“Penny ... you are overwrought, you don’t know what you are saying.” Kay spoke gently, yet a cold fear laid icy fingers on her heart.
“I’m not overwrought,” Penelope’s tone was calmer and she faced Kay unflinchingly. “I love Robin ... there, that’s the truth! I think I have always loved him, even when I was a kid and you ... you...” Her voice broke again momentarily, but she quickly gained control. “You’ll never make him happy, you couldn’t, you don’t even try to understand him and just nag and nag...” Her voice trailed away and again she wiped her brimming eyes.
“Penny, you don’t know what you are saying! You can’t know, you wouldn’t speak like that!” There was bewilderment in Kay’s voice and the icy grip on her heart tightened until she felt she could scarcely breathe. “It can’t be true ... I won’t believe it...” she finished in a whisper.
“But it is true!” Penelope gripped Kay’s bare arms until her fingers bit into the flesh. “You’ve got to believe me, you’ve got to try and understand. I haven’t done this purposely ... you know I wouldn’t hurt you for worlds. It’s just something that’s happened, something I couldn’t help. I love Robin, I want him more than anything else in the world, perhaps I’d be able to get over that, and have hidden my feelings, if I had thought he would be happy with you. You can never make Robin happy, you know you can’t ... that’s the part that hurts most of all. If it hadn’t been for that, I’d have been able to keep quiet and then you need never have known.”
“Does Robin know?” Kay’s voice was quiet and completely expressionless.
“No, of course he doesn’t ... you know Robin isn’t that sort of person, he is far too decent. While he imagines himself in love with you, he doesn’t even realize my existence.”
“While he imagines himself in love with you,” Kay echoed the words tonelessly ... “don’t you believe he loves me then?”
“He thinks he does...” Penelope was more composed now and picking up her discarded cigarette from the tray where Kay had placed it, she drew at it deeply, before continuing. “He hasn’t had much chance to find out, has he? You’ve hardly seen anything of one another ... I should say a few hours all told, and you get married on Saturday.”
“It was Robin’s suggestion...” Kay began tentatively, but Penelope broke in before she could continue.
“He knows you’ve got to get back to hospital and it was hardly worth getting married on your leave unless you had a few days together before you have to part again ... he hadn’t much option, had he?”
“You think it’s through me he is rushing things ...” Kay’s manner was composed, but beneath her composure her heart beat tumultuously and the steady throb of her temples was like a hammer at her brain. “You ... you think I should suggest waiting?”
“Oh, Kay, if only you would!” Penelope leaned forward impulsively, and took Kay’s icy hands in hers. “Get Robin to postpone your wedding ... tell him you’d rather wait until you are really free ... tell him anything, any excuse will do, but wait ... oh, please do wait.” She pleaded, and as Kay remained silent she went on. “If, when you and Robin have really got to know one another, you still decide to marry, then I shan’t mind. If you can make him happy, then I’ll go away ... I’ll do anything ... I only want his happiness, I swear it! Robin is so simple in some ways, still such a boy ... he made up his mind you were his girl, before he ever went away, he hasn’t stopped to work things out since, he just hasn’t realized that you’ve both grown up now, and in growing up you have both changed ... you’ll wait, Kay, won’t you, it’s Robin’s happiness, it’s for him to decide, but do, do give him time.”
“Perhaps Robin won’t be willing to wait.” Kay drew her hands from her sister’s clasp and let them drop listlessly to her side.
“Ask him!” Penelope urged, her voice deep with urgency. “Just ask him, give him that chance, and if he insists ... but he won’t, he can’t!” She broke off wildly.
“I’ll make the suggestion tomorrow.” Kay turned and fiddled idly with the brushes on her dressing-table. “You’d better go back to bed now, it’s awfully late.”
