by Lola Stark
I looked forward to staying tangled in Dylan’s arms. Actually, it was the best idea I could think of. If it weren’t for his body being tethered to mine, I would’ve floated away into bliss by now. His dark blonde hair, soft and smooth, just grazed his collar. I wanted to play my fingers through the strands that tickled my knuckles. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, kiss him all over and enjoy the ecstasy his lips promised.
Oh, who was I kidding? Kissing Dylan was like floating on a cloud. He was feather-light touches, and air-soft sensations. I couldn’t wait to get lost in Dylan Highsmith.
“Let me make love to you, Haven.” He spoke in a low voice. “Let me show you what flying feels like.”
“Okay,” I whispered against the column of his throat, breathless from the onslaught of passion tearing its way through my soul. I wanted this man. I wanted him to show me a tenderness I’d never known.
And for some reason, I knew it would be just that. Tender. Sweet. Perfect.
Just like Dylan.
He was everything I never knew I always wanted…and that night, I was one-hundred percent his.
Without breaking our kiss, Dylan reached down and wrapped his arm under my knees, cradling me to his chest. His kisses turned feather-soft as he padded down the hall to what I assume was his room. “Wait here,” was all he said as he gently placed me in the center of a massive navy blue bed. It was soft and supple, the material like worn cotton under my fingertips.
He left and returned not even a minute later with two votive candles in his hands. I inhaled the scent of the vanilla and sandalwood as the flame flickered over Dylan’s features.
“Wow.” He looked at me with complete awe. “You are beautiful, Haven. I have never seen anyone more so than you.”
My cheeks heated and my eyes lowered as I continued to fan my fingers across the cool, smooth linens. “You aren’t so bad yourself, cowboy.” My voice sounded sultry and soft, it was unlike I’d ever heard it before.
With Jude, it had always been rushed. A dirty little secret. Hushed voices, stolen moments, and rough takings. This was going to be a welcomed change. Dylan was everything Jude wasn’t and I was beginning to think my desires were misconstrued. I wanted—no needed to know if this was truly what I was looking for, if Dylan was what I was looking for.
I set Jude to the back of my mind and focused on the man who’d spent so much time wooing me. Dylan deserved to have all of me present with him and I deserved to be in the moment with him. My feelings had been growing and there was no doubt in my mind, I was ready for anything this boy had to give.
I patted the space next to me. “Come to bed, Dylan. Show me what I’ve been missing.” I smirked up at him moving my knees open just slightly, giving him a tease of my inner thighs. “Did you bring the spurs?” I jested.
He chuckled, “No sugar, no spurs. Just me. Can you handle that?” I could see the challenge in his eyes across the dimmed room. My response was instantaneous, “Oh cowboy, I look very forward to handling all of you.”
He set the candles on the night table, and pulled his shirt over his head. “If the rest of you tastes as sweet as your lips, I look forward to it too, and devouring you ‘til the sun comes up and maybe until it sets again.”
He lowered his knee to the side of the bed, crawling his way toward the center where I waited. I couldn’t help but to reach out to him; my need to feel him was almost instinctual. Hard muscle under soft, smooth skin greeted my hands.
My fingertips grazed a small bump and scar on the top left of his chest as I worked my way down to the hard ridges of his abdomen. It seemed out of place on his otherwise perfectly tanned skin.
My brows knitted together in concentration, which he promptly broke as he lowered me toward the plush down pillows, my hair cascading across the midnight fabric like raven’s wings.
“Mmmm, you taste amazing, like dessert.” His tongue trailed on my stomach as he raised my blouse over my head, his thumbs and forefingers pushing down to pull off my skirt and panties. Each digit skimmed the surface of my thighs as he brought his hands back up the sides of my body. The way he traced my lines felt as if he were trying to memorize me. It was erotic and sweet, all at the same time.
He continued to undress me and explore the peaks and valleys of my body, all the while referring to his favorite delicacies. “Cheesecake…cherry pie…blueberry…chocolate…crème brulee…strawberry ice cream…Goddamn, I could die tomorrow and be completely satisfied,” he mumbled into my breast.
