A Cry For Hope (ARC)

by Beth Rinyu

  “She said that if you don’t like the frame you can -.”

  I quickly shook my head. “No. I love it. I love everything about it. Thank you so much.”

  He nodded and looked away. “I just need you to know that no matter what happens with us, I will always hold you up here…” He raised his hand in the air. “…even though I know that I haven’t behaved that way these past few months. You are the mother of my one and only child, and I will always cherish that.” His voice was cracking with emotion. I closed my eyes, hoping that this wasn’t his way of saying that we were officially over. His eyes were glassy when they finally met mine. “Well, I have to get going.”

  I nodded. I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me that we were going to be okay. I wiped my eyes and tried to pull it together as I walked him to the door. We both stood in silence. It seemed as if neither one of us knew what to say or do. I stared into his eyes, strangely feeling the overwhelming need to confess everything to him. “Jamie, I -.” I stopped myself just before the words came out. I looked down at the ground and then back into his eyes. “I. um… just wanted to say thank you for stopping by this morning.”

  He reached into his pocket, pulling out a card and another small box. “You can open this after I leave.” He placed in it my hands and pulled me into an embrace. I hugged him back tightly, remembering how good it felt to be in his arms. I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling the faint scent of his familiar cologne.

  He kissed me on the top of the head. “Happy birthday, Hope,” he whispered before walking out.

  I quickly closed the door. I couldn’t bear to watch him drive away. All of a sudden, the strong new woman that I had become suddenly transformed into that fragile girl from just a few months ago. Seeing Jamie, being in his arms, and yearning for him so badly was all it took to cause her to resurface. I took a seat on the couch and ripped open the envelope to the card. I skipped over the pre-written sentiment and focused on Jamie’s chicken scratch handwriting:

  Dear Hope,

  There are so many things that I want to say to you, but I know that the words won't be able to escape my lips. I just need you to know that I do love you very much. I never stopped loving you. Even if I haven't been able to express it in words, I can feel in my heart. You told me on the day that you left that you hoped that we could find our way back to one another. I hope that you still believe in that because I do. I think about you every day. I miss you and I miss us. I wish I could figure out how to get us back to that happy place that we were once in because there is nowhere else that I want to be

  Have a very happy birthday.

  Love Always ~

  Jamie

  My hands were trembling as I read his words over and over. I was feeling lower than low. I just had sex with my best friend and now here I was, longing for my husband’s touch.

  A deep breath escaped my chest as I began to unwrap the present. I opened up the black velvet box, revealing a beautiful white gold bracelet with a sand dollar charm dangling from the chain. I took it from the box and examined it closely. The detail on the sand dollar was so intricately done, and I was fairly certain that it was custom made. I clasped it on my wrist and was instantly taken back to the day that Jamie and I had first met, remembering the sand dollar he had given me. So much had changed since that day on the beach twelve years ago. So much had changed in just the past year and, most of all, so much had changed in the past twelve hours. I closed my eyes and prayed that it wasn’t too late for us, wishing that we could be celebrating my birthday the same way that we had last year.

  I stepped out of the shower and wiped the steam from the mirror, examining myself closely for any signs that I was another year older. I wrapped the towel around me and headed into the bedroom. I gasped when I saw Jamie sitting on my bed with a dozen roses. He had taken Charlie to school a half-hour ago and was supposed to be heading into work right after.

  “Hey, what are you doing back here?” I couldn’t contain my smile.

  “Well, today is a very special day so I decided that work could wait. Instead, I’d rather spend it with my beautiful birthday girl.”

  “Really?” I smiled.

  “Yup. I’m all yours today.

  “Hmm….do I get a breakfast date with my sexy man?”

  “You got it.” He smiled.

  “Okay, just give me a sec to get dressed,” I said.