Penelope rose from her chair and, crossing to Kay, flung her arms tightly round her neck. “You do understand, don’t you ... I haven’t meant to be beastly, I couldn’t help it, I just couldn’t! ... I do love you too, it’s not all selfishness ... you and Robin both matter so much to me ... I couldn’t keep quiet. I’ve tried but I just couldn’t.”
“I understand.” Kay disentangled herself from Penelope’s entwining arms and stood leaning against the dressing-table. “I am glad you’ve been frank ... it’s better that way.” She forced a smile. “Now, off to your room and get some sleep.”
For a few seconds after the door had closed behind her sister, Kay stood irresolute, then crossing the room, she softly turned the key in the door. As she passed her mirror, she was struck with the pallor of her face, and her eyes, as they stared back at her, were deep-shadowed and veiled, as those of a stranger. Her knees felt weak, as if they could no longer support her, and gripping the bedrail, she sank down on the bed. Lost in thought she relived the scene which had just been enacted. As she recalled Penelope’s words, her eyes misted with tears, then, no longer to be denied, they welled up beneath her closed eyelids. Only then did Kay’s composure desert her, and strangling a sob, she lay down, burying her face in the pillows. The wedding frock was crumpled at the foot of the bed and the blue-feathered hat lay misshapen and crushed, beneath the weight of her body.
At breakfast next morning it was obvious that Penelope was somewhat ashamed of the previous evening’s outburst. She kept casting surreptitious glances at Kay, but there was nothing in Kay’s calm demeanor which could give her any clue to her sister’s reactions. Penelope almost overdid her efforts to bring a note of gaiety to the meal and kept up an incessant flow of conversation in order to cover her own discomfiture. It was not until Mrs. Somers had left the room to refill the coffee pot, that Penelope had the opportunity of a word alone with her sister.
“Kay ... I’m sorry about last night, you were right, I was overwrought, I behaved like a pig ... forget what I said ... I didn’t mean it, I didn’t really.” Her eyes, so like Kay’s own, were filled with concern.
“Thanks, Penny darling, don’t worry—I told you that I understood; I do, and I want to do what’s right.” Kay pushed away her unfinished plate and lighted a cigarette. As she went on speaking there was again no trace of emotion in her voice. “I agree with you, Robin and I have seen far too little of one another and I’m going to suggest to him this morning that we should wait until I’ve left hospital for good.” Kay laid her hand on Penelope’s. “Now that you haven’t to go back to Mr. Morgan, you will be at the farm while I’m away, so I know there will be someone to look after Robin and he’ll be in good hands.”
“Kay ... you’re a brick!” Penelope broke off, unwilling to trust herself further.
“You have nothing to thank me for ... perhaps I should thank you for good advice.” Kay glanced at her watch. “I’ll have to hurry, Mr. Raynal is coming early to remove Christine’s plaster, I’ve got to get her ready for him.”
“Kay ... just a moment,” Penelope called as Kay reached the door. “Don’t rush off, there is something I want to ask you.” As Kay remained, her hand still resting on the door handle, Penelope queried: “Mr. Raynal won’t be sorry if you postpone your marriage, will he?”
“What on earth do you mean?” The unexpected question seemed to bring Kay to life, and there was an unnatural flush in her pale cheeks.
“Well...” Penelope felt uncomfortable beneath her sister’s scrutiny and as she continued to speak, she found herself carefully choosing her words. “I’ve got an idea he thinks rather a lot of you ... I mean ... oh well, you may as well have it, I think he is in love with you himself.”
Penelope could not have found a better way to break through Kay’s composure and when she replied, it was with the full, warm tones to which Penelope was ac
customed. The icy calm had left her and with a heightened color, and her eyes flashing she responded. “In love with me!” She broke into unrestrained laughter. “That’s the craziest thing I have ever heard, he only recognizes my existence because I happen to be in charge of his ward—and of course, just now I am helping out with Christine—but love me ... that’s too funny! Whether I marry this week, next week or never, wouldn’t make a pin’s difference to Peter Raynal.”