My giggle turned into a gasp just as he sucked a peaked nipple into his mouth. I let a soft moan escape my lips. Dylan was holding true to his promise at the bar: I was being worshiped. Never in all my life had I felt cherished and needed like that. I never had the time to feel this way with Jude. This feeling of being cherished was unexpected and exactly what I needed.
A lone tear escaped my eye as I succumbed to the feelings Dylan evoked in me.
For a moment, I considered if my rush of emotion was what love felt like.
The fluttering in my belly and the heat pooling between my legs was exactly what I pictured love to feel like…and Dylan couldn’t be more perfect.
With his body against mine as he laid on top of me, my legs naturally wrapped around his waist, wanting nothing more than to be closer to him. “Shhh, relax, sugar. Let me take care of you.” His hushed voice was warm against my fever-chilled shoulder.
“I need you inside me. Please, Dylan,” I begged. I needed to know the connection wasn’t all in my head. I wanted to know that when we joined, he felt me as much as I felt him.
He lifted up enough to cradle my head in his hands, his eyes questioning.
“Are you protected? I have always worn a condom, and I have them…” His voice trailed off before I spoke. His eyes darted off to the nightstand and flicked back to mine.
“I have an IUD, and I haven’t been intimate with anyone in a while.” I couldn’t admit more than that. Even though it was the truth, it felt wrong to be clinical when all I wanted was to feel his skin against mine.
“Are you sure? I want this to be everything for you, Haven. You have no idea how much this means to me…” His tone spoke volumes, mirroring my own intensity and need. Even in the midst of lovemaking, he wanted to make sure I was the one taken care of. If I could’ve swooned, I would’ve.
“Yes. Yes. Please, Dylan. Don’t talk anymore. Just love me.” And with my words, he entered me. He was fluid in his movements yet rigid in his stature. He hit every ridge inside my body as he thrust slow and sure, like we had done this a million times before. I knew it wasn’t normal to be this comfortable, but I couldn’t help it. Dylan was sheathed to the hilt only to pull out to the tip and press back in again, it was bliss. Pure paradise on earth. I delighted in every sensation and allowed my mind, body, and soul to just let go. I wanted to feel everything. “Oh, my god, yes. Right there, Dylan.” My words came out in panted sighs. He was inside me, above me, all around me, everywhere and yet I wanted more.
I grabbed his shoulders and craned my neck to get closer to him. I wanted every inch of me touching every inch of him.
The connection was undeniable. My very core trembled with an emotion I couldn’t place. It was exactly like flying and I never wanted to land.
“You feel amazing, Haven, like you were made just for me. I don’t know how I never felt this before.” Dylan’s sweet nothings against my throat had me spiraling on an emotional high, one only comparable to that of a fix. With a drug, came the adrenaline, the rush of feeling and emotion. It would leave me flying and craving more, seeking out that one perfect rush. One only tantamount to when that needle pierced my skin. When I was shooting up, no matter the concoction, I felt the same thing, ecstasy.
“Don’t stop, please,” I pleaded. Every time he filled me, another piece of my fragile heart joined with his. It was as if he was fucking me into love with him…and maybe he was.
Right then, I didn’t care. I would fuck Dylan Highsmith into l
ove every night if it made me feel like this.
This is what they meant when they said making love…
I was positively soaring.
I was completely high off Dylan. It was a feeling I didn’t want to relinquish any time soon.
“Sugar, I’m not gonna last much longer. Tell me what you want, what you need.” His request sounded far away, but before I could respond, he rolled us over so I was straddled on top of him.
My hair fell wild down my back, my hands immediately found the sprinkling of fine hair on Dylan’s chest. I ignored the slight imperfection of his scar, my fingers instead exploring lower as I ground my clit against his pelvic bone, creating a friction that would shoot me straight into oblivion.
Dylan reached it before I did. His movements became erratic, his breath in short pants as he met me thrust for thrust.
