by Kristi Rose
Or did she fight? Truth was she couldn't live with this Buck who wasn't talking to her.
The Browns were already scrolling through their smartphones. The soon-to-be-weds looked like they were surfing Facebook, and the Normans weren't even moving.
How did Lisa feel? Did Kevin seem like a stranger to her? Or worse, did she know him so well that his betrayal cut even deeper? Did pictures only remind her of what was lost? Perhaps she didn't know him at all and that was why he'd strayed? One thing was for certain, Andee didn't know the answers and likely wouldn't even after a weekend spent with them at this event. She turned to see what Buck was doing and saw him scrolling through his photos.
"I'm going outside. I can think better out there," she whispered to him.
"Good idea." He stood and followed her out of the room. "I think I'll sit in the chapel," he said before breaking off.
"OK." She tried not to read into his actions. But her first thought was to wonder if he needed to sit in the chapel and ask for forgiveness before he delivered a lethal blow. Had what she thought was a simply a rut in their sex life really been the indicator of something far worse? Did he regret not sowing his oats more? Had his taste changed so that he no longer preferred girls like her? What if he now found their easy and predictable life mundane and boring? What if he was ready to upgrade?
She sat on the concrete stairs of the church, shivered, and slowly sucked in air, trying to steady her racing heart and not think the worst was about to descend upon her. Wasn't it a good thing that her husband wanted to chill out and binge-watch TV with her? That he loved to make these marathons themed to align with the show? Just a couple of weeks ago, he'd only spoken to her in a British accent for three solid days while they'd marathon-watched Sherlock. Andee wanted to slap herself upside the head. She'd thought it was fun and cute and quirky, but was it really a sign of doom for their relationship? Were they more roommates than lovers?
Andee glanced at her car. Could she get away with running? With a bone-weary sigh, she unfolded the paper and got down to the business of answering the questions. A couple of the searches for items made her laugh and remember moments such as when they went fishing and she caught a bigger fish. Or when they dressed up like Hans Solo and Princess Leia for Halloween, which also hadn't resulted in any wild sex afterward as Bucky got sick off Jello shots.
Now she saw his avoiding sex as a symptom of something much deeper and not knowing what flared her anger. When had they stopped talking? She scrolled past a picture of her ideal vacation home, a screenshot she'd not only put on her phone but on their fridge and in the encouraging emails she'd sent him about staying focused. Was it around the time she became single focused on a stupid house?
Andee shook her head, hating where her thoughts were going. Weren't they stronger than that? Could a house be the root of their problems? A terse laugh escaped her. She could guess and worry and plot a quick get-away but none of these would answer the bigger question. Nothing but facing him with an empty agenda and a willingness to hear. She glanced at her watch and stood up to go inside. Now, if she could only put her new determination into practice.
The last one to enter the room, Andee pulled the door closed behind her. Buck looked up from his phone and gave her a sweet smile.
Don't read into it!
"All right. We'll let the Browns go first since they are old hats at this. Fred, Milly." Reverend Parker gestured toward them. Fred stood and faced his wife.
"I tried to come up with something different from last time, but I'm afraid only the last date and last laugh changed. Oh, and the thing you love the most. I was going to put your new sewing machine, but I think the grandkids trump that."
Fred and Milly laughed together as they stared at each other, and Andee wanted to barf or cry. She wasn't sure which was the stronger reaction.
Milly's was much like Fred's, and Andee decided she wanted to cry. She'd give her right arm to be like them after one million years of marriage.
"Andee, Buck. You're up next."
"I'll go first," Andee said and stood. She might look like a fool after he went, but at least the gossipmongers would know that she'd given it her all.
"Why don't we try it a different way? Why don't you go at the same time?" Reverend Parker offered.
Andee looked at Buck, who nodded and stood so they faced each other.
With a deep breath to draw in courage, she said, "I'll start. My number one was where we went on our first date." She found the picture on her screen and turned it so Buck could see. "This is a picture of us at a Buc's game, last year. We took one of my nephews and a girl he's interested in. Our first date was at a Buc's game. I went with you and your family," she explained to the group while looking at Buck.
Bucky showed her his phone. He had the same picture. "I remember. I had to ask your dad for permission and promise that my folks were going. Taking your nephew and his girl reminded me of when we went. It was a good day. Both times."
They smiled at each other. Andee wanted to touch him. Any part of him, his arm or whatever. For just a moment, the connection between them felt strong, and she wanted to hold on to it.
"Why don't you go next, Buck," said Revered Parker.
Buck looked around the room. "Bear with me. I had to improvise here. My number two was our last date. This is the web site of the furniture store where we bought our couch, and this is our couch. Our last date was last week when we stayed home and watched Mad Men."
Andee guffawed. "That's not a date. That's what we do all the time."
"Not all the time. Sometimes we just watch TV, but these times are different."
Andee shrugged. She wasn't so sure she agreed.
"How so?" asked Lisa Norman. She put her hand up in defense. "I'm not trying to challenge you. I'm just curious as to what makes it a date and not just watching TV."
