by Susan Lewis
It was almost midnight by the time Alex turned out the light next to her bed, knowing that sleep was probably still a long way off, given how deeply conflicted she was feeling. On the one hand she could easily let elation take over, but on the other she was still horribly anxious and doubtful. It was the fact that her mother lived in New Zealand that was bothering her the most, she realised, since she could see no point to them being in each other’s lives now, with so much distance between them. Wouldn’t it have been better simply to have left things the way they were?
Her mother was just along the landing in Alex’s old room, having been persuaded to stay rather than try to book herself into the pub. Alex suspected she’d all but passed out as soon as her head had hit the pillow, given how jet-lagged she must be, but her need to hear all about Alex’s young life had kept her awake until long after she might normally have dropped.
As she lay in the darkness with the unsettling emotions of the day still coasting about inside her, Alex could feel the demon of dread growing larger all the time. How long was her mother planning to stay? Surely she wouldn’t have come all this way just to turn around and go back again, but maybe she had? Or there might be friends from the past she was hoping to catch up with, old haunts she wanted to visit. Presumably she’d want to see her family’s grave, and perhaps the one belonging to Nigel Carrington. My father, Alex said softly to herself, and though it seemed strange, as if she might in some way be fooling herself, at the same time she was aware of a sense of calm surpassing the loss. She knew from what she’d read that he’d been a master carpenter and had lived somewhere on Exmoor. She needed to find out as much as she could about him, and felt sure her mother would be ready to tell, provided she was going to be around long enough. Perhaps there was family it would be safe for them to see now. They could go together if her mother was willing; they might even receive a warm welcome.
How special and yet strange it would seem to have a family of her own. One whose blood ran in her veins, whose history she shared.
Recalling Bob’s invite to New Zealand, she lay thinking about it for a while. New Zealand! It seemed so exotic, so far away and impossible to imagine. What was his family like? Did they really want to meet her? Though she’d baulked at the idea of going earlier, she was finding herself becoming quite curious now, even intrigued. Perhaps when she spoke to Tommy tomorrow she’d explore the possibility of taking a fortnight at Christmas.
‘Oh, Alex, that would be wonderful,’ Anna smiled happily, when Alex suggested it to her at around four a.m. They were curled snugly at either end of the sofa now, having found each other awake several minutes ago when Alex had crept along the landing just to make sure her mother was OK.
‘Obviously I can’t make any promises,’ Alex said, ‘but I can give it a go.’ She could feel herself starting to tense again as she struggled with the urge to say what was on her mind. In the end she just blurted it out. ‘I was wondering how long you’re planning to stay. Only I have to work, you see, and I expect you’ve got other people you want to visit ... Well, I just wanted to get some idea of what your plans might be.’
Anna started to answer, but Alex hadn’t finished.
‘If you’re going to fly off straight away,’ she cut in, ‘that’s fine, I don’t have a problem with it, I just need to know, that’s all.’
Anna was smiling tenderly. ‘Well, actually, I was hoping,’ she said, ‘I mean, if it’s all right with you, to spend as much time with you as you can spare for the next two weeks.’ She grimaced jokily. ‘I thought you might feel that was long enough to begin with, but if you think it’s too long you must say.’
Since she hadn’t had any clear idea what to expect, all Alex knew was relief that her mother hadn’t planned to go rushing off again. ‘No, it’s fine,’ she replied.
‘I’ll be happy to entertain myself during the day while you work,’ Anna continued, ‘and maybe I can have a meal waiting for you when you get home at night. Or we could go out to eat, whichever you prefer.’
Finding herself entranced by the idea of her mother cooking for her, Alex said, ‘I don’t mind.’ She wouldn’t mention how short she was of money which would make it difficult to eat out, nor was she going to ask her mother to join her in her search for somewhere to live. The kinds of places she was looking at were too dark and depressing; she really didn’t want anyone to know where she might end up. ‘I’ll call my team leader in the morning,’ she told Anna, ‘to see if I can rearrange a few things this week. I’ll still have to visit the children in my caseload, obviously, I couldn’t let them down. In fact, there’s one, Ottilie, who I have to see tomorrow because I told her on Friday that I’d take her to the zoo after nursery.’
