by Cindy Wilder
Jared: I'm coming over.
Me: Don't bother. I won't be here. Have a nice night. Maybe I will too.
I threw my phone back in the drawer I took it out of. On my way out of the building, I smiled at Jason. Then I turned back to look at him.
“Do me a favor, Jason,” I said. “If Mr. Blackwell comes by tell him I said go fuck himself.”
“I can't say that,” he said.
“You said you were supposed to do whatever I needed. That's what I need.”
Without another word, I left and made my way down the street to the club. As soon as I walked in, I saw TJ at the bar and walked over.
“Do you ever go home?” I asked.
He handed me a drink and smiled.
“Rough day,” he said.
“How did you know?” I asked.
He pointed to my shirt. I looked down and laughed when I saw my t-shirt and shorts I usually wore to bed.
“Shit,” I said.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I'm not sure,” I said. “I had my whole life planned out. I was going to get a killer job and prove to the people who didn't believe in me that I could do it without them. I was going to take care of myself and never count on anyone. Do you know what I found out today?”
TJ continued watching me but didn't speak.
“I found out that I'm only paying half of what I should be for my apartment. Can you believe that?”
“That's not a bad thing,” he said.
“It is when I found out that one of people I was trying to prove wrong is the reason for my great rent. I have no other options. There isn't an apartment around that even comes close.”
He handed me another drink when I shook my empty glass around. I'm not sure how many I'd had when I finally put my head down on the bar. I felt it the minute the asshole walked in the door. My entire body felt it. What the fuck, I thought. When his hand wrapped around my arm, I jerked away from him.
“Tabby,” he whispered.
My head shot up and I looked into his eyes.
“It's Tabitha,” I said. “Only one person's ever been able to call me that and he's gone.”
“Listen,” he said.
I shook my head at him.
“No,” I yelled. “I'm not going to listen.”
He reached for me again. I pulled away from his touch, stood from my seat with a wobble, and pushed against his chest.
“Get out of my way,” I yelled.
“You need to calm down,” he said.
“What?” I said, as I stood on my toes to get in his face. “You have no idea what I need. Who do you think you are? Oh wait, I know. You're the rich asshole that everyone listens to. They all kiss your ass don't they? I bet not one of them tells you what they really think. I'm not them, Mr. Blackwell. I will never be one of them. I never would have been able to measure up to what you wanted. I know that now. I'm okay with it. I get it. Please move before I embarrass you.”
I could feel tears slide from the sides of my eyes.
“I don't give a shit about that, Tabitha. You need to go home,” he said.
“Do not ever tell me what I need to do again,” I said. “You'll be rid of me soon enough. I'll be breaking my lease by the way. Can you let the asshole that owns my building know please.”
I pushed passed him and walked out the door. He followed behind me.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I'll do whatever I need to do. I told you I'd make it on my own. Why did you try and save the day? You couldn't let me do it. You had to be right. I'm going to show you.”
“You've got it all wrong,” he said. “You have no idea.”
“I'll see you at nine in the morning. I can't wait to get this project over with.”
He didn't follow me into the building, and I honestly wasn't sure how I felt about that. Did I want him to chase me and profess his love? Did I want him to leave me alone? It was one o'clock when I fell into bed and closed my eyes.
When I opened them to the beeping of my alarm, it felt like the room was spinning. There was a pounding I couldn't believe, and it was in my head. I had to get ready for the day. When I looked in the mirror, I looked awful. I jumped in the shower, got dressed, took something for my head, and left for the office.
As soon as I opened the office door, I saw him sitting in reception with his hands on his knees. He hadn't gone to my office, and for that I was happy. He stood as soon as he saw me. I was a little surprised to see him a little less confident than usual. My embarrassment hit me from the night before and I hung my head.
“I'm so sorry about last night,” I said softly. “Not about most of it. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I shouldn't have done anything to hurt your reputation.”
“I don't care about that. I just care about,” he began.
