A Cry For Hope (ARC)

by Beth Rinyu

  Nick shook his head and laughed. “Digital, Dad!”

  His dad waved his hand in a dismissing manner. “Be quiet and get closer to Hope so I can take your picture.” Nick moved his chair closer to me. “Smile.” It wasn’t hard for me to do since I had been smiling the entire night.

  “Well, I’m heading to bed. We have an early day tomorrow,” my mother said.

  “What’s tomorrow?” I asked.

  “John’s taking us up to the huge outlet mall that’s a half-hour away.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Outlet mall?! You can do that at home.”

  Patty placed her hand on my shoulders. “Hope, are you feeling okay? It’s shopping. It doesn’t matter where we are!”

  “You can hang out with me if you don’t want to go, Hope, ‘cause I sure as heck ain’t goin’,” Nick said.

  “Good! It’s a date!” I smiled.

  “Boring!” Patty shouted as her and my brother got up to go to bed.

  “We’re roommates, Hope. Are you coming to bed?” my mother asked.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in a sec.”

  “Mary, let me show you where the extra blankets are,” Nick’s dad said as he and my mother got up and walked down the long hallway.

  I helped Nick clean up the game and the mess of glasses and bottles on the dining room table.

  “Well, I’m going to bed,” I said as I loaded up the last glass in the dishwasher. “Thanks for making tonight so much fun. I’m really glad I came now.” I smiled.

  Nick smiled back and I could see that he had enjoyed this evening as much as I had. “You’re sister-in-law is a piece of work!”

  I shook my head and giggled. “Yes, she is a character.”

  “Are you up for a hike tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Umm, sure, why not?”

  “Okay, well, go get some sleep! You’re not getting off easy tomorrow,” he laughed.

  “On second thought -.”

  “Nope! No backing out now!”

  I shook my head and laughed. “Good night, Nick.” I reached up and kissed him softly on the cheek.

  “Good night, Hope.”

  I headed to bed, feeling a little like I was back in the land of the living…and it felt wonderful.

  The warm breeze blowing in the windows and the birds singing their morning tune were the perfect alarm clock. I looked over at my mother’s empty bed, already perfectly made up. The time on my cell phone was 6:43. Boy, they weren’t kidding when they said they were getting an early start. One last yawn escaped as I stretched. I wasn’t sure if it was the clean fresh mountain air or if I was really that tired, but I slept like a rock, something I hadn’t done in a very long time. When I opened the bedroom door to head into the bathroom, the delicious aroma of bacon immediately hit me in the face.

  After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I made my way down the long hallway. Nick was in the kitchen with three different frying pans sizzling on the stove. “Need some help?” I asked, taking him by surprise and causing him to jump.

  “Wow! Look who’s up?” he teased. “Nope, I’m good,” he said, pouring me a cup of coffee.

  “I thought you didn’t know how to cook,” I said, thinking back to that day at the diner.

  “I’m only good at breakfast.”

  I sat down at the table and fixed my coffee while Nick placed a huge plate filled with bacon, eggs, and toast in front of me. “Please tell me this is for both of us,” I said, looking at the three sunny-side up eggs, four strips of bacon, and four pieces of toast loaded with butter.

  Nick smiled, sitting down at the table with his own plate. “Nope! That’s all for you. You’re going to need all the energy you can get for our hike.”

  I crinkled my nose at him and took a sip of my coffee. “Why don’t we just do a nice little leisurely stroll around the lake instead?”

  He shook his head and chuckled. “Don’t be a wimp. It will be fun.”

  “Oh, I am a one hundred percent wimp. I have no shame in admitting that.” I smiled as took a bite of my bacon.

  After we finished with breakfast, I quickly showered and dressed. “Hope, I think you may want to change your shoes,” Nick said, looking down at my flip flops as I walked into the kitchen. I let out a loud groan and went back into the bedroom to change into my socks and sneakers.