Anna was twinkling. ‘Ottilie. What a pretty name,’ she declared. ‘How old is she?’
Smiling too as she pictured Ottilie’s sweet little face, Alex said, ‘Three and a half, but she’s quite small for her age. Intelligent though, she picks things up very quickly and has an amazing understanding of what’s going on, but she’s so shy it’s not always easy to know what she’s really thinking.’
‘Dear thing,’ Anna murmured. ‘What’s happened for you to be involved with her?’
Alex sighed and shook her head. ‘It’s what I’m trying to find out, but there are certainly problems with her mother. Very probably with her father too, but he’s a tricky customer. I think he’d like nothing better than to be rid of me pretty damned fast, but I can’t see that happening any time soon, not with the way things are.’
As Anna started to reply she lost it to a yawn.
‘You must be tired again by now,’ Alex said, getting to her feet.
‘Mm, I guess I am,’ Anna admitted, standing up too, ‘but before we go back to bed I have a suggestion. How about I come to the zoo with you and Ottilie tomorrow? Would that be allowed?’
Alex’s eyes widened with surprise. ‘I don’t see why not,’ she replied. ‘In fact, it might be good for Ottilie to get to know more people.’
Chapter Nineteen
‘WHAT DO YOU mean?’ Alex cried into the phone as she drove through the glistening country lanes towards Kesterly. ‘Why can’t Ottilie go to nursery today?’
‘She has an extremely bad cold,’ Brian Wade replied stiffly, ‘which she almost certainly picked up when you got caught in the rain on Friday.’
Thinking of how long ago Friday seemed now, while having to concede that might well be true, Alex said, ‘OK, I’ll pop in to see her, and try to cheer her up.’
‘Thank you, but as you’ve apparently escaped it yourself, I wouldn’t want you to catch it.’
‘I’m not worried about that. Has she seen a doctor if it’s as serious as you say?’
‘As a matter of fact, Dr Aiden was passing on Saturday so he dropped in to see us. He was of the opinion that she shouldn’t go out until tomorrow at the earliest. Hopefully, by then the worst of it will have passed.’
Having no reasonable grounds to push her protest any further, Alex said, ‘OK, well thanks for letting me know. I’ll be on this number if there’s anything I can do.’
After ringing off she was about to fork off towards the office when she decided to keep going and drop in on the Wades anyway. From the number that had come up on her mobile, she knew that Mr Wade was at work, so there shouldn’t be any risk of bumping into him. And since Mrs Wade might well not answer the door she needn’t be too worried about upsetting her, either. On the other hand, if the highly unpredictable Mrs Wade did let her in, she’d be able to see Ottilie and satisfy herself that Brian Wade was telling the truth.
Funny how she never believed a word that man said.
In the event, she didn’t even have to press the bell before Erica Wade was pulling open the door and asking her what she wanted. ‘Didn’t my husband tell you Ottilie’s ill?’ she demanded.
‘Yes, he did, but I thought I’d call in and see how she is.’
Erica’s face twitched. She seemed stymied, then sudde
nly, as the idea apparently came to her, she said, ‘She’s sleeping.’
Alex’s eyebrows rose as her insides gave a flutter of unease. Not bothering to hide her disbelief, she replied, ‘Then I’ll go very quietly so’s not to wake her.’ She was determined now not to leave without at least laying eyes on Ottilie.
Unexpectedly, after a moment’s ludicrous stand-off, Erica simply shrugged and moved aside.
Going past her, Alex ran up the stairs, and gently pushing open Ottilie’s door she found, to her surprise, that Ottilie was sitting on the floor trying to fasten the Velcro on her trainers. She was wearing her coat and jeans and Boots’s head was peeking out of the top of her bag.
‘Hello,’ Alex said softly.
Ottilie started and looked up.
‘And where are you off to?’ Alex asked.
Ottilie seemed confused, then worried. ‘With you?’ she replied uncertainly.