Buck looked at Andee with pleading eyes, but she returned his gaze with a questioning one.
Buck sighed. "Oh, all right. Because we really get into it--make food from that region or time, talk with accents or whatever. It's an event. Not just channel surfing."
"Wow, you need to turn in your man card," said Kevin bitterly.
"Really? I'd like to stack my behavior next to yours and see which one of us hasn't been acting like a man. You up for that?" Buck challenged with a square of his shoulders.
"All right. Settle down. This is a good time to remind everyone that what is said here stays here. Everything here is confidential and should be treated with respect and courtesy. Or God will smite you." Reverend Parker smiled. "OK. That part might not be entirely true. But you never know." He winked at Andee. "Your turn, sis."
Andee held up her phone. "This is a picture of Texas Cattle Company. We went there for dinner a few weeks ago. That's what I picked for our last date."
Buck leaned toward her in disbelief. "That wasn't a date. That was an obligatory dinner with my folks so my dad could talk down to me even more."
"But we dressed up and went out. Remember, we went to the movies afterward."
"Because I was in such a bad mood. I didn't want to go home and fight with you because my pain-in-the-ass dad makes me want to punch a wall. Time in the theater gave me a chance to cool off."
Andee stepped back and searched his face. How had she missed that? How had she not known how upset he was? She was so used to his father and his autocratic ways, she'd just assumed he was as well.
"I'm sorry. I should've paid better attention."
"It's just that lately he's been getting to me more and more." This time Bucky extended his hand, tucking hers in his. "If we were to go on a date out in public, I sure wouldn't include my dad."
"Why are you two here?" Lisa asked them, her voice thick with annoyance.
"Because people can forget how to communicate, and they can forget how to listen. Because sometimes fear of change makes people act . . . unusual. I suspect there's change on the horizon for th
em," the reverend answered. "Next question."
Andee reached forward and took off Buck's ball cap. "Number three is his favorite possession. He loves this thing more than anything. Has had it almost as long as we've been married. It's been washed and reshaped and is falling apart, but he refuses to give it up."
Buck snatched it back and put it on his head. "It fits perfectly, and I think it's beautiful. I'll get rid of it when it disintegrates in my hands and not a moment sooner. But you're wrong. This is the thing I love the most." He held up his phone and showed a picture of her and Lorelei, arms around each other, laughing. It was the night Lorelei and Cole had told them they were expecting and asked them to be godparents.
"You love Lorelei?" Andee couldn't help but ask. She knew it was silly, but the fact that he'd picked her made her knees weak.
"Yeah, but not like I love you and certainly not as much. Not that you're my possession, but I can't help but feel like you're made for me," he said with a shrug, staring into her eyes.
Andee responded by promptly bursting into tears. It felt so good to hear him say how much she meant to him. Being called a possession might be an outdated idea, but she was OK with it. Knowing this made her feel treasured and wanted.
"Then what is happening to us?" she asked him.
Buck took a step toward her, but Reverend Parker stopped him. "Let's keep on track. I think you'll have your answer soon enough. Buck, what is the thing Andee loves the most?"
He held up his phone, and the picture was of her sitting outside by a campfire with her family. "Andee loves her family the most. This includes her friends. This includes me. That means everything to me." He placed his hand over his heart as he told the last bit to the group.
Andee continued to cry softly in her hands, pausing to take a breath when Kevin Norman tossed her a box of tissues.
"I need a moment. Can you do the next one?" she asked Buck.
"Sure. The last place we laughed is the same picture from the first question. Our couch--or rather, our house. Same night from last week."
Andee thought back to when she'd cut the arms off his T-shirt and laughed through her tears. "I'd forgotten about that time. I put the movie we watched after dinner with your parents. We laughed at the movie." Her voice raised an octave. "But your answer is so much better than mine." She grabbed another tissue and sobbed into it.
"Andee. Why don't you go next?" the reverend suggested.
She nodded, sucked in some shaky breaths, and scrolled through her phone. "My spouse's goal? I think he has a few, but I selected this. It's a shot of a twelve-point buck. He'd love to bag one of those."
Buck nodded in agreement.
"Is that your goal, Buck?" asked Reverend Parker.
"It's one of them. Sure."
"But is it your immediate goal? Is it the thing you think about all the time?" He held up his hand to stop Buck from talking. "Think about it for a second. I'll come back to your answer. Why don't you show us what you said was Andee's goal."
"OK. Well, Andee's easy as she has her goals outline by decades. Her goal for ten years is to buy a vacation home, in twenty years is to retire early, and thirty years is travel a lot." His picture was of the goal thermometer she kept on their fridge.
"What's that?" Lisa asked, leaning forward to get a closer look.
"It's my goal chart. It keeps me--I suppose us--on track."
"That's a lot of pressure," Kevin said.
"Yeah, and we all know how you handle pressure. You lose your job, and I go back to work. We switch roles and you go crazy on me. Crazy," Lisa said, pointing her finger at Kevin.
"It's hard staying home with kids all day. It's not for me." Kevin crossed his arms in defiance.
