by Tatum Throne
TJ felt his mouth go dry. What would happen if he confessed the truth to Parker? Would he push him away when he found out he was gay? The thought of losing Parker was too much to think about. His heart wept. “Where are we going?”
“Trust me on this one.” Parker wiped his face with a towel. “Your testing for your black belt is in two days. I need to work out what’s distracting you up here if you’re going to pass the test.”
A wide mile of silence lingered between them. TJ was mentally kicking his own ass as he realized how much he revealed to Parker with that one long, erotic look. The man was a pro at reading body language.
Parker stood at the front of the training center with his hands on his hips. He wasn’t even breathing hard. Parker had a deadly warrior calm about him that kept him focused in the field and emergency room. TJ was certain that if Parker ever questioned him about the undercurrent of attraction, he’d confess and probably get jail time for being so stupid.
“I’ll be ready.”
“You’re physically ready now, but you’re distracted. We can’t have that at test time,” Parker said. “Distraction gets you hurt.”
TJ toweled off his face and neck as he watched Parker fold up his black belt and drop it into his gym bag. He was distracted. He was in love with his straight friend. TJ dropped down in the chair on the outer perimeter of the ring. He ran a hand through his hair. There were days when he caught himself in SWAT meetings glancing at Parker more than what was necessary. Falling in love with Parker was probably the dumbest thing he ever did. He should stop seeing him for the extracurricular. It would be the only way he could get over his broken heart. He stood up, grabbing his stuff.
“Be ready at seven.”
“What about Cora?” TJ asked.
“What about her?”
“She’s not coming with us?”
Parker frowned. “My sister’s not coming out with us. You didn’t want her to, did you?”
Sister. That one word nearly knocked TJ to his ass on the mats. TJ slung his duffle bag over his shoulder, trying to stay balanced but having a shit time of it. “Nah.”
“What?” Parker asked.
“It’s nothing.”
Parker took a couple of steps forward as though he was going to challenge TJ to another match. “Out with it.”
“I thought Cora was your girlfriend.”
Parker shook his head. “My sister and I were adopted together.”
“Oh, see you tonight then.”
TJ was going to change and shower before heading back to work, but he wasn’t going to do it at the training center. He was going to use the station’s locker room in the building next door. There was no way TJ could shower next to Parker without getting a raging hard-on. TJ caught sight of Parker’s back in the mirrors as he opened the door. A triangle of muscle tapered from his shoulders down to his lower back. Black tribal ink spun out over the top of his ass. Parker had a tattoo stamped on his lower back like a target. TJ’s mouth dropped open and the door nearly hit him in the ass on the way out.
Chapter Four
TJ jogged after work. Like clockwork, he could be seen running through Eden Park.
Parker was asked by Chief Anderson to watch TJ for any sign of psychological falling down over the next few weeks. The chief called him personally to ask, since he knew that they were friends. The little superhero stunt on the bridge raised more than a few brows at the station. That meant they were going to be spending a lot of time together.
Parker fingered the steri-strips that kept the healing cut on his brow from opening. There was an underlying aggression to the man that needed to be dialed back. Parker needed to put him on notice before it was too late.
Yet, he saved his life. Had he not taken the risk? Parker shivered. TJ had excellent skills and instincts in the field. Parker was intrigued by what TJ could do. He worked off a natural reflex and instinct that was beyond a normal reaction time. It was the kind of thing one saw with military training.
TJ played his feelings close and rarely said anything about what was bothering him. Whatever was going on, Parker was going to find out tonight. He didn’t like to be left in the dark about anything. It would all come out in the open eventually. Before it did, Parker wanted to know what the hell was going on with TJ. For some irrational reason, Parker wanted to protect TJ from getting hurt.
Rain hammered the bad attitude out of the Cincinnati pavement. It needed to hammer the bad attitude out of Parker, too. TJ was the only distraction on Parker’s mind as he sat in his Jeep waiting for TJ to get home from work. There were secrets and layers to TJ that Parker didn’t know. He’d never met anyone so secretive before.
