by Jessi Gage
I watched Cole’s chest rise and fall too quickly and wondered what he was thinking. I didn’t understand his reaction. It unsettled me. Should I stop talking? Should I say more?
Since he was quiet, I filled the space with rambling words. “I mean, I wasn’t completely innocent before, but I was…a virgin. Technically.”
Cole cursed while my mouth continued to run.
“Since then, it’s been hard to…I haven’t been able to… Shit.” It was my turn to curse, something I rarely did. Every other word out of Dad’s mouth had been a curse word. I’d used those words a lot in high school. When I’d left, I’d changed a lot of things about myself, including my vocabulary. But sometimes, there was just no other way to express myself. “Have sex,” I made myself say. “That’s why I don’t date. I—I’m sorry. I know you probably—”
“Mandy?” He cut me off.
“Yeah?”
“Stop talking.”
I snapped my mouth shut. Curling into the upholstered seat, I directed my unseeing gaze out the window, feeling stupid and inadequate. Was Cole regretting becoming my boyfriend? Wishing he hadn’t spent so much money on a Christmas gift for me?
We were quiet for what felt like a long time, but only one song had played through, that stupid Christmas shoes song I hated because it always made me cry. I didn’t cry this time. I was too busy worrying about what was going through Cole’s head to hear the lyrics. I wrung my hands until Cole’s big paw settled on top to still them.
“Hey, look at me.”
I did, bracing myself for him to break up with me. One day would be a record. Up until now, my shortest relationship had been two weeks.
Concern poured from his handsome face. “You telling me this because you think it changes things for me?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “It doesn’t.”
I must have looked skeptical, because he said it again.
“It doesn’t. I’ve been in love with you for years, Mandy. Years. And you’re mine now. You think I’m going to have second thoughts or be disappointed because you’ve got issues relating to what happened to you, which is about the worst thing that can happen to a woman?” His eyes threw off sparks.
I felt my jaw drop at his easy use of the word love. Had Cole Plankitt just told me he loved me? He plowed on, leaving me no time whatsoever to process that.
“I don’t get what you’re going through, honey, but I want to. Only way that can happen is if we talk about it, yeah? Doesn’t have to be tonight. We can do it whenever you’re ready, and it’ll probably be more than one conversation. But we’re solid, you and me. I’m not going anywhere, and it doesn’t scare me off if you can’t handle sex. Doesn’t scare me one bit. You got that?” He raised his eyebrows, demanding a response.
I blinked at him, unable to agree because I couldn’t make sense of his words. “How can that not bother you? I mean, that’s what couples do.”
“It’s a good thing that couples do, but it’s not the only thing couples do. It’s not the end of the world if that particular good thing isn’t in the cards for us, but, honey—” He cupped my cheek. “I think it’ll be in the cards if we work to get there.”
I tensed up.
I watched his eyes register my reaction. He dropped his hand. “But that’s a ways off for us, yeah? We just started this. I’m not in a hurry. I promise. We’ll talk, we’ll take our time, go at your pace.”
I felt myself relax at the promise in his voice, at the sincerity in his gaze, and at the fact he’d given me space when I’d needed it.
Though I wasn’t sure sex would ever be in the cards for me or anyone crazy enough to be with me, he’d managed to calm the worst of my fears. It helped to remember that he’d faced his share of issues because of that night too. He’d lost his job, friends, his reputation, all on top of feeling like he’d failed someone he’d cared about. And even that caring had been a source of self-incrimination for him. Cole had chosen to stay in Newburgh and face all of that while I’d taken the coward’s way out and run away.
He had issues. But they didn’t stop him from reaching for what he wanted. I should take a page from his book and throw myself into this relationship with everything I had because it felt good and I wanted it and to hell with my hang-ups. I could be brave like Cole. I could reach for wonderful things too.
“Come on,” he said, checking my seatbelt. “Let’s go to your place. We can talk there. Or not. Whatever you want tonight, yeah? No worries. No pressure.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling more hopeful about a relationship than I had since high school.
