by Betty Neels
She got out of the car with a falsely bright: ‘Oh, here we are already,’ and flounced into the hall, just in time to come face to face with Karel, coming from the drawing room.
It suited her mood very well when he greeted her with a warm: ‘Hi, darling Tish, what a desert of an evening without you,’ which was the kind of nonsense she expected from him and which she quite rightly put down to youthful exuberance on his part. Normally she would have told him not to be so extravagant in his talk, but now she said in a voice as gay as his own: ‘Then we’ll have to make up for it some time, won’t we?’ She smiled at him with such overpowering pleasure as she spoke that he looked quite taken aback, for she didn’t seem her usual sisterly self at all, but he liked her and not for the world would he have hurt her feelings—besides, he knew all about her and the Registrar, and Georgina had warned him to be kind.
‘I’ll take you up on that,’ he declared, and caught her hands and whirled her round. ‘We’ll have an evening out.’
She declared ‘Oh, lovely!’ with rather more emphasis than was necessary, but that was only because Jason was still standing by the door, watching them. It annoyed her very much to see that he was smiling faintly, as though he were pleased. She let go of Karel’s hand and went over to him.
‘Thank you for my delightful evening, Jason.’ She smiled at him, though it was an effort. ‘I loved your home,’ she told him. ‘It was so kind of you to let me see it, and I very much enjoyed meeting your mother.’ She couldn’t think of anything else to say after that; what she had said sounded a bit prosy, and Jason was being no help at all, standing there smiling as though he were amused at some joke of his own. She said a trifle sharply: ‘Shall I let George or Julius know you’re here?’
His brows rose gently and the smile widened so that she went red and said with a decided snap: ‘How very silly of me—of course you have known Julius all you life, haven’t you? I expect you use each other’s homes as your own.’
‘That’s right.’ His voice was silky. ‘And we’ve known each other since we were in our prams, all of thirty-five years, and that is a long time before you were born, Letitia. No, don’t worry about me, dear girl, I’ll find Julius.’
He nodded affably at them both and strolled off across the hall and down the passage which led to Julius’s study. Letitia waited until she heard the door shut behind him before speaking. ‘I think I’ll go to bed,’ she declared, and stifled a quite convincing yawn. ‘Such a lovely evening, but Polly will be awake early. Is George in the drawing room still?’
Karel nodded. ‘I say, Tishy—remember that blonde I was telling you about?’
She paused on her way. ‘Oh, yes, but I daresay you don’t.’
He laughed, a cheerful bellow which surely penetrated the study door.
‘You’re right, I don’t—what a wonderful sister you would have made for a chap, Tishy. There’s a girl,’ he paused and was suddenly serious, ‘she’s quiet and sweet and pretty, but not so’s you’d notice—a bit like you, I suppose—prettier, of course. She doesn’t care much for me—not yet. I wondered if you would meet her when you get back to London—I mean, if she sees you and you tell her you know me…’
Letitia forgot her own heartache and retraced her steps. ‘Karel, of course I will. She sounds a dear and I’ll do anything I can—I expect she heard tales about you from some of your more spectacular friends and it’s made her uncertain. You want her to see your more serious side—isn’t that it? And if a parson’s daughter vouches for you…’ She put her hands on his shoulders and reached up to kiss him in a sisterly fashion, unaware that Jason had come out of the study and was standing at the back of the hall, watching them. She didn’t see him then, only after she had wished Karel good night and started for the drawing room once more, and as she could think of nothing to say, she remained silent, as did Jason, only he smiled again. ‘Just as though he were glad,’ she muttered to herself as she entered the drawing room, and Georgina, looking up from her magazine, exclaimed: ‘Why, Tishy, is anything the matter? You look…’
‘No, nothing at all. I’ve had a gorgeous evening. I had no idea that Jason had such a grand home—a castle, no less.’
Georgina studied her face. ‘He’s not a man to talk about himself or his possessions,’ she said quietly. ‘He’s nice, though, don’t you agree?’