A homicide detective shouldn’t be afraid of anything, but he sensed that TJ was.
Parker stared up at TJ’s townhouse. He lived in a nice, quiet neighborhood near Mt. Adams. The view of the city was breathtaking.
Parker knew it was time to deal with the sexual attraction burning up the air every time they got together to spar. Frustration had Parker running a hand through his long hair. He didn’t want to feel anything for TJ but he did. The last serious relationship he had nearly broke his heart. He couldn’t go through that type of damage again.
Tonight, he was going to put an end to the looks and the heat between them. He’d let TJ down easy and then things would go back to normal.
He hoped.
It was almost seven, and TJ was just jogging into his driveway. Parker let out the breath he’d been holding. He wanted this investigation into TJ’s psychological well-being over, too. That damn Risk Assessment Team was reaching in his opinion. They needed to back off and let their cops do the job they were hired to do.
The rain had changed into a fine mist of fog. It wouldn’t be long before late autumn turned into a raging Cincinnati winter. Parker met him on the sidewalk. TJ popped his earbuds out of his ears.
“I’m going to shower and change.”
TJ’s eyes moved down over Parker’s shoulders as though his hands were fingering his hair. Parker didn’t ever wear his hair down. Why had he tonight?
“Sounds good.”
There was a hard distance to TJ’s green eyes that wasn’t there earlier today. Parker should’ve been relieved that it was there but he wasn’t. It meant things were spiraling out faster than Parker could control. Tension radiated from TJ. Parker had to curb the impulse to rub his hands over his shoulders to work the kinks out. Work must not have gone well today.
Parker followed TJ inside his townhouse. The place was tidy with the lived-in look. A few magazines dusted the coffee table. TJ kicked off his running shoes and sat them neatly in the closet by the front door.
“Give me ten minutes,” TJ said.
“Take your time.”
Parker heard him moving around upstairs and then the shower clicking on. The thought of TJ naked under the hot spray made Parker’s cock rise so fast that his cockhead shot out the top of his jeans. Parker groaned as his prick tightened down harder as he adjusted it back down. His heart rate jacked up high. Parker needed a shot of cold air to get control of his thoughts of getting naked and stepping into the shower with TJ. He went to the French doors, leading to the balcony. Parker fumbled with the lock at the top, yanking it down and flipping the latch, too.
He rushed out, sucking down cold air. Five seconds later, an alarm sounded. The high pitched drone was deafening. Parker ran back inside, searching for the alarm box. He found it by the front door. Reflex had him hitting the deactivate button but nothing happened.
* * * * TJ was rinsing shampoo out of his hair when he heard his alarm go off. He finished his rinse and shut off the water at a fly, grabbing the wrong towel and wrapping it around his waist. His first thought was for Parker. His second was of those shits with the guns who tried breaking into his place a month ago.
Dripping wet, TJ ran through the hallway and down the stairs. He jumped over the railing at the bottom, ready to confront the shits again. Parker stood by the
alarm box. Relief poured through TJ’s body as he entered the code. The alarm went off.
The corner of Parker’s mouth hitched up. “I opened the balcony doors. Sorry.”
“You’re okay?” TJ asked.
“Yeah.” His brows narrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“Some guys tried to break in a month ago. I thought they were trying again.”
Water dripped off of TJ’s body, raining down onto the hardwood. The towel gaped at his left leg, leaving a wide opening all the way up to his crotch. TJ tucked the corner of the towel fisted in his right hand and ran his hands through his wet hair.
Parker cleared his throat. “You should go get dressed.”
The urge to let the too-small towel drop to the floor was an erotic impulse TJ could barely control. A drop of water rushed over TJ’s lips. He licked his lips, catching the dewy drop on his tongue. Parker’s gaze lowered to his mouth. TJ’s took a shuddering breath as his cock kicked out against the white terrycloth towel.
“Why?” TJ asked.
