He glanced at Teddy, Noelle and Nash. Sitting squashed together on the couch, they were playing Angry Birds on Nash’s iPhone. Everyone was supposed to come to his meeting with the advocate, but Sissy had to talk to the psychiatrist, La Tonya, they’d met last night. Anjelika was supposed to bring her when she was done. Aden was speaking with the school administrator about getting Charlie a try out for Basketball at East High School.
Everything depended on how he did on these last tests.
He’d worked hard this summer. When he started, he worked hard so he could stay with Sandy and Aden. He did not want to go back on the streets. No way. No how. Plus, he made an agreement with Nash and Teddy. After a while, he found he actually liked his time with Anjelika.
He didn’t want to disappoint Anjelika by not getting into school.
His anxiety surprised him. Charlie Delgado had always been too cool to care about school. He was the Pan who did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. And he never wanted to go to school. He couldn’t figure out why he cared so much now.
He just did.
“Charlie?” a friendly looking woman asked.
“I’m Charlie,” he said.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sissy and Anjelika enter the waiting room.
“You’re all set,” the woman said.
“Yea!” Sissy ran in the room to hug him. She grunted with pain when he squeezed her. Nash and Teddy high fived each other and went to congratulate him. Noelle hugged him around the waist. Anjelika put her hands on his face, nodded, and smiled. He collapsed into Sandy’s arms. Aden patted him on the back.
“Are you ready to get started?” the woman asked.
“I’m ready,” Charlie said.
~~~~~~~~
Friday evening – 7:45 P.M.
Giggling, Katy ran as fast as she could. Paddie caught up to her and ran ahead. She followed him through the first floor of his Auntie Alex’s big house. Katy didn’t know why all these adults were here or why she’d been left here. She only knew she got to play with Paddie.
Paddie’s Auntie Samantha caught him and his funny named Irish Uncle caught her.
“Have you two been eating my cookies?” the Irish Uncle asked.
Katy and Paddie shook their heads.
“Why are your faces covered in powdered sugar?” Auntie Samantha asked.
“Our faces always look like this,” Paddie said.
Katy gave her most sincere nod.
“Is that the truth, Pádraig?” the Irish Uncle asked.
“I’m Paddie,” Paddie pointed to his chest. “Not that other name.”
“Well, if that’s the case, then you can have all the cookies you want,” the Irish Uncle laughed.
Katy and Paddie squealed. The adults put them down and Paddie took off toward the kitchen. Katy followed. Once in the kitchen, Paddie grabbed another cookie and ran into the living room. Katy took a cookie and followed him. He was scooped up by his Auntie Alex.
“Your brother is almost here,” she said to Paddie. “Aren’t you excited?”
With his mouth full of cookie, Paddie nodded.
“Alex?” Paddie’s grandmother asked from the other room. “Can you bring Paddie? We need to get him dressed for pictures.”
Paddie gave Katy a panicked look as he disappeared into the other room. Katy smiled. They were going to make him wear something horrible like an itchy sweater or something fancy to meet his new brother.
All of the adults were so busy worrying about Paddie’s new brother that they ignored her. That was all right with Katy. Seeing someone she wanted to talk to, she went over to the couch. She made the person sitting next to him feel like they had to pee. When that guy got up, she sat down.
“Hello Katy,” Paddie’s Grandfather said. “How are you tonight?”
“Good,” Katy said.
“Where’s Paddie?” Paddie’s Grandfather said.
“He has to wear an itchy sweater or something,” Katy said.
Paddie’s Grandfather laughed.
“We’re pretty excited to have a new member of the family,” Paddie’s Grandfather said.
“I’m going to have a little brothers,” Katy said. “I’m pretty excited about that.”
“I bet,” Paddie’s Grandfather said. “Paddie will have a new brother tonight.”
Katy smiled. They sat watching the people laugh and talk for a few minutes.
“Well, I should probably go find Paddie,” Paddie’s Grandfather moved to get up.
“Um, I came over to talk to you,” Katy smiled to encourage him to talk to her.
“What can I do?” Paddie’s Grandfather asked.
“It’s about Paddie,” Katy said. “He’s not ever going to be a good soldier. He’s too soft inside.”
“He’s absolutely fearless,” Paddie’s Grandfather said. “I think…”
“That’s because of me,” Katy said. “I keep him out of danger.”
Paddie’s Grandfather turned to look at her.
“Paddie will go to war to make you happy,” Katy said. “But he will die inside doing it. He’s like your brother Cedric.”
“Cedric,” Paddie’s Grandfather said his brother’s name very slowly. “How…?”
“Paddie can stay home instead,” Katy said. “He can be a teacher like his Mommy or a scientist or…”
Katy shook her head.
“But not a soldier,” Katy said. “You were going to decide soon, weren’t you?”
“He’s four. It’s time for him to separate from his mother,” Paddie’s Grandfather said. “I thought he could…”
“He can’t,” Katy said. “It would hurt him, on the inside, hurt him bad.”
“But…?” Paddie’s Grandfather started.
“Katy! Katy! Katy!” Paddie yelled from the edge of the room. In a forest of adult legs, she couldn’t see him.
