A few weeks later, Belli’s lawyer sent for me. Belli had left me three of his properties and a large sum of money. The lawyer said he hadn’t informed me earlier because Belli had put stipulations in the will. One of them being that if I turned back to my old ways, I got nothing. Belli told him to keep an eye on me, give me a few months and see how I conducted myself. After that, I was pretty much golden. Things started happening fast and by the time I was twenty-five, Hawthorne Heights was born.
When I was twenty-six, I found out that what Maddie told me about my dad dying in a car accident wasn’t true. Shelley and Maddie had gotten even closer than I realized so Maddie had confided in her. I think Maddie knew that her demons were going to take her one day and she didn’t want the truth to die with her. When she confided in Shelley, Maddie gave her a letter she had written for my father and a letter she had written for me. She told Shelley if anything ever happened to her to make sure we got those letters.
My running from social services and her moving shortly after Maddie’s death didn’t leave Shelley a whole lot of options of getting my letter to me. Maddie had given her all kinds of information about my dad so she used it to track him down. It was easier to find someone who wasn’t trying to hide. About a year later, she found Carter. She sent both letters to him with a letter of explanation from her.
Carter had spent years looking for me without any luck. One day, he picked up the New York Times and I was on the front page. He didn’t have a lot to go on, a name, birthdate and the letter. He started researching as much as he could find on my life until he was sure. He said he knew from the first time he laid eyes on my picture but he had to be sure before he upset my life.
Three weeks after my picture hit the front page, I was sitting at my desk and heard some raised voices outside my door. When I went out to check on things, my PA was telling Carter that I was booked up and couldn’t see him that day. Carter was being overly persistent so she told him that she would check to see if I could fit him in. She asks his name and when he responded with ‘I’m his father, damn it’ I almost hit the floor.
After the initial shock, my next thought was that he was lying. I invited him into my office with the full intent of knocking the hell out of him. Things escalated quickly but just before I drew back to hit him, he pulled the letters from his pocket. I instantly knew Maddie’s handwriting when I saw my name across the front of one of the envelopes. He gave me both letters, mine had never been opened, said he wanted me to read them then he’d be back at the end of the week.
For two days, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I didn’t work. I just sat staring at the envelopes while replaying my life in my head. I couldn’t wrap my mind around how Maddie had lied all that time, how she had deprived me of a father. I felt such a loss that it was almost like a death. By the end of the second day, I was fucking pissed. I grabbed the letters and began to read them.
The truth was, Maddie was seventeen and Carter was eighteen and madly in love with each other. The week before Carter was to leave for college, Maddie found out she was pregnant with me. She knew that Carter had always wanted to be a doctor so she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. She wanted him to live his dream but she knew if he found out, he wouldn’t go. They swore to keep their love strong and the plan was for her to join him when she graduated high school.
Their plans got derailed when Maddie’s parents kicked her out before Carter had gotten settled. Her parents wouldn’t give him any information except that she was gone. She didn’t have any way of contacting Carter except through his parents. They had never approved of Maddie so they wouldn’t help. They looked for each other for a while then life took over.
Carter’s letter went on to say how much she had always loved him and always would. She wrote a lot about how much I reminded her of him, gorgeous, loving and determined. The rest of my letter was about how sorry she was. Sorry for the mother she hadn’t been. Sorry for lying and depriving me of what she knew would have been a great father. Her love, for us both, poured from the pages. I wasn’t mad anymore, I was lost. That same lost, scared, little boy hiding in the closet at night.
Carter came back, just like he said he would. This time I had no harsh words or ill intentions. I only wanted to know his story, how his life had been. We talked for hours. Carter was beside himself at what I had endured as a child. When his tears began to fall, I assured him that it had made me the strong man I was today. We both grieved our lost time with each other, our father son relationship and the death of the woman we both loved dearly.
Carter and I have built a great relationship now but it’s still void of some things that it should be. Given time, it may grow even more. I have no doubt he loves me as I do him. We talk on the phone a lot but we don’t get much face to face time. Spending more time with my father and building a better relationship is on my bucket list for the coming year.
