A Cry For Hope (ARC)

by Beth Rinyu

  A CRY FOR HOPE

  Copyright © 2014 by Beth Rinyu

  All rights reserved

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of Beth Rinyu, except for the use of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  Cover design by Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Designs

  Cover photo © Mandy Hollis - MHPhotography

  Back cover photo © Depositphotos.com/© mtruchon

  Cover model is Randi Sue

  Editing by: Kim’s Editing Services

  Interior Formatting by: Integrity Formatting

  Lots of Love to ...

  Prologue

  Chapter 1 - April (Present)

  Chapter 2 - April (1 Year Ago)

  Chapter 3 - April (Present)

  Chapter 4 - April (Present)

  Chapter 5 - April (9 Years Ago)

  Chapter 6 - April (Present)

  Chapter 7 - April (2 Years Ago)

  Chapter 8 - April (Present)

  Chapter 9 - April (Present)

  Chapter 10 - April (Present)

  Chapter 11 - April (2 Years Ago)

  Chapter 12 - April (Present)

  Chapter 13 - April (Present)

  Chapter 14 - April (1 Year Ago)

  Chapter 15 - April (Present)

  Chapter 16 - May (Present)

  Chapter 17 - May (Present)

  Chapter 18 - May (Present)

  Chapter 19 - July (10 Years Ago)

  Chapter 20 - May (Present)

  Chapter 21 - May (Present)

  Chapter 22 - May (Present)

  Chapter 23 - July (12 Years Ago)

  Chapter 24 - May (Present)

  Chapter 25 - Mothers Day (1 Year Ago)

  Chapter 26 - Mothers Day (Present)

  Chapter 27 - May (Present)

  Chapter 28 - May (Present)

  Chapter 29 - May (Present)

  Chapter 30 - May (Present)

  Chapter 31 - May (Present)

  Chapter 32 - May (Present)

  Chapter 33 - May (Present)

  Chapter 34 - May (Present)

  Chapter 35 - June (Present)

  Chapter 36 - August (12 Years Ago)

  Chapter 37 - June (Present)

  Chapter 38 - June (Present)

  Chapter 39 - June (Present)

  Chapter 40 - June (Present)

  Chapter 41 - June (Present)

  Chapter 42 - June (1 Year Ago)

  Chapter 43 - July (Present)

  Chapter 44 - July (Present)

  Chapter 45 - July (5 Years Ago)

  Chapter 46 - July (Present)

  Chapter 47 - July (Present)

  Chapter 48 - July (Present)

  Chapter 49 - July (Present)

  Chapter 50 - July (Present)

  Chapter 51 - July (Present)

  Chapter 52 - August (Present)

  Chapter 53 - August (Present)

  Chapter 54 - August (Present)

  Chapter 55 - August (Present)

  Chapter 56 - August (Present)

  Chapter 57 - October (Present)

  Epilogue - One Year Later

  Sneak Peek: A Will to Change (Will’s Story)

  My mom, Joanne, Katrina & Janet for always getting so excited to pre-read my books and encouraging me to write that next chapter.

  My best author buddy Amy Queau (a.k.a Amalie Silver) thanks for all of your valuable insight, making me laugh when I want to cry and just for being there to be plain old silly with. It’s nice to have someone that can relate to this crazy world of being an author.

  My readers who read all of my books faithfully....I know there a ton of other books out there to choose from, so thank you for choosing mine. I love getting messages from all of you and chatting about my characters. You guys are the reason that I hit the publish button. And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Is she talking about me?” Chances are…. I am.

  All of the blogs that have supported me throughout this whole writing process…..thank you!

  Lastly, I was told by a couple of people who have pre-read A Cry For Hope to attach a warning label so here it is:

  WARNING: This book my cause excessive tears so please have an adequate supply of tissues nearby at all times. The writer of this book will not be held liable for any mascara running down your face, swollen red eyes or aches and pains in your heart.