"No. Responsibility isn't for you. Being a grown-up isn't for you. Working as a team like Andee and Buck--that's clearly not for you."
"OK. Time-out. It's not your turn yet. But this is good stuff. Last question, Andee. Buck. What are your dreams?"
Andee put her phone on the floor and stood up and faced Buck. They were going to get to the root of what was going on between them. "I don't need a picture--"
"My dream is to make Andee happy. Even if that requires sacrifice on my part."
"And has it?" asked Kevin.
Buck stared at Andee. She could see he was searching her face while seeking words, but the hesitation was all the confirmation that she needed.
"I would never want you to give up on a dream just to make me happy." She took a step toward him.
"But you've worked so hard to get to this place, and you desperately want a vacation home. You and Lorelei have worked every day for six years. You deserve a reward." He leaned toward her, reaching out to brush her arm.
Andee pressed a finger to her chest, pointing. "I deserve you being honest with me about what you want. If you don't want a vacation home then we'll regroup. Because what I 'desperately' want is you."
"So, Buck, let's go back to what your goal is. Does that have something to do with this? What was your fight about today?"
They answered the question at the same time.
"Buck was keeping something from me." She crossed her arms.
"She wants me to go back to work for my father," He said flipping his hand toward her.
"What?" They said in unison, searching each other's face.
"I heard you when you said you didn't want to go back to work for your dad. But you never said why. You've always said you put too much blood, sweat, and anger into that job to walk away so easily. I thought you wanted to take over the business. Then today, all that's changed."
Buck shook his head, and pressed his thumb in the space between his eyes. "Let Cal have it. I'm tired of hating every day when I go to work."
"How long have you felt like this?" She stepped toward him, wanting to offer him comfort.
Buck shrugged. "I think forever, but over the last year it's gotten worse."
Over the last year, they'd gotten worse. Could this be the why? Since when did Buck feel like he couldn't talk to her? With this realization, her heart broke all over again.
"Why didn't you ever say anything? How am I to know what you want if you don't talk to me? Keeping how you really felt from me made me think you were hiding something."
"I wasn't sure what I wanted or what I was going to do about it. So I sat on it."
"And went around like everything was normal. Except you were constantly grouchy, started drinking more, and you didn't sleep. When you say you aren't sure what you want to do, it scares me. What if what you want is what this guy wants?" She pointed to Kevin.
"I said I wasn't sure what I wanted. I'm sure now."
"For the love of God, Buck, then tell me," Andee cried.
"I want to open up my own business," he said with a shrug.
Andee clasped her hand over her mouth and sank to the floor.
"It's not that bad, really, Andee. I got it all figured out--"
"It's not that," she said, shaking her head. "I'm so relieved. I thought you wanted someone else. I thought you were bored with me and my frumpy style and frizzy hair. The fact that I still wear clothes from ten years ago, and I'm not very spontaneous."
Buck came down on his haunches and reached for her. "Babe, I love you. You're my life. My best friend. If I start my own business, you're going to have to give up the vacation home. Shoot, you'll have to give up vacations, and a whole lot more. I'll be gone a lot and work even more than I have in the past. Then there's the risk. It'll change a whole lot."
Andee fell into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him close to her. "I'll shred that stupid thermometer as soon we get home. We'll make new goals. New plans. You sacrificed all that when Lorelei and I opened the diner. Why would I do less for you?"
"Because I'm supposed to take care of you," he answered.
Andee pushed away from Buck, the force knocking him back onto his rear. "Said a Neanderthal man from the sixt
ies. I thought we were a team." For good measure, she punched him in the shoulder. "You know the timing of this is perfect. Lorelei and I are hiring additional staff so I'll have more free time. If we aren't going to have a vacation home to go to, I could use a new project to keep me busy. Lorelei and I have been talking about a second business, a food truck. But with the baby coming, she doesn't have the time. I might be able to help you with your new business if you're interested."
Buck rubbed his shoulder and smiled. "Really? Because that would be awesome."
Andee smiled. "I'd have to see your numbers, of course."
"Of course." He opened up his arms and she moved into them, loving how she felt wrapped in his embrace. "It's such a relief to finally tell you," he whispered in her ear.
"I'd feel pretty confident in saying that once the doors of communication are fully open and the channels are safe--even when the discussion is a hard one--areas of your life that might also be suffering will get better as well," added Reverend Parker.
"I think he means you should wear your hooker boots to bed tonight," Buck whispered in her ear.
"All right. Let's move on to the Normans. Lisa. Kevin. You all ready?" Reverend Parker picked up the box of tissues Andee had been using earlier and handed them to Kevin, who, Andee noticed, was hiding his face in his shoulder and looked to be crying.
"I'm a terrible husband." He sniffed.
"And father," Lisa added.
"OK. Let's not attack anyone," encouraged Reverend Parker
"This is going to be awful," whispered Andee.
Buck nodded and held her tight.
EPILOGUE -Two Years Later
With a gently push on the shovel's handle, Buck scooped up the sandy soil and tossed a soft mound into the wheelbarrow. He smiled at the photographer from the paper and waited for him to snap his picture.
