That was one of the reasons he’d planned the fishing trip with Patrick. They’d take off on Friday afternoon, as soon as Patrick got out of school, drive to Bishop, spend the night at the motel that served warm cookies each afternoon, then head on to Mammoth on Saturday morning. When the time was right, he’d ask Patrick what he thought about his dad being with Beth.
Afterwards, he’d come home renewed and ready to tackle the reality of being a father a second time. He just needed this last bit of time alone with his son to pave the way.
He tapped on the examination door of Karen’s obstetrics and gynecology suite. A muffled voice answered, telling him to come inside. Beth lay on the stainless-steel exam table covered in white sheets. Her hazel eyes shining, she smiled at him and he strode the three steps across the cramped room to greet her. Her honey-colored hair, pulled back with a band, made her look like a teenager, and a soft rose color glistened on her lips. He wanted to kiss her but refrained. Instead, he took her hand in his. Her fingers were icy cold and he massaged them to warm her up. The poor thing was nervous, and with her history he understood why.
Gavin greeted his colleague by her first name. Karen sat gloved and poised with an ultrasound transducer in one hand and a large tube of lubricant in the other. “Are we ready?”
“Yes, please,” Bethany said.
Gavin felt willing, though not quite ready for what was about to happen.
“My bladder is ready to pop,” Bethany said.
Karen grinned and squirted a huge glob of gel onto Bethany’s lower abdomen. She let out a controlled squeal and squeezed his hand tighter. He wanted to kiss her forehead and tell her how much she meant to him, but didn’t say a word in front of Karen.
Karen spoke to Gavin, filling him in on things he presumed she’d already discussed with Bethany. “At Beth’s last visit, her fundal height was higher than I’d expect for her EDC.”
“EDC?” It had been years since he’d done his obstetrics rotation.
“Estimated date of confinement.”
“Ah.” Her due date. “It’s been a while since I went through this.” He squeezed Bethany’s fingers. She gripped back and grinned. God, he loved her grin.
Karen continued, “I wanted to confirm her EDC and locate the placenta, as she’s had two miscarriages in the past.”
The miscarriages. Dear God, Bethany. He squeezed her hand and glanced into her pained gaze. Thinking of their child, and how it would rip his heart out if she miscarried, Gavin’s stomach lurched for her losses.
No longer caring what Karen thought, he leaned over and kissed Bethany lightly. “We won’t let it happen again,” he said, and worried he’d made a promise he couldn’t possibly keep the moment he’d said it. But seeing how it had made her smile, he wouldn’t have taken it back, even if he could.
The doctor placed the wand-like transducer on Beth’s abdomen, pressed and swirled it back and forth as a triangular
“There we go. That little pulsing you see is the heartbeat.”
Gavin’s mouth dropped open with awe, and Bethany took a quick breath. His heart squeezed at the sight of the fragile life before him. He stole a glance at Beth’s face, where he saw love and hope as she watched the ultrasound monitor. He stared back at the screen in wonder, feeling chills, and held Bethany’s hand a little too tightly.
Karen used a foot pedal to capture the view for film then before he was ready for her to move on, she pushed the wand at another angle. “Hmm,” she said, as she repositioned the device. “Ah, that’s what I’m looking for.”
She was searching for something other than the baby? The gestational sac and embryo reappeared. Gavin figured it was from a different angle. He grinned again and continued to stare in amazement.
Karen captured another picture and gave a mischievous smile. “I thought you were growing too fast, Beth. You two are the proud parents of twins.”
Dazed, Gavin dropped Beth’s hand. She rose up onto her elbows and stared skeptically at the monitor. His knees almost buckled. He stepped back. Twins? He followed Bethany’s lead and bent forward, studying the screen for every detail he could decipher. Surely this couldn’t be true. He’d only just prepared for one more child, and had convinced himself they could work it out—but two?
Karen did a quick maneuver with the wand and reverted back to the first embryo, then back to the other. “See? There are two of them. Two sacs. Two babies. Two placentas. Fraternal twins.”