Penelope, only too glad that the tension was relieved, laughed with her sister. “Sorry, I seem to have put my foot in it again.” Then she added more soberly: “But you know there is something ... the way he looks at you ... speaks to you ... and last night, you didn’t only go to the gate, you wandered off together, didn’t you?”
“Yes, to have a good row, the way we usually end our conversations,” Kay admitted dryly, then added: “I must get going, I’ve a lot to do, and if his lordship is kept waiting, that will be the necessary spark to start off another row!”
As Kay prepared Christine’s room, she found herself smiling at Penelope’s remarks. She was glad of the diversion, it kept her mind from dwelling on Penelope’s disconcerting disclosure of her feelings for Robin. The idea that Raynal was in love with her was so absurd, and yet she hadn’t been quite truthful in saying that he wouldn’t be concerned whether she postponed her wedding or not, since it had been he who had made the original suggestion. What his motive had been Kay still could not imagine, since it was obvious he could not have guessed at Penelope’s feelings, just his innate impulse to rule other people’s lives, Kay decided, with renewed anger. Anyway she didn’t propose to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she intended to follow his suggestion, he’d probably pride himself that her change of plan was entirely due to him and that she certainly wouldn’t allow.
“What’s the matter, Kay, you’re very quiet this morning?” Christine’s question roused Kay from her reverie.
“Sorry, darling, I was just trying to remember if I had everything prepared for your uncle. You see, being on holiday, I’m inclined to forget all the things one does naturally in hospital.” Kay folded a clean towel and laid it beside the wash basin. “Now, just a jug of hot water and I think we are ready.”
“Can Biggy watch?”
“I think he’d be better downstairs,” Kay suggested. “He might be in the way, and if he wasn’t careful, he might get his tail cut off with the plaster shears!”
“All right.” Christine consented without enthusiasm. “I think it’s a shame, because he’d probably love to stay, but if you think so...”
“I do.” Kay picked up the puppy and tucked his wriggling little body under her arm. “I’ll take him down and bring up some hot water.”
Kay was so accustomed to working with Peter Raynal when they were scarcely on speaking terms, that taking him up to Christine’s room and assisting him to remove the plaster, exchanging only the bare minimum of words, didn’t affect Kay in the least. It seemed quite natural and Christine was far too excited by the removal of the heavy and unsightly plaster to be aware of the strained attitude between the two people she loved most in the world. With childish egotism, her leg seemed the most important thing and by the time it was free and the puppy had been readmitted into the room, Kay was already escorting Raynal back to his car.
“You say you can arrange about massage locally?”
“Yes, I have already fixed it with a girl who does part-time work at Staunford Hospital.”
“That’s splendid...” Raynal, with one foot already on the running board of his car, turned back to face Kay. “I think I told you I was pretty heavily booked this week. I don’t expect I’ll get down to see Chris again for ten days or a fortnight, nothing can go wrong, but of course you’ll ring if you want me.”
“Yes,” Kay agreed. “But she should be walking well soon, anyway before I leave here, I’ve still another twelve days’ leave.”
“Then I shan’t be seeing you again until we meet at St. Jude’s . . Raynal paused, then added: “May I offer you now all my best wishes for next Saturday and I’d like to say that I am sorry if I inadvertently offended you last night.” His tone was formal and stilted, as he continued: “Believe me, I had no idle wish to interfere, I honestly believed my advice would be for your own good...” He eased his long body into the car and laid his hands on the steering wheel, before he continued. “Perhaps you do not appreciate that it is because I care for you that I am interested in your welfare.”
