"I'm debating."
"Debating whether to make love to me?"
"Yes. It's one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make in my life."
I laughed, but he didn't. "What's going on?"
He touched his forehead to mine. "I'd hoped to get a few more drinks into you before having this discussion."
"You're scaring me."
"Okay, let's go into the lobby for a minute."
"Sean, I—"
He put his finger to my lips. "Please just trust me?" I nodded immediately in response not only to his words, but his pleading tone as well.
We were the only ones in the lobby. He pulled me over to two armchairs facing each other in a dark corner. His fingers were aggressively rubbing the backs of my hands, making me even more nervous. "I've done something that I think you're going to be really mad at me for. I'd hoped you wouldn't be mad, but at least, at first, I think you'll hate me."
I pulled my hands from his and immediately thought of Michelle. "What happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Between you and Michelle—just tell me what happened."
"No. Morgan, you don't understand."
"So explain it so I can understand. Just say it, Sean."
He laughed and put his hand to his face. My heart fell even farther into my stomach. "Sweetie, it has nothing to do with her. It—well—I sort of—uh, crap, I had this all planned out." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I want you to marry me."
I tilted my head and raised my left hand, wiggling my fingers. "I think I already agreed to that."
He laughed again, but this time it was much more nervous. "No, I mean—I want you to marry me—tomorrow."
My jaw hit the floor. I couldn't focus or function for several minutes. He did not just say "tomorrow!" Was he serious? I searched his eyes. He was serious. I stood up and walked away, pacing in front of him. Like tomorrow, tomorrow? But that was—the next day. We'd been engaged for a matter of hours. We'd only even known each other a few months. He knew how I felt about this. How could he—how could I—how on earth—
"Morgan. Please tell me what you're thinking." I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. "What's stopping you from marrying me tomorrow? What will be there in a year that isn't here now?"
"Security," I blurted out without thinking.
"I don't understand, love. Please come here and explain it to me."
Reluctantly, I walked back to him and sat in the chair across from him. "I don't feel secure in your family yet. I don't feel secure in your public life yet. I'm afraid, Sean. I wish I wasn't, but I am." He took my hands in his again.
"There's a difference between security and familiarity, sweetie. It's unfamiliar right now, but Morgan—Morgan, please look at me." I lifted my head at the almost desperation in his voice. "We belong together. Nothing will ever change that. You know we belong together. My family already knows and accepts this, even my mom. You're safe with us. They're just unfamiliar. You have every right to worry about my public life, but it's just because you don't know how it will work. But Morgan, if something goes badly, they will disappear from my life, not you. You're secure right here." He placed his hand to his heart.
He scooted forward farther in the chair. "I want you by my side. I want everyone in the world to know that I want you by my side. In Hollywood, engagements don't mean much. Even marriage is losing its strength, but it still holds some power. It tells everyone that you're the most important person in my life—"
"So you're rushing this for the public?"
"No." He leaned away from me, and his eyes narrowed a bit. "I couldn't care less about the public, but I know you're worried about it. I want to marry you because I want to be tied to you in every way I can. Hell, if I could knock you up right now, I'd take that on too." My eyes bulged at that thought, and he rushed to retract his statement. "I swear I will not push you into children. You can make all the calls from here on out on when and where we do things. I will blindly follow everything you say, but please, Morgan, please let me marry you tomorrow."
Sean Wilder was begging me to marry him because he wanted to tie himself to me in every way possible. And still, I was thinking about it. What would Petey say? Well I could solve that by going and asking him. Wait… he was here… and everyone else… "They all know don't they?"
He winced and put his hand to his face. "Yes," he mumbled through his fingers.
"Shit, Sean!" I was back up and pacing. Everyone was here to see us get married. They all knew the entire time they congratulated us on our engagement. I was the only fool who didn't know. Was I supposed to be happy about this?