  I stood in front of my dresser, going through my drawers. He got up from the bed and stood behind me, lifting my hair and placing gentle kisses on my neck. I began to giggle. He took off my towel and dropped it on the floor. I watched in the mirror as he moved his hands up and down my naked body. He cupped my breasts in his hands, and leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I want you to look in the mirror. I want to see how good this feels for you.”

  He slowly trailed is fingers down my body and placed them inside of me. He kissed my neck while never taking his eyes off the mirror. I closed my eyes as his fingers eased in and out of me, and his warm breath tickled my neck. “Does this feel good for you?” he whispered in my ear. I nodded, not wanting to be broken from the pleasurable state that I was in. “You are so fuckin’ perfect.” His voice was so low and sexy. I could feel his erection pressing up against my back and everything inside of me wanted him in every way possible.

  “I want you so bad, Jamie. I need you. Please don’t make me wait.”

  I turned around and loosened his tie. He finished taking it off as I quickly unbuttoned his shirt and wasted no time removing it. “Those need to come off.” I smiled as I loosened his belt buckle, sliding his pants off. I couldn’t get my lips on his quick enough, kissing him as if my life depended on it. He lifted me up and pushed me on my dresser. I wrapped my legs around his waist and felt the fullness of him inside of me. I ran my hands through his hair, unable to get enough of him. His movements were slow and study, teasing my body with each thrust. I didn’t hold back my excitement as he moved in and out of me. I tilted my head back as he ran his tongue up and down my neck. “Jamie, please, don’t stop. Harder, baby,” I whispered. He obeyed as our tongues began to dance.

  I moved my hands up and down his back, tracing every muscle along the way as my back banged against the cool glass of the mirror. I felt so blessed to have this beautiful man that I was absolutely in love with making love to me. “I love you so much,” I whispered in his ear. I couldn’t hold back any longer, it felt way too good. My body tightened up around him as I let out a loud pleasurable scream, feeling the warmth of him inside of me at the same exact time.

  He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and smiled. “Happy birthday, Hope.”

  I pressed my forehead against his. “Best. Birthday. Present. Ever,” I whispered.

  It had been three weeks since Nick had left and Jamie had gone back to San Diego, and I hadn't heard from either one of them, other than Nick's one word reply of yes to my text asking him if he arrived safely. I knew that he was probably busy, but in the back of my mind, I was hoping that my worst fear wasn't coming true and our friendship hadn't changed because of what had happened between us.

  I had been basically working seven days a week, helping my mother in the bakery, and was finally enjoying a much needed quiet afternoon, sitting by the bay. Taking in the warm sun, I closed my eyes and my mind began to wander, which was always a dangerous thing for me, especially today. I tried my best to block out any more thoughts of Jamie, but it was useless. I needed to hear his voice. I grabbed my phone from my beach bag and dialed his number, quickly calculating the time difference in my head. I got butterflies in my stomach as I waited for him to answer.

  “Hey, Hope.” I slowly exhaled the breath I had been holding.

  “Hey, I, um… I know that maybe this is kind of inappropriate given our circumstances, but I couldn't let today go by without saying happy anniversary.”

  I could hear a bunch of talking in the background and was
hoping that I didn't catch him at a bad time. “Hold on a sec.” I bit my lip, waiting for him to return. Suddenly, the background noise faded. “Sorry. I was just in a meeting.”

  “Oh, geez, I'm sorry. Go back in. I didn't mean to -.”

  “No, it's okay. Happy anniversary to you, too. I didn't forget. I was actually going to call you later.”

  I couldn't stop the smile that had spread across my face. “I didn't get a chance to tell you thank you for the beautiful bracelet. I really do love it.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I grasped the phone tightly, trying to ignore the silence between us. It had always been so easy to talk to Jamie, but now I felt like I had to reach deep within myself to think of something to say and I hated it. “So, when do you think you will be coming home?” I asked before I could even stop myself.

