“Dan, if I don’t get you something to eat soon those pills are going to do more damage to your stomach, than they will dull your pain. Stay here and relax for me, ok?”
I nodded my head carefully yes and closed my eyes. I listened to everything around me and tried very hard not to fall asleep. Next thing I was aware of, something warm was in my hand and a semi-pleasant smell invaded my nostrils. I opened my eyes and met Apache’s.
“I found chili and warmed it up for you. I also added the tabasco sauce already for you. Here’s your spoon, I want you to eat all of that and then the dessert. In a bit, I will have Brian come over and help you up and into the Humvee, so you can sleep.”
She started to rise when I put my free hand on her forearm.
“Make sure the watch gets set and everyone gets rack time. We need everyone refreshed for tomorrow. Tell Kuppers, I said to wake me if anything happens.”
She shook her in bewilderment. “Dan, I think we can survive one night without you. But don’t worry, I will see to it all personally. Now eat, before I feed it to you.” She rubbed my bristle-like hair and then kissed my forehead before getting to her feet and disappearing into the organized chaos surrounding us.
I ate all of my chili and devoured the cookies. I was sitting there, drinking my canteen of water when the crowd of men parted quickly, allowing Brian passage to our Humvee. He squatted down in front of me and winked.
“Hey, Boss. How you feeling?”
I thought for a second and noticed that the pain had finally subdued to a point that I could handle. “I am alive and the pain is manageable. Think you can help me into the Humvee?”
“Of course, Boss.”
He reached down and helped me to my feet, making sure to take most of my weight for
me. After helping me to my feet, he stood nearby ready to jump in if I needed him as I slid into the Humvee under my own power and then tried to find a comfortable position. I looked up and saw Brian had a weird look on his face.
“Spit it out, Sasquatch.”
“Spit what out, Boss?”
I rolled my eyes theatrically, making sure he saw it. “I hurt too much to beat around the bush. You have something to say, its written all over your face. So speak already, not like we haven’t shared some pretty delicate secrets. Don’t start hiding shit now.”
He chewed on his lip for a while, you could see the battle he was having inside. He sat cross-legged on the ground right inside the open door, so no one could hear him. I felt like what he was about to say would change my world. Dread started rolling around in the pit of my stomach like a bunch of piranhas on the hunt for a meal. I knew his next few words were going to be the sign of the end times.
He finally broke his silence and opened his mouth. “I found someone I really like, and he is really cute. I think he is..” He stopped and looked around himself conspiratorial. “Gay, too.” This last part he said quietly so only I could hear.
I sat there expressionless, staring back at him. After a beat or two, I rolled my eyes, slapped my forehead with my hand, and busted out laughing. Brian’s face fell and he looked like I had just stomped on his puppy. After a couple of more bouts of laughing, I tried hard to gain my breath. Brian looked like he was ready to get up and leave.
“I don’t mean to laugh, brother. It’s just, I thought you had something dire to tell me, like a giant horde or aliens were ready to attack us. Instead you tell me, that you think you found a guy to have relations with. Come on, brother. Can’t you see why I busted out in laughter?” I snorted again and tried to cover my spreading grin with my hands.
Brian sat there not moving, with a scowl chiseled onto his mug. I started to feel like maybe I had finally gone over the line. Then like the rising sun, his scowl broke and turned into a smile as a giggle broke free. Just a side note, when someone the size of Brian, my Sasquatch giggles, do not start laughing harder. I of course am not smart and busted out laughing harder than before, then regretted it as pain bloomed across my torso. First, the tears were from laughter then, they transformed to tears of pain. Now, it was Brian’s turn to laugh. The more he laughed, the more my tears ran down my cheeks.
After what felt like a lifetime, he took pity on me and stopped laughing. I opened my eyes and he held out a canteen to me. I took it, twisted the top and tilted my head back, pouring the liquid down my throat. That is, until a burning not that much different then drinking a can of gas ignited in my mouth, throat and belly. I pulled the canteen away from my lips and breathed in deep to try and fill my lungs with air and hopefully put the flames out that threatened to kill me. My eyes felt like they wanted to explode out of their sockets. I wiped tears from them and focused on the canteen, then at Brian.
“What the hell did you try and poison me with?” I croaked out, once I had enough air in my lungs.
“A little whisky I found at the base before we left. I had been saving it, should help with your pain.” He winked at me.
“So now that you found someone new, does this mean we aren’t going steady anymore? Do we need to divide up our stuff?” I coughed out.
“You are such an ass, Boss.” Brian patted my knee.
“Okay out with it. Who is he? Does he know about you? What’s your plan?”
“His name is Lieutenant Lorne Lewiston.”
I cut him off before he could say anything else. “Wait his initials are L, L, and L? Like as in la, la, la?” I broke into a new laughing fit and immediately regretted it. I wrapped my arms around my torso and softly hugged myself. I willed myself to stop laughing.
Brian had that irritated look like he wanted to hurt me again, but it broke quickly and he even giggled again. Which of course drew even more laughter from me. Oh my God, I thought I was going to die if this kept up. I again willed myself to stop laughing and took a deep as breath as I could.