They both instantaneously turned their heads and stared at each other. Bethany’s face was easier to read than a book with large print. Shock. Disbelief. Panic? He probably looked the exact same way, because that sure as hell was how he felt.
“Twins?” Bethany croaked.
Gavin broke out in beads of sweat across his forehead. His lungs clamped down to where it was almost difficult to breathe. He said, “Twins?” Feeling as though he was having an out-of-body experience, he searched for a place to sit. There wasn’t one.
“Yes. Congratulations. You’re having twins.” Karen turned off the ultrasound machine and wiped the gel from Bethany’s stomach. When she was done, she glanced back and forth between them with a knowing, empathetic look. “It’s often a huge surprise to discover you’re having twice as many babies as you’d planned.”
In their case they hadn’t planned for a baby at all! Still stunned, neither of them answered.
“I’ll leave you two alone so you can talk.”
Before Gavin could reclaim command of his lower jaw and shut his mouth, Karen breezed out of the room and closed the door. He tried to swallow but his throat suddenly felt like a desert. He scrubbed his chin. Surely others had dealt with the same circumstances. There was always room enough in the heart of a family for another child.
He’d let his thoughts take over his face. When he
Desperately needing her to understand he wouldn’t run away from his responsibility, he reached for her hand again. It felt limp. Her earlier expression of love and hope had disappeared, and in its place he saw guarded withdrawal.
“I’m really happy about this, Bethany. The more, the merrier. Honestly.” Why did it sound so unconvincing?
She shook her head and burst into tears. He enveloped her and hugged her tight while she sobbed. Trying his best to make sense out of her tears, he thought, OK, so there are two babies. Maybe she feels outnumbered. If only he could read her mind.
“Sweetheart, everything will be OK. We’ll work things out.”
She swiped at her tears and used the sheet to wipe her nose, trying hard to stop crying. “I know,” she whimpered. “I just need some time to think about this. Alone.”
At a loss for what else to say, he mumbled, “If you want, I’ll wait outside while you get dressed.”
“That’s OK. I know you’re busy. You don’t have to wait around,” she said, obviously trying to regain her composure. “I’ve got to get back on the job anyway.”
Feeling rotten about leaving her, even though she had requested it, he said, “Right. I do, too.” Then, experiencing an uncomfortable sense of being shut out, he pecked her on the cheek. “We’ll talk about this more later. I’ll call you.”
*
Beth was determined not to let history repeat itself. If she hadn’t figured it out before, the look on Gavin’s face at the news of twins had driven her worst fears home. She’d seen the same look in Neal’s eyes when she’d told him about her second pregnancy. Even though she’d allowed herself to fall in love, she couldn’t risk her heart on Gavin. The only person in the world she could depend on was herself.
Alone in Dr Scott’s exam room, she shrugged off the gown. They’d both been shocked about the twins—she’d cut him some slack there. But beyond shock, she’d read horror in his eyes. He bore the look of a trapped man watching the gate close…and lock. She’d had an insecure sense that he’d been avoiding her all that week. Maybe it hadn’t been so far-fetched. As of tomorrow, he’d be out of town with Patrick for a week.
&nbs
p; How stupid of her to think that a relationship started in a dark hallway at a party could ever have worked out. The reality of their true circumstances stuck in her throat. Her mouth watered and she started crying again.
Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, or she was just being a glass-half-empty kind of woman, but she had a terrible feeling about what was to come. Gavin might get overwhelmed by all of the added responsibility and back off from any relationship. News of having twins may have disrupted her life, but she had to admit that she’d disrupted Gavin and Patrick’s lives, too. If he dreamed of getting custody of his son back, how would it look in court to admit he’d soon be the father of twins with a woman he wasn’t married to?
She used the bathroom.
Now physically relieved, but with her worst fears still growing, she shook her head and buttoned her blouse. Giving a deep sigh, she accepted the inevitable—she’d be going through this pregnancy alone.
