by Vanessa Vale
I was going to Missoula for the day with Penny to get my mail, check on a few things. Since she was from North Carolina and hadn’t seen much of the state, she wanted to check out Missoula and I was playing tour guide. But we were going for the day. The day.
Sutton, though, thought I was leaving. For good. That this was me saying goodbye. I wanted to laugh, to roll my eyes at him and tell him that if I were leaving, if I were breaking up with him, I’d say something more than I’m going to my apartment. But the idiot was too blind, too prepared for me to bolt to see the truth.
I wasn’t going to set him straight though. I wanted him to stop me, to take my hand and tell me no. To tell me not to go, that he wanted to be with me, day and night. To tell me why he left me, walked away from sharing me. I might have Lee and Archer, too, like he said, but having three men didn’t mean Sutton only had to give part of himself to me. He still had to give me everything. And he wasn’t.
I offered him a small smile, took a step back, my feet sliding over the hard-packed dirt. Then another. “I’ll…see ‘ya.”
As I walked out of the stable, I looked over my shoulder, saw him watching me, arms folded, his gaze dark. Silent.
* * *
SUTTON
* * *
“You just let her leave?” I asked the second after I stormed into Archer’s office.
He looked up from his desk which was littered with papers. He’d been staring at the computer, hand on the mouse before he glanced up at me.
The door had bounced off the wall when I opened it and he didn’t even blink. I’d been to the sheriff’s office before. Once when I was a teenager and been caught for underage drinking at a bonfire party and many times since Archer had taken his job. While he lived and worked in town, I stuck mostly to the ranch. Since the rodeo last summer and the weekend with Cricket, I’d barely left. To say I’d been a cranky asshole was probably an understatement and every one of my friends would call me something far worse. I’d had no interest in leaving, to do much of anything. I worked, I worked hard enough to fall into bed with my boots still on and pray I wouldn’t wake up with a nightmare.
“She wanted to go,” Archer countered.
“Why the fuck do you look so calm about this?” I asked, coming in and dropping down into the utilitarian chair in front of his desk.
Phones rang from outside of the office, a police scanner chirped from somewhere on Archer’s belt. He reached down and it was quickly silenced. Turning, he settled back in his seat, rested his elbows on the arm rests and steepled his fingers in front of him.
I was pissed. Really pissed. Cricket had gotten away from us once and it had pretty much ruined me. And now she’d left. Again. And Archer didn’t seem to give a shit.
“Why are you so bent out of shape?” he countered.
“Why—” I sighed, ran my hand over the back of my neck. “Why am I so bent out of shape? I thought we wanted Cricket.”
“Me, too.”
“Then why did you let her leave us?”
Archer’s eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t say anything.
I stood, paced the small room. There was a framed generic western landscape photograph on the wall, a map of the western half of the state pinned beside a window that looked out over the parking lot. The white metal blinds were open to let in the sunshine. The building didn’t have air conditioning and I was sweating. Not that it was hot in here, but because I was losing my mind. It wasn’t a panic attack—I’d had a few of those since my deployment finished—and my body was out of control.
“Cricket wants it all.”
He was so fucking calm. I wanted to reach across the desk, grab him and shake some sense into him.
“She has it all. Three men who have made her the center of their world.”
“Two,” he countered.
I spun around, eyed him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Lee and I have made her the center of our world, definitely. She knows that. But you? You’re a part-time lover. Nothing more.”
“That’s not true,” I spat, pointing my finger at him.
He shrugged, went around the desk and shut the door. I knew I’d raised my voice, but I didn’t give a shit. It seemed he did.
Turning to face me, he put his hands on his hips. “Why the fuck do you leave at night?”
I closed my eyes, slumped my shoulders and let my head drop as if it weighed a ton.
“Is it because of your nightmares?”
I looked at Archer. He was still as cool as a fucking cucumber. He wasn’t passing judgment, didn’t give a shit that I was broken.