  “Is that better?” I teased, walking back out to the kitchen.

  “Much,” he smiled and handed me the bottle of bug repellent.

  I rolled my eyes. “I just showered! I don’t want to smell like bug spray!”

  “Suit yourself. It’s either that or get eaten alive.” I reluctantly took the bottle from his hand and doused myself in it. “I thought you’d see it my way,” he joked.

  We stepped outside. The air smelled so fresh and clean; so different than back at home. It was a warm spring morning with, thankfully, no humidity. The lake was glistening in the morning sunlight. It looked so inviting and everything inside of me just wanted to pour myself another cup of coffee and sit by it all morning long. Nick shook his head and smiled as if he was reading my mind.

  We walked down the end of the driveway and he turned off onto a dirt trail in the woods. “Umm, you do know where you’re going, right?” I asked. “They’re not going to have to send the dogs out after us, are they?”

  “Relax, I know these woods like the back of my hand.”

  Nick and I talked during the entire walk. I couldn’t believe that two hours had passed before we finally decided to take a rest on a huge log by a creek. He handed me a bottle of water from his backpack, and I gratefully sucked it down. We took a break from talking and stared out at the babbling water. Sitting there in silence with Nick just seemed so comfortable, so effortless. I wondered if it was because we had known each other practically our whole lives, or if it was because we both could relate to how the other was feeling. “Are you sure you know where we are?” I asked.

  He nodded as he threw a rock into the water. “This is where I would spend every single summer after I moved away.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, my dad moved up here for a few years after he and my mother got divorced. He kept our old house and rented it out. Since he worked from home anyway, he decided to temporarily relocate. He said he needed a change of scenery. I think it was because that house held too many memories for him.”

  I nodded, totally relating to that. “So that’s why I never saw you after you left. My mom had told me that your dad moved away, but she said that he never sold the house. He moved back right after your high school graduation, right?”

  “About that time.”

  “So how come you never came back to visit once he moved back?” I asked.

  “I graduated high school and went right into the Marine Corps. They kind of owned me for the first few years. Still do, actually,” he said, half-hearted.

  “Did you ever think of me after you left?”

  He smiled that cute boyish smile from so long ago. “I did. I hated high school. I hated my stepdad. I hated my mom for taking me away from my old life and all of my old friends, especially you. It was a time in my life that I never would want to go back to.”

  I took his hand in mine. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I missed you, too. High school pretty much sucked for me, as well. I had a hard time making friends. Half of the girls thought I was strange for having a boy for a best friend my entire life, and the other half hated me for it because they liked you. But you know what? They just never really got us, did they?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. You and I were just different, but in a good way.”

  I rested my head on his shoulder. “Yup and we still are.”

  “So who did you go to your prom with?” he asked.

  I giggled. I was too embarrassed to tell him. “Who’d you go with?” he asked again, moving his shoulder and forcing me to raise my head and look up at him.

  I d
idn’t want him to know that I went with Billy Watson, the mean-spirited boy that had hated me our whole time growing up because he wanted to be Nick’s best friend. He would tease me like crazy and made a point of trying to leave me out of everything, but Nick always made sure that I was included. That always made Billy even angrier.

  “Billy Watson,” I whispered in embarrassment.

  He couldn’t contain his laughter. I sat there wallowing in my embarrassment as he tried to catch his breath. “I’m sorr -.” He couldn’t finish his sentence as laughter began to overtake him once again.

  “Haha, so funny!” I said as I playfully smacked him on the arm.

  “I’m sorry, Hope,” he said, finally catching his breath. “But the two of you hated each other.”

  “Yeah, I know! I don’t know what the heck I was thinking. Let’s just put it this way…I never want to remember my prom.”

  “Did you kiss him?” Nick teased. I buried my face in my hands. “Ah, you did!” Nick began to spew with laughter once again.

  I couldn’t believe I was getting this embarrassed over something that happened almost seventeen years ago.