I burned off more steam pacing for several minutes. Then it hit me. They were all happy for me earlier. They were all excited for us. And they all knew he was planning to marry me the very next day. No one argued or tried to talk me out of it. Petey was genuinely happy for me. Cerise had been in on the whole thing. Well at least I knew now how everyone would react. So aside from being angry with him for keeping it all from me, why was I saying no?
"It's too soon. We hardly know each other."
"Bullshit!" He stood up and walked angrily away from me. When he came back, he still looked pissed. His gray eyes were darker, and the crease between his eyes was prominent. "Stop and think about this entire day, Morgan! Every clue you solved, every piece of us I reminded you of. You know me better than anyone, and I sure as hell know you. For example, you're afraid, and you think the only way out is by hiding behind that bullshit excuse that we don't know each other. If that's the best you can do, I will drag your ass down the aisle tomorrow whether you think you're ready or not."
I was more than a little surprised at his reaction. I wasn't the least bit scared of him, but I'd really upset him. I thought back to the clues, the stories I knew about him, just everything in the past few months. It had been a relationship on fast forward—I'd thought that several times, but was it long enough?
Damn. He was right. It wasn't a valid reason. What was it that was holding me back? Was I really scared?
I looked down at my hands as I wrung them together. "I don't know why I'm so scared." My voice was so small, I didn't know how he heard me, but he walked over and pulled me close to him.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, but this is still new. I can understand your fear of the unknown, but there's only one thing that matters here between us and our families… do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"
I didn't need to think about that question. "Yes."
"Then let's get started on that life together tomorrow."
I took a deep breath in and let it out. "Okay."
He squeezed me so tightly I could barely breathe. "When the Reverend asks if you take me as your husband—if you say 'okay,' I'll go crazy and start throwing things at the guests." I laughed, but he didn't smile. "I'm serious. I'm just trying to warn you." I rolled my eyes, and he kissed me gently, slowly building the passion until we were grabbing for each other with need. I was the sensible one this time and pulled away.
I implored him with my eyes. "Can we please go upstairs now?"
"It's the night before our wedding. We have to sleep separately. It's in the rulebook."
I dropped my arms and walked away from him back toward the tavern. I'd gotten twenty feet from him when I looked back over my shoulder. "Now, I hate you."
"But you'll still marry me tomorrow, right?" he yelled as I disappeared through the door. Damned exasperating man.
Not Gonna Make This Easy
I had two shots of Tequila in my system by the time he glued his body behind me as I sat at the bar with Cerise. Anthony was standing next to me with a guy I thought was a cousin of Sean's.
Sean leaned closer to me and loudly said, "Take it easy on the alcohol. I want my bride sober tomorrow."
I picked up another shot glass of Tequila and turned around on the barstool. Saluting him with the shot glass, I smiled viciously. "If I'm drunk, it'll be easier to c
onvince me to marry your dumb ass."
There were several "oooos" and Anthony leaned over to him. "You knew she wasn't gonna make this easy for you."
I stared him down as he got a beer and took a long gulp, keeping his eyes connected with mine the whole time. "I don't need any alcohol in you to convince you, sweetie."
I raised an eyebrow at him, but he called my bluff and laid a kiss on me that curled my toes and made me cling to him. When he pulled back and took another long gulp of his beer, my mind was completely blank aside from wanting to go upstairs.
"You were saying?" He winked at me.
I had no freaking clue what I'd been saying.
Anthony and the guy next to him started laughing, Sean smirked, and Cerise nudged me in the arm. "You were saying you were going to drink whatever you want and make this as difficult for him as possible."
I smiled again and poured myself another shot. His smile fell. "Morgan, please don't get drunk."
"See, that's where my previous argument comes into play." He looked confused. If he knew me, he'd know I have one hell of a tolerance for alcohol. I tossed back the shot and turned to Cerise. "I like this song."
She laughed. "Me too. Let's go."