Realising Ottilie was afraid she was mistaken, Alex went to kneel in front of her, searching for signs of this terrible cold. There didn’t appear to be any; she looked and sounded in perfect health. ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked, putting a hand on Ottilie’s forehead to check for a temperature. ‘Do you have a sore throat or a cough?’
Ottilie’s eyes were wide as she shook her head.
‘Does anything hurt?’
Ottilie dropped her eyes.
‘What hurts?’ Alex prompted.
Shaking her head, Ottilie pulled Boots out of her bag.
‘Does Boots hurt?’ Alex asked.
Again Ottilie shook her head. ‘Go now?’ she said softly.
Alex smiled past her concern. ‘Yes, of course,’ she said. If Brian Wade didn’t like it, then Brian Wade could kindly explain why he’d said his daughter had a cold when she patently didn’t.
Holding Ottilie’s hand as they walked down the stairs, Alex swung her off the bottom step and after blowing a raspberry kiss on her cheek, she set her down on her feet and told her to wait for a moment.
‘Why were you trying to make out she’s sick?’ she demanded of Erica Wade, who, bewilderingly, was on her knees in the middle of the kitchen.
‘She’s not sick?’ Erica replied, making it a question.
Alex frowned. ‘No, she isn’t, so why did your husband call to tell me she was?’
‘You’ll have to ask him.’
‘I shall, but maybe you can tell me if there’s any reason why he wouldn’t want her to go to school today?’
Erica hardly seemed to be listening.
‘Mrs Wade, if there’s something you need to tell me ...’
‘There’s nothing,’ and getting to her feet she pulled open the back door and went outside.
‘I don’t know what the heck it was all about,’ Alex was remarking to Janet half an hour later, as they watched Ottilie tootling off with Chloe to have a go on the scooters. ‘He even said the doctor had been to see her, but unless I’m missing something, there’s nothing wrong with her.’
‘She looks perfectly all right to me,’ Janet agreed. ‘And if you say she was already dressed when you got there, it seems no one had told her she wasn’t coming today.’
Alex’s eyes narrowed as the penny started to drop. ‘I wonder if that was what it was about,’ she said slowly. ‘He wants to break the confidence she’s building up in me by making it look as though I’m letting her down. So, he encourages her to think she’s going to nursery, then I don’t turn up and he can tell her that I’m too busy for her – or I have to put other children first, or whatever he’s planning to tell her.’
Janet clearly wasn’t liking the sound of that.
Alex’s eyes went to hers. ‘This is the trouble with people like him; they’re too damned clever by half, at least they like to think they are, but if that man thinks he’s dealing with a fool in me then he’s about to find out that he’s very much mistaken,’ and taking out her phone she went into the office.
‘I don’t imagine Mr Wade’s free,’ she said to the secretary when she got through to the school, ‘but perhaps you can give him a message. Please tell him that Alex Lake rang with the happy news that his daughter has staged a full recovery and is now at the nursery playing with her friend. If he’d like to ring me, he has my number,’ and after making sure the secretary had all the details correct she ended the call and rang the doctor’s surgery.
‘I’ll see if he’s free,’ the receptionist told her, after she’d explained what it was about. ‘One moment.’
As Alex waited, her concern was fleetingly surpassed by a few flutters of excitement at the thought of her mother being at home, and possibly even coming to join her and Ottilie later. There was still so much for them to talk about, to find out about one another, that Alex was aware of conflicting swells of unease and elation at the mere thought of it. Maybe she’d ring after she’d spoken to the doctor, to find out if her mother was up yet, or still sleeping off the jet lag.
‘Ms Lake, I have a few minutes,’ Dr Aiden announced, coming on the line, ‘how can I help you?’
‘I’d like to know if you visited Ottilie Wade at home on Saturday,’ Alex responded, coming straight to the point. ‘Please don’t plead patient confidentiality, because she’s in my caseload and this is important.’
‘Yes, as a matter of fact I did drop by the house,’ he retorted stiffly. ‘Why, is there a problem?’
‘That’s what I’m hoping you’ll tell me. What exactly did you find to be wrong with her?’
There was a brief pause before he said, ‘She has a touch of vulvovaginitis. Not uncommon in young girls, as I’m sure you’re aware.’