  “Oh god, Hope. Please tell me you didn’t…?”

  I finally uncovered my face. “What? Oh, hell no! Are you crazy? I was a late bloomer. I didn’t do that for the first time until I was in college.”

  “Good girl.” He smiled.

  “What about you, Nick. How old were you the first time?”

  He ran his hand through his hair and chuckled. “Fifteen.”

  My eyes widened. “What! Fifteen! You were just a baby!” Wow, fifteen! That was only a year after he had moved away. I knew it was crazy, but I felt a tiny pang of jealousy over the girl that had sex with him for the very first time.

  “It lasted for a minute. I think I scarred the poor girl for life and caused her to have very low expectations about sex.” We both burst out in laughter.

  “If I had gauged sex on my first time, I would have never had it again. The second guy wasn’t that great, either, and then I met Jamie.” I smiled just thinking about it.

  “Yeah, well, you would have probably joined a convent if you had done it for the first time on your prom night.” Nick began to laugh once again. “I’m sorry, Hope. I can’t help it!”

  “Oh, I’m going to give you something to laugh about, Abate!” I said, remembering how ticklish he was. I reached over and began to tickle him.

  His body tightened up and he growled, “Oh, little girl, you forget that I’m a lot stronger than you.” He gently tackled me to the ground and began to tickle me mercilessly. I was on the ground, trying to catch my breath, feeling like a carefree school girl once again. Nick was on top of me while tears of laughter poured from my eyes.

  “Nick, stop,” I laughed.

  “Not until you say I kissed Billy Watson and I liked it.”

  “Never!” I giggled as I tried to break free. He finally stopped, allowing me to catch my breath. His deep brown eyes gazed into mine. I could feel his heart beating faster and I was quite certain that mine was beating at the same pace. This compromising position would have been totally awkward if it were with anyone else, but it just felt natural with Nick. He was so close that I could feel his warm breath on my neck. He cleared his throat and regained his composure.

  “Well, we should start heading back,” he said.

  I quickly snapped myself back to reality. “Yeah, it’s getting late.” I sat up and adjusted my shirt. He stood up and took my hand, helping me off the ground.

  “Hey, Hope?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Can I get a framed prom picture?”

  He began to laugh once again. I playfully punched him in the arm before he took my hand in his, helping me up the steep embankment.

  It was the perfect day and, by nine o’clock, I could no longer keep my eyes open. I stood up from the outdoor fire pit and said my good nights to everyone. “You’re going to bed already?” my mom asked.

  “Yeah, my drill sergeant overworked me today.” I smiled over at Nick.

  I walked into the house and changed into my pajamas. I lay in bed, feeling all of the loneliness beginning to creep back in again. Charlie’s face flashed in front of me, followed by Jamie’s as I closed my eyes. I hugged my pillow pretending that it was them, pretending that I was home in my own bed with Jamie lying beside me, while Charlie was sleeping in the next bedroom… the way that it used to be not so long ago.

  I sat up gasping for air as I looked around, making sure that it was just a dream. I shuttered at the mere thought of it. I was under water, screaming for Charlie as the waves relentlessly hit me in the face. I struggled to come up for air, but something kept pulling me under. It seemed so real that I could taste the saltwater on my lips. I quickly realized that it was from my tears as I wiped away the moisture on my cheek. I grabbed my cell phone from the nightstand and looked at the time: 3:20 a.m. I got up from bed and threw on my flip flops and sweat jacket. I quietly walked outside to the dock and took a seat on one of the lounge chairs. Tears rolled down my face as I wrapped my jacket tightly around me and stared out at the lake. When are the nightmares going to end? When am I going to begin to feel whole again?

  “Hope?” I jumped at the sound of Nick’s voice. “What are you doing out here so late?”

  “I’m thinking I should be asking you the same thing,” I said as I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hand.

  “Insomnia,” he said.

  “Bad dream,” I responded.

