by Kaylee, Katy
And that made me angry. I had that once. I could have it now, except Beth was hell-bent on keeping me at a distance. Now that I’d seen Ben, I could see she had more on her plate than just impending financial ruin. But goddammit, I could help.
I blew out a breath as I watched a very pregnant Sara pat Chase on the shoulder and point toward the table. He kissed her hand and nodded, then went into the kitchen, presumably to get items to set the table. Chase had a household staff to help, but on Sundays, it was family dinner time. Everyone pitched in to bring something or help prepare for dinner. My contribution this week was wine, as it was most weeks. I included some nice sparkling cider for Sara.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
I looked up to find Grace beside me.
“You’ve been distracted all afternoon. Are you okay?”
“I am distracted. Just trying to figure out how to help a friend.” I couldn’t rely on Kade and my brothers to see the value of the McAdams company as an investment, so I needed to come up with an alternative if they said no. Buying Ben’s half of the club, and making arrangements to buy Beth’s townhouse was going to leave me cash poor. I wouldn’t be able to do much in buying out their business after that.
“Would you like to talk? Sometimes speaking your problems out loud to a neutral third party helps.”
From across the room, I could see Hunter watching her. He gave me a nod, I suppose was meant to encourage me to talk to her. I remembered him telling me that talking can help. I wasn’t sure how. But what did I have to lose? I’d already told Hunter about it, so it wasn’t some big secret.
“I made a mistake when I was younger that has driven a wedge between my best friend and me. Now that he’s having trouble, he won’t let me help him. On top of that, it appears he has a drinking problem.”
Grace moved a chair over to sit in front of me. “Substance abuse makes everything more difficult, including relationships. This mistake you made; do you blame yourself for what’s happening to him?”
I shook my head. “His financial troubles and drinking aren’t on me. Just his anger at feeling betrayed.”
“Betrayed? So, he doesn’t trust you to help him now since you betrayed that trust before?”
I blew out a breath. “I think he’s just pissed.”
“Does he have a right to be?” Her questions made me think that Hunter hadn’t told her the situation. It was good to know I could trust him with my secrets.
“Yes, and no.” I took a large gulp of my drink. “I’m in love with his sister. I have been for six years.”
“Ah.” She said as if all the pieces were falling together. “Some brothers are very protective of their sisters.”
I nodded. “Yes. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway.”
“Wrong?” She cocked her head. “But you said you love her.”
“Friends don’t mess with their friends’ sisters.” It was one of the top rules of the bro code. That and you didn’t date your friends’ exes.
“But you love her. Does she love you too?” Grace asked.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “She did. I think. Our fathers got in the away and I left her. Now we’ve some lovely moments, but then it’s like she remembers I’d left and that makes her push me away again.”
“You told her what happened? How you feel?”
I nodded.
“So, it’s not just this friendship you’re trying to repair but the relationship with this woman.”
“Yes.”
“But I imagine the brother isn’t supportive of that,” she said.
I laughed. “He tried to kick my ass.” I shook my head as the images flooded back. It was all so fucking sad.
“So, you’re working on fixing two opposing relationships, one with a person that has a substance abuse problem.”
I narrowed my eyes as I tried to get a fix on what she was saying.
She put her hand on my knee. “I’m not going to tell you that you can’t fix both, but you need to consider that maybe you can’t have both.”
I swallowed, not liking that.
“If you want a relationship with the sister, your friend may never come around to accept that, especially if he’s drinking. It’s very difficult to grow and evolve when substance abuse is involved.”
“I understand that.”
“But if you want to help your friend in his business and to get clean, you can’t be with his sister because that’s clearly a betrayal in his eyes. He won’t accept your help.”
I dropped my head back realizing she was likely right. “So, I can’t do both? Be with her, be his friend, all the while helping save them financially.”
“You’re a warrior like my man,” she said with a smile. “I’m not saying you can’t. I’m saying it will be difficult. First, you’d have to fix the friendship enough that he’d accept your help and that will be hard if you’re with his sister.”
“I’d think he wants her to be happy. I really feel like I could do that.”
“I’m sure he does want her to be happy. But remember, his thinking is clouded with booze. And if his financial world is falling apart, he’s worried about that on top of everything. I’m sure it’s like salt in a wound to see you doing what he can’t.”
I remembered how he accused me of being perfect.
“And, as you said, it doesn’t sound like she’s ready to let you back into her life either.”
“I’m well and truly fucked.” I closed my eyes and then opened them. “I’m sorry.”
She laughed. “Are you kidding? I think Hunter holds the world record for using that word.”
As if she conjured him over, Hunter appeared. Grace stood, and he put his arm around her, kissing her on the temple. “She’s the best, right?”
“She is.”
He frowned. “She’s mine.”
I laughed and so did she.
“Don’t worry. He’s in love with someone else,” she said to Hunter.
Hunter grinned. “Good. I won’t have to kick your ass.”
“You’d have to get in line,” I said, standing needing to take a break.
“Ben still being a jerk?”
“He has a right to be mad. I just wish he’d accept my apology and realize how I feel about Beth.”
