by Varsha Dixit
Shooting him an irritated look, Nandini resumed her ‘stop-look-go’ disclosures. ‘Umm... as I was saying Aditya and I... four or so years back, came together... not the way it sounds...not physica—’
‘Enough already! Nandini, can you just give the UA rated version? Anyhow, sex is not bad if done for the right reasons with the right person!’ Shruti retorted.
‘Grossss!’ Aditya, and AB howled, simultaneously. Vibha chuckled. For men, hearing moms impart gyan on sex is as bad, if not worse, as seeing a gal’s hairy and deodorant streaked armpits .
Nandini’s mouth tripped to finish its tale. ‘After Uncle’s demise, when Aditya moved away, he and I drifted apart and lost touch. However, things took a turn and old feelings returned as did Aditya.’
‘Having decided to make it official and absolutely in no mood to wait, here we are seeking your blessings,’ Aditya added.
‘I can’t believe this! What a fool you’ve made of us. Four years?’ AB exclaimed.
‘So no one else knew!’ Seema asked.
‘Nope, no one! Except Sneha!’ Nandini replied, quickly and emphatically.
‘Mom knew!’Aditya disagreed. Vibha had caught Nandini and Aditya canoodling in the farmhouse; a place where the lovers used to sneak off to, once in a while. Short of bursting into a banabani song, Vibha had done everything to show her joy. Apart from the expected kadas, she had offloaded every bit of her jewellery, from the solitaire earrings to nearly the toe rings, onto a bemused Nandini. Aditya practically had to beg Vibha to keep the news a secret, until Paresh returned, from his fortnight business sojourn to Moscow.
‘Yes, I knew!’ Vibha agreed. Sighing deeply, and looking, only, at Aditya, she said, ‘There is more—’
Eagerly, Nandini piped, ‘Yes, we made Badi Maa—’
Vibha cut her off, ‘It’s okay Nandi. I have to confess to the wrong that I have done, with you and Adi, particularly you.’ Glancing at Shruti, she said, ‘Nandini is not telling the entire truth. Aditya and Nandini did not drift apart or lose touch. Nandini dumped Aditya and because I had her to do so.’
Shocked, Shruti murmured, ‘Why would you do something like that? I always thought you loved Nandini! ’
‘Maybe you never thought Nandini worthy of becoming your daughter-in-law. All your affection was merely an act. The fact that I loved her so much was of no consequence to you, right?’ Aditya ranted.
‘Aditya... don’t talk to Badi Maa like that,’ Nandini, frowning, rebuked.
Aditya looked at her, sharply. ‘You are defending her. You suffered the most in all this. Thinking you betrayed me, I have been giving you hell for some time now. You took it all quietly... my misplaced anger, my threats towards your brother. I very nearly—’ Aditya bit off his words. There is always room in the closet for a few bones.
‘What are you talking about? You treated Nandini badly. How dare you Adi? Why did you, not come clean to him, Nandini?’ Vibha demanded.
‘Hold on... what is going on here?’ AB butted in. ‘One person who knows everything, please explain. And others, just hold your horses!’
Nandini raised her hand, ‘I’ll go!’ AB nodded.
‘Don’t paint rosy pictures of anyone, me and mom included. Just tell whatever happened, as it happened,’ Aditya cautioned her.
‘It’s not your turn to talk. AB allowed, me not you,’ Nandini told him off. Aditya shook his head but did not add anymore.
‘Anyhow, like now as you all know....ditya and I were in a relationship, which only Badi Maa was aware of. She was elated to find out about Adi and me, and her feelings were twenty-four carat real,’ The last part, Nandini spoke glancing at Shruti and Aditya .
‘Anyhow, we were waiting for Paresh Uncle to return from his business trip...unfortunately only bad news came our way,’ Nandini paused. ‘A few days after Uncle’s funeral, his new business partner, from Moscow, came to visit you all. He also met Badi Maa, privately.’
‘Privately? Why did Bakshi meet you privately?’ Aditya interjected, peering at Vibha.
Nandini replied, ‘I’ll answer that. He and Paresh Uncle had come to an understanding about a new venture Uncle was keen on doing. As the financial risk was largely Mr Bakshi’s, Paresh Uncle, in all fairness, officially gave the other man large chunks of ownership in his current businesses, as collateral. Of course, everything would revert back to the Sarins once this project got underway.’
