by Noelle Marie
He stared at her with lust-darkened eyes. “God, you’re so lovely.”
If Katherine was cold before, her entire body turned to ice as that word – that stupid word – reverberated in her head.
“Don’t cry, lovely.”
“Be good, lovely.”
“You don’t have a choice in the matter, lovely.”
Horrifying memory after horrifying memory compiled in her head, overwhelming Katherine to the point that involuntary tears sprung into her eyes.
It was Bastian’s turn to freeze when he spotted the suspicious sheen.
He palmed either side of her face, brushing his thumbs under her eyes like he was waiting for the tears to fall so he could catch them. “What’s wrong?” He sounded stricken.
Katherine didn’t know what to do. Squeezing words out of her throat seemed impossible. As it was, it felt like there was a giant weight on her chest, constricting her lungs and making even breathing a challenge. “I’m sorry,” she managed to wheeze. “I-I can’t.” And refusing to look at him, she leapt from his lap and bolted from the room.
She ran into the bathroom, and after slamming the door behind her, she sunk to the tiled floor. Pulling her legs to her chest and squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she rested her head on her knees. Memories assaulted her, and she bit down viciously on the inside of her cheek, hoping the pain would distract her.
“Oh, lovely, I never said that you’d be willing.”
But it didn’t.
She was vaguely aware of Bastian jiggling the door knob behind her, before he began pounding on the wooden slab that separated them with his fist, the strength behind the blows causing the door to quake against her back. “Katherine, what’s going on? Are you okay?” He sounded close to outright panic himself.
Katherine wanted to call out to him, to assure him that she was fine... but the lie wouldn’t come. No words would come. They got stuck at the base of her throat with her gathering tears.
She had more important things to worry about, anyway, like breathing. She forced herself to suck in a lungful of oxygen, the desperate gasping noise she made sounding frightening to even her own ears.
“So help me, if you don’t open this door in the next ten seconds, I’ll break it down.”
Katherine knew he would, too.
After making herself take in two more shaky breaths through her nose, she forced herself to stand. The memory of Gerard – and the panic that had overtaken her – hadn’t completely faded. It lingered there, an invisible entity on the edges of her consciousness, but had diminished enough that she, at least, felt in control of herself.
Fumbling with the knob, Katherine jerkily opened the door and stepped back into the bedroom.
Bastian was upon her within seconds, his strong arms winding themselves around her in a comforting embrace. He buried his face in her hair. “What’s going on?” he demanded, as he pressed his nose into the side of her head.
Katherine knew she could no longer hide it from him – not after that. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “G-Gerard,” she attempted feebly, before pausing to compose herself. “Gerard used to call me that.” She sniffled. “Lovely,” she clarified. “It was some sort of demented nickname.”
Bastian’s grip on her had tightened as soon as the word “Gerard” had escaped her mouth, and his embrace only grew snugger as she explained what had set her off. Despite the pent-up rage Katherine could feel vibrating under his skin, he didn’t sound angry at all when he responded. He sounded defeated.
“Oh, Katherine. I’m so sorry.”
She hated it.
“Don’t say that,” she snapped. “I’m the one who’s sorry!” She attempted to wrench herself away from him, but he held her fast. Realizing that he wasn’t about to let her out of his arms anytime soon, Katherine finally allowed herself to sink into him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she muttered tearfully against his chest, desperately trying to hold back a sob. “It’s been a month, and still, it’s like he’s right there, hanging over me all the time. I can’t even get a break in my dreams; he haunts those too, constantly making me relive the worst moments of my life over and over again.”
Bastian tucked his chin over her head, carefully petting her hair. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you say anything?”
She sniffled. “Because I didn’t – I don’t – want you to worry. I mean, I just... I don’t want you to think that he ruined me or something,” she finally blurted, tears leaking from her eyes as the truth burst forth.
“What?” Bastian sounded truly flabbergasted as he took her by the shoulders and pulled back just far enough so that Katherine was forced to look at him. “Of course, you’re not ruined! Is that what you think? Katherine... you are exquisite. You’re loyal, caring, so incredibly brave. You embody so many positive attributes that if I stood here and listed them all, we’d be here all night.” He rested his forehead against hers. “And even if you weren’t all those things, I would still love you. Nothing could ever change that. I thought you knew that.”
Katherine pressed her lips together, fighting back tears for a whole new reason after that little speech. “I do know that,” she assured softly. He told her it often enough. “I guess sometimes when I remember some of the things he did, I just get scared,” she admitted quietly.
Even though Katherine had purposely omitted his name, Bastian still tensed. He squeezed her shoulders. “What can I do?” he implored.
“Just... hold me.”
“Of course.” Bastian pulled her back into his warm embrace, and scooping her up in his arms, carried her to the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress, Katherine huddled in his lap, and did just as she had asked: he held her. He rubbed his hand in soothing circles over her back while she rested against his chest and listened to the reassuring sound of his heartbeat.
