“I’m sorry, Jesse.”
“Don’t be,” he muttered after a drawn-out moment of silence. “Things were actually easier after that. No more watching my mother kill herself. She was gone and so the three of us got on with living. I quit school, took a job as a mechanic, and supported my brother and sister. In the meantime I finished my senior year in night school, then went on to night classes at a local college.”
“That sounds pretty heroic to me.”
“I’m no hero, Faith. Far from it.” He grew quiet, his gaze fixed on the play of shadows across the carpet. “I let them down when they needed me most,” he finally said, his voice quiet, raw. “They didn’t want to leave Restoration, but I made them. We had to. There were no jobs there, certainly no room for advancement. No future. So I brought them here.” He turned to her then, and the pain glazing his eyes touched her like a vise squeezing her heart. “But there was still no future because they were killed a few months after we arrived.”
“Oh, Jesse …” She slid her arms around him, pulling him tight, desperate to take away his pain as surely as he’d taken hers, shared it, that first time he’d kissed her.
“It was my fault.” His arms snaked around her and he hugged her so fiercely she had trouble drawing her next breath. “I brought them here, and now they’re dead.”
“But how? What happened to them?” She stroked his hair, her fingertips skimming the silken strands, stroking his neck, his jaw, his cheeks—
The drop of wetness hit her knuckle, slid down over her palm, and her heart crumbled.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m sure—” Her reassurance fell short as he abruptly released her and pulled away. She glimpsed a streak of wetness on his face; then he bolted to his feet, his back to her as he moved toward the door.
“Don’t go, Jesse. Talk to me. Finish what you started.”
He shook his head. “I need to get out of here.”
“Why did you bring Trudy here?” Her question stopped him in the doorway, his hand on the knob. “Why didn’t you take her to Bradley?”
“He would have called CPS,” he said without turning around. “I promised her I would help, no strings attached.”
“What makes you so sure I won’t call CPS?”
“Because you know shell run and you don’t want that.” She saw his fingers tighten on the doorknob. “You want to help her.”
“You’re wrong there. I don’t want to help her. I don’t want to help anybody.”
He turned on her then, his dark, turbulent gaze colliding with hers. “So why didn’t you slam the door on us?”
“I should have.”
“But you didn’t. You care a hell of a lot more than you let on. Admit it, Faith.” His voice was low and angry, his expression fierce as he stalked toward her, stopping inches away. His fingers flexed, as if he wanted nothing more than to wrap them around her shoulders and shake some sense into her. “You do care. It’s who you are. You couldn’t turn your back on Trudy. It goes against everything you believe in. Admit it, Faith. Just admit it!”
She met his glare, her words soft, quiet. “Okay, I admit it. I do care, but it’s not what you think. I didn’t open the door for Trudy. I opened it for you. I care about you, Jesse. You.”
And then she turned and walked into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Sweat slid down her temples, between her breasts, the air stifling despite the hum of the air conditioner. Rushing to the window, she slid the glass up and welcomed the slight breeze that curled into the room.
Resting her forehead against the glass, Faith closed her eyes and did her damnedest not to react to the sound of the front door slamming shut.
She flinched, though, and as always when Jesse Savage walked away from her, a sadness swept through her. A police car roared by, its siren wailing, echoing the lonely cry of her heart.
Regret welled inside her. Had she actually confessed that she cared for him? When she’d sworn never to care for anyone again?
This was different. She’d refused to get involved with kids again, but this was Jesse. Kind, considerate, sexy as sin Jesse who made her feel things no man ever had.
She wiped at a drop of sweat sliding down her collarbone, and her arm brushed the sensitive tip of one nipple. Electricity shot through her. Her body thrummed, her senses still alive from being so close to him.
But it wasn’t simply her body that missed him. It was her heart, as well. He’d opened up to her, shared a piece of himself, and she couldn’t help but want more.