“Of course. I can’t have her waking up to that. To seeing me that way.”
“Why not?”
Pain cut through me sharper than any bullet from an insurgent’s rifle.
“That night, in Poulson, the first night,” I clarified. “We fell asleep and I had a nightmare. I don’t remember what I was dreaming about exactly, but she woke me. She was shoving me, practically hitting my chest, pounding on it to get my attention. To pull me out of it. When I finally woke up, I was holding her wrist. Hard. I’d grabbed her in my nightmare and wouldn’t let go.”
His eyes narrowed. “You hurt her.”
I nodded once. “Just from the grab. Nothing else. But she had bruises. She made light of it, didn’t care, was more worried about me than her own safety.”
Archer’s face softened then. “That’s our girl.”
I didn’t smile, but I agreed with him. She was too kind-hearted. “It’s my job to worry about her safety. I had to protect her. Even from me.”
“That’s why you called me and Lee to join you.”
I shrugged, remembering the conversation Cricket and I had had. We’d laughed and admitted some of our kinky truths. She’d found out how I liked to dominate and I’d discovered how she’d always wanted to sleep with more than one guy. At the same time.
“I’d never shared before, but if that was what she’d wanted, it was my job as her lover to satisfy her. And it also ensured I wasn’t alone with her if I fell asleep.”
“You’ve been leaving now for her own protection.”
I nodded once.
He sighed. “Shit. Don’t you think she has a right to know, to make the decision for herself?”
A knock came at the door. Archer turned, opened it and stuck his head out. Someone spoke, but I couldn’t hear more than mumbling. I wasn’t paying any attention, instead thinking about Cricket, about how I’d left her hanging.
“I’ll be right there,” Archer told the guy, then closed the door again. “Dude, she didn’t leave us. She went to Missoula for the day. Penny’s with her.”
My head whipped up, looked Archer in the eye. “She didn’t—”
“Fuck no. You think I’d let her go without a fight? That I’d be standing here instead of going after her? That Lee would have gone off to Buffalo whistling Dixie?”
My mouth had fallen open and I snapped it shut. “But she said…shit, she said she was going back to her apartment. I just assumed she was done with me.”
The vise that had been around my heart loosened.
“You need to get your head out of your ass. Now. You will lose her if you don’t. She wants all of you. The good and the bad. She deserves it. She might need your protection, but haven’t you considered the possibility that she might be the one to save you right back?”
“Shit. Shit!” I ran my hand over my neck again.
“Go to Missoula. Tell her the truth. All of it. And bring her back.”
Yes, that’s what I’d do. I’d been an idiot and an asshole. Cricket wasn’t weak. She was strong. She could handle this. Handle me. And if I fucked something up, Archer and Lee would be there to set me straight.
14
CRICKET
* * *
“Jamison sleeps on his back and likes me to lay practically on top of him, as if I could be his blanket,” Penny said as we walked across my apartment comple
x’s parking lot. “Boone likes to tuck me in front of him since he sleeps on his side. I have arms and legs wrapped around me all night long.”
She wasn’t complaining. No, the smile on her face proved she liked this problem. Having two men want to hold her all night long was no crisis. I felt the same way, liked being held as I slept, but something was missing. Someone. Sutton.
“But you have three. I have no idea how you make that work.” She must have been reading my mind. She paused, then turned and looked at me. “I’ve only shared a bed with a man—with two men—for less than two months. I’m no expert.”
That’s right, she’d said she’d been a virgin before she met Jamison and Boone. She’d definitely made up for lost time with those two.
“It is complicated,” I countered, trying to give the most neutral answer possible. I wasn’t going to tell her about what was going on—or not going on—with Sutton. She might be my sister and this was what sisters did, but I had no idea. I’d never had any family before. I liked Penny. I liked her quite a bit and I was happy that she was in my life now, but it seemed like I was betraying my relationship with my men to air our problems.