I shoved past Sean and headed to the dance floor where several other couples were dancing including Petey and Fran. When Cerise and I spotted Jake nearby, we dragged him onto the dance floor and proceeded to embarrass him by getting far too close. He was used to it, of course. He'd been to clubs with us before. He laughed and twirled us around, but poor Sean did not look happy as he leaned against the bar talking to Anthony and the other guy. I caught his eye and crooked my finger at him. He smirked mischievously, showing off his dimples and making my heart beat faster as he crooked his finger back at me. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him.
"Did you need something?" he asked loudly, laughter in his voice.
"I thought you might want to dance with me."
"Are you asking me to dance?" Oh, he wanted to play it that way did he? A power struggle, huh. I could play that.
"I just thought you might want to show me what you were doing to Raney that night at prom, but if you're not up to it—you are much older now—I understand. I think I'll go back and dance with young Jake there." I turned to Anthony and the other guy and said, "Sean's not as young as he used to be." Anthony and the other guy were cracking up. Sean had his hand on the bar and his head hung low, shaking it.
I rolled my eyes and Anthony said, "Man, has she got your number."
Sean said loudly, "And she thinks she doesn't know me."
I tapped him on the shoulder, and crossed my arms in front of me. "You're proving very predictable."
"You're proving to be already drunk."
I laughed in his face—so hard that I had to hold my stomach. I was so not drunk. I was feeling looser and seriously conniving, but I was far from drunk. To prove it, I dropped the smile and took a step away from him. In heels, I stood on one foot and stretched my arms out, touching my fingers to my nose in an alternating pattern.
"Shit!" Anthony exclaimed. "I can't do that when I'm sober."
"And I'm in heels." I lifted the hem of my dress to show him. Sean was smiling at me again as I glared at him. "You think you know me so well. Clearly you're mistaken. Maybe you should rethink tomorrow."
He moved forward so quickly, I didn't have time to breathe. He put one arm around my waist and tangled his other hand in the hair at the back of my neck, holding me to him. It was aggressive and so freaking sexy. "I am rethinking tonight. If you keep this up, I won't be able to hold out until tomorrow night." He let go of me and grabbed his beer from the bar, chugging a fourth of it.
"Sean, Sean, Sean." I shook my head at him and touched my finger to his nose. "That's the point, baby." I drew out the nickname slowly and watched him groan. His eyes darkened again. I grabbed his hand, and he let me pull him out onto the dance floor. Cerise called what we were doing a "tasteful version of screwing on the dance floor." We were really all over each other, but his parents and the older people in our families had gone to bed, so no one looked at us with disgust. Everyone in the bar started singing along to songs like "Benny and the Jets" and "Don't Stop Believing." I continued to give Sean a hard time, and he continued to use his kissing skills to make me forget what I was saying. It was an effective system for flirtation.
When it started getting late, we sat at the tables in the tavern. I curled up on his lap and tried to stay in the conversation with Stewie, Annalisa, Nathan, Cerise, Anthony, and a couple of Sean's cousins, but my eyes were closing. He must have told me it was time for bed at least ten times, but I insisted I was fine only to close my eyes again a few moments later. I didn't want to be away from him even for one night. I especially didn't want to wake up from a nightmare and not have Sean there, but I didn't want to admit that with his cousins at the table.
When my eyes closed for possibly the hundredth time, Sean picked me up in his arms. "Time for bed, sweetie."
"No!" I squirmed out of his arms, and he put me down. As I pulled away from him, he put his hands up in defense.
"Morgan, you're exhausted. I'll walk you up to bed, and you can have the Presidential Suite all to yourself."
"No! I'm not tired yet." I turned to the table. Everyone was staring at me, but Cerise and Annalisa looked at each other.
"Let's have a slumber party!" Cerise announced and Annalisa nodded profusely. I looked at Cerise then glanced in Sean's direction, hoping she got the idea that I needed Sean with me. "Yeah. All of us. We're adults. The sofa turns into a bed, and they can bring in a rollaway or two." Sean's cousins laughed and said it sounded like fun, but declined the invitation and headed for bed. I relaxed a little when they were gone.