“I have to go,” Katy waved to Paddie’s Grandfather and ran toward Paddie’s voice.
Patrick Hargreaves watched the small girl thread her way through the adults. He heard Paddie laugh when she got there. Feeling someone near him, he looked up to see Delphie sit down.
“Unnerving, isn’t she?” Delphie asked.
“How old is she?” Patrick asked.
“She’ll be five in December,” Delphie said.
“Do her… capacities make her so…”
“Grown up?” Delphie smiled. “Some. She’s also been through an awful lot. She’s aged beyond her years. Her mother is adamant that she have a childhood, but some things can’t be made up. Katy is part child, part grandmother. A true oracle. What did she say?”
“She told me Paddie would never be a good soldier,” Patrick said. Defending his position, he added, “But how would she know? She’s a child and Paddie is absolutely fearless.”
“That’s because Katy makes sure he’s never hurt,” Delphie said.
“That’s what she said,” Patrick said. “She said Paddie was like Cedric and…”
“Your brother came back from Vietnam as a changed man,” Delphie said. “He killed himself, didn’t he?”
“Cedric.” Patrick felt the overwhelming sense of sorrow and failure he felt every time he thought of his brother. “He couldn’t handle the… and…”
“You found him,” Delphie said.
“He disappeared. I looked everywhere and…” Patrick shook his head at the image of his brother’s dead body. “Is she right?”
“I’ve never known Katy to be wrong,” Delphie said. “She knows Paddie better than anyone else in the world. She loves him completely. She’d know.”
“Is he gay?” Patrick asked.
“Was Cedric?”
“No but…”
“You of all people know that softness and gayness have nothing to do with each other.”
“Sure but… what good does it do to baby him?”
“Isn’t that what your father said about Cedric?” Delphie gave Patrick a strong look.
Stunned, Patrick’
s stared at her.
“He’s here!” Paddie’s Aunt Alex yelled.
The adults cheered.
“Raise a glass to welcome Connor Maxwell Alexander Hargreaves!” Paddie’s Uncle Max said.
“Welcome Connor Alexander Matthew Hargreaves,” Alex said.
The crowd of family laughed and cheered.
“I’ll get Katy,” Delphie moved to get up.
Patrick put his hand on her leg.
“I can save him?” Patrick asked. “Paddie, I mean.”
“If you let Paddie be himself,” Delphie said. “Of course.”
“Thank you,” Patrick nodded.
“It’s Katy, not me,” Delphie touched his face. “You’re a sweet man. You’ll do what’s right.”
Patrick nodded to Delphie. Lost in thought, he watched Delphie scoop up Katy. The child cried when she had to go. Crying, Paddie ran after her. Katy and Paddie hugged and Katy was gone. When Paddie turned, he saw his Grandfather watching him. In a move that he’d seen his brother do time and time again, Paddie tucked his tears away.
Patrick Hargreaves understood his grandson for the first time.
His mind replayed what he knew about Paddie. His first grandson was kind, funny, and… loving. He was just as likely to snuggle up as he was to play. Patrick nodded to himself. His job was to protect his grandson’s gentle nature. He got up and went to Paddie.
“Come on, Paddie,” Patrick said. “I’ll take you to meet your new brother.”
~~~~~~~~
Friday night—9:45 P.M.
“How are you?” Schmidty asked. He leaned on her hospital bed.
“Tired, a little sore, but really good,” Lizzie said.
He kissed her face. They were alone for the first time since she’d gone into labor at noon. Her Dad, Sandy and Maresol had met them at the hospital around three. Colin and Julie got there closer to six. Together, they had coached, cheered, and loved Lizzie into bringing Connor into the world.
“How do you feel about...” Schmidty scanned her face. “Connor?”
“The moment the doctor set him in Julie’s arms,” Lizzie said. “I…”
Tears fell from her eyes. She shook her head slightly.
“That was really hard,” Schmidty said.
“No,” Lizzie said. “Beautiful. So beautiful. And all the people who came to see him, love him, celebrate him. They…”
Lizzie began to cry. Not sure what to do, Schmidty held her hand.
“You don’t want to give him to them,” Schmidty said.
“He belongs with them,” Lizzie said. “He’s their baby. I just got him this far. They will take him where he needs to go. I feel…”
Schmidty stroked her face.
“Like I witnessed a miracle,” she said. “Like something out of the bible. Like I was involved in something… huge.”
“So you’re still all right with letting them adopt him,” Schmidty said.
“I had him for them,” Lizzie said. “I thought it was true before, but I know it now. Julie’s with him, isn’t she?”
“She hasn’t left his side since he was born,” Schmidty said. “Colin took Paddie to the Castle but he’s back. They’re just across the hall. The doctor says they’ll keep Connor overnight. Did you know she’s breast feeding?”
“Isn’t that cool? I didn’t think it was possible but…” Lizzie shrugged. “She’s been taking some drug and pumping since they found out about Connor. I think they belong together.”
“Me too,” Schmidty said.
“How was it for you?” Lizzie asked.
“Amazing,” Schmidty said. “I feel exhausted and charged up at the same time.”
“I know what you mean,” Lizzie said.