“Don’t give up,” Grace said. “Love and friendship are worth fighting for. Don’t give up.”
I watched the two of them as they walked over to the buffet to have some hor d'oeuvres Sara had set out. Hunter pulled her to him, whispered something that made her smile and return his kiss.
I looked over at Chase, who stood behind Sara with his hands on her shoulders. He leaned forward, whispered something to her and kissed her on the cheek. I was happy for them, even as I was envious. Beth and I could have that, dammit. And Ben could be a part of it. We could all be a family.
I made my way to the terrace to get a breath of fresh air as my mind whirled with ideas about what I could do. I was eager to leave so I could find Beth and make my plea. I felt like I’d been clear about my feelings and intentions, but I hadn’t been direct. Next time I saw her, I’d lay it out. How I felt and what I wanted. Maybe then she’d forgive me and give me a second chance to show her that I meant what I said on the beach six years ago. Maybe she’d believe that I wanted us to have what we’d planned back when we were young and naïve about life. Even then, we understood love.
Once I earned her love and trust, together we could help Ben. I wasn’t sure that would work. Grace was right that just seeing me with Beth seemed to set Ben off. But if I showed him how much I loved his sister, and valued his friendship, by helping him save his family’s legacy, maybe eventually, he’d come around.
I was excited and eager to get started on my plan, but first, I had to excuse myself from dinner with my family. As I re-entered the living area, I noticed Kade, the only bachelor Raven beside me. He was chatting amiably with Hunter. It was interesting that he wasn’t being as big of an asshole lately as he used t
o be. As the baby of the family, he’d always been spoiled rotten. He was often rude and obnoxious.
But over the last couple of weeks, since Sara enacted our family dinners, he seemed to have settled down a bit. Not that his immature side didn’t ever come out. Now, it was usually reserved for meetings we had at the office. I think for most of us, there were moments when our old selves wanted to lash out then too. Thanks to dad and his manipulation. But over the last few months, we learned to listen and work together. We were forming a united front. Working as a team.
I hoped that the team would back me up in working to save Ben and Beth’s business and bring them into the family fold. I knew they could be an asset, assuming Ben could get his drinking under control. And I knew Sara and Grace would take Beth in as a sister of sorts. I suspected that being on the cusp of financial ruin meant all her old friends had shunned them. This could work. It had to work. God, please let it work, I thought as I made my excuses, and headed out.
22
Beth – Sunday
Once again, Ben pulled a disappearing act after his altercation with Ash. I couldn’t be sure if he was embarrassed or just wanted to avoid a confrontation with me. Either way, I had to accept his behavior. He was right; I wasn’t his mother. My job was to care for Hannah.
When my phone rang, I thought it was him, but then I saw Ash’s name on my caller ID. My brain said not to answer it. My heart, or maybe it was my hormones, vetoed that idea.
“Hello.”
“Beth. Hi, it’s Ash.”
“Yes, hi.”
“I want to see you. I need to talk to you.”
Again, that tug of war between my head and heart raged on. “Ben isn’t here.”
“Just you. Tonight. Have you eaten?”
“Not yet.”
“Come over to my place. I’ll send a car for you. In fact, it’s on its way.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Feeling sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
“I’m hopeful. Will you come?”
“Yes.” I had to face the truth. I was drawn to him. To his smile. To his generosity. And yes, to his sexy body. I was playing with fire, and yet I couldn’t seem to stop myself. “I need a few minutes.”
“Take as long as you want. I’ll be here.”
My heart broke open at the way his voice sounded when he said those words. It was almost as if he was saying more. Like he was promising me forever. Don’t overthink this, Beth, I warned myself.
When I got off the phone, I called Morgan about watching Hannah.
“I’m on my way,” she said when I told her about Ash’s call.
“I feel like I’m using you.”
“Don’t. I’ll be there ASAP.”
I went upstairs and checked in on Hannah who was reading a book to her dolls.
“Mommy is going out tonight. Morgan will be here soon.”
“Are you seeing Ash?”
My heart stuttered in my chest. She’d heard me talking about him with Morgan, but I hadn’t realized she’d retained the conversation.
“Yes.”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
God, where did she learn this stuff? “No. I’m going to change,” I said, wanting to get away from having to explain my relationship with Ash.
We were eating at his place, but that didn’t mean I shouldn’t look nice. Then again, I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I decided on a casual lavender dress, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to put on lacy underwear.
When Morgan arrived, she was carrying a grocery bag. “I’ve been expanding my culinary skills. Hannah is going to be my sous chef tonight.”
I laughed. “She’ll love that. Thank you again for coming on short notice.
“Of course. It’s for a great cause. Ash makes you happy. There’s no nobler cause than that.”
I snorted. “You’re hopeless.”
She grinned. “I am. A hopeless romantic. I’m rooting for you and Ash.”
I gave Hannah a kiss and reminded her to behave, and then I walked out the front door where Ash’s car was waiting. We wove through the city to Greenwich Village, stopping on Charles Street. As Ash’s driver opened the door for me, Ash appeared out of the building.
“Welcome to my humble abode,” he said leaning in to kiss my cheek.