Surely, Penny’s relationship wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Was it? “So what’s your biggest beef with your men?” I asked, heading up the walkway to my building. It wasn’t the fanciest of places. Three stories, brick, central staircase. Each apartment had a balcony and a few residents had potted plants hanging. But this was a working-class neighborhood and not many had extra cash for something frivolous that was going to die with the first frost.
“I miss pajamas.”
I stopped walking and stared at her. She was serious. I started to laugh. “You miss pajamas? That’s your beef with your men?”
She shrugged. “I’m still not used to being naked all night. Pajamas are cozy. Men are…well, a different kind of cozy. And because of the no pajama thing, I’m now pregnant and throw up every morning. I hate throwing up.”
I started laughing all over again. After a moment or two, she joined me. “I heard there’s something called pregnancy brain. I think I have it. I sound like an idiot.” She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. “I hate Kady. She hasn’t thrown up once and she looks like she was hit by a sparkle dust bomb. I mean, she glows.”
Kady did look way too happy and how did she always look so put together? Today, I wore my usual jeans, but had put on a sleeveless top in deference to the heat, but wore no makeup and my hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. Penny didn’t look like death warmed over as she inferred. She was petite and blonde and beautiful, although she was definitely less high-maintenance than Kady.
“See? I do sound like an idiot.”
“No. You sound like you’re in love,” I countered.
She smiled, brilliantly, and placed her hand on her flat stomach. “I am.”
“Come on, let’s get my mail, collect a few things and then I’ll take you to my favorite place for lunch. Think you can keep it down?”
She nodded. “Absolutely. I only throw up before eight.”
I didn’t laugh at her preciseness because she was a scientist even when she wasn’t being one. Obviously, she’d collected her data of throwing up and had come to the conclusion that she would only become ill before a certain time and that would not change. I wasn’t up on babies or little kids, but I knew they weren’t consistent. She was in for it if she thought she could control what happened during her pregnancy and after.
We went up to the second floor and down the hall to my apartment. Mine faced the back, to the rear lot and to the back side of the grocery store beyond. The view from my balcony wasn’t the beach.
I put my key in the lock, turned it, but I didn’t hear the snick of it flipping. I frowned, gripped the knob and turned. It was unlocked. Had I forgotten to lock it after Archer had brought me over to grab some clothes a few days ago?
I pushed open the door, but didn’t go inside.
My apartment looked…lived in, and not by me. Clothing was strewn on the floor and the stench of stale cigarette smoke hit me. Yes, this was my apartment.
Penny glanced at me, her nose crinkled. “Um…”
My heart rate doubled and I didn’t know what to think. Violated. Scared. Confused. The toilet flushed and Penny and I stared at each other. My head whipped around when a man came out of my bathroom—he hadn’t closed the door—buttoning his pants, a newspaper tucked under his arm.
“You!” he said. “Nurse Ratchet.”
“Holy fuck,” I whispered. “Rocky.”
“Cricket,” Penny said, her voice a mixture of fear and warning.
I put my hand out in the stop short motion, although I didn’t care about copping a feel of Penny’s boobs. I didn’t want her going inside. Not that she’d made a move to do so. “Go back to the car.” My keys were pressed against her ribs. “Now.”
“I can’t leave you here with him,” she speed-talked.
It was Rocky from the strip club.
“And you can’t stay,” I countered. “Take that baby of yours and go to the car. I’ll be fine.”
I wasn’t so sure of that, but I wasn’t taking any chances with Penny. Rocky was my problem and she and her baby weren’t getting in the middle of it.
She left me, although reluctantly, and ran down the hall to the stairs. Good. I sighed a little bit, glad she would be safe.
“What are you doing in my apartment?”
“Living here. Waiting for you.”
“I thought you were in jail.”
He came closer, let the newspaper drop to the floor. “Let’s have a chat, roomie.”
