by Jessi Gage
“You’re welcome, honey.”
Cole put his elbows on the table and steepled his hands, considering me with his cop face. “Now tell me where this is coming from. Last we talked, you were going to hang out here another week or two. Why the sudden rush to get back? This about Tooley? You’ve been quiet ever since we ran into him.”
I wanted to deny it but couldn’t. I looked guiltily at the tabletop.
“I knew it.” He leaned back in his chair. He’d cleared half his plate but was ignoring the rest. Extending his hand, he said, “Come on. Let’s go talk.”
“We are talking.”
“No. I need you closer for this talk.”
A shiver slid over my skin as I took his hand. I thought he would lead me to the den upstairs, our designated cuddling spot, but we walked into the living room. He flicked a switch, and the gas fireplace came alive. Other than the light filtering in from the kitchen, the fire was the only source of illumination.
“Romantic,” I said, as he sat down on the leather couch and settled me on his lap. Good grief. I’d never get used to how awesome it felt to have such strong thighs under me. Officer Oakley, my warm, steady boulder.
Sitting sideways on his lap, I rested my cheek on his shoulder and petted his chest through his Henley. He was so firm and beautiful. I would miss touching him so much.
“I like having you here,” he said, his arms tight around me. “Not going to lie. I don’t want you to rush out of here, especially if it’s Tooley’s insults driving you off. I won’t stop you, but you have to know it’s not what I want. What I want is you here with me as long and often as I can get you.”
Me here. In Newburgh. I’d suspected it, but hearing him say it caused a rift in my heart. If I wanted to be with him, I’d have to make peace with Newburgh. The place where my dad had raised me with so little affection I’d looked for it anywhere and everywhere else. The place where I’d been horribly assaulted and then treated like I’d somehow deserved it by the chief of police. The place where I’d been called trash more times than I could count, most recently by a man I thought had been a friend. Newburgh held nothing but betrayal and bad memories.
“Say something, honey. Talk to me.”
“I hate this town,” I blurted. Cole didn’t say anything, so I elaborated. “Seeing Tooley today, it reminded me that I’ve never felt at home here. Newburgh is where I’ve faced all the bad stuff in my life. Losing Mom when I was seven, the assault, the things people said about me in high school, now the fire and everything with Brock. I know now Dad did the best he could, and I know he loved me, but I didn’t feel that way growing up. It was hard. I was so lonely, so desperate to be liked. Accepted.
“Tooley was right. I’ll never be accepted in this town. We can’t even be in your house together without people in town gossiping about us. I can’t bear to have my bad reputation rub off on you. You’re a good man, Cole Plankitt. You’ve got a good life here. I don’t fit in with that.
“I fit in in Philly. I’m happy there. I have friends who accept me, who like me just the way I am. They don’t have memories of how I was to tarnish how they feel about me. I can just…be. I can be me. You know?”
Getting that off my chest felt like a relief and a burden all at once. It was the truth, so I was glad I’d told Cole, but I worried what he’d make of it. Would our relationship ever gain traction if we made our homes in separate states? Was my heart, bruised after losing Dad and everything else I’d been through the last week, up to the challenge of trying to make this thing with Cole work? Being apart from him would kill me. Wouldn’t it be easier in the long run to break it off now, let the acute pain of losing him have its way with me and then move on?
Oh, God. I couldn’t survive losing him. Which meant I’d have to make peace with missing him like crazy between visits. What kind of life would that be? How long could that possibly last?
Cole stroked my hair. Slow stroke after slow stroke. So soothing. If he was upset, it wasn’t coming through in his body language. “You know Cathy at the post office,” he said.
I nodded, wondering at the change in topic. Anyone who’d ever mailed anything from Newburgh’s post office or had ever been to a town meeting or gone to the annual Halloween festival at the town hall knew Cathy Dunsmore. Her husband, Bob, was one of Newburgh’s selectmen, and Cathy knew everyone and everything about the town. She’d been at Dad’s funeral. She’d given me a hug.