  He sat down in the lounge chair next to me. We stared out at the water, listening to the crickets singing their beautiful lullaby. The full moon lit up the sky while the leaves on the trees gently swayed back and forth in the warm breeze.

  “This has got to be one of the most peaceful places that I’ve ever been.” Nick nodded. “Thanks for talking me into coming,” I said.

  “No, thank you for agreeing to come.” He smiled.

  “This lake is really something. My Charlie would have had a blast -.” I stopped myself and began to choke up at the mention of his name.

  Nick took my hand and looked at me. “It’s okay to talk about him, Hope. Really, it is. I want to hear about him. Tell me about your little boy.”

  I took a deep breath and looked straight ahead. I swallowed hard and began to speak. “He was -.” I paused as I choked back a tear. “He was my world. He loved to swim. I called him ‘my little merman’.” I looked at Nick and managed a smile. We were having such a great day at the beach that day, just like we always did. I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I should have never let him -.” I couldn’t control the sob that escaped my throat.

  “What happened, Hope? You can tell me.” I took a deep breath, looked out at the water, then back at Nick. The memory of that horrible day came to the forefront of my mind as I told him every agonizing detail…

  It was a warm August day and the ocean was filled with people. I moved my chair as close as possible to the water. Charlie went in to just where the waves were breaking and I kept a close eye on him, knowing that the rip currents were bad. I smiled, watching the enjoyment that he got from swimming in the ocean. He ran back out to grab his boogie board.

  “Hey, you should come in. The water’s really warm,” he said. The water was beading off his hair and dripping into his ice blue eyes.

  “Nah, I’m water-logged for the day and you should be, too.”

  “Five more minutes? Pleeeease?” he begged.

  “Okay, fine! But that’s it. We got to get home so I can start making dinner.”

  “Cool!”

  He began to run off. “Hey, Char! Come here!”

  He ran back and looked at me questionably. I tapped my index finger to my lips. He placed his wet lips on mine and kissed me.

  “Thank you!” I shouted as he ran back into the water.

  I dug through my beach bag for my ringing phone. I smiled when I saw that it was
Jamie. “Hey, sexy, are you home from Atlanta?”

  “Yup, I am, and I’m missing my beautiful wife and adorable son. Where are you guys?”

  “Ummm….one guess.”

  He began to laugh. The shrill sound of the lifeguard’s whistles pierced my ears. I immediately stood up from my chair, trying to locate Charlie in the water. Jamie continued to talk, but I wasn’t hearing a word. My stomach dropped and I began to break out in a cold sweat when I saw the green-and-black boogie board with the initials CM come washing up on the beach. My phone fell into the sand and my body went numb. Everything became a blur as I watched the lifeguards spring into action. This wasn’t happening. I ran into the water screaming Charlie’s name.

  “Miss, we need everyone out of the water,” one of the lifeguards said.

  “No, I need to get my son. We have to go home.” I couldn’t breathe and I could hear the panic in my own voice.

  The lifeguard pulled me back as I continued to go in further. “Miss, please, let us do our job.” He looked at me sympathetically, somehow knowing that my little boy was the one that they were trying to rescue.

  “That’s my little boy. He needs to come home with me now,” I said as I watched the other lifeguards pull his lifeless body from the water. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare as they performed CPR on his limp little body, trying to find some sign of life. My instincts began to kick in and, as much as I wanted to be wrong, I knew that my little boy was gone and never coming back. My entire body began to tremble. Everything went black and my entire world came crashing down in the blink of an eye.

  I was hysterical by the time I was done recounting the details. Nick got up and sat next to me in my lounge chair. He wrapped his arms around my limp body and pulled me toward him. “I should have been there with him. He wanted me to go back in the water with him and I told him -.” I tried to catch my breath between sobs. “He was all alone. He was probably so scared, needing his mother and I wasn’t there.” I couldn’t breathe and my entire body began to tremble as I thought about what must have been going through my little boy’s mind during those last terrifying minutes of his life.