‘Yes,’ said Letitia, and thought what an inadequate answer that was, and because there was so much she wanted to say and couldn’t, she wandered off to look at the portrait of an overpowering gentleman in a bag wig, thus missing the look of satisfaction on her companion’s face.
‘I think I’ll go to bed, if you don’t mind,’ she said presently, suddenly terrified that Georgina would start to talk about Jason.
‘Of course I don’t mind, Tishy, and thank you for being so sweet to Polly and Ivo. I thought we might all have a day out tomorrow if the weather’s fine; we can take two cars and do some sightseeing. If I have Ivo in his basket with us, perhaps you’d have Polly with you in Karel’s car. We could go down the River Vecht—some friends of ours live along there, but they’re away—they won’t mind a bit if we park in their grounds and sit by the water for our lunch. Would you like that?’
‘It sounds lovely—you’re sure you wouldn’t rather I stayed here with the babies? I’d be quite happy, you know; the gardens are so pretty.’
Georgina spoke warmly. ‘That’s sweet of you, Tishy—I’ll take you up on that in a day or two. We have to go to Wassenaar to see Julius’s aunt and uncle. They’re sweet but elderly and I think the children might worry them a bit, so I’ll leave them at home with you. But Great-Uncle Ivo, he’s quite another kettle of fish—in his eighties and an absolute darling and adores Polly. He’s dying to see little Ivo, that’s really why he’s coming. You’ll like him, though he’s a bit outspoken.’
Georgina got up and cast her magazine on the table beside her. ‘I think I’ll go and sit with Julius until he’s finished his writing—he likes that, and so do I.’
They went out of the room together and parted at the foot of the staircase. There was no sign of Jason.
But even with him constantly in her thoughts, Letitia found it impossible not to enjoy herself the following day. Karel might be head over heels in love with this girl of his, but he was still an amusing companion. She sat behind him in the Porsche, rather cooped up, with Polly on her lap and Beatrix beside her while Franz sat in front. Cor had gone in the Rolls with the others after a fierce argument as to who should go with whom, quickly decided by Julius stating firmly that everyone would change places on the way back. It was a blindingly hot day and lunch was a protracted meal with everyone sitting at their ease by the river. After they had eaten everything in the picnic hamper, Julius and Georgina stayed with Polly, who was sleepy anyway, and the slumbering Ivo, while the others strolled off, and it wasn’t long before the younger members of the party went ahead, leaving Karel and Letitia together.
‘Now you can tell me all about this girl,’ she urged him. ‘What’s her name?’
He was only too ready to comply with her request. ‘Mary. Her father’s a solicitor, she works in the Medical Secretary’s office, a sort of filing clerk, I suppose you’d call her. She wanted to be a nurse, but she doesn’t like to see people when they’re ill, although she’s very sorry for them, of course.’ He shot Letitia a glance, defying her to comment upon this, but she wisely remained silent, merely looking sympathetic, which encouraged him to continue at some length. He had been talking for quite a time before she managed to suggest tactfully that they should return. He agreed readily enough and catching her arm in his, began, for the second time, to describe Mary’s perfections. She was quite relieved when the picnic party came into view once more; they were all there, waiting for them, and it was Julius who inquired: ‘Had a nice walk?’
Letitia answered, aware that Karel was still up in the clouds with his Mary. ‘Very nice, thanks—we got talking.’ She smiled at Julius, who smiled bac
k, but although Georgina smiled too, she looked a bit put out. Getting into the Porsche again, Letitia wondered why.
Everyone left the house after breakfast the next morning to make the journey to Wassenaar, leaving Letitia with the faithful Hans and the two babies. The day passed quickly enough, and if from time to time she entertained the hope that Jason might call, she tried to ignore it. She put the little ones to bed at their usual time, had a solitary dinner with Hans at his most attentive, making sure that she ate the delicious food he served her, and then went up to her room. She had no idea what time the others would be back and if she stayed downstairs she would feel impelled to keep running up to the nursery to make sure that the babies were asleep, so she sat in the day nursery, writing a letter home. She had almost finished it when the door opened and Jason walked in.