Oh, God, how would she handle twins? She’d convinced herself she could pull off single parenting with one baby, but two? How in the world would she do that?
The thought of diapers for two, breastfeeding two, getting one settled before the other needed attention, and two sets of lungs screaming at the same time gave her palpitations.
Neal had always made it clear that his career as a singer had come before their marriage. She had been young and dumb and had settled for it then. But now she’d matured and learned she deserved more than a runner-up spot in anyone’s life. Well, it was time to make her stand. If Gavin wasn’t on board one hundred percent, she wouldn’t wait around for him to catch up. And one thing was more certain than even the twins—she couldn’t make him love her.
Once dressed, she left the room, thanked the nurse then headed for the elevator. Beth knew what she had to do. She’d have to start training Jillian and her mother as future nannies right away. Another possibility popped into her mind, but it could wait. She needed more time to think things through. First she needed to tell her mother she was going to be a grandmother.
Twice.
CHAPTER NINE
GAVIN had phoned, as he’d promised, but Beth had been in the middle of telling her mother about the twins and had let the mobile call go to voice mail. When she played his message later, he’d promised to be in touch when he got back from the fishing trip.
After Neal, Beth had vowed never to let anyone walk all over her again. Even though Gavin had agreed to help out, she couldn’t buy diapers and baby food with promises. And the bottom line was that the welfare of her babies could not depend on whether or not Gavin might fall in love with her. She would never again put her heart in the hands of someone who didn’t know what he wanted.
Beth slept fitfully that night, waking up often. Once awake, her mind replayed the scene with her mother earlier that day. She had feared the poor woman had had a stroke when she’d gone statue still after Beth had shared her news. With Ruth’s face etched in shock, it had been several seconds before she’d flushed and fanned herself, while repeating over and over, “Twins?”
Eventually, sheer exhaustion drove Beth to sleep.
The ringing of the phone hurled her from a dream. She
She fumbled for the receiver. “Hello?”
“A pipe must have burst,” Ruth’s tense voice cut through the line. “The bathroom and hall are flooded.”
Beth bolted upright. “I’ll be right over, Mom.”
It only took her five minutes once she was at her mother’s house to discover what the source of the “burst” pipe was. Ruth had left the stopper in the sink and the ancient faucet had leaked for hours. The stream of water from the overflowing basin had slowly forged a path into the hall. When Ruth had gotten up for a bathroom visit, she’d stepped into a puddle and panicked.
Thank God she hadn’t slipped and fallen.
“Mom, there is so much hard water build-up on these old fixtures, it’s just about impossible to turn them tight enough to shut them off.” Beth mopped the hair away from her face and paddled back toward her mother.
“Well, how am I supposed to know that?” Worry wrote extra lines on her face. “Your father used to take care of this sort of thing.”
“I know. This old house is a big responsibility. Why do you think I keep telling you about the senior apartments?” Beth threw an armload of towels onto the ancient wooden floors and used her foot to mop them around the hallway, but got tangled up. Arms flailing, she almost landed on the floor, recovering just in time.
“Oh!” Ruth lunged after her and fell. “Ouch!”
“Mom! Are you OK?”
“I’m fine.” But she wasn’t fine. She burst into tears. “Are you sure you’re pregnant again?”
“Yes,” Beth replied, feeling a sudden urge to cry. “I’ve seen the twins with my own eyes.”
She reached out to help pull her mother to her feet.
Beth wondered whether Ruth had been taking her calcium tablets. All she’d need was for her mother to fracture her tailbone or, worse, break her hip.
What would be the best for all of them—Ruth, herself and the twins? Ruth avoided the topic of senior housing as if it were a prison sentence. Beth needed to get her finances under control and her rent was high. The twins needed a family.
“I’ve been thinking,” Beth said, trying to catch her breath. “Why don’t I give up my apartment and move back here with you? There’s plenty of room for you, me, and the babies.”