Alex turned cold. Indeed she was aware, but when girls as small as Ottilie came into her world with any kind of soreness around their vaginas or bottoms, alarm bells immediately went off like sirens. ‘How would she have contracted this condition?’ she asked, trying to stay calm.
‘It’s not really possible to pin it to anything in particular,’ he replied. ‘It might be the bubble bath she’s using, or a reaction to a laundry detergent. Or it’s quite possible she still isn’t able to wipe herself adequately after going to the toilet. That would cause things to flare up.’
It was true, it would, so now the only remaining question was, ‘Did you see anything to cause you any other kind of concern?’
It took no time at all for him to register her meaning. ‘I don’t believe so,’ he replied mildly. ‘In every other way she seemed in good health.’
‘Apart from her cold?’
Another short pause. ‘I wasn’t aware she had one. It must have come on since Saturday.’
‘I guess it must have. Well, thanks for talking to me. I greatly appreciate it.’
As she rang off the door opened behind her and expecting it to be Janet she turned round saying, ‘Well that was interest—’ She broke off as she saw Chloe with an arm round Ottilie, who was sobbing. ‘Sweetheart, what is it?’ she cried, going down to Ottilie. ‘What’s happened?’
‘See, I told you she hadn’t gone,’ Chloe said to Ottilie. ‘She got scared because she thought you’d left,’ she explained to Alex.
‘Oh, Ottilie,’ Alex murmured, sweeping her up in her arms. She’d left her at nursery before without it causing any distress, so why was she upset today? ‘Has something happened?’ she asked gently. ‘Did somebody say something mean?’
Ottilie’s body was shuddering so violently that Alex tightened her arms around her.
‘She looked round and you weren’t there,’ Chloe told her. ‘I said you were probably only in the office, and Janet said you were, but she kept crying so I brought her to find you.’
Smoothing Ottilie’s hair and pressing a kiss to her flushed forehead, Alex said, ‘She’s a little bit under the weather today, aren’t you, sweetie?’
Chloe stood staring up at them, her dear angel face pale with concern. Suddenly she clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘Where’s Boots?’ she gasped.
Ottilie’s head came up, and as panic kicke
d in she all but leapt out of Alex’s arms to race after Chloe into the playroom. Fortunately, they found him still hanging out with the couple of dolls and a fluffy duck they’d surrounded him with while they built him a Lego house.
Panic over.
Phew!
Troubled by how afraid Ottilie had seemed, Alex carried a chair to the corner of the room so she could continue making calls where Ottilie could see her. Though Ottilie’s level of attachment to her wasn’t exactly surprising, it was worrying nonetheless. However, now wasn’t the time to start addressing it, it was time to try Brian Wade again to find out why he had lied about the cold.
‘I gave him your last message,’ the secretary informed her, ‘but he’s with some parents at the moment, so I can’t interrupt him.’
‘OK, well when you do get to speak to him will you please let him know that I’ve contacted Dr Aiden about Ottilie and would very much appreciate it if he could ring me back before the end of the morning.’
‘It’s twelve o’clock,’ the secretary pointed out, ‘but I’m sure he’ll get a chance over the lunch break.’
As she rang off, Janet was coming to sit beside her.
‘What news?’ Janet asked, shifting a sleeping baby into her other arm.
After relating what the doctor had told her, Alex said, ‘I’m no expert, so there’s no point in me examining Ottilie myself, but look at the way she’s moving.’
Janet turned to watch Ottilie as she knelt, stretched and crawled to find the pieces to create Boots’s house. ‘She’s definitely awkward,’ she decided, ‘and vulvovaginitis would do that.’
‘Indeed, but it’s what might have caused it that’s really worrying me.’
Janet looked distinctly bleak. ‘The doctor’s seen her,’ she said, ‘so if anything like that had occurred ...’
‘Doctors have been known to miss the obvious,’ Alex reminded her. ‘An irritation that’s common, bruising that can be explained in other ways ... If they’re not actually looking for what we’re talking about ...’ She sighed. ‘I wonder if we can bring her appointment with the paediatrician forward to this week instead of next.’
