by Pamela Ann
Tears sprung into my eyes in no time. The pain in his voice went straight into my heart. Could it be possible? Could we fix this? I was going to confess everything to him after we ate, and if his sentiments changed, then I would know I was doing us a favor. However, if it didn’t, then I needed to ponder harder, see what I should do from there.
The knock on the door made him break free from me before he went about to opening it. After tipping the room service waiter, we both sat in the dining area with him sitting to my left at the head of the table.
For a few silent minutes, I watched as he busied himself with pouring the coffee, adding cream and sugar before stirring it in slow, casual circles. His reticence was unnerving, and I had to urge myself to do something other than stare at his movements.
Choosing the decadent fruits before me, I slowly transferred a few on my plate before taking a hefty dollop of cream. I wasn’t at all hungry, but I knew I had to eat something or else I wouldn’t have enough energy to argue with Ashton.
As I slowly sliced a portion of my cantaloupe, my thoughts flittered back to Reiss. Was he serious about not seeing me again? True, he had been callous, but I deserved his wrath. Although, we both knew he had left with so many unanswered questions, and I needed answers to them. He simply couldn’t leave me hanging like this, could he? Craig was a cold bastard, but I knew the Reiss I used to know was somewhere in there underneath the hate and the layers of suffering he had gone through. I still meant to make amends even after he had treated me as if I was only a whore he could have a night with and nothing more.
If he was going for shock value, he had delivered it in spades. If he was aiming to hurt, he had successfully accomplished it. Regardless, none of those things would hinder my determination in trying to make the wrongs into rights.
“Ava?” Ashton’s soft voice broke through my thoughts as I grew pink with embarrassment from my thoughts of another man while I was sharing a meal with my husband. “Care to tell me what’s been happening since you got here in England?”
Well, hell. How did I go about telling him that I had been involved with another man, a man he had a history of loathing? Shame and mortification made me redden even more as I looked away from him.
“I … uh …” I bit the bottom of my lip as I prayed dearly, hoping my confession wouldn’t cause him to have a heart attack. “I sort of slept with someone.” Reluctantly, I gazed towards him.
He was staring at this coffee while his hands were gripping the fork and knife. He had been about to bring the piece of omelet to his mouth yet had stopped midway. His hands shook a little as he locked his jaw, rage seething out of him. His handsome face contorted with emotions, ranging from fury to sadness, desolation, and being gutted alive.
“Why?” he croaked out, still eerily staring at this coffee.
Why? Loneliness and disappointment had been my constant companion for the last several years of being married to him. It wasn’t an excuse—I knew that—but it was the grounds that had led me astray. I had this gaping hole inside of me that needed to connect with another soul, and his emotional unavailability had merely widened this gap.
“First, I need you to understand that my actions are my own, and the blame is solely mine. I thought it best to say that out loud in case there’s any confusion later on. You and I have been leading separate lives ever since we failed at getting pregnant, though it’s not your fault that your workload has quadrupled since your advancement at work. I’ve been quietly dealing with my own heartbreak and feeling inept at conceiving a baby when thousands of women get pregnant on a daily basis. I felt like a failure at doing something that nature has freely given to all females. The nightmares and self-loathing haven’t subsided, though months have passed. I’ve harbored ill feelings towards myself to the point of self-destruction …” It gave me shivers as I recalled the intense feelings I had possessed for myself and how much I had contemplated what my purpose was all about.
“The pain became so toxic it had influenced a lot of bad thoughts—thoughts of suicide, running away, or simply inflicting bodily harm would circle my mind most days. Coming here gave me some enlightenment. Being around Allie chased some of my demons away. But, one night, everything came into place. It was the night I found him—”
“Who’s him precisely?” he ground out, sounding as if he was about to launch himself at me.
“Reiss. He’s not dead as they say. He’s truly alive, Ash.” I was on the verge of sounding hysterical. I couldn’t seem to contain my excitement as the realization hit me hard. Saying it aloud felt like something was being freed inside my chest. I reveled in the feeling.
He muttered something under his breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “So you find him alive after a decade and then what, Ava? You easily spread your legs like you did before and let him fuck you senseless?” He was turning red as he yelled at me.
He got up from the table before he strode towards the middle of the room, as if he needed to gather his thoughts without bearing to see my treacherous face.
His choice of words didn’t even make me flinch, because I’d known he’d eventually lash out at me in one way or another.
“I’m sorry for causing you pain—you must know that—but you also must know the guilt I have carried for so long, and seeing him in the flesh magnified everything for me.”
He spun around as he stared daggers at me before something dawned on me.
“Wait … how come you aren’t even shocked upon hearing the news he isn’t dead, that Reiss is in fact alive?” I eyed him with utmost scrutiny.
He shook his head, looking away again. This time, I caught something in his eyes. Was that shame?
My heart pounded against my chest as I slowly got up. The scraping of the chair against the floor made me flinch as I watched him closely. “Ashton?” His lack of response made me all the more nervous. “You’re hiding something from me. What is it you’re not telling me?” I almost screeched out the question, feeling as if my heart was about to burst out of my body as I watched the guilt on his face. It said it all. “No—” I gasped, disbelieving. “You couldn’t have …”
My head throbbed as everything came into place. “What part did you have of it?”