Sean tugged on my arm. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, okay?" I yanked my arm from his and walked to the other side of the tavern.
I could hear Cerise say, "Sean—the nightmares."
I felt embarrassed. I wanted to be fine, but I wasn't yet. And with the stress of the whole day and tomorrow and not sleeping in Sean's arms—I knew it would be a bad night.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind as I stared out the window. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't even think about it. Stewie and Annalisa will stay with us tonight. We'll tell everyone you and Annalisa shared the bed, and Stewie and I fought against each other on the sofa bed. I won't leave you." I turned in his arms and buried my face in his chest. His strong arms around me felt so incredible. "I'll always make sure you have what you need, Morgan. I won't always know what you're trying to tell me, though. Sometimes you'll just have to say it." I nodded and cuddled further into him. "Do you think you can handle keeping your hands to yourself tonight?"
"I don't know. You are one of America's most handsome men."
"Three years in a row." He chuckled and kissed my cheek. "Come on, your ridiculous flirting has tired me out."
I didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night, but Sean did wake me up. He said I was shaking, and I remembered pieces of a nightmare where everything around me matched the moment when Brent called off the wedding except Sean came in instead and told me he'd changed his mind. I tried to chalk it up to inevitability in terms of my subconscious' worries, but it was hard to shake.
After trying to sleep for an hour, Sean pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear. "Have you slept at all since I woke you?" I didn't answer but tucked my head underneath his and curled into him. "What was it about?"
If I told him the truth, I was worried he'd be upset with me for not trusting him. Even I was upset with my subconscious for putting the thought in my head.
"It doesn't matter what it was about, sweetie. I love you no matter what, remember? I wouldn't force you into marriage if I didn't."
Force me. I smiled a little. He was certainly pushing me into it. There, see subconscious? I yelled in my head. Why would he go to such great lengths if he wasn't sure?
"Please tell me what it was abou
t?"
Pulling together my courage, I whispered, "You changed your mind—just before the wedding started."
He nudged my chin up. "Open your eyes, love." The clearness in his eyes made me blink a few times. "I'll never let you go, Morgan. I don't want to go anywhere again without you. Watching you roll your eyes at me or laugh with me or give me that angry pouty face you make—it makes everything worthwhile. I don't want you with me, I need you with me. That'll never change, and I have zero doubts about that. I wish you could feel what I feel for you. I wish I could somehow share that with you."
I smiled a little. "Maybe you're just acting. You're a really good actor, you know?"
"I'm a good actor because I have excellent scripts written for me, and I can put myself in other people's shoes. But three months ago, if you had asked me to do improv on what I would be like in love—I couldn't have imagined this. I had no idea at all. If you had asked me what I would say to my beautiful bride the night before our wedding, I probably would have laughed. I never dreamed I would have this with anyone—not this strong. It scares the hell out of me to think your only reply to that text might have been 'You have the wrong number.' I would have gone on with my day and never met you. I feel pretty panicked when I think about that. And if that thought can scare the crap out of me, imagine what losing you does to me now. I'm marrying you tomorrow, so tell that brain of yours to quit worrying and let you get some rest while I hold you until they tear you out of my arms in a few hours."
I snuggled back into his arms. "I love you."
He rubbed his cheek against the top of my head. "Ah, Morgan, 'I love you' doesn't even seem to cover how I feel about you anymore."
Personal Reminder
I actually did manage to get a few more hours of sleep, which was a definite good thing since I didn't want massive dark circles under my eyes on my wedding day. Wedding day—the thought made me nervous and giddy all at the same time. Annalisa woke me up when it was light out, but put her finger to her lips. Sean was still asleep, looking so peaceful and handsome. Annalisa was wildly gesturing that I get out of bed while Stewie yawned behind her and laughed silently. I pulled away from Sean, but he pulled me back, keeping his eyes closed.
Accidental Texting: Finding Love despite the Spotlight Page 42