  Buckle up and enjoy the emotional ride ~ Happy Reading

  Don’t forget to check out the prologue to A Will To Change (the companion novel to A Cry For Hope) in the back of this book.

  Nick Abate was the boy that I knew my entire life. The boy that I wasn’t afraid to cry in front of. The boy that I wasn’t embarrassed to snort in front of when I laughed too hard. The boy that I would have burping contests with. The boy that I considered my very best friend.

  I can’t remember any time in my life that I hadn’t known him. Nick and I did everything together. Everyone in the neighborhood called us the “dynamic duo”. Our relationship was so easy. We were so close that sometimes it felt more like we were brother and sister than friends.

  It was the end of eighth grade when things began to change a bit for us. Our hormones were beginning to take over, and I couldn’t help but notice the muscles forming in Nick’s arms, the change in his voice, or the fact that he had sprouted up about four inches in a matter of weeks. I hated that I sometimes got butterflies in my stomach when I looked at him, and I scolded myself for feeling that way. I really became angry when I found myself staring at his butt in his tight baseball pants, or when I would hug him a little longer than necessary after we would crush the opposing team at wiffle ball. He was my friend so I shouldn’t have those feelings. All of the other eighth grade girls were also starting to notice him and, as much as I told myself I didn’t care, I knew that, deep inside, I really did.

  It was our end-of-year eighth grade dance and I was battling the “green-eyed monster” as I watched Heather Braverman, the girl that had it all…perfect hair, big blue eyes, big boobs, and every boy in the eighth grade drooling over her…dancing with Nick. I felt like Raggedy Ann next to Barbie whenever I was in her presence. I watched them swaying back and forth, and I couldn’t help but notice that Nick’s hands were moving awfully close to the “danger zone” -- Heather’s butt. She filled out her fuchsia dress perfectly in every area. I looked down at my own chest in my baby pink dress. Nada.

  I jumped when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Hey, Hope, you wanna dance?” Steven Wyler asked. Steven was my crush all year long and, at any other time, I would have been jumping up and down if he had asked me to dance. But seeing Nick and Heather together made me want Nick as a partner instead. I contemplated my answer and then I saw it -- Nick’s hands in enemy territory.

  “Sure,” I responded. Steven took my hand in his and we walked out onto the dance floor. My legs were shaking as we began to move back and forth. I had dreamed about Steven for the past year…what his perfect pouty lips would feel like on mine, what he smelled like, and what it would feel like to be in his arms. Now, being so close to him, I realized that his lips weren’t so plump, he didn’t smell like anything special and his arms…well, they were just like anyone else’s. He pulled me closer and I closed my eyes to block out Nick and Heather and, at the same time, imagined that I was the one in Nick’s arms. I knew it was wrong to b
e thinking such thoughts, but I couldn’t help myself. Steven loosened up his grip and I opened my eyes. I smiled when I saw Nick tapping him on the shoulder. Steven graciously backed away and allowed him to cut in on our dance.

  Nick wrapped his arms around my waist, while I put mine around his neck. “Well, well, well, Abate. You unglued your hands from ‘Barbie’s’ butt.” I looked over at Heather standing at the punch bowl with her friends, Gina and Terri, a.k.a. Malibu and Skipper.

  “Haha, you are so funny, Hope!”

  I stood on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear, “If you get to first base, I’m dying to know if she’s using tissues or paper towels.”

  Nick looked at me strangely. “What?”

  “To stuff her bra.”

  He shook his head and laughed. “You are crazy, Hope!”

  “I know, but that’s why you love me.”

  My head rested on his chest as he pulled me closer. The music changed to Mariah Carey’s “I’ll Be There”, and the butterflies began to flap around in my stomach. This is Nick, your very best friend. Make those darn butterflies fly away! Nick’s hands began to wander until they finally found their way onto my “danger zone”. I heard him snickering, and I looked up at him and smiled. “Watch the hands, Abate!” He flashed me his double-dimpled grin, moving them up to the small of my back. “Much better,” I said with a smile.