Humble wasn’t the right word. My family’s business owned a lot of real estate so I knew a little something about the value of property. This place, on the Hudson, had to be worth twice as much as our townhome. When Ash led me to the main living area of the triplex, I amended my estimate. This had to be three times or even quadruple the value. The main living area was huge with floor to ceiling windows all around, providing a 360-degree view of the Hudson and New Jersey, downtown Manhattan and the Freedom Tower, and then east looking over the Village. The terrace seemed to wrap around the area as well, making the space seem even larger.
“You must have fantastic sunset views from this room,” I said not able to stop gaping. This was the type of luxury I’d grown up in, but after two years of living away from it, it felt like another world.
“They are spectacular.”
As I looked around the space, I saw evidence of technology as well. “Do you have a robot for a maid?”
He laughed. “Not yet. But I can talk to the place. Turn on and off the lights, music, get the news, you know…” He took my hand, and it felt so natural. It was like it had been six years ago when we’d meet on the beach. “Want a tour?”
“Yes.”
He showed me around all the levels. Each room had a spectacular view and tons of books.
“I see you still like to read.”
“Yes, when I have time.” He grabbed two wine glasses from the kitchen and a bottle of wine from his cooler and led me to the terrace. The sun had set and now the view sparkled with lights. It took my breath away as did the man who handed me a glass of wine.
“Thank you for coming,” he said, clinking his glass to mine. “I often have the feeling you want to avoid me. I’m trying not to take it personally.”
I studied his face to see if he meant that, to be honest, or snarky. I saw genuine honesty there.
“My life is complicated, Ash. Spending time with you complicates it more.”
“I was devastated to see how Ben has changed. I feel guilty that I wasn’t there to intervene sooner.”
God, if he only knew that part of what drove Ben to drink was my relationship with him. But in truth, as stressful as Ben’s life was, and how betrayed he felt by Ash, his drinking was all on him. Plenty of people had challenges and were able to get through them without getting drunk. I was an example of that. Then again, I had Morgan, and Ben seemed to have no one but a little sister he felt obligated to look out for.
“Ben is the boss of himself and is responsible for his actions. He can blame others, but that’s just an excuse.”
“It can’t be easy for you,” Ash said, pushing back stray tendril of my hair that the wind had blown behind my ear.
“No. But we manage.”
“We?”
Oh crap. “Me and Ben.” I sipped my wine. “What did you want to see me about?”
He took my hand and kissed it in a gesture that was so romantic, Morgan would have swooned. “Since seeing you again, made me realized just how much I’ve missed you. I should have stood up to our fathers. Or at least, tried harder to talk to you. I did call a few times and even wrote, but when I didn’t hear back, I figured they’d gotten to you too.”
“My father never let on he knew about us, but he did move me to Europe. He got me a new phone so I didn’t get your calls. I never got letters either.” It made me wonder about the one I sent him. The one he’d returned unread. Why had he sent it back if he’d been trying to reach me?
“The thing is, Beth, I want what we had.”
I did too. So badly. But our opportunity had passed. I couldn’t see us regaining what we had lost. And I couldn’t risk Hannah to find out. “We’re old
er…time has passed.”
He let out a breath. “What I feel for you is still as strong as it was then. Now we’re older, smarter, and as you said, in charge of ourselves. Now it really is our choice. I know Ben won’t like it, but I want to find a way to help him. I want what I had with him too. I refuse to think that it’s too much to ask for, but I know the decision isn’t just mine. It depends on what you want. And whether or not Ben will ever forgive what I did and accept that I’m in love with you.”
My breath hitched. Even six years ago, the word love had never been used. It had been alluded to. Inferred, but never said.
I wanted everything he was talking about. All the emotion promised in the depth of his eyes. And yet… I was too scared to reach out and take it.
“I don’t know that we can get over the past, Ash.”
He cradled my face in his hands, his eyes filled with emotion as he looked at me. “I mean it, Beth. I love you. I did then. I do now. I always have. And whatever I have to do to make up for the past or show you the truth in my heart, I’ll do it. You just have to tell me what that is.”
I was completely cracked open and raw from his words. For six years, I dreamed of hearing Ash tell me all this and then we’d be a wonderfully happy family.
“Tell me what you want, Beth. It’s yours.”
I couldn’t give him the words my heart wanted desperately to tell him, so instead, I leaned in and kissed him. I put everything I felt into that kiss. My love for him. My need for him. My promise to always care for him until I died, even if we weren’t together.
“I want you,” I murmured against his lips.
“I’m all yours.” He tilted his head, taking the kiss deeper as his free hand pressed against my lower back and pulled me closer. When he pulled away, he took my wine glass, setting it down along with his on the table. Then he took my hand and led me back inside to his bedroom. “We’ve never made love in a bed. I want to remedy that.”
At first, I got stuck on his use of the term “make love” instead of fuck or sex, that he used before. But then I thought for a moment about what he was saying. I realized he was right. We’d done it once on the beach, and the other times on a couch or in the back of a car. Actually, we hadn’t done it many times, but it felt like we had. Our connection was so strong, it seemed like we’d always been together.