Cole put the truck in gear and pulled onto the road.
I had an ally. Finally, someone I could talk to about what happened, someone I wanted to talk to about what happened and about how it had shaped and scarred me. My brain churned with possibilities. Maybe one day I could be comfortable enough with Cole to become intimate with him. Maybe one day I could live out all the fantasies I’d had about him back when the idea of sex was thrilling and awe-inspiring rather than petrifying. It was almost too beautiful a hope to be entertained.
All my optimism shattered as Cole pulled into Dad’s driveway.
Pulsing lights turned the sky red and blue. Two Newburgh PD cruisers and an enormous fire engine filled the driveway. Men in full bunker gear sprayed water onto the charred skeleton of Dad’s trailer.
Across the front of the garage, which remained untouched by the fire, someone had spray-painted a message: GET OUT OF TOWN TRASH.
* * * *
Cole’s fists tightened on the steering wheel as he pulled to a stop behind the emergency vehicles. Gripper’s shitty house had burned to the ground. All that remained was blackened rubble atop a charred cinder-block foundation. Obviously, most of the damage had occurred before the fire department got there.
Everything in him wished he could have protected Mandy from this. It was the last thing she needed.
Beside him, she gasped and put a hand over her mouth.
He followed her line of sight to the garage and sucked in a breath at the writing someone had left for her to find.
Jesus. This was no accident. This was arson. Someone had burned down Gripper’s home to send Mandy a very nasty message.
His suspicion touched on Tooley but couldn’t settle there. Tooley had a lot of flaws, and he was angry at Mandy right now about the will, but he wouldn’t do something like this.
“Hey.” He cupped the back of her neck. “You okay?”
She shook her head, not in answer, more like in disbelief.
“It’ll be okay. I’ve got you. Hey. Come here.” He leaned over the console to drag her into his arms. She was trembling. It killed him. Hadn’t she suffered enough the last couple days?
While he held her, he watched Glenmore approach his truck in his navy blue Newburgh PD parka and a billed cap with fur earflaps. When Tooley had been ousted from Newburgh PD, Morris Glenmore had taken over as chief. He was a no-nonsense guy in his fifties with a gut that suggested he was out of shape. The suggestion was not reality. Glenmore could hold his own, and he was no slouch at target practice. Though rough around the edges, he was a good cop and a good leader. Cole had approved of his promotion to chief, even though he’d been with the staties by then.
He let go of Mandy to lower the window, but captured one of her hands in his. Something told him she needed constant contact right now. Or maybe it was him that needed it. Either way, she wasn’t complaining, and that was fine by him.
“Plankitt.” Glenmore greeted him with a nod. His breath fogged between them. “Ms. Holcomb.”
Mandy clutched his hand while Glenmore gave them the run-down. Gripper’s security company had called in a security breach triggered by the motion detector. Newburgh PD came out to check the situation and found the trailer ablaze. They called the fire department, but by then it had already been too late to save the place.
“Thank Christ the garage didn’t catch,”
Glenmore said. “All that ammo and equipment up there. Jesus, that lathe would have fallen through the roof and crushed Gripper’s truck.” Eagle eyes on Mandy, he said, “Looks like you’re out a worthless trailer and a whole lot of crap, but everything your dad had of value is still intact. It could have been a lot worse.”
Cole wondered if luck had anything to do with it. “Was accelerant used?”
Glenmore nodded. “No attempt was made to hide the fact this was arson. As if that message there leaves any doubt.” He nodded in the direction of the garage. The siding was a stormy blue, and the doors for the three bays were painted white. The message to Mandy was spray painted in black, a couple words on each of the doors. It would take at least two coats of primer to cover it, but all in all, the damage to the garage was minor, almost incongruous with the total destruction of the trailer. “Any idea who might have done something like this?” He was asking Mandy.
She bit her lower lip.