  His lips were coming dangerously close to mine. I had never really kissed a boy. Well, actually, I had kissed Nick before, but not in a “real kiss” way. But something in Nick’s eyes was telling me that I was about to experience my first real kiss with him. His lips gently grazed mine, making the hairs on my arm stand at attention. His tongue gently pried my mouth open. I allowed it inside and followed suit, sticking mine in his. He hugged me tightly as our tongues danced to the beat of the music. He tasted sweet, like bubble gum. A gentle touch on the lips was the perfect ending as the music stopped. We stared at each other and we both began to giggle. I was smiling on the inside when I looked over Nick’s shoulder and saw Heather Braverman, who had been eyeing us the whole time, rolling her eyes and walking out the door. Take that, Barbie! He likes Raggedy Ann!

  “Can you share some of that gum with me?” I asked, breaking up the awkwardness. He took his gum from his mouth and ripped off a piece. He popped it in my mouth and I smiled. “Hey, thanks, pal!” I said.

  “Anytime.”

  Yup, Nick and I were the very best of friends, until the worst possible thing in a fourteen-year-old girl’s life happens…her very best friend moves away.

  I know what you're thinking. You'd hoped that Nick and I would fall in love and live out our happily ever after, right? But that's not what happened. This is the story about my family. My beautiful son, my once perfect husband, and finding the courage to live and feel whole again. If it wasn’t for Nick, I wouldn't have been able to truly recognize the strength that I had inside of me. His friendship was one of the happiest memories of my past and, unbeknownst to me, a very important part of my future…

  I sat at the ocean’s edge as Charlie jumped the waves. This was our happy place. The place where we had spent most of our summer days. At eight-years-old, Charlie was quite the swimmer. Still, I made sure to always keep a close eye on him. The ocean was a dangerous playground and, as much as Charlie loved it, I knew that it could turn on him in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, on that warm August day, it did and there was nothing I could do to save my little boy. He became one with the ocean and my entire world ceased to exist…

  I would love to be a bird. A bird could live wherever they want. Pick up and fly away to a far off place when their life became too much for them and never return.

  I sat on my patio, watching the cardinal sitting on the fence. He had flown over some time ago and appeared to have an injured wing. For the moment, he seemed to be very content with where he was. As I stood up and moved closer, he cocked his head to the side as if he was looking into my soul. For one brief second, I felt a strange connection with that beautiful creature. Then he flew away, wounded wing and all.

  Just eight months ago, I would have never dreamed of leaving my happy nest. I had everything that I ever wanted…a beautiful child, a great husband, and a perfect home. Now I had nothing. My heart, my soul, and the reason that I breathed, my Charlie, was gone. My husband was now a stranger, and my beautiful home was just a house…a house filled with guilt, blame, and sorrow.

  I took a deep breath and walked inside to finish getting dressed. I was attending one of Jamie’s work functions, feeling much more like a paid escort than his wife. I knew the drill. Make myself look pretty, put on a smile and pretend that we were still that perfect couple from a short time ago. Everyone there would pity me and then whisper behind my back once I walked away. Jamie would have a little too much to drink, and we would come home and have meaningless sex, which would be just as robotic as the rest of the night. It’d last for five minutes, then Jamie would get up and go to the spare bedroom where he was now sleeping every night. I’d cry myself to sleep, feeling lower than low, knowing that my husband, the man that I loved so much, the man that I used to make love to for hours, needed a good buzz before he could even touch me.

  Jamie entered the kitchen, his short, blond hair still a little damp after just getting out of the shower. He was wearing his dress pants, and was holding his dress shirt in his hands.

  “I could iron that for you,” I offered, very meekly.

  “I got it,” he said, looking off into the distance. I couldn’t remember the last time his ice blue eyes looked into mine. Part of me was saddened by it, but the other part was grateful. Jamie’s eyes were a mirror image of Charlie’s and I wasn’t sure if I was able to face that just yet. I headed up the stairs and got dressed. I hated keeping up appearances, pretending that I was someone I wasn’t, but I was willing to do it for Jamie and his career. He had just made partner in his law firm, and I knew that these work functions were key to helping him secure that. I had given up my career in computer graphics to be a full-time mommy. Since I no longer had that title, I had gone back to my true love, photography, and was now working part-time at a local studio. It allowed me to escape into my own little world for a few hours a day, while doing something I loved.