“Stop,” I said, holding my hand up. “You need to stop. I'm a grown woman. I will move on, and I will be fine. I need you to stop making me feel things I shouldn't be feeling. I am begging you not to do this to me again.”
I opened the next door and motioned for him to walk through. When we got to my office, I opened the door.
“'I'll be there in a moment. I need to do something first. Would like a drink or anything?” I asked.
“No,” he said.
I walked to the break room and came back with a coffee. As soon as I sat down, Mr. Daniels walked into my office. It was like he had a connection to Jared. He always appeared at the same time.
“I hope you're feeling better, Tabitha,” Mr. Daniels said.
“I'm not actually, but thank you for asking,” I said. “I met your son Jason. He's a very nice guy.”
“Really?” Mr. Daniels asked.
“I did. He's a very dedicated and loyal employee to Jared here,” I said. “How did the meeting go yesterday?”
“It went great,” Mr. Daniels said. “Tom jumped in and took the lead.”
“That's awesome,” I said. “Did he do a good job?”
I directed my question toward Jared, and he nodded.
“Let me get the team together,” I said, as I stood and walked to the door.
I remembered something and couldn't believe it was the first time it had entered my mind.
“Can I ask you a question, Mr. Daniels?” I asked.
“Right here?” he asked, and I nodded. “Sure.”
“Do you remember when you first hired me? You told me I came highly recommended.”
“I do,” he said.
They were two simple words, but his voice shook when he said them.
“Can you please tell me who recommended me?” I asked.
He looked over at Jared for a second. I saw Jared nod at him before he turned back to me.
“Was it Jared?” I asked.
“It was,” he said. “I'm so glad he did. You are a very hard worker, and I am so glad you're on my team.”
“Please consider this my two week notice,” I said.
I heard Jared gasp just as I saw him stand from his chair.
“I think Tom should take the lead on the project. I'll spend those two weeks giving him everything I have and explaining it all to him. I would never do anything to put the project or this company in jeopardy. He will now be your contact point, Mr. Blackwell. It has been an honor to work for you, Mr. Daniels. I love my job and the people that work here. Thank you so much for everything. It's been a pleasure working on your project, Mr. Blackwell. I'll get the team together.”
“Please don't do this,” Jay said.
“Tabitha,” Mr. Daniels said. “I hired you fresh out of school because of a recommendation, but you have proven your worth to this company more than once. I am asking you to take some time to think about it.”
“No,” I said. “Thank you. I want to get a job because of my skills, not because someone else said I was good. He doesn't know. He's never worked with me before. Would you have hired me if he hadn't put in a good word for me?”
“No,” he
said. “You did make me see that I need to give people fresh out of college a chance though.”
“That's great,” I said.
When I turned to walk back out of the room, I felt Jay watching me. I got the team together in the conference room. Jared and Mr. Daniels walked in a few moments later. I stood and looked over at Tom. He smiled before looking nervously toward Jared.
“I wanted to let you all know that I'm leaving the company. Tom will be taking my place as head of the project.”
“What?” Tom said. “We're almost done. You know it comes with a huge raise. This could make your career.”
“Doesn't matter,” I said. “I will spend the next two weeks with you before I leave. I know you'll impress the hell out of Mr. Blackwell. You deserve it much more than I do. You will be the main contact point for him from now on.”
I reached into my pocket and took out my company phone. Then I handed it to Tom. I had already deleted the text messages, my email accounts, and voice messages earlier on my way to the meeting.
Jared and Mr. Daniels left the office while we continued working for the day. I couldn't wait to get out of there and get home. There was no way I could stay at a company Jared had gotten me into. How could I not have known? It was all too easy. I was fresh out of school. I should have known better.
When I opened the door of the building and turned the corner, I jumped and screamed as I came face to face with Jay.
“Fuck,” I snapped.
“I need to talk to you before you screw yourself,” he snapped back. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Why do you care?” I asked. “I just don't get it.”