It would help her save money.
Ruth clapped her hands together. “That would be wonderful!” She hadn’t looked that ecstatic since the day Beth had graduated from nursing school.
A few hours later, after cleaning and mopping with her mother, Beth crawled back into her own bed, having made the final plans for her decision, wishing she was half as happy as Ruth.
Gavin and Patrick had had enough fishing, but agreed to stay one more night on Thursday. They’d caught their five-trout limit for yet another day. While sitting in their rented boat on June Lake, the only sound water lapping the metal frame, Patrick opened up. “Dad?”
Gavin sat mesmerized by the vast and beautiful lake and the peaceful hush. “Hmm?”
“I think I want to live with you from now on.”
“Are you sure?”
Patrick nodded.
Buoyed up with the thought of having his son full time, Gavin grinned. “I’d love that, too, but what about your mother?”
“I love Mom, but…um…I like it with you lots more.”
The freckles on Patrick’s nose crinkled with his smile when Gavin reached over and gave him a one-armed hug.
He’d have to run Patrick’s request by Maureen. Seeing that she’d discovered a sudden desire to travel the globe and study art history, it wasn’t such a bad idea all round. More importantly, he loved Patrick and wanted to see him every day. He may have missed out on living with him through some of his formative years, but he sure as hell didn’t want to miss the rest. They liked living together and got along well, and Maureen may have made the biggest mistake of her life by taking off for England this spring. Gavin, having recently been enlightened, would just as soon never go back to the way things had been.
Later, when Patrick had finished a peanut-butter sandwich, he surprised Gavin even more when he broached the subject of Beth. “Maybe Beth could live with us, too.”
“You like her that much?” Pleased warmth settled in Gavin’s chest.
“Yeah.”
“Me, too.” He’d given Beth nothing but mixed messages from the start. At first he’d thought his pursuit of her had been merely physical attraction, but when he’d gotten to know her better, he’d realized what a fantastic person she was and how much she could add to his life.
How could he have let her down more at the ultrasound? He had actually been relieved when she’d told him to go back to work. Coward. How could the poor woman trust him to be there if he took off fishing any time there was a major event? It looked like he had his work cut
out to convince Beth he was the kind of guy to trust, who would stick around. But he would.
“Hey, Patrick?”
The boy looked from under his fishing cap, his eyes wide and trusting.
“What would you think about having a little brother or sister…or both?”
“I dunno. Babies are kind of boring.”
Gavin smiled to himself. Well, they’d soon find out and, whatever it took, he’d help Patrick adjust. Like most things in life, they’d take it one step at a time, and today was definitely a start.
He’d done some major soul-searching while waiting for the trout to bite all week. He’d met Bethany at this particular time in his life for a purpose. He wouldn’t go so far as to call it fate, because the timing couldn’t have been worse, and the circumstances couldn’t have been more complicated, and he imagined fate to be ideal in all ways. Yet he couldn’t deny that all the perfect ingredients for a true romance had been present from the start—chemistry, compatibility, caring. Had he mentioned chemistry?
Now, with Patrick’s enthusiastic nod of approval, Gavin could no longer deny all the signs that stared him in the face. He was finally ready to take his relationship with
And the thought still scared the hell out of him.
CHAPTER TEN
MONDAY afternoon, Beth took a late lunch. Even though it was dry and windy out, she sat outside on a bench and ate under a Chinese elm tree. She needed time to regroup.
Staying at her mother’s all weekend, working in the teen clinic on Friday night and at the soup kitchen on Saturday evening, Beth had dodged Gavin, and had conveniently left her cellphone at home. Today she’d purposely gone to lunch at this time to avoid his scheduled allergy shots. The other nurse could take care of him…if he showed up.
Eating for three was an amazing experience, and she slurped the last of her Tuscan cantaloupe with gusto, wishing she’d brought a few more slices. While wiping her mouth, she checked her watch. It was time to get back to work.
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