  “I'm hoping in about three weeks”

  “Oh. Well, I'll let you get back to work.” As much as I didn't want to hang up, I knew that I had no choice. I couldn't think of anything else to say and it was actually starting to feel a little uncomfortable trying to keep up the small talk with someone that I used to be able to talk to nonstop.

  He sighed deeply into the phone. “Yeah, well, thanks for calling. You made a pretty shitty morning a lot better.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I’ll see ya’, Hope.”

  “See ya’,” I whispered, closing my eyes as I disconnected our call, not knowing if I was feeling better or worse. I needed to get myself out of this rut. Nick had helped me so much, but I knew that it was up to me to completely climb from the dark hole and start living again. I couldn't keep depending on everyone else to be there to pick up the pieces for me. I had to depend on me. You are almost there, Hope. You are strong enough to do this. I threw my head back in the chair and looked up into the bright sunlight, wondering exactly where to begin.

  I had dozed off in my chair and was woken up to a cold wetness on my knee. I jumped when my eyes opened to find a beautiful Siberian husky with its chin resting on my thigh as it stared up at me with beautiful blue eyes. I pet it on the head, realizing that it was obviously friendly.

  “Mishka!” I heard a man's voice shout. The dog looked up at him, but didn't leave my side. “I'm so sorry,” an older man with long gray hair pulled back in a ponytail and little round glasses said as he approached me. “She doesn't listen very well.”

  “Oh no, that's okay. She's a sweetie!” I giggled when she began to lick my face.

  The man's eyes widened. “Wow, she really likes you. Normally, she's very reserved around strangers.” He threw a ball into the water and she ran in to retrieve it. “She hates the heat. This is the only way to keep her cool in the summer.” She came out of the water with the ball in her mouth and dropped it at my feet. I picked it up and looked up at the man. “Go ahead and throw it back in, but I have to warn you…she will drive you crazy with it.”

  “That's okay,” I laughed. I was enjoying myself watching her. I reached into my bag and pulled out my camera. I got closer and began to snap away at Mishka frolicking in the water. “Sorry, it's a bit of an obsession,” I said to the man. “My family thinks I'm crazy. Oh, I'm Hope McAdams, by the way.” I extended my hand and watched as his eyes widened.

  “Not the Hope McAdams?” he asked, taking me totally off-guard.

  I shrugged my shoulders, wondering how this man knew me. Clearly, he must have had me confused with someone else. “I'm Darren Hayes, owner of Hayes Photography. I think I owe you my life for preventing me from being burned at the stake from a few angry clients of mine.”

  I lifted my sunglasses up to my head and smiled. “Wow, it's so nice to meet you!” I said.

  “Well, I have heard all about you and what a wonderful photographer you are. In fact, Jenny Lincroft showed me her wedding pictures that you did for her and I have to agree.”

  Hearing this coming from a man who had been the business for as long as I’d been alive was a huge boost to my ego. “Wow, thanks!”

  “Hey, by any chance, would you be interested in helping me out this summer. I am booked solid from now until September with all of the tourists coming down and wanting to do beach portraits. Maybe we could split up the shoots?”

  Would I be interested? Was he insane? I was more than interested! “Oh, yes, I would love to! Did you want to see some more of my work?”

  He shook his head. “Nope, I've seen what I needed to see already. Plus, your passion for photography proves to me that you would be the perfect person for the job.” He pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose and reached into his wallet. “Here's my card. I will be in the studio from twelve till five tomorrow so stop in anytime and we'll discuss the details.”

  “Okay, that sounds perfect!” I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.

  “Mishka, no!” he shouted as she rolled around in the wet sand. “Your mommy is going to be so mad at you for getting all dirty!” he said to her as she sat down next to him, looking up with sad, innocent eyes. “Oh well, I have to get this one home and get her cleaned up before my wife comes home and kills us both.”

  We both began to laugh. Mishka stood up and jumped on me, placing kisses all over my face. “Mishka, down! I'm so sorry,” he apologized.