Foolish, she knew, because Jesse Savage had made it painfully clear that he wasn’t the man for her, not physically or emotionally.
“You should have locked the door in my face.” His deep voice rumbled in her ear, shattering her thoughts. His warm breath teased the curve of her neck, and Faith turned to find Jesse Savage standing directly behind her.
Very close, and very naked.
Chapter Thirteen
Faith went rigid, instantly alert to the powerful presence directly behind her, seemingly surrounding her.
He’d walked up behind her and she hadn’t heard a thing. No footsteps. No sound of the door opening and closing. Nothing, as if he’d floated through the wall and into the room—
The siren had covered it. Of course! A giddy sense of relief tingled through her.
“You should have turned me away, for both our sakes.” He touched her then, just the light caress of his fingertips up her bare arms before his warm hands closed over her shoulders. “You and me, it’s no good.”
Faith held her breath, afraid he would turn and walk away. As always.
“I know that,” he went on, as if trying to convince himself—even now, even naked and touching her, and so close to doing more. “I tell myself over and over that there can’t be anything between us, there shouldn’t be, but here I am anyway. And I’m so tired of fighting. So damned tired.” His grip tightened. His fingers burned into her, branded her. “I shouldn’t feel this way about you, about anyone.”
“It’s because I’m incredibly beautiful,” she offered, her tone light, teasing, her words meant to ease the sudden anguish in his voice.
“It’s more than that,” he told her seriously.
“Sexy?”
“More.”
“I’m both, a double whammy, so you can’t keep your hands off me.”
“I can’t keep my mind off you. You’re all I think about. All I breathe. All I hear.” He nuzzled her ear then, his deep voice sending ripples of goose bumps up and down her skin. “All I can think about is being inside you, feeling you around me, sucking at me, making me so crazy I can’t think straight.”
Then Jesse slid his hands down her arms in a seductive caress that sent the blood thrumming through her veins. He encircled her rib cage, cupped the full weight of her breasts, and Faith’s teasing faded into a low moan.
He caught her nipples and worried the sensitive nubs. His fingers scorched through the thin fabric of her nightgown to send sizzles of heat pulsing through her body.
“You feel so good.” He rolled the tender peaks until they were erect and throbbing and it was all Faith could do to keep from crying out.
Then his hands fell to her thighs. His fingers bunched the fabric until she felt his touch against her bare skin. The next few seconds passed in an impatient blur as he pushed her panties down. His foot caught the scrap of underwear at her calves and shoved the lace to her ankles. She stepped free just as his arms came around her waist. He cupped her sex, his fingers parting the silky folds to explore every steamy secret.
Her breath caught as he slid one finger deep inside her. Instinctively, she tightened around him and he groaned.
“I’ve felt you like this, seen you so many times in my head.” His lips moved against her ear, his tongue tracing the outline to dip inside. “I thought about what it would be like between us. How warm and wet you would be.” He slid another finger into her and a low moan burst from her
lips. “How tight.”
He worked her then, moving inside her, stroking, plunging. He knew just how to touch her—how to push himself deep until the air lodged in her throat and her senses flooded with sensation. When she knew she couldn’t take any more, he withdrew, just enough to let her catch her breath; then the exquisite agony started all over again.
“Please …” The word was a ragged gasp of air as her hands clawed at his forearms.
“Once,” she heard him murmur, the words barely audible over the thunder of her heart, the rush of blood through her veins. “I need to feel you like this, under me, around me, just this once and then I can get you out of my system. I can.”
Another deft move of his fingers and she came apart in his arms. It was quick and mind-shattering. Shudders vibrated through her body, skimming along her ragged senses in wave after wave of sweet sensation. She slumped back against him, weak and damp, her breath raspy, her heartbeat a frenzied rhythm in her ears.
He caught a drop of perspiration at her temple with the seductive glide of his tongue. But it wasn’t the contact that stalled the air in her lungs. It was his voice.
“No one’s ever really cared about me before.”
