by Joey Comeau
In Unforgiven, after the kid finally kills someone, he just cries and drinks. He tries to justify it to himself, and to Clint Eastwood.
“I . . . I guess he had it coming though, right?” he says.
“We all got it coming, kid,” Clint Eastwood says.
I don’t know which character I am. The kid, I guess.
There’s a scene in the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles where Steve Martin has finally had enough of John Candy’s irritating habits — his snoring, his constant chattering. He snaps. He points out every obnoxious thing that’s wrong with John Candy, all the stupid things he talks about, his pointless stories. He goes on and on and on while John Candy just stands there and takes it. And when Steve Martin is done his ranting, John Candy says, “You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel better.”
He says maybe Steve Martin’s right. Maybe he does talk too much, and maybe he does do the wrong thing. And you know what? Steve Martin is welcome to think whatever he wants. Because, “I like . . . I like me,” John Candy says. “And my wife likes me.”
That bit always makes me well up with tears. He doesn’t need Steve Martin to like him. He likes himself. And he has someone who loves him. Later, when you find out that his wife has been dead for years now, it just destroys me. It destroys Steve Martin too. You see a series of flashbacks, where John Candy is talking about his wife, and about his life, and it’s like Steve Martin is seeing him for the first time. When he figures it out, he goes running to find him, to bring him home to his own family for dinner. And this is when supposedly he realizes that John Candy is his friend after all, but I don’t think so. I think this is when John Candy becomes his friend. When Steve Martin sees the weakness, that’s the moment they become friends. That’s what makes relationships strong.
I can see Clay coming across the playground toward me now, and I hope I’m right.
About the Author
Joey Comeau writes the comic A Softer World. He is the author of the bestselling Overqualified (2009) and One Bloody Thing After Another (2010), which was shortlisted for the Shirley Jackson Award and the ReLit Award. He lives in Toronto, Ontario.
Copyright © Joey Comeau, 2012
Published by ECW Press
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Comeau, Joey, 1980–
Complete lockpick pornography / Joey Comeau.
Contents: Lockpick pornography — We all got it coming
I. Comeau, Joey, 1980– . Lockpick pornography.
II. Comeau, Joey, 1980– . We all got it coming. III. Title.
PS8605.O537C64 2012 C813’.6 C2011-906978-4
ISBN: 978-1-77090-192-6
also issued as: 978-1-77090-191-9 (PDF); 978-1-77041-069-5 (Print)
Lockpick Pornography was previously published by Loose Teeth Press in 2005.
Editor for the Press: Michael Holmes / a misFit book
Design and production: Rachel Ironstone
The publication of The Complete Lockpick Pornography has been generously supported by the Canada Council for the Arts which last year invested $20.1 million in writing and publishing throughout Canada, and by the Ontario Arts Council, an agency of the Government of Ontario. We also acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund for our publishing activities. The marketing of this book was made possible with the support of the Ontario Media Development Corporation.