“When you’re able, we’ll go back to the beach,” Schmidty said. “You’ll rest. I’ll work. And…”
“We’ll start a real relationship,” Lizzie had told him over and over again that when she had the baby, they would start a real relationship.
“I don’t know Lizzie,” Schmidty said. “I don’t think it gets more real than what we went through today.”
Lizzie beamed at him.
“You need to rest,” Schmidty said.
“I couldn’t have done this without you, Jammy,” Lizzie said.
“Thanks for including me,” Schmidty blushed. “It’s all I ever wanted – to be included in your life.”
“Me too,” Lizzie said.
Schmidty reached over and turned out the light.
CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED and EIGHTY-TWO
Commitment
Saturday early morning – 2:45 A.M.
“Hey,” Jeraine said when Tanesha came out of the bathroom.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed. He set his phone down when she came out. Naked, she smirked at him and put on her nightshirt. He kissed her.
“Did you have fun tonight?” Jeraine asked.
“Is this about the small dick thing?” Tanesha smiled. “Because that was a joke.”
“I know,” Jeraine said. “I meant at the club and, I guess, everything.”
“Didn’t it seem like I had a good time?” Tanesha asked.
He nodded.
“What’s got you all insecure all of a sudden?” Tanesha asked.
“I wanted to tell you something,” Jeraine said.
Tanesha sat down on the bed.
“Have you ever wanted something so bad that you feel like you’d do anything for it?” Jeraine asked.
“Sure,” Tanesha nodded.
“I felt that way about making it big with my music,” Jeraine said. “I didn’t want to be my Dad’s kind of star or Seth’s. I wanted to be big, huge even, successful, popular... And…”
“You got kind of stuck there,” Tanesha said.
“I didn’t realize I had already gone way past what I thought I wanted,” he said. “And lost everything I loved.”
“And now?”
“I’m not going to lie,” he said. “I still want to be a star. I thought I’d be a star doctor or a star surgeon. But…”
“Music is your life,” Tanesha said.
Jeraine nodded. He reached out to take her hand.
“Is that okay?” he asked.
“I think we have to figure it out,” she smiled.
“There is a difference now.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I don’t only want to be a star now,” he said. “Being a star isn’t as important as having you in my life.”
“I’m glad,” she said. She touched his shoulder and got under the covers.
“What have you wanted so badly?” He shifted to look at her.
“Med school,” Tanesha rolled onto her side to look at him. “When I wasn’t able to go last year, I… It was hard.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling,” he said. “It’s like whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, your dream is still just out of reach. I felt that way about you.”
“Me?”
“You,” he said. “This time, these weeks, days, they’re like a dream come true for me. I dreamt and wished and wanted just this, just tonight – dinner, dancing with friends, making love with you and…”
Tanesha held her arms out and he fell into her embrace. They held each other for a moment.
“It’s about commitment,” he said. “I didn’t get it until this morning. If I want something, I have to commit to being and having the thing I want. That’s the way it really works.”
Tanesha kissed his forehead.
“I didn’t know that before,” he said.
“I know,” she said. “And now?”
He closed his eyes and she shook her head.
“Still can’t do it,” she said. “Even now when your dream has come true. I do not know why I waste my time.”
She moved to get up. He held her in place.
“No, that’s not it,” Jeraine said. “No. I was trying to think of how to say it.”
Watching his face, Tanesha fought with herself. Her instinct
was to run away from this heart breaker as fast as possible. That was her part in this dance. They’d danced it a hundred and one times. But tonight, she saw something new on his face. She waited for him to find the words.
“I think I’ve always been committed to you, to us,” Jeraine said. “I remember like it’s set in crystal – our first kiss, our first date, the first time we spent a whole night together. My commitment has always been to you but…”
“But…?”
“It made me anxious,” he said. “I didn’t know I could have you and… I thought…”
“It was one or the other,” Tanesha said.
He nodded.
“You put us, me, in the way of your dream,” she said.
He nodded.
“So you had to destroy us to have your dream,” she said.
He nodded.
“You’re a fool,” she said.
“I am?” he asked.
“Your dreams come from us, from this,” she gestured to him and to herself.
“It does?”
“Go look at those fancy records on the wall.”
Getting out of bed, she took his hand and led him out of their bedroom to the hallway. She flicked on the light. The light flashed on the gold and platinum albums and singles that lined both walls in the hallway.
“Look at the singles,” she said. He looked at her. “Go on.”
He didn’t move. She pushed him toward the wall.
“What am I looking at?” he asked.
“What are these songs about?” she nodded toward the wall.
He looked at her and looked at the wall.
“Just look at them,” she said. “I’m going to make some tea.”
Tanesha went into the kitchen. The tea pot was already warm from the cup she’d made when they got home. She took out a chamomile tea bag and her favorite mug. She had just poured the hot water when he appeared.
“They’re songs about you,” he said.
“About us,” she said.
“And?”
“We are your creative power,” Tanesha said.
Putting her tea mug up to her lips, she watched the thought work across his face.
“I’ve been fighting against myself, the source of my own strength,” he said.
Fairplay, Denver Cereal Volume 6 Page 29