Cole had a feeling she was thinking of Tooley but didn’t feel right saying it out loud. He did it for her. “Tooley’s been vocal about Gripper naming him beneficiary of his business in a will, but the will can’t be found, so it looks like Gripper changed his mind. Tooley’s none too happy. I think that’s what Mandy’s thinking about. Am I right, honey?” He waited for her nod before saying, “But I don’t think Tooley would go this far.”
Glenmore grunted in agreement. He’d taken over for Tooley when the former chief had been fired, but the men were still friends. “It’s good information to have. I’m not going to rule him out, but I think it’s a longshot. Anyone else with a grudge against you?” he asked Mandy.
She paused before saying, “I don’t know. I didn’t exactly have the best reputation when I left. I mean, kids teased me and called me…trash because I lived near the dump. But I never got the feeling anyone actually hated me, not enough to do something like this. It was just kids being stupid and mean.”
His heart broke for her. He hadn’t known kids in her school gave her a hard time for living near the dump. He wanted to pummel each kid who called her names until they cried mercy. No one deserved to be picked on in school. It should be a place to learn, but unfortunately, these days, high school seemed to be more about figuring out how to survive.
“I’d like you to come to the station in the morning and give me some names,” Glenmore said. “Who were the loudest ones? My gut tells me this isn’t some high school grudge, but I don’t want to overlook anything. Think it over and report in with anything you think might shed light on this. I want to catch this asshole.”
Cole couldn’t agree more.
Mandy’s skin was pale. She looked sick to her stomach, but she nodded.
He remembered her refusal to get in the cruiser when he’d found her with the flat. If a fear of police vehicles came about a result of her assault—and Tooley’s treatment of her afterwards—she was probably just as averse to going to the station.
“I’ll go with you,” he told her. No way was he going to let her face Newburgh PD alone.
“Don’t you have to work?”
“Yeah, but I’ll be on patrol. I can take half an hour to go to the station with you. You’ll make it quick and painless?” he asked Glenmore.
The chief snorted. “I’ll look after her. So you two a thing?”
“Yeah,” Cole said, making his voice as stark as his expression. Stacey called it his cop face. Glenmore would know not to comment further, unless he wanted to get into it with a pissed off statie.
Glenmore, smart guy that he was, took the hint. He said to Mandy, “You got a place to stay tonight?”
“She’s got a place to stay,” Cole said. Fixing his gaze on Mandy, he said, “Long as you want, honey. Okay?”
Her eyes went wide, like she hadn’t considered where she would sleep tonight and like the solution he’d just presented filled her with panic. Shit. He’d forgotten what they’d been talking about on the drive from his mom’s place.
“I’ve got a guest room,” he said quietly, knowing Glenmore was still leaning on his window. Their sleeping arrangements were none of the chief’s business, but he wasn’t going to let Mandy worry he was going to try and jump her tonight just because she’d be in his house. “Meant what I said earlier. Slow, yeah?” He hoped that was vague enough to keep Glenmore out of their business but enough to help Mandy relax.
She swallowed and nodded. The panic left her eyes.
Jesus, she was so strong in some ways, so fragile in others. She’d handled Glenmore’s news and questions with a quiet dignity that had made him proud of her, but the mere suggestion of sleeping in the same house with him had thrown her for a loop. He’d have to be careful with her to the nth degree. Good thing he was up to the task. More than up to it. It’d be his freaking honor.
“Thank you,” she said, like it was some chore for him to have her at his place. More like an extended Christmas gift.
“You’re welcome, honey.”
“You have any questions for me?” Glenmore asked Mandy.
Cole had a feeling he was including him in the invitation too. But he’d spoken for his girl enough tonight. He made himself shut up so she could get a word in edgewise if she wanted to.
“Is anything from the trailer salvageable?” she asked, all business, surprising him with more of that steely strength of hers.
“Doubt it. I’ll get the fire chief over here to talk to you, okay?” Glenmore walked away.