‘That can’t be right... Dad would have never done anything so hasty, without talking to our advisors, me, and Adi. I did not hear of such a deal ever going down,’ AB disagreed.
‘I agree with AB. Dad would never do something so rash. Knowing the way he functioned, he would have bounced the decision off his people, and the walls,’ Aditya added.
Vibha spoke up, ‘You boys were unaware of Paresh’s ambition. The new venture of his was the next big thing of the century. It would have taken the world by a storm, but as the patent of the product was pending, everything was extremely hush-hush. Except for a handful of people, including me, Paresh did not bring anyone on board, not even you both. The idea was to talk to you, and the board of directors once he got the financing in place, for phase I of the development.’
Aditya and AB exchanged confounded looks. ‘Go on. Then what happened?’ Aditya prodded Nandini .
‘Then, in that private meeting, Mr Bakshi put forth another idea to Badi Maa... buying a groom!’ Exhaling, Nandini continued, ‘Mr Bakshi, proposed a union of the families – marriage of his daughter with Aditya.’
‘In exchange, the older deal would be negated. All paperwork would be shredded and the threat of takeover would disappear,’ Vibha added.
Aditya, his expression displeased, got up and walked over to the other side of the room, to the windows. He turned his back at the ones sitting inside.
‘So you asked Nandini to break up with Adi? You let your son’s happiness become a part of some money deal ,’ AB demanded, losing his cool, probably for the first time, with his mom.
‘AB, Badi Maa was not thinking of her son. She was thinking of the numerous employees, in your offices and factory, and their families. She was thinking of the people who had invested their hard-earned money in the Sarin shares. She was also thinking of saving Paresh Uncle’s name, his legacy.’ Gesturing at Aditya and herself and tearing up, Nandini voiced, ‘Two people are inconsequential in front of so many and with so much at stake.’
Vibha averted her face, as tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘You both did the right thing,’ Shruti reinforced, eyes glistening. Seema, too, gulped.
AB instantly fell to the abla-teri-yahi-kahaani spell. He came over to Vibha and patted her knee, ‘Mom, you should have taken me into confidence. We would have found a solution!’
Sniffing, Vibha said, ‘You think that breaking up Nandini and Adi was my first and only idea? That was last and the most unbearable resort! After Paresh’s demise, you all thought I was locked up in my room, grieving. But, I was making calls, brainstorming; exchanging emails back and forth with people who I thought might get us out of the sticky mess.’
As Vibha poured, her voice rose, similar to the pastel sari clad, twenty-five-year-old’s acting as 109 year-old’s, female head honchos in popular sitcoms. ‘A middle-class wife grieves after her husband’s death but a rich widow plans and prepares – plans for her family and her husband’s unfinished work – and prepares for the eventual takeovers and splits.’
Nandini in her head could see the camera zooming on Vibha’s face seven times, peppered with the sound of a storm strong enough to blow away an entire civilisation.
‘Was that the reason for the sudden trip to Moscow, a month after Dad passed away?’ Seema asked. Vibha nodded, glumly.
‘So how come things didn’t materialise between Adi and that girl?’ Nandini asked, trying to change the topic.
Smirking AB, replied, ‘An hour or so after meeting Aditya, the girl eloped with her boyfriend.’
Nandini snickered. ‘Adi’s not that
bad!’ she tried to keep the glee out of her voice.
‘Why didn’t you get AB married off to that girl?’ All glanced at Aditya in utter shock.
‘Yes Mom, why not AB? He has had a few years of happy married life. Did you even think of Seema... Bhabhi even once?’ Aditya, grinning dryly, joined his mother and brother on the couch. ‘Did you ever think of her plight?’
Lightening, Vibha murmured, ‘There’s always a next time!’
‘No ways !’ Almost everyone present burst out.
‘Next time, please speak to at least one of us, excluding Nandini. No more, filmy qurbaani! I have had enough for ten lifetimes!’ Aditya was about to grasp Nandini’s hand, but he hesitated glancing at Shruti.
Nodding, Shruti smiled, ‘You have my and Nirbhay’s approval. After four years I am just glad you both are holding hands instead of coming inside with children, we had no knowledge of.’