No fucking way. I remembered I had mace in my purse, the usual one I carried that was slung cross-shoulder. I’d had the mace for years and this was the first time I’d had need of it. I was a little surprised I was clearheaded enough to think of it. I wouldn’t grab it now. He wasn’t close enough to use it on him. But I wasn’t going in my apartment to get nearer. Going inside meant bad things would happen. I wasn’t that stupid.
“No way. You’re supposed to be in jail.”
He grinned, shook his head. “They arrested Schmidt and Ricky. Not me.”
Ricky. Rocky. Jesus, the police arrested the wrong guy? Probably not. I had no doubt if Ricky, whoever that was, had been hanging with Schmidt, he deserved to be in jail, too. I’d read the police paperwork when I’d gone in and given my statement. Archer had even told me the names of the men who’d been arrested. I’d just never imagined they’d made a mistake.
“I’d gone out of town for a couple days and came back to to find out my friends had been arrested. I figured Ricky wouldn’t stop whining till the cops discovered they’d got the wrong guy and come looking for me. Since then, I’ve been looking for you.” He grinned. “Thanks to you, I can’t go to my place, so I figured this was the easiest way to solve both problems. It worked since here you are, it just took your skinny ass long enough to show up. You’re running out of food in your fridge.”
“Here I am.”
“It’s time to have that party I talked about.” He grinned and his gaze raked over me, just like it had in that tiny closet in the back of the strip club. “No nurse’s uniform needed, sweet cheeks. You naked and on your knees is fine by me.”
Bile rose in my throat at the thought. I’d happily sucked my men’s dicks, but this was disgusting. Rocky was disgusting.
“No way.”
He was bigger than me. Meaner. Had zero conscience. Scary. Dangerous.
“Like you have any choice.” Since his belt buckle was still undone after being in the bathroom, he tugged on the buckle, and I heard the slide of the leather as it went through the loops as he pulled it out. “No getting out a window this time.”
The belt dangled down to the ground as he stepped toward me. He was right, I’d gotten away before. He wasn’t going to let that happen twice.
I fumbled reaching into my purse, but I gripped the mace, pulled it out and when he got c
lose enough, sprayed.
* * *
SUTTON
* * *
“Where the fuck are you?” Archer growled. His call came through my truck’s dash and his voice boomed in the cabin.
After I left the sheriff’s office, I stopped for coffee at the gas station, then kept right on going. With the highway fairly straight and wide open—with the clear weather I could see for twenty miles or more—I spent the drive thinking of how much of a dumbass I was. And I hoped Cricket liked dumbasses. No, I hoped she loved them. Not all dumbasses. Just one. Me. I’d fucked up. I would fuck up again. I just had to hope I was worth it.
“Ten minutes outside of Missoula. The GPS is telling me her place isn’t much farther. Why?”
“Because Penny called and there was a man in Cricket’s apartment. Living there, apparently. Waiting for Cricket.”
My foot pressed the accelerator down to the floor, the truck’s engine roaring as I pushed it past ninety. I gripped the steering wheel so hard there would be indentations.
“Living there? She didn’t say anything about a roommate. What the fuck?”
“Not a roommate.” Archer was unfazed by my outburst. “Apparently, we arrested the wrong guy. Penny said Cricket called him Rocky.”
We arrested the wrong guy.
“You arrested two men,” I confirmed.
“Schmidt, the club owner. He’s the one who she got the loan from, who was forcing her to strip to pay off the extra interest. We also arrested a guy named Richard Blade, his right-hand man.”
“Cricket said the two men who’d fucked with her were Schmidt and Rocky. I assume Richard’s nickname isn’t Rocky?”
I heard a big crash, as if Archer had turned over his desk, threw a chair against the wall or something similar. Yeah, I knew the feeling, but driving, I had no release for my frustrations. “It seems not. I need you to get over there. Now.”
I heard the panic in his voice, knew he felt as I did. Helpless, out of control. Too far away.
“Are the police on the way?” I weaved around a minivan with a South Dakota license plate.