“Wow, that is funny, I never thought of it that way, Boss. He knows about me because I am the one who put him on guard duty. We had a nice talk today about life, and who we lost during this Initiative shit going on. He confided in me that he lost his boyfriend before all of this happened. He then asked me about the last guy I had dated. He knew, I never even had to tell him. He said I was really good at hiding it.”
“I am sure ninety-eight percent of the people here do not know. Loren and I are the only ones who do, brother. So, what is your plan?”
Brian’s smile slowly fell from his face. “I don’t know. I am in the closet and not ready to come out. But he likes me and I like him, which is weird cause I am very picky.” He reached down and picked up a rock in his hands.
“Brian, during these days you have to start living life in fast forward, man. If he dies, or God forbid you die, won’t you look back at your decision and regret the chance you had at being happy, if just for one day?” I reached out and put my hands on his shoulders. “Big man, who the fuck cares about your sexuality? I don’t, and if anybody does, they can answer to my size eight and a half boots.” I raised my right boot for effect.
He gave me one of his deep grumbling laughs. It was good to hear him do that. “How do I do this, Boss?”
“Why don’t we call in our SWAT and Delta team and talk to them first. They are the leaders here and can run interference or deal with any problems. We are now a family, and not one of those men or Apache will judge you.”
He looked down for a second, then back up at me. Fresh tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. This was the weirdest thing to be doing, but this man was not my friend or just a fellow soldier. He was and is my brother. I reached out and wiped the tears from his eyes with my fingers.
“Brother, man the fuck up already. If this was a battle, you would charge right in without thinking.” I looked around till I saw someone walking by, and shouted at him. “Soldier, I need a radio, pronto.”
He whipped his head to me and his eyes went wide when he saw who was yelling at him. “Uhm Sir, yes, sir.” He turned and took off running. I was proud of him; he didn’t even try to salute.
I flicked my eyes down and saw Brian had put his game face on, his eyes had cleared and he looked more in control. He met my eyes and he kept them there.
“I trust you, Boss and you are right on this matter. But don’t let that go to your head.” I could tell he was charging through his fears.
Just then, the soldier I’d yelled at appeared, running up to the Humvee. He handed me the radio and then stood at attention. “You waiting for a tip, son?”
“Sir, no sir! Waiting to see if the Major has anything he needs.” He stood ramrod straight and waited.
I flicked my eyes to Brian and smiled. “You do this man’s army a great service, son! Good job, now go, get two cups of coffee black, no sugar.”
The soldier saluted smartly and held it. “Sir, yes sir.”
I gave him a look, then saluted back. He turned on his heel and took off. Brian hunched his shoulders trying to hold in his laughter.
“You do this man’s army a great service?” he mocked me.
“I think I heard it in an old movie or something once. I just wanted to mess with him. Isn’t that what most officers do?”
“You did it scarily good, Boss,” he said dryly.
I raised the radio to my lips and was about to hit the transmit or PTT button, also known as push to talk. I then let it go and looked to Brian. “What are the call signs?”
“Just talk, man. There’s no reasons for decorum anymore.”
I tilted my head in agreement and pushed the PTT button again. “Kuppers, Vic, anyone? Over.””
The dripping sarcastic answer came back pretty quick. “Yes, Dan. Over.”
I smiled down at Brian again. “I need a leadership meeting over at my Humvee ASAP. Bring the SWAT and Delta team. Over.”
&nb
sp; The answer took a little longer this time. “Can it wait? Over.”
“Do you really want me to pull rank? Over.”
“Major, how do you outrank a Colonel? Over.”
“Easy, I promoted myself to Admiral General King of all I survey. Over.”
“Yes, your Majesty. Give us five minutes. Over.” Before Kuppers pulled his finger off the PTT button, I could hear him and Vic laughing in the background. I flipped off the radio and threw it on the driver’s seat.
“Okay, big man, help me out of this thing. If you can help me sit on the hood, I would appreciate it. Oh, and have you figured how you want to do this?”
Brian provided me his arm and I used him to help pull myself out. He steadied and walked me to the hood. Once there, he lifted me and sat me on the hood.
“You need a pillow or something, Boss?”
“You’re funny.” I delivered in a flat tone.
“Last time I try to make you comfortable. Go ahead and ruin your back, see if I care. Ass.”
“You are so cute when you’re mad. Anyone tell you that?” I patted his cheek.
He pushed my hand away and looked around quickly. “Stop doing that.”
“Fine. Who’s being the ass now?”
A woman’s voice called out. “Whose ass are we talking about now?” Apache slid onto the hood and sat next to me. She put her arm around my shoulders.
“Yours, Apache. Do you really think it would be anyone else’s? Well, I mean except for Julie’s, but she ain’t here right now.” I answered, covering up for mine and Brian’s conversation.
“I’m afraid it’s going flat from sitting in these damn vehicles all the time.” She rolled onto one cheek and looked down at her ass. Which was, let me tell you, perfectly round and muscular. And I digress.
“Oh please, Hase still likes it, I’m sure.” I quipped.
“Hase likes what?” Hase’s voice drifted over from where he had just walked up from.
“Apache’s shapely rear end.” Brian answered.
Apache threw one of her numerous magazines at Brian. He caught it one-handed without even looking. “Enough talk about my ass already.”
Zombie Theorem: The End Game Page 14