“Nothing. I had no part of it … but I knew what your father was up to.”
“My father?” I barked out, shaking my head.
His throat bobbed as he apologetically gazed at me with saddened eyes. “Yes. It was your father who made him go away.”
Chapter 16
Ava
My father. My sweet, loving, deceitful father was the man behind all of this. The suffering I had endured for years on end had been blatantly committed by my own flesh and blood.
My ears were ringing. My heart thudded as I disdainfully stared at the man I had shared a decade with—ten years of him witnessing the pure torment that my guilt-ridden conscience had done to me. In all this time, he had never uttered a damn word to tell me the cause of my misery wasn’t dead, that he was in fact somewhere in England, hiding away as he carried on with his life. Whereas I, idiot Ava, had blindly lived life as if I wasn’t all there. Yes¸ I had lived and breathed, but I hadn’t been all there in my body, in my mind and in my soul. I had functioned, yet I hadn’t truly been alive.
My family were the ones who had caused me pain. It hurt to even look at Ashton.
“How could you do this to me? You’ve sacrificed my happiness for your own selfishness. I will not forgive you for this!” Hissing the words out, I scrambled out towards the bedroom, grabbed my purse while I slipped into my nude pumps, and then dashed out towards the main door.
Ashton tried to block me from leaving. “We need to sort this out. You can’t just leave without talking to me, Ava!”
Nostrils flaring, I elbowed his chest as I fought to be set free. “Let. Me. Go! Or so help me God, you will regret ever marrying me!” I thrashed as his hold lessened around me. We were both breathing raggedly as he fully let me go.
> Straightening my clothes, I glared at him.
“I shall wait for your return, whenever that maybe. Rest assured, dear wife, I will be here.”
Almost running out of the hotel, I fumed as I walked hurriedly, as though the hounds of Hell were chasing me. My scrambled thoughts didn’t help ease the deep-seated betrayal Ashton’s revelation had caused. Much more so at the knowledge that my father had been involved in Reiss’s disappearance from my life.
I needed to get to the bottom of this. There were millions of questions whirling in my head, and I meant for each and every one of them to be fully answered.
*
Fifteen minutes or so had passed since I had left the hotel when I found myself outside Reiss’s building. I stood gazing at it, contemplating what to do next since the owner of the building’s parting words had been too hateful to even hope of an invitation upon seeing me again. It wasn’t as if it would literally stop me from going inside the building to confront him about what I had just uncovered, although I was more nervous at the thought of seeing him again after the torrid sex session less than forty-eight hours ago.
Locking my jaws, I held my breath as I pushed forward, striding with confidence as I entered the building even though I wasn’t looking my best. My hair was tied in a loose bun with my face clean of makeup other than a swipe of peach lip gloss. My white jeans and plain white blouse matched the colorless theme. With my pink-tinged cheeks from suppressed anger towards Ashton and my father, I hurried towards the bank of elevators, hoping I could get past his military-style secretary. The woman’s steel-like personality petrified me a little, though I tried not to show it.
Getting into the elevator, I patiently waited until I reached the top floor. Once I did, the elevator had barely cracked open when the she-devil gave me a glare. Her desk was approximately six to seven meters from where I stood, but she didn’t have any qualms about greeting guests in such a cold manner.
“Sorry Miss, but Mr. Chambers gave strict orders not to let you pass.”
Strict Orders? Did he now? What a bloody wanker. “Well, can you tell your arse of a boss that this is bloody important? Oh, and while you’re at it, do warn him that I won’t be moving from this very spot until he sees me.”
I stood my ground, knowing this could very well be life and death for me. The comparison was quite extreme; however, my life was hanging in the balance, and I needed to know the truth. I deserved to know it … even if I was the main cause for why the situation had been initiated in the first place.
She raised her chin as she measured me up as an opponent before huffing her snobbish nose at me. She then raised her brow then spun around with her four-inch Prada pumps, striding towards the office of His Lord Almighty. The insipid fool had me blocked? The nerve! What made him so bloody sure I was going to come here and demand to see him? Arrogant arse.
Seething, I had ideas that ranged from scratching his eyes out to gripping his balls through my nails until they were black and blue. Inflicting physical harm had never been attractive to me, but right this instant, my thoughts lingered on some colorful ideas.
Tapping my foot on the shiny marbled flooring, I was impatiently waiting the she-devil’s return. If Reiss had more excuses to throw me out—hell, he could even go as far as bringing security in to escort me—I wouldn’t be going anywhere. I’d return every day and exhaust all of my resources to get to him. This was vital for my sanity—for my existence—.
The sudden sound of high heels clicking against the floor brought me back to my senses as I glanced towards the smug-looking secretary.
“Well? Is he going to see me or order security to kick me out?”
She didn’t stop until she reached her desk and then took a seat before giving me an insufferable expression. “You can wait for twenty minutes since he’s on a very important call, then you may see him in his office.”