  “Oh no, really, it's okay,” I said as I patted her on the head. “I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Hayes.”

  “Please, call me Darren. Mr. Hayes makes me sound old and sixty-seven is still so young!” he joked. “See ya’ tomorrow, Hope. Come on, bad girl,” he said to Mishka as the two of them turned around and left the beach.

  I was beaming as I sat back down. It was as if I had woken from my nap and my prayers had been answered. I was taking the first step out of that deep dark hole all by myself with a little help from a cute dog named Mishka.

  A smile was plastered across my face during the entire walk from the bay to my mom’s house. I was actually going to be doing what I enjoyed and getting paid for it! And not just helping set up the equipment or assisting like I did back home. He was actually trusting me enough to go out on photo shoots by myself.

  “Mom!” I exclaimed as I walked through the front door. I was beaming and couldn’t wait to share my good news. I was feeling much like I used to when I would get off the bus to tell her about a big test that I had passed.

  “We’re out here, Hope!” She shouted through the sliding glass door that led to the deck. I walked out into the back yard where she and Nick’s dad were sitting on the glider, sipping on ice tea and laughing over something on his phone.

  “Show Hope,” my mother said.

  I moved closer to see what they were looking at. It was a picture of Nick covered in mud from head to toe. I raised my eyebrows. “Wow, what the heck was that from?”

  “Nick and his survival refresher training that he’s doing.”

  “Oh, did he just send that to you?” I asked, feeling a little hurt that he hadn’t even bothered to respond to any of the four text messages that I had sent to him.

  “Yeah, I wish you could have seen the ones he sent yesterday, but I accidently deleted them. I still can’t figure out how to work these darn cell phones,” he said, shaking his head.

  I felt a heaviness in my chest. Why was Nick ignoring me? It obviously wasn’t because he was too busy, since he was taking the time to send pictures to his dad. I immediately became angry at myself for allowing that night to happen. It obviously had changed things between us. How could it not have? Or maybe he and Angie were getting back together, and she didn’t want him talking to me anymore. A million questions raced through my mind, questions that I knew I would never get the answers to unless I asked him directly.

  “What’s up, Hope? Did you have something to tell me?” my mom asked.

  Suddenly, I wasn’t as excited over my news anymore. “Oh, um…yeah. I met Darren Hayes, the owner of Hayes Photography, on the beach today and he offered me a job.”

 
“That’s wonderful, sweetie!” My mother stood up and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Congratulations, Hope. Obviously, he recognizes true talent,” Nick’s dad said.

  “Well, it’s just for the summer, but it’s a step in the right direction. I have to go see him tomorrow and finalize the details.”

  “Well, why don’t you allow me to take you two ladies out to dinner to celebrate?”

  “Oh, thanks so much, but I’m not feeling so great. I think I got too much sun today. I just want to shower and get to bed early tonight.”

  “What about you, Mary? Are you up for dinner?”

  “Well, that’s a silly question. You know I’m always up for dinner.”

  I smiled at the two of them. “Well, you two have fun!” I went inside and headed up the steps. I was feeling a little dizzy and sat down on my bed. I hadn’t eaten all day and was starving. I was feeling so hurt by Nick’s silence. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to avoid me. If something was bothering him, I wanted him to be honest. If he was getting back with Angie, he knew that I was the last person that would judge him. In fact, I would be happy for him. I knew that even through his anger and pain over what she had done, he still loved her very much. Or maybe he had just gone back into one of his moods. But if that were the case, then he wouldn’t have been texting his dad. My head was hurting from overthinking it and I knew that the only way I was going to find out was by asking the source itself.

  I pulled out my phone and typed out a text.

  Hey, stranger. Did I do something wrong?

  The dizziness had finally subsided. I got up and gathered my clean clothes, making sure that I had my phone in my hand as I went into the bathroom. I nearly dropped my clothes in the toilet when I heard my phone beeping.