That’s enough for today my love. I can’t give all my secrets away at once. I’m trusting, since my story didn’t run you away yesterday, you’ll still be here when I get home. Tomorrow will be interesting. Tomorrow will be our story.
I love you and our bambino with every ounce of love in me,
Blade
CHAPTER 19
Harmony
My mind is reeling. So many lies, so much pain, so much loss. His life has been full of nothing but chaos, I’m not sure how he survived. A lesser man would have snapped. My heart is so heavy and I can’t tame my tears. I hold the journal close to my heart as if I’m holding Blade, trying to find some comfort. I cry until the only thing that calms me is sleep.
I wake with the instant thought of the bucket list. Blade has a bucket list! Bucket lists are full of dreams, hopes and desires. Things worth working for, worth fighting for. A father…. Carter is Blades’ inspiration for a bucket list. This warms my heart, helping to ease my hurt for Blade.
I return the journal to Blades’ nightstand and wander out into the living room. Donna is just ending a phone call with Styx when I take a seat on the couch. “You missed lunch,” Donna gives me the motherly tone.
“I’m not hungry. I’ll have something later,” I insist.
“Sher, you okay?” she questions.
“Yeah, I guess,” I softly answer.
“You know you can talk to me about anything,” she persists. I give a confirming nod but say nothing. I can’t share Blades’ story with her. It’s his and only he should tell it. “Okay. When you’re ready,” Donna says to my silence. “Since you’re feeling a little stronger and Blade will be here, Styx and I thought we might go out tonight,” she continues.
“Of course, you two definitely deserve it,” I answer.
“You sure? I mean, I know you’ve been working through this thing with Blade. You sure you’re okay with spending the evening alone with him?”
I give her a look of relief, “We’re getting there. It’s fine, go have fun. Besides, you’re getting on my damn nerves. I need a break from you.” We both cackle as she leaves the room to get ready.
I’m like a cat on a hot tin roof, waiting for Blade to get home. When he does, I greet him the same way I did yesterday. He catches me as I fling myself into his arms, “If you keep this up, baby girl, I’m going to write in that book every fucking night for the rest of our lives.” I run my fingers up his jaw line until I grasp his dark hair. I kiss him deeply as I pull him into me. “Yep, writing in that book, every fucking night, for the rest of our lives,” he whispers when I finally release him.
As soon as Styx gets home, he and Donna head out. Shortly after they’re out the door, someone knocks. “Stay right here. It’s a surprise,” I grin. Blade gives me a bewildered look but he does as I say. I answer the door, pay the pizza man and head for the kitchen. Blade just stares at me on my trip through the room. I gather some candles, plates, napkins, a soda for me and wine for Blade. When I return with my arms full, Blade almost giggles as he helps me unload. I light the candles and dish up the pizza while Blade ope
ns the wine.
We laugh and have a laid back, easy dinner. He’s enjoying another glass of wine, “Thank you, Blade.”
“For what?” he looks bewildered again.
“For opening up and sharing your heart with me,” tears begin to well in my eyes.
“Baby girl, you are my heart. Without you, nothing else matters,” he says softly as he wipes the tears from my cheek. He gets up and heads over to the sound system. I hear Sam Smith’s “Lay Me Down”. Blade’s out stretched hand draws me from the couch. As we dance, I can feel all his tenderness and love pouring out, into me. I close my eyes, run my hand through his hair and whisper, “I want you.”
Blade’s out stretched hand draws me from the couch. As we dance, I can feel all his tenderness and love pouring out, into me. I close my eyes, run my hand through his hair and whisper, “I want you.”
He stops in his tracks, “Not now, baby girl. It’s too soon.” I keep dancing so he has to begin moving again. I leave a path of light kisses down his neck as I begin unbuttoning his shirt. “You’re fucking killing me,” he says with his jaw clenched. “We can’t do this now, baby girl.” I continue my kisses, across his chest, as I dance him toward the bedroom. His breathing is heavy and by the time we reach the bed, I have his shirt off. I slide my hand down over the massive erection, trying to burst from his pants. When I begin to undo the button, he grabs my wrists. “We can’t do this baby girl. Your body’s not ready.” I jerk my wrists free and push him down on the bed. He laughs a deep, gut laugh.