His ‘Hullo,’ was casual. ‘No one home yet?’ he asked. ‘Have you enjoyed your day playing mother?’
Letitia closed her writing pad. ‘Very much. They’re darling children, you know, and no trouble at all.’
He smiled then. ‘You sound like Georgina. You had a good day out yesterday?’
He looked tired, she thought, and longed to ask him why; it was terrible to love someone so much and be unable to say the things you really wanted to say. ‘Oh, lovely,’ she answered brightly. ‘It was so pretty by the river. We had a picnic on the bank in someone’s grounds, a friend of Julius—I expect you know him too?’ Jason nodded and she went on: ‘It was gloriously hot too.’
‘Too hot to explore the charming walk along the water?’
She answered without thinking. ‘Oh, no—Karel took me, only we were so busy talking I didn’t see nearly as much as I should have done.’
He was still smiling, but his face had grown very still; she thought for a long moment that he would never speak again; when he did it was in his usual placid voice. ‘You can always go again—I’m sure Karel will be only too happy to take you.’ He went to the door with an abruptness which surprised her. ‘I must go home. Good night.’
Letitia stared at the closed door, puzzled, wondering why he had come and why he had left like that—the conversation had been harmless enough. She frowned and went back to her letter, mindful of the promise she had made herself that she would try not to think of him more than she could absolutely help.
She didn’t see him for several days after that. It was Georgina who let fall the information that he was entertaining guests of Niehof, and later Julius told her that they had all been invited to an evening party there; all except herself, for someone had to keep an eye on Polly and Ivo—and after all, that was why she was there, wasn’t it? Only Julius didn’t put it like that.
‘It’s an opportunity for us all to go out together,’ he explained. ‘Usually that’s difficult when Nanny’s away, and it would have been out of the question now, only you are so luckily with us, Tishy. Jason thought it a splendid opportunity.’
So it was Jason who had suggested that she should stay home! In that case, even if she were asked, wild horses wouldn’t drag her there. She agreed as to the excellence of the arrangement, her face and voice so wooden that Julius gave her a long, thoughtful look, frowning a little.
It was that same day that Great-Uncle Ivo arrived, driven in a motor-car—a Packard—which should have surely been a museum piece. Georgina whispered that the old gentleman went to great expense to keep it in running order and absolutely refused to exchange it for anything more modern. He was a determined old gentleman as well as being outspoken, she added, and Letitia could see that she was right.
Waiting on the fringe of the welcoming group she could see that here was a very old gentleman, bearing a marked resemblance to Julius, with a great deal of white hair and piercing blue eyes, greeting everyone in his own good time, and when he at length got to her, he looked her up and down before offering a hand for her to shake. ‘Plain girl, aren’t you?’ he observed in a booming voice. ‘Quite a taking face, though—a little like Georgina was before Julius married her—and look at her now, quite a beauty.’ He chuckled. ‘That’s what comes of being happily married. You should try it, young woman.’
‘Chance is a fine thing,’ retorted Letitia with some asperity, and he burst out laughing.
‘That’s right, girl—you’ve plenty of spirit. I don’t care for mealy-mouthed women myself. A dash of spirit lasts you all your life, and looks don’t—remember that. And now I’ll see my namesake.’
By the end of the day Letitia decided that she liked Great-Uncle Ivo; his tongue might be sharp and his manner somewhat dictatorial, but he loved his family and his manners were perfection despite his age. In the garden after tea, taking Polly to feed the ducks on the pond before bedtime, with Karel as escort, she ventured to ask about him.
‘I can’t remember him ever looking other than he does now,’ Karel told her, ‘and I simply can’t imagine this family without him. I know Julius is the head of the family, but Great-Uncle Ivo is a kind of figurehead, if you see what I mean. I think we would all like him to go on living for ever, and unlike most people, we none of us need his money. There’s none of that standing around waiting for him to die, if you see what I mean.’
‘I suppose you’re very rich,’ Letitia observed idly.