Slowly, Parker lifted those crisp blue eyes back to TJ’s. “I don’t think you want me to answer that.”
TJ took a chance and took a step toward Parker. “Maybe I want to hear what you have to say.”
They were a foot apart. TJ could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as he waited for Parker to make the next move. Parker’s cell phone rang, making the corner of Parker’s lips lift. He reached for the phone, stepping away. TJ saw Parker’s gaze drop to the thick bulge of his cock beneath the towel. “Get dressed. I’ll be waiting outside.”
TJ watched him answer and head for the door. At the last second, he covered the receiver with his hand. “Nice towel. I like that look on you.”
TJ dropped his gaze to the thick, snaking outline of his cock beneath the towel. It was then that TJ saw the tip of his cockhead hanging out of the gap. Pre-cum mixed with water as he drip dried on the foyer floor. Lust spiraled through TJ as Parker’s eyes fucked him one last time before shutting the front door. TJ’s mouth dropped open. He reached down, stroking his cock through the towel. God, he wanted Parker.
He wanted Parker every way imaginable. There were nights he stayed up thinking about all those ways. His favorite daydream was of them in the shower. TJ loved how athletic Parker could be on the mats. He even imagined one of those times being at the training center on the mats. TJ tried to shake off the sexual haze now consuming his thoughts but he couldn’t.
Parker would be a demanding, athletic lover. TJ hoped he wouldn’t be okay with a simple fuck. TJ couldn’t fuck without a commitment or his heart, but could he trust Parker with his heart? Once he decided to love someone, he loved them. TJ ran his hand through his hair as he jogged back upstairs. He was so unbelievably screwed. Loving his best friend and coworker was just wrong.
Chapter Five
A few minutes later, TJ came out of the house with a whole lot of caution in his step. Parker started the Jeep as he got inside. Things had changed between them the moment TJ risked his life to save Parker. There was no denying the heat that lingered between them. Parker’s cock was hard beneath his fly. He wasn’t normally a man that was led around so easily by his dick.
Their eyes locked. “Hungry?”
“Starving,” TJ said.
The tension following them around parked itself like a third wheel
between them. Parker headed to Cincinnati’s east side. He had to figure out how they could both deal with the sexual vibe fucking up their relationship before it ruined what they had.
“Rough day?” Parker asked. “Yeah. It was. We’re dealing with a recovery situation. The guy confessed.”
“That’s tough.”
Parker waited for him to say more but could sense that he was holding back. The pressure seemed to tighten down on both of them as Parker drove. Instead of going to the cafe as planned, Parker detoured to the old farm he was renovating outside of the city. He hoped they could talk privately there. Oak trees lined the long driveway. They still had their copper leaves despite how late it was in the season. The old building at the end of the drive needed painting. TJ looked around as though he was waking up.
“What are we doing here?” TJ asked.
“I wanted to talk with you. Alone.”
“What is this place?”
Parker looked out over the old farm. The turn of the century place once belonged to Andrew Stonewell. He built it in 1832. The picket fence surrounding the house needed repair and the farm was long overdue for animals. The stone barn in the distance would be perfect for a few horses. “It’s my new place. I’m renovating it. It was built in 1832 by Andrew Stonewell. His family farmed the land up until fifty years ago when it was sold.”
“Nice. It looks rustic.”
Parker smiled. “The outside needs some work. I bought it for the wraparound porch and the cathedral pillars. The inside needs everything updated. It’s been a slow process.”
Parker shut off the Jeep and cut the lights, but didn’t move to get out. The rain picked up again, pelting the soft top of the Jeep with a musical cadence that always relaxed him. Parker knew he wouldn’t be able to get through dinner with the distraction of newly acknowledged desires building between them. They needed to talk this stuff out before it started to interfere with their work together on the SWAT team.
“We’ve been friends for five years. I know something is going on. What’s up?” Parker asked.