She opened her eyes then and caught a glimpse of his face in the window. She saw the streak of moisture on his cheek, just as surely as she heard the catch in his voice.
“My brother and sister, yes. But no one else. No one.”
Jesse watched her reflection in the window, his gaze fixed on the flash of emotion in her eyes at his raw admission. She cared about him, really cared. It was there, evident in her gaze, and he felt a hand reach inside him and tear at his heart.
Pleasure washed through him, and at the same time he wanted to drop to his knees and rage at fate for letting this happen. It was so unfair. Faith needed to care again, but not about him. About anyone but him! This relationship could only bring her pain and heartache in the future. Loneliness.
He couldn’t do this, he realized with a tortured heart. He wouldn’t. He moved to pull away from her, but she grabbed his hand and placed a kiss on his palm. It was a featherlight gesture, but it struck him more fiercely than a gulf hurricane ripping apart a sailboat.
He knew then that she wasn’t worried about the future. Faith was anchored in the here and now, and she wanted him.
Here. Now.
Though he knew he could bring her only sadness later on, he could give her heaven at this moment. Pure, blissful heaven. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to sate him, to get her out of his system. His body would be satisfied, his mind free and clear to pursue his mission. Maybe …
She trailed her lips over his palm before drawing his finger into the warmth of her mouth. She suckled him and Jesse closed his eyes as need hit him like a solid punch to the stomach, and maybe faded into dead certainty.
He groaned, his arousal throbbing, pressing between her buttocks, hot and desperate for entry.
“Wait—” she started. “I—I’m on the pill, but we should really use something …” Her words trailed off and he felt her embarrassment, almost as fiercely as she felt her desperation, her need.
“I haven’t been with anyone in a long, long time. I won’t hurt you Faith. I can’t.
His eyes opened and he caught his reflection in the window. Two pinpoints of white light gleamed back at him.
“Jesse.” Faith sighed, a heartbeat before she tried to turn her body into his.
“No!” His hands locked around her waist, anchoring her in front of him. He blinked, frantically trying to force the light away, but he couldn’t.
The knowledge of what he was stared back at him, a glaring reminder of why he shouldn’t do this, now, with this woman.
“Just once,” he murmured the plea. Just once.
“What is it?” She tried to face him. “What’s wrong—”
“Ssshhh,” he murmured. He kept her from turning as he urged her away from the window, toward the wall. “I want you to feel me. Just close your eyes and feel me.” He positioned her arms slightly above her head, flattening her forearms against the wall from elbows to fingertips. The position bent her at the waist, her bottom raised in undeniable invitation.
“But I need to see you, too.” She wiggled against him, and a groan echoed deep in his throat. “Please.”
“You see me perfectly.” He leaned over her and kissed her temple. “In your mind”—his breath ruffled the silken strands of her hair—“where it counts.” He swept his hand across her belly, up over her breast, his palm gliding over her nipple to rest atop the furious thud of her heart. “In here,” he added. “And”—one hand gripped her waist as he entered her—“here.” His other arm locked around her, anchoring her for a full upward thrust until he was buried to the hilt.
The blood drummed so loudly in his ears, he barely heard her gasp of pleasure, her sob for more. Her body was warm and ripe, milking him even though they were both standing so perfectly still. For several deep, shallow breaths, he just stood there, relishing the sensation.
Then she shifted, swaying her hips this way, then that, and where the husky sound of her voice hadn’t been enough to jar him from the pleasure of being buried inside Faith Jansen, the movement drew him back to reality. To the woman whose bottom strained against him, and to the fierce throbbing in his loins. And suddenly standing still wasn’t nearly good enough.
He began to move, working in and out. Pleasure splintered his brain with each furious thrust, then a slow, breath-stopping withdrawal. In and out, fast and slow, until Jesse hovered at the brink of explosion.
She came quickly, crying his name as violent tremors racked her body. He followed her, spending himself into the moist heat that gripped him so tightly.