‘Yes, we are. Some ancestor made a pile in the West Indies and it’s been taken care of ever since. Jason’s a wealthy man too, though I believe the ancestor who started them on the road to riches was a bloodthirsty type who fought for William the Silent. Not that Jason’s like that; as kind and generous as they come—can’t think why he hasn’t married; heaven knows there’ve been plenty of girls only too willing. No, he’s the sort to marry some mouse of a girl because he’s sorry for her.’ He paused and then went on uncomfortably: ‘I shouldn’t have told you that, I suppose—about Jason being rich.’
‘It doesn’t matter, what difference could it possibly make? I’m not likely to meet him again once I’m back in England, and I don’t gossip.’
‘Lord, no,’ he agreed warmly. ‘I say, you haven’t told anyone about Mary, have you?’
‘Of course not. All the same, I think it’s a pity you don’t tell Julius and Georgina.’ She bent to pick up Polly so that she could throw the bread they had brought with them to the family of ducks paddling towards them.
‘Well, I can’t—not yet. They’d not take me seriously—they’d think she was just another girl, and she’s not.’
Letitia felt a stab of envy for the absent Mary, then had to stifle hysterical laughter when he went on seriously: ‘You see, Tishy, you wouldn’t understand—you have to be in love to do that.’
She put Polly down. She was in love, but it hadn’t made things very clear to her, in fact she had never been so muddled in all her life. She said quietly: ‘Well, Karel, the thing is—I should imagine—to be quite sure—both of you, and when you are you can talk to Julius and he’ll understand. After all, you’re old enough to marry and you’ve just told me you’ve enough money to live on—besides, you’re a good surgeon, Jason told me so. You’ll be a success even if you didn’t have a farthing of your own.’
‘You are such a comforting kind of girl,’ he assured her gratefully, and flung an arm round her shoulders as they walked back to the house, and Jason, standing at the open drawing room window with Georgina and Julius, saw that.
Georgina made off with Polly when they arrived, and Karel wandered off after a few words with Jason, and Julius went with him, leaving Letitia, who fidgeted round the room, trying to think of some excuse for going too.
‘I wanted you to know that I’m sorry that you can’t come this evening,’ said Jason presently, ‘but I know you understand.’
Letitia rearranged the cushions on the enormous sofa before replying; of course she understood; what should Jason Mourik van Nie, a rich man who lived in a castle which took away one’s breath with its miniature grandeur, want with a girl he had once described as quite nice? ‘Of course I understand. Besides, Jason, I think yo
u overlook the fact that I came here to look after Polly and Ivo—I’m being paid for it, you know. I hardly expected to be treated as a guest. They’re all wonderful to me as it is, but there’s no need to think that I mind. I don’t.’
He was lounging against one of the chairs, staring at her. ‘You’ve quite got over the Medical Registrar, haven’t you?’ he asked to surprise her.
All the same she kept her voice steady. ‘Yes, quite, thank you.’
‘Perhaps there’s someone else.’ It was a statement, not a question, so that she found it difficult to answer. When she remained silent, he said: ‘I hope so, Letitia.’
She began on the cushions once more, for she couldn’t stand still listening to him talking like that, and when he crossed the room towards her she held one of them in front of her as if to ward him off. He actually had his hands on her shoulders when she said in an unhappy little voice: ‘Oh, Jason, please don’t—not again, I couldn’t bear it!’
He dropped his hands at once and she saw him wince. ‘I didn’t mean…’ she began—it was no good, she would have to tell him that she loved him and that it wasn’t fair to kiss her; heaven knew what she might have said if he had allowed her to go on, but he didn’t. He said quietly: ‘My dear girl, you don’t have to explain anything,’ and went out of the room.
When everyone had gone and Letitia had pretended to eat her dinner under Hans’s worried eye, she went up to her room and sat by the window, staring out into the darkening garden. She had tried during the evening to think what she could say to Jason, but she had had no success, and now she was tired to death with only one thought in her head; that she loved him very much, despite the fact that he had never given her any encouragement to do so. A nice cry would have been the thing, but she seemed beyond tears.