“Oh, oh, my God!” Warmth shot through me from every angle, both into my core and right down to the bottom of my soul. In that moment, I said words aloud that I never thought I’d get to say again…
“I love you.”
I love you? Oh, shit, I’d fallen in love with him. Did he hear me?
My head collapsed against his chest, tears hot on my fevered flesh. His breathing was heavy, his body rigid from our mutual release. I felt his arms wrap around my naked back and I lifted to kiss his lips. This man, this beautiful man just showed me what love was with his entire being. I was captivated by Dylan Highsmith and completely smitten. I kissed him again, my lips salty, as were his. His sweat mixed with my tears, a perfect combination of pain and healing.
“Sugar, I have waited my whole life to feel what I feel right now.” He smoothed my damp hair away from my face. “I’m falling in love with you…and I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath and turned his head. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I sat up, stunned by his proclamation, not knowing how to respond. Did I just hear him correctly?
“Sorry?” My voice rose a few octaves. “Sorry for what, exactly?” My heart rate spiked, and not it a good way. Fear laced my next question. “What aren’t you telling me, Dylan?” Without waiting for him to answer, I climbed off his body, his cum dripping down my legs as I made my way to the bathroom. “What an asshole! You’re what? Sorry you just fucked me into oblivion?” I growled. “Sorry you’re falling in love with me?” I scoffed. “I must be some other kind of stupid.”
Dylan was up off the bed so fast I almost didn’t get the door shut. “Haven, wait!” He banged on the door. “Open the door!”
I ignored him and used the toilet. A girl had to clean up if she had no intention of sticking around. At that moment, it was the last place I wanted to be.
He’s sorry? I just had some of the best sex of my life and he’s sorry? How stupid can I be? I rolled my eyes knowing I’d asked myself that question a million too many times.
“I’ll be out in a… what the fuck is this shit?” My voice trailed off as I took in the entire drug store on Dylan’s bathroom counter.
Vials, pills, needles, even a tourniquet.
My head started to spin, a sense of déjà vu washed over me and I had to grab the doorknob in order to keep upright.
“Haven, goddamn it, open the door! It’s not what you think!” Dylan hadn’t stopped banging on the other side of the barrier that kept his dirty little secret away from me. He had to know it looked exactly how I thought.
Dylan was a drug addict.
He was a junkie?
“Oh, fuck no!” I gasped.
And we just had sex…unprotected sex.
“Holy shit!”
Jude
Even after cleaning the boys up and unpacking the truck, I couldn’t stop thinking. Thinking about the last few months of my life put me in a fouler mood than I’d been in after my altercation with that jackass boyfriend of hers. I was literally festering from the inside out. I wandered around the house before going upstairs to wash the days grime from myself.
Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and placed my hands on the vanity, bowing my head. “Damn it,” I cursed aloud, my voice lost in the steam that engulfed the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, wiping the fog away with my hand. My eyes were shallow, with circles sitting under my eyes, and my lips were drawn. Losing Haven had taken its toll on me. The man staring back at me was evidence of that. I hardly recognized myself, just a shell of the man I thought I had been. All this time, I’d done what I could to protect the one and only woman I’d ever loved, yet she was in the arms of another man…and it was all my fault.
I turned away, not able to look at the pussy staring back at me. “Fuck me.” I turned off the light and made my way through to my darkened bedroom. The blinking of my phone on the nightstand briefly lit up the room. I almost didn’t want to even look. It had been a shit-ass day and I couldn’t take any more of…anything. I was done with the day. I sat on edge of the bed, and my towel loosened and dropped. Putting my head in my hands, I let out a huff.
“Get your shit together, Jude,” I mumbled to myself.
Fight for her.
Scarlett’s words echoed in my mind.
Fight for her.
I pushed off the bed and started to pace. The towel left discarded on the bed, my dick swaying as my hands combed through my hair. My thoughts were all over the place. Torn between Scarlett’s words and Mace’s warnings. I grabbed my phone and swiped my thumb across it unlocking the screen. Even the innocent blinking light pissed me off enough to want to throw the stupid thing.