‘Maa!’ Nandini howled, embarrassed.
Grinning, Aditya grabbed Nandini’s hand and felt bold enough to plant a lingering thirty-second kiss on her soft cheek. ‘Itna toh banta hain!’ He voiced to the awkward budhis.
Glossary
ABBY – Oscars of the Indian advertising industry.
Achha! Waise if Times Magazine gave Mr Sarin such an important award, toh India Today ne bhi kuch diya hoga. – Okay! If Times Magazine gave him such an important award then even India Today (comparable to Times in India) must have given him some award.
Aati nahin, teri yaad aati hain per tu aati nahin – A popular song from an 80s movie, Prem , which means: ‘You don’t come! You come in my thoughts but not in person.’
Aaj, kal, parso – Today, tomorrow, day after.
Adda – Depot
Accha hai! Hindustani thapad ka andaaza tumhe ho gaya – It is good that you realise what a slap from an Indian feels like. The dialogue was uttered by a veteran and highly decorated actor, Dilip Kumar, in the movie Karma, which was directed by Subhash Ghai .
Abla teri yahi kahaani – Poor woman, this is your story (is a dialogue and thought made famous by the old black and white movies where the lead actresses were usually portrayed as weepy, sacrificing and quiet martyrs).
BTM (Behenji turned modern) – Acronym for a conservative girl, from a small town, trying to pull off being western and fluent in English and obviously failing. Behenji is what you call women respectfully in colloquial language.
BSE – Bombay Stock Exchange
Badi Maa – Older mother, a common term for paternal grand mothers.
Bada bhagwan, chota shaintan – The elder one is a saint and the younger devil incarnate.
Bhagwanji – God
Bhabhi – Sister-in-law
Bhi daudega – Will do
Bidai – After a marriage, the bride leaves her home and goes to her husband’s house. The ceremony is called bidai and is one that is quite emotional for the bride’s side of the family.
Beta – Child
Budhi – Brains
Budhis – Old women
Budhiya – Old woman
Bua – Father’s sister
Bahu – Daughter-in-law
Bada soche to bada milenga – Think big to get big.
Baap pat gaya toh beti kahaan jayegi – If I get into the father’s good books, then I can get his daughter too.
Baqvaas – Rubbish
Bunty aur Bablil A blockbuster Indian movie, released in 2005, about two lovable, street smart and rustic crooks, hailing from small towns.
Chaddi-buddies – Friends since they were in their bloomers. Childhood friends.
Chama Chama song – A popular dance song from the Indian film, China Gate , released in the year 1998.
Chyawanprash ka dabba – A box of a rejuvenating, energising, and immunity boosting, herbal preparation, widely used in India.
Charasi pana – Chain-smoking
Chotu – Little one
Chudail – Witch
DDLJ – Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (the lover shall take the bride) is a blockbuster Indian film and one of the highest grossers of the Indian film industry to date.
Dahi and cheeni – Yoghurt and sugar. Traditionally fed for good luck.
Dada Kondke – A famous Indian actor and film producer hailing from Maharashtra. He was famous for his hilarious and double entendre dialogues.
Dekha! Impress kar diya – See, I have made an impression.
Dharti phat jaaye – The earth should split in two.
Didi – Elder sister
Dimple Kapadia – An Indian film actress, known for her glamorous looks and gorgeous hair.
Dhokha – Betrayal
Dhaam dhoom, dhadham, dishum dishum, akal ke dushman gadhe ki dumong from a popular Hindi animation movie called Hanuman Returns . It basically makes sounds used that sound like a person being punched and kicked alongside terming the villain as dense in the head and a donkey’s tail.
Dharam paaji’s, kutte mein tera khoon pi jaoonga – ‘Dog! I shall drink your blood’ was a favourite dialogue often uttered by a famous Indian film actor, Dharmendra, while bashing the daylights out of villains in movies.
Dekh lenge – We’ll see.
Do minute ka raasta – Two minutes away.
Do jism ek jaan – Two bodies, one heart or life.
Filmfare Award – Indian film awards, comparable to the Oscars. It was started in 1953 and sponsored by the prominent film magazine, Filmfare .