Mandy said, “Do keys melt in a fire? There was only the one set to Dad’s shop. Not to mention my car keys and keys to my place in Philly, although I guess the apartment manager probably has a key I can copy.” She was thinking practically, probably to put off the trauma this had to be wreaking on an emotional level. That trailer had been nothing to write home about, but she’d grown up in it. Couldn’t be easy to see it smoldering in a leveled heap.
“We’ll get all that sorted out. Locks can be changed. The important thing is you’re safe, yeah? And the shop’s okay.”
She nodded then gasped, like she’d just thought of something. “The safe.” She peered at the rubble, like she was looking for it.
“The contents should be fine,” he assured her. “That thing had a good fire rating.” He scanned the rubble too, looking for any sign of the six-foot protective case. Everything was flattened and black, so it was hard to see, even with the fire engine’s spotlight on the wreckage.
“I don’t see it,” she said.
Neither did he. “Maybe it fell through the floor.” The trailer sat on a cinder block foundation so it was raised about four feet off the ground. If the safe had fallen through, it would be on-level with the rubble rather than poking above it. “I’m going to get out and talk to the crew. You want to come?”
She nodded.
He got out of the truck and grabbed his parka from the back seat. Zipping it up against the freezing temperature, he went around the truck to meet Mandy. She looked beautiful bundled in her dark wool coat and with the red scarf his mom had gotten her knotted around her neck. If only he could shield her from the worst of what life had to offer the way that coat and scarf shielded her from the cold.
With his arm around her, he guided her to where Glenmore was talking to Vernon Falworth, Newburgh’s fire chief. The fire crew was wrapping it up for the night while Newburgh PD searched the site for evidence. There would be more of that tomorrow, and then the cleanup could begin.
Glenmore didn’t bat an eye at the way Cole kept Mandy tucked against his side, but the other guys weren’t so tactful. Jerry and Gord were volunteers on the FD. Cole had tossed back countless beers with them over countless hands of poker. That all came to an end after Tooley’s smear campaign. Now they slid glances his way while they whispered together and smirked the way guys did when they want to communicate to some schmuck he was the lowest of lowlifes. Bob Bennets, one of the guys he’d worked with on Newburgh PD, glanced up from scraping evidence into
a bag. He glanced at Cole’s hand on Mandy’s shoulder then looked him dead in the eye. He shook his head like Cole should be ashamed of himself. The only thing keeping him from striding through the rubble to knock the superior look off Bennets’ face was not wanting Mandy to see him lose his shit.
He forced his attention to the two chiefs.
“Yeah, there’s a safe over there,” Falworth told Glenmore, pointing to roughly where Gripper’s home office had been. “Fell through the floor boards. Hopefully whatever’s inside wasn’t too fragile. The rest is a total loss, though.” He made a sweeping motion to encompass the disaster zone.
Glenmore folded his arms over his chest and fixed his gaze on Mandy. “I suppose Gripper has valuables in there?”
“Yes,” Mandy said. Good girl not elaborating when there were so many men within earshot. Glenmore and Falworth were all right, but Bennets had a big mouth. Jerry and Gord had moved over to the fire truck to stow equipment, but there were two Newburgh PD guys and another FD worker Cole didn’t recognize. They were younger. Hell, they might have been in high school with Mandy. For all he knew, there were guys here who had called her trash way back when.
He tightened his hold, pleased when Mandy wound an arm around his waist. She was letting him know she didn’t mind his crowding her right now. Good. He didn’t think he could back off if he tried.
“Suppose we shouldn’t leave it out here for some industrious asshole to carry off in the night,” Glenmore said. “But, shit, we’d need a truck with a lift gate to move it off premises. Might be hard to find one at ten o’clock on Christmas night. I’d hate to post a guard out here on the holiday, but that’s what we might be looking at.”
“Couldn’t we just open it and remove the contents?” Mandy said.
Glenmore blinked at her. “That’d be a good idea if anyone here happened to know the combination.” He sounded skeptical.