“My Aunt Mavis lives in Kennebunkport,” Cole went on. “I was in mailing a package to her the day after you got into town. Cathy asked me if you’d be coming back for your dad’s funeral. Told her I’d seen you, and she lit up with this great big smile. ‘That sweet girl putting up with Gripper all those years and no mom to soften his rough edges.’” Cole raised the pitch of his voice and approximated Cathy’s smoker’s rasp. “Told me she was looking forward to seeing you around town. That sound like someone who doesn’t like you?”
“Cathy was sweet at Dad’s funeral,” I granted, “but one nice person doesn’t make up for all the dirty looks I got.”
Cole stiffened. “Who gave you dirty looks?”
“Several Newburgh PD cops. Tooley. Gonzo.”
He snorted. “Honey, most of those dirty looks were meant for me, not you. Lot of the cops on the force are still pissed at me for working with Stacey to get Tooley fired. But I’ll tell you what, two of the loudest mouths on Newburgh PD, Bennets and Reynolds, were the first on the scene the other day. I almost got in a fist fight with Bennets night of the fire, but after the medics hauled Brock away, he clapped me on the back and told me he was glad Grip’s daughter was a good enough shot to save my ass.
“Point is, honey, no one in this town who’s ever given you or me a hard time is worth getting worked up over. A lot of them change like the wind anyway. When there’s nothing else going on, they’ll fixate on whoever or whatever they don’t like for whatever reason, usually because it makes them feel better about themselves to pick apart other people’s problems. But when it matters, when things go south, those same people who gossip and talk shit, they pull together and support their own.
“As for the other guys, Tooley’s Tooley. He’s nursing a grudge against you and me, and he’s a class A dickwad. But he doesn’t even live in Newburgh anymore. Far as I’m concerned, he’s a non-entity, especially now that he has no claim on your dad’s business. Running into him in Nashua was a fluke. Probably won’t happen again. Even if he does show his face around here, his opinion is just that, an opinion. That goes for Gonzo, Brock, kids at school, and anyone else who’s ever called you names or made your life miserable.”
He chucked me gently under the chin. “As for Newburgh, honey, you talk like it’s this town or bust for us. Don’t know what gave you that impression, but I’m not married to this town. What I’d like to be is married to you. Someday. Wherever we live, I don’t care. Long as I can find work and bear the lion’s share of our expenses so you can work because you want to, not because you have to.”
My mouth fell open. Cole was talking about marriage. Not just hinting that his family wanted him to get married and any woman he brought home would be a candidate worth consideration, but talking about marriage to me, specifically.
He wanted me. Forever.
It surprised me how much I wanted that too. Forever with Cole. All thoughts of towns and houses and jobs and friends tumbled away. Those things mattered, but not the way this steady, patient man mattered. A sense of rightness clicked into place as my mind opened to the possibility.
Cole closed my mouth with a finger. He had a smile in his eyes. “Tell you what, though. I’d miss my family. My friends and coworkers. Stace’d be bummed to see us both go. She likes you. Probably more than she likes me. You might have a lot of bad memories here, and there might be a few people who weren’t thrilled to see you come back to town, but there are some people who love you too. One of them’s right here, by your side. And that’s where h
e’s going to stay.
“We might have to live apart while we figure things out, but we’ll be together in the end. No matter what anyone says or thinks, you’re the strongest, sweetest, most beautiful person I know. Wherever we end up, the kind of person you are, the reasons I love you, don’t change. Don’t care if it’s Newburgh or Philly or Timbuktu. Long as we’re together, I’ll be a happy camper.”
I bit my lip. Cole’s words were like a hug directly to my heart. Since my assault, I’d been carrying around a hole I thought could only be filled by love and acceptance. I’d always craved those things, probably in part because of my emotionally distant father, but after that night, the craving became an obsession. After that night, Newburgh had seemed less accepting and more hateful than ever. I’d found refuge in Philly, but maybe I hadn’t given Newburgh a fighting chance. Maybe I was projecting all my insecurities on the town so I didn’t have to deal with them.