Scar: Remember what I said, Jude. You are part of this family, and if you love her, you know what you need to do. Don’t let anyone keep you from happiness.
I read Scarlett’s words over and over, staring dumbly at the text message in front of me. Damn, she was a smart woman. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I was already too late. Haven chose him over me. The look on her face had said everything she couldn’t.
I hung my head in shame. I had hurt her all over again. As a result, she was with that schmuck and I was acting like a pussy-ass motherfucker who just had his favorite toy stolen. I tossed my phone back onto the nightstand, grabbed a pair of boxers and set out to check on the boys.
I seriously needed a distraction.
I peeked into Jaxson and Jordan’s rooms. Both were snoring loudly, their hair matted to their sweaty bed-heads, each mirroring the other. They were laying on their bellies one leg poking out of the side of their blankets, just the way I slept, too.
I couldn’t help but smile. Damn, I loved them.
I closed the door most of the way, leaving it cracked so the hall light shone into their cavernous space. Making my way down the stairs, I headed directly to the kitchen, and straight to the cabinet. I needed a drink. I reached for the bottle of whisky and unscrewed the cap, taking a swallow directly from the bottle.
“Shit.” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and slammed the bottle onto the counter.
The amber liquid burned like fire down my throat and into my belly, soothing the pain which lay there. I leaned back against the counter letting my head fall back, and hit the kitchen cabinet behind me, still wallowing in my thoughts of the day. My eyes flicked over to the bottle and back again. I picked up the liquor and chugged another bit down. “Ugh.” Still hot, but getting better. Each swallow was less intense than the last. My body started to loosen, the numbness from the alcohol clouding my conflicting thoughts of Haven, Mace…and that fucking douchebag.
Fight for her.
“Goddammit!”
Making light work of the whisky, I emptied the bottle and threw it as hard as I could across the kitchen. It shattered against the wall with a loud crash. My mind completely oblivious to the fact I could’ve woken the kids upstairs. I wasn’t thinking straight, and the alcohol was no consolation prize to what I’d truly lost.
Heat consumed me, a rage inside me I couldn’t contain. I wanted nothing more than to fight for Haven. She was the reason I did an
ything; she was everything.
She was mine. And I lost her.
I left the mess in the kitchen and stomped back up to my room. I knew I’d have a hell of a hangover and a shit-ton of glass to clean, but at that moment, I couldn’t care less. My mind was in a whisky-induced haze of jealousy, anger, and hurt. I had to let go.
Back in my bedroom, I walked to the nightstand and snatched up my cell phone. I typed out a quick message to Scarlett:
Jude: Let it be, Scar. She wants him. She can have him. I gave Mace my word and now I’m done. Let her be happy if that’s what she is.
I threw the phone onto the bed, dropped face down onto the pillow, and passed straight the fuck out.
Haven
My hands shook. I couldn’t decipher if it was from the sight before me, the fact that Dylan lied about something so monumentally huge, or the temptation to take one of those needles and jab it into my arm.
I could still hear Dylan on the other side of the door, but I couldn’t concentrate on what he was actually saying. I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I needed to know why I was staring at an arsenal of an addict’s deepest fantasy or worst nightmare.
I needed to get out of there and fast. I couldn’t breathe in the tiny space. The walls were closing in on me and the ceiling felt as if it were coming down atop of me faster than the floor felt to be dropping out from under my feet.
I grabbed the handle and yanked the door open, the breeze it created blew my hair into my face. Dylan was standing on the other side, his arm against the doorframe, his head bowed down.
He looked up. Desolate eyes met mine, his features masked by apology and pain.
“Haven, please.”
“Don’t,” I interrupted him, holding my hand up to his face. I couldn’t bear to look at him. “You’re a junkie?” It came out as a whisper. “Do you have any idea what this does to me?” I took a deep breath and tried to step to the side only to have him thwart my efforts. “I can’t be around you, Dylan.” I started to push him back so I could get my things and leave. This time he stepped aside, but grabbed my arm.