Katherine silently wiped away the tears threatening to stain her cheeks. “This is the worst birthday present ever,” she pointed out in a self-depreciating manner after a few minutes had passed. “Even worse than last year’s.”
Bastian snorted, pressing a kiss to the crown of her hair. “What are you talking about? Last year’s present was wonderful.”
Katherine frowned. “Really?” she demanded incredulously. “All I gave you was a kiss.”
“Clearly you underestimate the power of your kisses, then. It was the best present I’ve ever received. Well, until now.”
Katherine fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Do you have a daily contest with yourself to see how many corny comments you can make come out of your mouth? Because I think you’re setting a record today.”
He nuzzled her with his nose – it was a wolfish behavior that occasionally emerged even when he was in his human form. “Yes, well, I have been told my mouth is very talented,” he retorted light-heartedly.
She released a surprised bark of laughter. “Bastian!”
A smiled pulled at his lips at the sound of her mirth. “What? I meant with words, obviously.”
“Obviously,” Katherine agreed sarcastically.
After she got her giggles under control, Bastian tucked a piece of wayward hair behind her ear. “Feeling better?” he asked quietly – seriously.
Katherine nodded. “Yeah.” It was the truth. She felt much lighter – like a weight had literally been stripped from her shoulders now that she had told Bastian what had been bothering her, now that he knew she was having a hard time coming to terms with all Gerard had done to her. But still... she sighed. “I really am sorry, though.”
Bastian crinkled his brow. “Hey now. You don’t ever have to apologize to me for your feelings.”
Katherine dug her teeth into the tender flesh of her bottom lip. “Even if it means that we don’t do anything tonight?”
Bastian knew very well what she meant by “anything”.
“Of course.”
Katherine shifted uncomfortably in his lap, but forced herself to keep eye contact with him. “Even if it mean
s we don’t do anything ever?”
Katherine could tell she had caught him off guard, and he blinked his surprise at what he probably thought was a melodramatic question. Regardless, when he rested his forehead against hers, and answered softly, “Even then,” she found she believed him.
It warmed her from the inside out. And yet... it wasn’t what Katherine wanted.
She frowned. “Maybe if you just...” She splayed her hands out over his bare chest, and while continuing to straddle him, Katherine pushed Bastian backward until he was flush against the sheets, “...lay back.”
The muscle in his jaw spasmed when she allowed her fingers to wander the length of his chest. “You don’t have to do this,” he reminded her tightly.
“I know,” she assured softly. “I want to. Just... keep your hands where they are, okay?” It would allow her at least the semblance of control.
Bastian offered her a jerky nod.
At his compliance, Katherine reinvigorated her efforts to explore his chest. She knew the lines and dips of his muscles well, but that didn’t make the way goosebumps erupted over his taut flesh any more fascinating as her fingers danced over them.
He groaned when she took things a step further by leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to one of his nipples, and then making sure that he was looking at her – he was, his eyes were practically riveted – she began peppering open-mouthed versions of them along the grooved ‘v’ that disappeared into the waistband of his pants.
“Katherine,” he moaned her name, his hands twitching at his sides. He clenched and unclenched his fingers, clearly yearning to touch her, but even more determined to honor his promise to keep his hands where they were.
It was a heady, intoxicating feeling to have that much power over another person. But Katherine would never abuse it. And she knew that Bastian never would either. She trusted him with all of her being.
As that particular realization dawned, Katherine placed one more kiss on his heated skin – right top of the man’s hipbone – before crawling up his chest, stopping to graze her lips on his bobbing Adam’s apple and give it a little nip, before she finally reached her destination. She stared into Bastian’s dark eyes, so close to him that her lips brushed his as she spoke, “Touch me. Please.”
Like he’d been waiting with bated breath to hear those words – and Katherine supposed he had been – Bastian’s hands were tangled in her hair less than a second later, holding her in place as his lips crashed against hers and engaged her in a frenzied battle of the mouths.
As he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, his hands moved down to grip her around the waist, and cradling her carefully against his chest, Bastian flipped them so that it was he who was pinning her to the bed. Ripping his mouth from hers, he lavished attention on her clavicles and the exposed swell of her breasts. Katherine groaned at the feeling of his hot mouth on her skin.
Things escalated quickly after that, the desire building between them erupting into a blazing inferno of pure want. The flames grew hotter and hotter with each kiss or touch that Bastian bestowed upon her, until Katherine was half convinced she was on fire – the good kind.
Katherine tugged off Bastian’s pants, and his hands pulled indiscriminately at whatever scrap of fabric they happened to land on until they were both naked. She could feel the thick length of him pressed against her most intimate place, radiating so much heat that Katherine knew the man must have felt like fire personified.
Yet, he didn’t take her. He just stared at her, his blue eyes searching her green ones. Katherine wondered if he saw the love she had for him swimming in them.
“Do you want me to stop?” he finally asked, and though she could tell it took a lot of effort for him to choke out the question, she knew he’d do just that if Katherine so much as indicated she was uncomfortable.