Fakira – Mendicant
Full toss nautankiomplete drama queen.
Gadheri – Slang for female donkey.
Gayi puri ki puri bhains paani mein – Now the whole buffalo is in water (all is lost).
Gharelu – Homely
Ghatiya dukaan – Third grade shop
Goed bharai – A ceremony to celebrate an impending baby’s birth usually done in the seventh month of pregnancy.
Gola – Circular in shape.
Gole – Coconut
Gutter ka keeda – Bug in the sewer system.
Ghodi – Mare
Ghee – Clarified butter
Ghutnas – Knees
Gyan – Knowledge
Hanuman Returns – An animation movie based on the Hindu god Hanuman, a devout worshipper of Lord Ram.
Haramkhor – Cuss word equivalent to a lazy slob.
IST – Indian Standard Time. A common joke to label any latecomer as arriving by the Indian Standard Time, which is always known to be one hour later than the actual time.
Itna toh banta hain – At least this much is called for.
Johny Leve – A famous comedian and mimic in the Indian film industry.
Jahaan panha – Urdu way of addressing the king/royalty.
Jab We Met – An Indian romantic comedy film, released in 2007, that became a blockbuster.
Kada – Bracelet
Kambal kutai – Beating given after covering the victim’s face with a blanket so that he cannot see the assailant.
Kamini budhiya or paapi paet ka sawaal hain – Evil old hag or is it a question of putting food in the stomach (as in pay the bills).
Kanda to pavbhaji – Onion garnished over a vegetable and bread – A Maharastrian dish popular all over India.
Kantha – Embroidery work from West Bengal.
Karela – Bitter gourd
Katta – Country made gun
Karz – A highly successful Indian film made in 1980 about reincarnation. It was remade in 2008, with a few extra Zs in the name and new star cast, but bombed at the box office.
Kukri – Nepalese curved knife
Kanyadaan – A traditional ritual in Hindu weddings where the parents of the bride give their daughter and all her rights to her husband.
Kaala tikka – Black dot to ward off bad luck.
Khana Khazaana – A popular TV cooking programme hosted by a renowned Indian chef, Sanjeev Kapoor.
Kohlapuri sandals – Handmade leather slippers and sandals, for both women and men, from the Maharashtra region in India.
> Kua – Crow
Kulta – Slang for witch
Kundan – A type of jewellery
Khush keetha – Made happy
Laadka haath se nikal gaaya – The boy has gone out of control.
Lassi – Yoghurt based drink, which originated in the Punjab region of the Indian subcontinent
Lehenga – Traditional Indian dress, which comprises of a long skirt, blouse, and long scarf.
Mara hua – Not so dead, unanimated.
Manhoos – Unlucky
Maa-bhen ki – Shortened and incomplete version of coarse cuss words.
Meena Kumari – An iconic Indian film actor and poet. She was famous for playing grief-stricken and tragic roles.
Mithai – Sweet meat
Mata – Mother
Murukku – A savory snack popular in South India.
Nandi – The bull Lord Shiva rides on.
Naari – Woman
Naayi – Roadside barber
Nahi nahi! Chord do, mujhe bhagwaan ke liye chord do – No, no! Leave me, for the sake of god leave me. This dialogue was voiced innumerable times by heroines in movies of yesteryears when they were being sexually assaulted by villains.
Naada – No
Na life mein sex na dream mein sex – No sex in life and not even in dreams.
Pakka – For sure
Palat – Turn around
Paltan – Regiment
Phataka – Firecracker
Pakau – Boring
Prasad – Food offered to God at a holy ceremony.
Qurbaani – Sacrifice
Raddhiwala – Buyer of junk
Sarkari job kar lo – Get a job in the government sector.
Shah Jahan – The fifth Mughal emperor who had the Taj Mahal built in Agra.
Shanti – Popular Indian girl name that means ‘peace’.
Soch – Thought
Seeti – Whistle
Shehnai – Double reed and conical oboe of North India.
Saas – Mother-in-law
Son papadi – North Indian sweet made of ghee, flour, sugar, and nuts.
Solid khichdi pakk rahi hein – Something major is cooking.
Tael – Oil
Tantrik – A practitioner of tantra, usually associated with black magic and occult.