I walked toward my apartment building, and he was right on my heels.
“You drive me crazy, woman,” he said.
I picked up my pace. As soon as I reached the building, I threw the door opened and walked to the elevator. He nodded to Jason who was at the desk.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You don't live here,” I said.
“I own the fucking place,” he growled out.
“Jason,” I said. “Aren't you all supposed to do whatever I need you to do? Wasn't that one of the secrets? I don't want this man following me to my apartment.”
“Really?” Jason asked.
“Yes,” I said with a smile. “Can you please ask him to leave?”
Jason looked at me and I seriously thought the poor guy was going to pass out. The door opened, and I stepped inside. Jay stuck his foot in just as it went to close. It hit his leg and opened back up. He stepped inside and let the doors close.
“What floor, sir?” I asked.
I new I was being a bitch, but I couldn't help it. So much was going through my mind, and I wasn't sure what to do. I had so many questions. He pissed me off. Why was he in my business? The whole point was me proving I could do it alone. He kept putting his nose in everything. I didn't understand why though. Nothing was making sense, and I had no idea how to deal with any of it.
“Knock the shit off,” he snapped.
He took a step forward and pushed me against the wall of the elevator just as the ding sounded and the door opened. I ducked under his arm and stormed down the hallway. Then I unlocked the door, walked through, and moved to close it. There was that damn foot again. I shoved the door hard, but he didn't move.
“You can't come in here,” I said.
“I can,” he said. “You signed a lease. It states that maintenance can enter your apartment whenever they need to.”
“You're not maintenance,” I said.
“You want me to call them?” he asked.
I let out a huff and walked away from the door and left the room. When I came back in, I had a laptop in my arms. It was definitely used. I wondered what he would say. Then I shoved it at him before walking over and plopping down onto my couch.
“What is this?” he asked.
“It's your laptop. I don't want it,” I said.
“The one I left you four years ago?” he asked. “Do you think I want it back?”
“Throw it away if you want.”
“What the fuck is going on with you?” he snapped.
I knew I was working his nerves. He couldn't say anything at the office, and I knew it was all building up.
“What's going on with me?” I yelled, as I stood from the couch and walked toward him. “You're what's going on with me. What the hell is your problem? I was doing it alone. I didn't need them, and I certainly didn't need you. I put myself through school. I was looking for a job. I would have found one on my own. I thought I did. Why did you do it? Did you want to prove me wrong? Why the fuck did you recommend me for that job? Why did you give me a deal on this place? I don't fucking get it, Blackwell. Did you just want to see me fail?”
He closed his eyes tight and brought his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“That's not why,” he started, but I cut him off.
“I was almost there. I was so close I could taste it. You had to fucking interfere. I can't make any sense of it. You're such an asshole. Do you know that? I can't stand you. Do you hear me? I can't fucking stand you.”
I burst into tears and lunged forward at him, as my fists slammed against his chest.
“You fucking left me. You left me there with them. You never even said goodbye. I never heard from you again. You never even called me. I had no idea where you went. Why? Why did you let me think I meant something to you? How could you do it? Was it all just fun for you? Tell me, Jay. Fucking tell me why you crushed my world. For four years I cried over you. I've never had a real relationship because of you. You asked why I became a developer. I'll tell you why. I did it because of you. I did it to feel closer to you. It wasn't out of passion. It wasn't for money. It was for you. I wasted four years thinking about you while you were busy fucking one woman after the next and living the billionaire life.”
I took a deep breath. I was on a roll, and there was no way he was stopping me.
“I was doing fine. I partied and met guys when I needed one. I was doing just fine. Then I saw you at that restaurant and everything changed. Every one of my feelings came crashing back, and you acted like you'd never met me before. You have no idea how hard it's been having to see you almost every day while you acted like a complete jerk toward me. I had to see that woman hanging all over you at the club. It was so fucking irritating.”