Cole was right. As much as I’d felt unwanted in Newburgh six years ago, I felt loved here now. I felt Dad’s love. I felt love shining from Cole and Stacey and Cole’s family. There was even a quiet affection in my soul for this place where I’d grown up. It had taken losing my childhood home to realize there had been some happy memories in that trailer. There had been happy memories in this town.
There could be more happy memories in this town.
Cole had said he could be content anywhere, but I couldn’t picture him anywhere else. He belonged in this big, masculine house that was crying out for a woman’s touch and to be filled with laughter and Christmas decorations…and children. He belonged in Newburgh. Newburgh needed his steady presence, his thirst for justice. His family needed their Uncle Cole close by. Stacey needed her friend.
I needed a real home.
I’d never felt more at home than I had the last few days in Cole’s house. I’d never been more accepting of myself than when I was with Cole. The hole inside me was filled to overflowing because of this man, because he reminded me that I was more than the sum total of the things that had happened to me and the names people had called me. I was Mandy Holcomb. That and that alone made me worthy.
Feeling whole for the first time in probably ever, I kissed Cole lightly on the lips. Drawing back to hold his gaze, I said, “Maybe it’s time for me to stop blaming Newburgh for everything that’s gone wrong in my life and start being thankful that this is where I met the man of my dreams. I love you, Cole Plankitt.”
“Love you too, baby.”
Chapter 26
It should be too soon for Cole to know for sure this woman was the one for him, the only, the forever one for him. But know it he did. Every day he spent with her he loved her more. Grandpa liked to tell everyone that was how he’d felt about Grandma. Cole had never understood how constantly growing love could be possible. Now he did.
As she curled into his chest and gazed up at him, Mandy’s eyes shone with a brightness he hadn’t seen before. The reflection of the fire danced in her irises, turning the emerald green to a gold that reminded him of whisky in a crystal tumbler. With her lips curled in a soft smile and her eyes happy like that, she looked like she’d been given a new lease on life. Or like a woman in love.
His chest swelled with pride. Knowing he was the cause of that look made him want to pound his chest like Tarzan. But was loving him enough for her? He’d brought up marriage, tipped his hand in a big way, and she hadn’t said anything about that, just that she loved him. He should be content with those words, but he wasn’t. He wanted her to be as committed to their relationship as he was. Unfortunately, her rushing back to Philly sent a message that she needed space.
He wanted to give her whatever she needed, but space was going to kill him. He’d never wanted to work a double shift less. Knowing he’d be away from her for a full twenty-four hours when they only had two more days together set his teeth on edge.
He held her tight, loved the slight weight of her on his lap, the way she softly stroked his chest through his shirt. “Been a rough couple of weeks,” he told her. “But also a good couple of weeks. Some of the best of my life.” His hands moved over her arms and back. He’d never get enough of touching her. Too bad you couldn’t hug through Skype.
She nuzzled under his chin, making his blood heat and his dick wake up. “I can’t say it’s been a barrel of laughs for me, but having you to help me through everything—I don’t know what I would have done without you. Seriously. I probably would have jumped ship and gone back to Philly a while ago.”
He snorted. “You probably would have been better off doing just that. But I wouldn’t have traded this time with you for anything.” He smoothed his hand along her silky hair. Smelled so good. Like vanilla and sugar. He smiled. One of his guilty pleasures was the occasional Twinkie. Mandy’s hair kind of smelled like a Twinkie. Jesus, he wanted to eat her up.
They sat quietly a while. He wanted to bring up getting married again, not to push her, but just to find out if she was comfortable knowing that’s the direction he was headed with her. It was crazy his brain kept going back to marriage, since he’d been the one to insist they go slow. Wasn’t exactly slow to talk about tying the knot when they hadn’t even been a couple a full week yet.
Probably best if he backed off, let Mandy go home to where she felt comfortable and could process everything that had happened. Poor thing was still grieving for Grip, and now the fire, the theft and Brock’s threats.