I stand over him, making sure our eyes meet, “We’re not going to do anything that will hurt me. I wanna taste you and that’s damn well what I’m gonna do.”
“Damn baby girl, I like it when you’re forceful.” I don’t say a word as I climb between his legs and begin undoing his pants. When I’ve undressed him completely, I can’t help but take a moment to soak him in. He’s so fucking gorgeous…every fucking inch of him. I climb back onto the bed as I begin gliding my hand up and down his length. My tongue begins to swirl the head of his dick when I hear him suck air between his gritted teeth. My mouth begins its journey up and down his shaft when I feel his hands start pawing at me.
I begin playing with his balls as my mouth continues its pursuit. One of his hands wraps in my hair as he lets out a pleasurable moan. His other hand slides up under my dress and his fingers begin trailing up and down my inner thigh. His moans turn to full blown groans as I take his dick to the back of my throat. He claws at my panties, digging his fingers through the lace until he rips them off me.
His fingers start their journey between my creases, across my clit into that special spot deep inside me. His dick is at the back of throat and I groan against it, sending him into a fiery. One hand is forcing my head down as his hips thrust upward. The other hand continues a rapid, twirling play in my pussy. “You’re so fucking wet,” he mumbles as he removes his fingers and takes them to his mouth. “You taste so fucking good.” His hand finds its way back to my pussy but it’s only his pinky that enters this time. Rubbing the walls of my pussy and pushing deep inside me.
He removes his pinky, sliding it back over my asshole when I feel him entering me there. Holy fuck!!! The feeling is so erotic, so fantastically divine that I almost come on the spot. “I want this when you’re healed, baby girl. This belongs to me.” Motherfuck! The very thought still scares the hell out me but it inflames every nerving ending in my body. My arousal heightened, I begin riding his dick with my mouth as though my life depends on his release. “Son of a bitch,” he shouts as he explodes at the back of my throat and I swallow.
“I’m…I’m sorry, baby girl. I should have never touched you,” he declares between his panting breathes.
I clench down tight on his pinky as he starts to remove it, “Oh hell no, don’t you fucking dare. The staples are out, the doctor says I’m healing wonderfully so you are going to finish what you started, mister.” His eyes grow wide as he rises while laying me back, his pinky never leaving its special spot.
I’m so aroused, his every touch is heavenly but I realize he’s handling me like I’m fragile glass. I dig both my hands into his hair, pulling his face firmly into my pussy, “Damn it, I won’t break.” Two fingers instantly slam into my pussy as his mouth devours me like a hungry animal. Every muscle in my body tenses. The pain is horrible but the pleasure, rising from below, takes over. I feel so full, the walls of my pussy full, my asshole full. My head thrashes on the pillow as I scream his name and combust into nothingness.
I’m trying to catch my breath as he comes up to lie beside me. “Fuck, my baby girl was a bit horny,” his smile meets his eyes. I can’t even respond. I’m spent. He wraps his arms around me, brushing the hair from my face and pulls me into the spot. The world melts away.
I rub my eyes as I wake. Damn! I’m sore as hell. Every blissful moment of last night was worth it though. Blade has left for work but the journal is on the pillow as usual. I meander into the kitchen to have breakfast with Donna and Styx. I can tell Donna has told Styx about the letter. When the subject of Blade comes up, there’s not distain in their voices now. I’m glad. I was really starting to regret sharing my dilemma with them. After breakfast, I decide to soak in a hot bath to try to ease my muscles.