“You think it was easy seeing that asshole touching you. You were rubbing your body all over him. Did you think that was easy to see?” he asked, as he grabbed my hands.
“Yes, I do,” I said. “I think it was very easy.”
“It wasn't,” he said.
“Why?” I asked. “Why did you interfere with me getting a job?”
Tears were running down my face so fast. They had soaked his shirt as well as mine.
“Wait a minute,” I said, just as it hit me.
I tried to pull my hands away from him, but he held them tight.
“Don't,” he said in a raspy tone.
My eyes widened, and I pulled even harder. He shook his head, and pulled me closer.
“How did you even know?” I asked. “I thought the first time you saw me was at the restaurant.”
“It was the first time I saw you,” he said.
“But,” I began. “The job. How did you recommend me for the job? You're friends with Mr. Daniels. That must be it. He must have mentioned it.”
He took a deep breath in and slowly let it back out. I pushed hard against his chest, and he finally let me go.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “Were you checking up on me? Please tell me he mentioned me to you, Jay.”
He didn't say anything. I could see the confident man in front of me wasn't the cocky guy I had been dealing with at work.
“No,” he said. “He didn't. Please don't walk away from the job. You're very good at what you do. You deserve that job and the raise.”
“No,” I said. “I didn't deserve it the way I got it. I didn't need your help. I would have figured it out without you. You doubted me just like she did.”
“I didn't,” he said.
“You did,” I said. “I remember you saying it. I didn't know you were loaded at the time. It doesn't change that you still said it. When she read my diary and found out what we did, I knew I had to prove her wrong. All of the things she said about me were wrong. You just helped prove her right. Why couldn't you have let me fall on my face if I needed to?”
“I just couldn't,” he said.
“I still don't get how you even knew,” I said. “It doesn't even matter. I was so proud of myself.”
I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands.
“You should be,” he said.
“Says the guy who made a shit ton of money in college. Look at you,” I said.
“Not everything is always what it seems, Tabby,” he said.
“Please leave,” I said. “I need to think.”
“Tabby,” he said.
“Go, Jay,” I yelled.
He walked out the door and was gone. I don't know what I wanted. Maybe I wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me it was a mistake. Maybe I wanted him to love me. I had no idea what to do. He helped me. Why did he do it? How did he even know I was calling that company? I wanted to prove that I was as good as him. I wanted him to know that he was no better than I was. He had to step in and take that chance away. How would I ever know, I wondered? Maybe he was better than me. Maybe I wouldn't have made it on my own.
The next two weeks went by faster than I wanted them too. I wasn't sure what to do. If I applied for a job, how would I know if he was the reason I got it? What about an apartment? I liked where I was. I didn't want to leave. It was my dream to live in California.
It was my last morning at the company. I sat in my office, looking out the window at the world in front of me. The few things I had there filled one box that sat on my desk. Maybe I should just go back home, I thought. What was the point?
“Tabitha,” Mr. Daniels said from behind me.
I wiped my eyes and turned my chair. He closed the door and crossed the room that was my office. When he sat down, I heard him sigh.
“I'm asking you not to leave. I understand why you're upset. You feel like you were hired because of Jared. I've known him for a few years. He is a very hardworking man and has earned everything he has. I will admit that I probably wouldn't have hired you just after graduation. I would have wanted you to have experience. When you came in, you proved yourself immediately. If I had passed you up, it would have been a huge mistake. This has nothing to do with him. It's about this company. I don't want to lose you. He's still going to give us work if you leave. This is all about you. You are an asset to this team. The way you took charge and put up with his shit amazed me. I didn't know you knew each other. He asked me to consider you if your resume ever crossed my desk. When I saw your name, I was surprised. It was a few months after he asked me. He was the reason I gave you a chance. For that I am sorry. I don't want to lose you on this team. You've made me see that I may have passed up some good developers in the past. That won't happen again. From now on, I'm giving a test to applicants, and that is how I will base my hiring. What can I do to get you to reconsider, Tabitha?”