Silence echoed back like a volley Parker couldn’t return. Parker reached out and put his hand on TJ’s shoulder. The muscle beneath his hand contracted hard as though no one ever touched him and he didn’t want to be touched. He gave TJ a firm squeeze and then loosened his hand. He repeated the move until the muscle beneath his palm eased. Their eyes locked. It was then Parker knew he wanted things he couldn’t have. Wanting TJ was wrong. Parker’s only job was to watch him, not want him.
“Out with it,” Parker said.
“That’s the problem. We’re friends. I don’t want to complicate things. I like the way things are between us.”
TJ pulled away by getting out of the Jeep. He paced down the long length of the driveway toward the front doors. He stepped up onto the stone stairway of the porch and glanced over his shoulder to make sure Parker was coming. The rain slowed to fine drops as the oak trees gave them cover.
“I hope you know that you can tell me anything,” Parkers said.
Their gazes locked, but TJ quickly pulled emotionally away. Parker could almost hear the door slam shut and the lock flip on the inside.
Moonlight cut through the breaking storm clouds, shadowing TJ’s profile. His blond hair glowed like an angel’s halo in the light. Parker lifted his hand, brushing his fingers over the drying ends. He pulled his hand back before TJ noticed. Parker unlocked the door and led the way inside. They headed through the side hallway to the kitchen. He flipped on the light.
“Are you out?” TJ asked.
The question surprised Parker and momentarily caught him off guard. He thought about all the looks his female coworkers gave him at the hospital and how many times he had to put them off. They probably thought he was a monk. He thought too about all those long looks TJ gave him over the years. There were times Parker thought about diving in without any thought about the tsunami it would create. Work relationships were not a good idea.
“No. Are you?” Parker asked.
TJ ran his hand through his hair. “I make no secret of it, but I’m not really out. No one asks. Not even you after all these years.”
The corner of Parker’s mouth ticked up. He could see that TJ was spoiling for a fight. “I don’t need to ask about what I already know.”
“You’ve known all this time that I’m gay?” TJ asked. “How?”
“I just know.” Parker hung back as TJ walked deeper into the kitchen. “I need to know what’s bothering you.”
“You want to know what’s bothering me?” TJ asked.
The sarcasm was a slap of disres
pect that wouldn’t go over inside the gym. Of course, they were outside the gym and it didn’t matter.
“Whatever is going on, I can help you deal with it,” Parker said.
Slowly, TJ’s eyes lifted. “I almost lost my best friend two days ago and I never…”
“Never what?” Parker asked.
“I never told you what you mean to me. I never told you that I admire you.”
Parker felt as though his bell had gotten rung hard. TJ wasn’t one to vent his emotions. Not to mention that the man rarely smiled. “You admire me?”
Parker couldn’t hide the surprise from his voice or the shock that TJ was sharing something so personal. That hard cock he saw peeking out from beneath that thin towel was one of the few times TJ’s emotions had slipped out uncontrolled.
“I can see by the look on your face that I’ve shocked you,” TJ said.
The confession was long overdue. They were both denying the feelings they felt for each other. Parker knew they were taking a risk by exploring those forbidden feelings, but he didn’t care. He wanted TJ for better or for worse. “You haven’t. I’m glad you’ve finally admitted it.”
TJ shook his head. “This is wrong. I shouldn’t have told you. Now, it’s going to make our friendship awkward as hell.”
TJ blamed himself for the truth of how he felt. There was more. Parker could see it. “No. It won’t. Tell me what’s bothering you, TJ.”
TJ paced as though he was still upset. “I should’ve waited that night on the bridge. My actions almost killed you.”
“I made the decision to jump that barrier to keep you safe. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was!” TJ’s voice echoed off the hanging pots and pans.
“You can’t keep blaming yourself for something out of your control. You and I both know that you made the right call. We both did that day. Had I not jumped the barrier, you could have easily gone over the side.”
TJ paced away, running his hands down his face, but he came back in closer than he was before. He shook his head as emotion broke over his face. “I could’ve lost everything that night.”