Upon leaving the bathroom, I retrieve the journal and head for the balcony. As I look out over the skyline, I think of how different things are today than just a few short weeks ago. I’m amazed at what Blade is willing to do to keep my love. I do love him, with everything in me. I open the journal and begin reading again:
MY FOREVER
I’m twenty-eight years old now with a father I’m just getting to know and a business bigger than I ever dreamed of. If I want to do something, I do it. If I want to acquire something, I acquire it. There are women in and out of my life but none of them hold any special place for me. They are indeed just flavors of the week….sometimes just the night. People, on the outside, look at me and think I have everything. But, there’s something missing. A hole in my life that I just couldn’t seem to fill until that day.
It was a beautiful, late spring day so I decide to take my bike out before going into the office. There was some emergency so I had to come back quicker than expected. When I step off the elevator, I almost stopped in my tracks. There you were, the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. Your hair pulled into a haphazard ponytail with slouchy, way oversized clothes. I licked my lips, wondering what was under all those clothes.
Caroline introduced us, our eyes locked and as soon as we touched to shake hands, I felt it. All eyes were on us so I knew I had to regain my composure. When I reached my office, I slumped down in my chair wondering what the hell had just happened. I’d never felt that drawn to anyone before. I decided you were dangerous for me and I had to keep you at arm’s length.
You have no idea how hard that was. Every time you were in the room with me, all I wanted to do was touch you. Our dance, that first night at the club, was damn near my undoing. I knew then I had to put some distance between us or I’d be putty in your hands. I spent the next week trying to keep you pissed at me. If you were pissed, you’d want nothing to do with me. I bitched about everything, the coffee, my lunch and it seemed to be working.
Then I pushed just a bit too hard and you let me have it. The fire in you that day aroused me in every way. When I backed you against the wall, I had every intention of fucking the hell out of you. If you hadn’t slid down to get away, you would have been mine then. You left my office and I felt like such a prick…an absolute asshole for the way I had treated you. I was so confused. I’d never felt anything like this before and I didn’t know how to handle it.
I decided I had to relax. Lay back and give you some room. Pushing you away wasn’t working and I was scared to death of pushing toward you. For the next several weeks, I tried to avoid you as much as possible. Keeping my emotions in check every minute. I did a pretty good job during the day but at night, you consumed my dreams.
You have no idea how surprised I was when I arrived at Carter’s for the Fourth of July and there you were….my step sister. That weekend allowed me to see even more of your beauty. A leisurely beauty. A vulnerable beauty. I felt the tension between you and your mother but I could see you loved her. When the blow up happened, all I wanted to do was stop your tears from ever falling again.
The kiss by the road side showed me how broken you were and I couldn’t figure out why. At first, I thought it may be the step sibling thing but your trembles uttered that it was so much more. I look back now and wish you could have told me that day, I wish I could have torn down your walls. I knew you were going to have to have time to learn to trust me but I knew you were worth that wait.
Once we were back in New York, I was absolutely ecstatic that you let me into another part of your life. You’re so fucking talented and it’s easy to see how important music is to you. I got the opportunity to really watch you express yourself. I remember watching you on stage and in practice, thinking….this woman is phenomenal in every fucking way. I have to make her mine.
Then I hire that fucking slime, Jarrod Davis. I’ve beaten myself up, over and over again, for this. If I’d only known then I could have saved you from any more pain where he was concerned. Still to this day, I wish I had gotten my hands on him before those two brothers. I desperately feel the need to stamp out anything and anyone that has ever harmed you.
Watching you finally revealing what had happened. Hearing you refer to yourself as the dirty little secret. Seeing you crumble beneath it all. These things drove me crazy. I ached for you. I wanted to fix everything, take it all away. All I could do was be there for you and hope that you would let me help you hold the pieces together.
All these feelings were so new to me. Yes, I’d felt empathy for people before, even pity but this was different. I had no idea what it was but it was all consuming. My head was telling me to cut my losses and stay away while my heart was telling me to dig in and make it count. My heart was winning but I wasn’t sure why. When you told me you loved me, it terrified me because it made me realize what I had been feeling. It was pure, unadulterated love. I didn’t want to love you. Everyone I had ever cared about had died.
Broken In Pieces: Billionaire Stepbrother Romance (Wounded Hearts Book 1) Page 19