He squeezed her extra tight as he remembered hearing that gunshot on Sunday. He’d been tracking Brock through the woods, frustrated he’d lost sight of him through the thin growth of trees. He’d paused to listen, concerned when Brock’s running footsteps fell silent. A few seconds passed in which he’d heard only his own breathing and the thunder of adrenaline-laced blood in his veins. Then bang!
He’d hit the deck on instinct and swung his gaze back toward the shop, where Mandy should have been safe inside. His first thought had been for her. Then her voice, clear and certain, telling him it had been her fire. Relief had rushed through him. He’d had to tamp it down so he could do his job and find out if she’d hit Brock.
Pride had puffed him up like a peacock when he stepped around the berm and saw she’d hit her target. She’d probably saved his life. Brock was a good shot. Not as good as Gripper, but there was a decent chance he could have hit Cole if he’d gotten a clear shot through the trees. He owed this woman his life. He’d give it to her willingly, if only she wanted it, wanted him the way he wanted her. Forever.
Mandy’s light stroking of his chest changed. Her hand wandered lower, to his abs. Her fingers trembled as they explored him. Her gaze dropped to his neck, and her even, white teeth captured her lower lip.
“Everything okay, honey?”
She blinked, looked up at him. Her eyebrows slanted with insecurity.
“Whatever’s on your mind, you can tell me. No secrets between us.”
“Not anymore,” she said, “Thanks to you being so honest and brave.”
“Yeah, well, took me a while to get it all out.”
She nodded against his shoulder. “There was a lot to get out.”
“More than any one person should have to deal with.”
“Good thing there’s two of us then,” she said.
Yeah. Fucking fantastic thing.
She straightened on his lap, furrowed her brow. “You mentioned getting married earlier.” She bit her lip again.
He fixated on her plump lower lip, wanted to soothe it with his tongue. Clearing his throat, he said, “Yeah. Sorry. Shouldn’t be pushy with you when you’ve been through so much. Forget about it, okay?”
“Maybe I don’t want to forget about it.” Her gaze went soft on him. She skimmed a fingertip down his throat. “But you might be getting ahead of yourself, Officer Oakley. You don’t even know for sure we can consummate our love.”
He just about swallowed his tongue with shock. Mandy wasn’t freaked out by the idea of t
ying the knot. And she was bringing up sex. Not only bringing it up, but from the hungry glow in her eyes, he guessed she was giving him an open door to make a move.
“You telling me you need proof of that before I put a ring on your finger?” he asked, his body screaming to give her that proof right here on this couch. Slow, jackass. Remember?
“I don’t need it honey, but I’m ready to see if what you said is true, if we have what it takes.” She swallowed, eyes shifting to the fire then back to him. “I don’t know how much I can handle, but I need to know that we can make progress. I need to know before I go back.”
Back to Philly. He’d miss her so goddamn much. He’d be on the road to visit her often as he could. In the meantime, he had her for two more days. Seemed to him she was asking to make that time extra special, not with sex, necessarily, and that was fine with him, but she was clearly asking for more than they’d done so far.
“Happy to show you that, honey. There’s not a doubt in my mind we can make progress.”
He wasn’t a big player, but he’d been around the block enough times to be able to read a woman. No woman had ever been as easy for him to read as Mandy. Not only did she express everything she felt with those gorgeous eyes of hers, but his body seemed tuned to hers, like they were two parts of the same instrument. Right now her face was telling him she was nervous about asking for intimacy, but her body was completely relaxed in his arms, on his lap, where his hard-on had been growing under her for the last few minutes.
She’d shied away from him the first time she’d felt the evidence of his attraction through their clothes. But he’d managed to put her mind at ease by telling her it didn’t rule him. Tonight, he’d more than tell her. He’d show her. He’d show her he wanted every part of her but that he could deny his own desires and cater to hers.
Shifting her in his arms, he laid her down on the couch and tucked her against his front as they lay on their sides. He put her back toward the couch cushions, crowding her, testing her. If she couldn’t handle him in her space, that would give him a big clue how far he could take her tonight.