  I looked at the reflection staring back at me from the mirror. I was still that same brown-haired, brown-eyed girl that I had been my whole life, but I was a completely different person on the inside. Most days, I had to force myself to get out of bed, and it took every ounce of energy in me just to exist. I tightened the spaghetti straps on my short black dress that was, basically, hanging off me. I wasn’t pleased with the way that I had withered away to nothing, but my nerves wouldn’t allow me to eat. I threw a few curls into my hair and headed downstairs, walking into the kitchen where Jamie was deep in thought, texting on his phone. “I’m ready,” I said, catching him off-guard and causing him to jump and turn around.

  He was still so handsome, the same man I fell in love with twelve years ago when my cousin, Tina, introduced him to me. Jamie and Tina’s husband were college roommates and best friends. It was the summer after I graduated college, and Jamie had just finished up law school. I will never forget the first time I laid eyes on him on that warm July day at the beach. His tanned skin, his blue eyes, and his perfect body made my heart leap from my chest. It was love at first sight. We married almost two years to the day of meeting and I hadn’t looked at another man since.

  “You look nice,” I said in an effort to make conversation, which was very rare between the two of us these days, but he didn’t respond. He grabbed his keys and I followed him out the door. Gone were the days that his eyes would light up and he would tell me how beautiful I looked when he saw me walk down the stairs in a new dress. It wasn’t that long ago, but to me it felt like a lifetime.

  We arrived at the cocktail party and, just like a rehearsed play, I performed my role to a tee…smiling when necessary, shaking the hands of new
people that I was introduced to, trying my best to strike up intelligent conversation. The whole time ignoring the longing that I would feel inside of me when Jamie would wrap his arm around me, which was also part of the façade.

  I shook hands with a pretty redhead that I had never met before. She looked to be around my age, in her early thirties. “Hi, I’m Nina Oliver. I’m one of the new lawyers with the firm.”

  “Oh, hello. I’m Hope McAdams,” I said, putting on my best forced smile.

  She looked at me sympathetically, as if she already knew my story. I hated that total strangers knew everything about me and pitied me for it.

  “It was really nice to meet you, Hope,” she said, before staring into my eyes one last time.

  I decided that, tonight, I would be the one that had a little too much to drink. I had just downed my third glass of wine and was beginning to feel a little lightheaded. Jamie was off somewhere, leaving me feeling awkward and alone so I decided to step out onto the terrace to get some fresh air. I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders, fighting off the cool April night, as I looked up at the beautiful dogwood trees that were just starting to bloom. Their pretty pink flowers were a beautiful promise from nature every year after a long harsh winter. I wondered how life could continue to go on when mine seemed to stop that day on the beach. I shivered just thinking about it. I stepped down from the terrace and took a walk down the long cobblestone path to the beautiful English garden, admiring the daffodils and tulips that were in full bloom. I couldn’t help but think what a beautiful photo op this place would be. I breathed in the crisp night air one last time and turned around to head back inside, stopping when I heard muffled voices coming just beyond the forsythia bushes. I poked my head around, then wished I hadn’t. I gasped when I saw Jamie sharing a very passionate kiss with the pretty redhead that I had been forced to put on a fake smile for earlier.

  I could feel the wine and what little food I had eaten churning in my stomach as I quickly made it back into the restaurant. My entire body was shaking uncontrollably, and I hoped to make it into the bathroom without falling down and making a spectacle of myself. I was in such shock that I was unable to smile back at the attractive blonde lady that was holding the bathroom door for me on her way out. I quickly entered the stall and closed the door. I leaned up against the wall and let my tears flow. Reality was finally setting in. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I had lost my son and, now, I had lost my husband.