But Katherine didn’t want him to stop. She never wanted him to stop; she wanted Bastian to keep being the brooding, stubborn, stupidly overprotective, perfect man he had been since the very first day she had met him – the man who had loved her through everything.
Katherine pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “Don’t you dare.”
He didn’t – and Katherine knew, that as long as she wanted him – and she would always want him – he never would.
END
Continue reading to get a sneak peek (the first two chapters!) of Noelle’s new shifter series, Finding Us. The first two books of the series, Finding Derek and Finding Wisp, are available on limited retailers.
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SNEAK PEEK:
CHAPTER ONE
Cold enveloped me.
It was a wet sort of cold that sucked all the heat from my body and chilled me to the very bone.
Beyond the cold, I was vaguely aware of the din of running water – not the roar of a rushing river, but the gentle babble of a brook. That, and the soft pitter patter of rain. One drop landed on my forehead and another on my nose.
Whatever I was lying on was hard – unyielding – and something sharp dug into my back – a rock? My palms stung, too, and were covered in a multitude of tiny cuts and scrapes. They were nothing compared to the all-encompassing ache centered in my right temple, though, spreading out to the rest of my body in rhythmic – yet no less jarring – bursts of pain.
Time passed slowly.
Thunder rumbled over me, and I could see the brightness of lightning even through my closed eyelids as it streaked through the sky. My shirt – dress? – clung to me, and a lock of sopping hair plastered itself to my cheek as the rain picked up.
As the wind whistled in my ears, I was overcome by what seemed like the inevitability of death.
It wasn’t nearly as peaceful as they said it was, whoever “they” were. Even through the haze of pain and confusion, I knew enough to be scared. Still, as I lay helpless, body vulnerable to the elements, something told me that what I was experiencing now was better than what Fate had otherwise planned for me.
If only I could remember what that was.
But then...
Movement. First the sound of rustling bushes, then a snapping branch reached my ears over the howl of the wind. A wet nose pressed into my hair and then prodded my left hand, almost like whoever – whatever – the nose belonged to was checking to see if I was still alive.
I was – barely. With my very last ounce of energy, I forced myself to open my eyes. It was dark, and through my bleary vision, I could make out a black form – it was massive – looming over me, before finally, blessedly... nothing.
* * *
Awareness danced around the edges of my consciousness for a long time, taunting me. There were flashes of insight...
Calloused fingers brushing hair out of my face.
The sensation of being nestled in a pair of strong arms, my head resting against a warm chest.
A strong, recurring heartbeat, loud in my ears.
...before the darkness of oblivion would pull me back under.
An indeterminable amount of time passed before I finally came to.
Cognizance beckoned me, and I flitted my eyes open, only to have the glare of yellow, artificial light assault them. I snapped them back shut without thought, cringing when the miniscule movement sent tendrils of pains shooting from the ache that embodied the right side of my head. It felt like my brain was throwing itself against my skull with abandon.
After taking a moment to compose myself, I tried again to open my eyes – this time, more slowly. As they adjusted to the light illuminating from a ceiling fan, I realized I was lying on a bed. It was big – a king size – and I admired its wooden frame. It was oak and looked like it had been hand-carved, a variety of animals etched into the headboard.
The sight of them peaked my curiosity, and I carefully pushed myself into a sitting position to examine them more closely. The thick quilt that had been covering me pooled to
my waist, and I felt my heart hiccup in my chest.
A jolt of wrongness slammed into me as I took in the oversized red flannel shirt that hung off my small frame and the pair of sweat pants clinging loosely to my hips. Even though I had no idea what I had been wearing before, I was sure it hadn’t been this.
There was no way that these huge clothes were mine.
Feeling the beginnings of panic threatening to bubble up my throat, I swallowed hard, shoving the feeling down as deep as I could, choosing to focus on the curiosity still lingering in the back of my mind instead.
I ran the pads of my fingers over the animals grooved into the headboard – a bear, a stag, a fox, and a rabbit – before moving on to the incredibly soft sheets I was sitting atop of. They were dark green and felt like silk. They were also immensely more comfortable than what I’d been lying on before.
The rocky ground, cold against my cheek. Something sharp digging into my back.
Shaking off the unpleasant memory, I finally looked around the room I’d woken in.
Despite drowning in some stranger’s clothes, I was alone.
As large as the bed I was lying in was, the room itself was small. The walls and floor looked like they were made of the same oak as the bed frame, and the space was sparsely furnished with only a dresser and nightstand. There was also a plush-looking brown rug covering a good chunk of the floor.
And three doors.
The sight of them rekindled my curiosity, and picking a door at random, I stood on wobbly legs – the rug felt as luxurious under my bare feet as it looked – and made my way over to it. Twisting its knob, I opened the door to reveal a closet. It wasn’t large, only a half-dozen shirts hanging from a single rod, but they were all like the one I was wearing – flannel, with buttons. There were two hangers free of a shirt, further solidifying the theory forming in the back of my mind that whoever the shirt I was wearing belonged to also owned the bed – the room, the house, even – that I had found myself in.