So perfectly …
She slumped against him, limp and immobile, her eyes closed, her lips parted, her breathing quick and frantic. He scooped her up and placed her on the bed.
The nightgown rode up on her hips, revealing a triangle of rich brown curls damp with the evidence of their coupling. His gaze fixed on a single drop of moisture, like mother-of-pearl on a bed of dark silk. He watched the liquid as it drip-dropped, gliding down her creamy skin to disappear between her legs.
Desire clawed at his belly and a bitter smile twisted his lips. He was an idiot. He’d hoped that once would be enough to slake his hunger and get her out of his system, off his mind. Just once …
It wasn’t nearly enough. Even now, only minutes after the best sex he’d ever had in his life, he wanted more. More of the sweet heat between her legs. More of her soft panting echoing in his ears. More of her warmth seeping into him, thawing the ice around his heart.
More …
“Jesse?” Her lazy eyes drifted open and she stared up at him.
Their gazes locked, her eyes widened in shock, and Jesse knew even before he chanced a glance in the dresser mirror what had caused her reaction.
His eyes gleamed with a fierce white light. Hot, consuming, and so damned revealing.
He whirled away from her and snatched up his jeans. He slid them on with lightning speed, grabbed his shirt, and headed for the door before she could force her passion-lazy limbs into motion.
“Jesse, wait! Are you all right?”
Wood creaked, hinges groaned; then he was through the living room, off the front porch. Outside, he shrugged into his shirt, not bothering with the buttons, and straddled the motorcycle. The engine rumbled to life.
Then he fled.
Away from Faith.
Away from his conscience.
And away from the damnable truth that it wasn’t just her feelings that locked them together. She wasn’t the only one who cared. He did, as well. He really cared for her.
Damn.
“Damn,” Faith said in a hiss, frustration and anger and something dangerously close to regret fueling her voice. She sat on the bed, unwilling to chase him. “Damn, damn, damn him!”
But more than Jesse, Faith damned herself.
/> For letting him touch her in the first place, and for wanting it more than she’d ever wanted anything before. The fierceness of her desire startled her. She’d never felt such hunger for a man. There was something unnatural about it, about him.
Jesse’s headlight flicked on, sending a play of shadows across the room, and she remembered his eyes, the unusual brightness, the brilliant light….
Yes, a play of shadows. That was all it had been. Just the reflection of a passing car’s headlights. That explained what she’d seen when she’d gazed up into his eyes, but what about what she’d felt?
The heat … A delicious heat calling her forward, hypnotizing her, promising so much, everything, if she would just reach out to that light—
A screech cut into her thoughts as a car skidded to a stop at a nearby intersection. She slumped against the pillows and strained her ears to hear the fading roar of Jesse’s motorcycle. But it was too late. He was too far away. Gone. As always.
She blinked against the sudden stinging at the backs of her eyelids. If only she didn’t care that he’d rushed away, turned his back, and left her cold and lonely.
Ah, but she wasn’t cold. A lingering warmth gripped her senses, her nipples still erect, her insides still clenching and unclenching as if he were still deep inside her.
Her eyes burned with renewed vigor. She ached to touch him, to absorb his warmth, as if she knew on an instinctive level that he could rekindle the fire of life inside her that had dwindled.
As he’d done only moments ago, before he’d left her.
She dashed away a traitorous tear and hugged the pillow against her aching breasts. It wasn’t as if he’d promised her anything. No tomorrows, he’d said.
She could live with that, she told herself, forcing away her tears. No tomorrows. No soft words, no tender kisses, no promises. Just down-and-dirty sex. Two people satisfying their basic instincts. Two mutually consenting adults.
No tomorrows.
With that thought in mind, Faith closed her eyes and concentrated on sleep. Instead, she tossed and turned until the first rays of dawn crept over the windowsill and the shrill ring of the telephone saved her from her misery.
Faithless Angel Page 19