Well, that went quite easy, didn’t it?
Releasing a breath, I made a curt nod, looking more dignified as I straightened out my top before murmuring, “Thank you. I shall take a seat whilst waiting.”
She barely gave me a nod of acknowledgement before resuming her work, carrying on as if I didn’t exist.
My attempt at occupying myself with reading materials with celebrity and lifestyle magazines didn’t do much to ebb the explosive feeling I had in my chest. I was wired with too much frustration from being lied to. It had built an emotional ball inside me, and I wouldn’t let up until I had all of this out of my chest.
Time went by at a snail’s pace as I waited for the minutes to hit the twentieth mark. And, when it finally did, I didn’t even wait for the ill begotten queen to notify me it was all right to move forward. I basically zoomed out of the receiving area and immediately headed straight to the other wing where Reiss’s office was located. My memory served fresh as I recalled my recent visit. It didn’t take me long until I reached his door, not bothering to knock as my hand gripped the handle and pushed the heavy, polished oak door open.
Immediately, I found him sitting behind his desk, still engrossed in a phone conversation. I entered his domain with loud commotion so he knew I was here, glaring at him. He chose to completely ignore me and pretended I wasn’t breathing the same air.
“Don’t be rubbish, of course I do.” He was grinning from ear to ear, pleased. “You’re perfect. I’ll see you tonight. Same time, yeah?” He paused, presumably because his chit was spouting something arousing to his senses, before he added, “Splendid. I look forward to it.”
I watched his face light up from speaking to her, aghast at witnessing him flirt his way with another woman on the phone. I felt small and irrelevant. —I knew it was a her not a him on the other end because he was not the kind to mess about on the other side of the field.
Adding more salt to my injury, I came to realize that what had occurred between us might not have meant anything other than his usual fucks. I had been partially convinced that, though he spouted hate and extreme loathing, a part of him would still remember the golden days and how magical it had been between us. However, as the seconds ticked away, I was starting to think otherwise.
Well, if that was the case, then I wouldn’t let him see how much it affected me, because that would only make him feel superior, knowing he had accomplished what he had sought out to do—hurt me the deepest he possibly could.
None of this mattered any longer, anyhow. I was here to confront him about the lies he had strung along for years. It wouldn’t even surprise me if he watched me suffer from afar, flourishing and basking in my own tormented misery, while he built his company and did what he had been determined to do—becoming powerfully rich.
My sights deadlocked on him just as he lifted his gaze to finally meet mine, seeming unfazed.
“You’re not one to pay heed with warnings, are you, Ava? You better have a very good reason to seek me out this time. I meant what I told you the other night; I don’t ever want to see you again.” He casually leaned back against his chair before bringing his legs up on the side of his desk, resting atop of each other while he lazily gazed at me. “I hope that brings my point across loud and clear?”
“You lied to me!” I flung my accusation in the air before I marched towards his desk, giving him a pointed look. “My father—how did you convince him to do such a thing to me?” My knuckles were white as I dug my nails inside my palms, feeling as powerless as a hopeless pawn in a world full of selfish men who had agendas only to benefit their causes.
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? Besides, I haven’t lied to you.” He shrugged, looking bored. “Maybe you should take this temper tantrum to your father. You know … since this is a family affair, after all.”
His obvious nonchalance made me ground my teeth together. I had expected more reaction than this apparent boredom. How dare he make light of this when I felt like my world just went crashing to smithereens? Everything I had thought and believed my father was all became a blur in a matter of sec
onds.
“I’m surprised you’re even here. I’d think your father would be the one to tell you—” He paused, eyeing me suspiciously before frowning. “If it wasn’t your father, then who told you?”
His manner seemed downright disrespectful, his voice laced with sarcasm and suspicion, like I was highly contaminated, and whatever I did or say wouldn’t redeem me in his eyes. It was all there, blatantly written on his scornful albeit handsome face. His eyes felt like they were skinning me raw, as if he was taking me apart, piece by piece so I would be defenseless and cower like I was supposed to have done after he had disdainfully treated me like I was some cheap tart.
One would expect I would be numb from it all. Needless to say, his evident contempt simply magnified the ache that was gutting me alive.
“I just barely found out …” I trailed off, feeling parched due to the fact that I couldn’t seem to cohesively think when he was giving me an intense expression, as if deep in thought. Licking my lips, I started to take a small gasp of air to loosen the tightened feeling around my chest. I felt as if he was suffocating me by merely existing. “Ashton … Uh, Ashton flew in this morning and told me about it. Then I immediately came here to confront you.”
His eyes became slits, piecing together the puzzle that was my life. “Ahhhh, did he now…?” He gave a nod before making a “tsk-tsking” sound that reminded me of an adult being disapproving of a child. “The mighty husband is here to save the day,” he murmured with utter derision. “Does he know that his beautiful, loving bride was fucking around with another man’s dick?” Taunting, he slowly made his way out, circling around his desk before half-sitting on it, arms folded and his face exhibiting great disappointment. “Marital bliss, is it all that it’s cracked up to be, Ava?”