“I am flattered.” Kay’s lips curled contemptuously. “But I still feel capable of running my own affairs.” She shut the door of the car and stood back as the engine started and the car moved slowly forward. She watched as it crunched over the roadway, gaining speed ... Penelope might call that a declaration of love, Kay’s mouth curved into a smile, but there was no matching merriment in her eyes, only a deep, shadowed bitterness. Returning to the cottage she picked up her bag from the hall table, then walked resolutely towards Aldon Farm—and Robin.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Kay heaved a sigh of relief as she entered her small bedroom in the nurses’ home. In some unaccountable way, she was glad to be back there, glad to be away from Thorndene, hopeful that the change of surroundings might help to ease the mental distress which she’d been unable to throw off since Penelope’s disturbing declaration. She was compelled to admit that Robin had been all too ready to fall in with her suggestion that their wedding should be delayed, he had seemed almost thankful for the postponement and now that she was right away from Aldon Farm, she would have more opportunity to readjust her perspective and assess her own reactions to his attitude. She was conscious that in many ways, she had failed him, that she had proved unable to adapt herself to the kind of life which was obviously Robin’s ideal. Penelope had been right ... if their marriage was to be a success, she herself must alter her views and try to meet Robin half-way. During her last ten days at home, she had done her best to behave with forbearance but she wasn’t altogether convinced that her efforts had been successful otherwise, surely, she ought not to feel such thankfulness at being back in hospital. It was only three weeks since she had vacated that spotless cubicle, glad to get away from its austerity, and yet now, as she looked around her, she felt that she was viewing an old and trusted friend. A small bowl of flowers stood on the chest, an offering from Janet to welcome her. It was a pleasant thought that she would be working with Janet again and she would be pleased to have her companionship, Janet was so understanding and wise too. It would be a help to be able to discuss her personal difficulties with her. Of course, as usual at hospital, the fly in the ointment was Peter Raynal ... it would be more difficult than ever to cope with him now that she had seen him in such a totally different light. If. only they hadn’t had a row that fatal evening, it would even have added to the enjoyment of her work to be on better terms with him, but things hadn’t worked out like that and she bit her lip in annoyance at the memory of his attempt to concern himself with her private affairs. What had it got to do with him and by what right did he think he could try to influence her decision? Her reflections were interrupted as the door was suddenly opened and Janet stood on the threshold.
“Oh, Janet, I am pleased to see you, it was nice of you to have come along so quickly and to have given me the flowers, although ...” Kay broke off and then added haltingly: “You’d be surprised to know how glad I am to be back.”
Janet kissed her friend impulsively. “And am I glad to have you back! That Evans woman who’s been deputizing for you has nearly driven me crazy ... she never knows her own mind and has about as much backbone as a worm, she’s quite spineless and has no more idea of exerting authority than a new-born babe.” Janet seated herself in the armchair, took off her collar and cap and loosened her belt. “I’m off duty for the rest of the day so we can gossip to our heart’s content and neither of us need think about dressings or temperature charts till the morning.” She lighted a cigarette as she was speaking an
d surveyed her friend through a cloud of smoke. “First smoke today,” she murmured appreciatively, then on a more serious note she added: “It must be wretched for you really, to have to return here, where you were never truly happy, almost immediately after you’ve got married. I know the idea sounded all right when we talked about it before, but now it seems awfully hard on you. Poor old Kay, never mind, a month will soon pass.”
Kay frowned and fidgeted restlessly with the bow at the neck of her white silk blouse. How was she to explain to Janet that the wedding had been postponed, how tell her that she wasn’t anxious for her month’s work to pass quickly? She couldn’t find the right words, couldn’t bring herself to admit that she had put off her marriage, that she was uncertain of her own feelings and still more uncertain of Robin’s, but while her thoughts were seeking a reasonable explanation, Janet spoke again.
“You know, Kay dear, for a newly-wed bride, you look most exceedingly glum. I thought you would be all girlish and coy!” she teased. “Come on, tell me exactly now it feels to be Mrs. Robin Aldon, and tell me how the wedding went off, what presents you had ... in fact, all about everything,” she ended ungrammatically.
Slowly Kay walked across the small room and sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. Then with a gesture almost of defiance, she flung up her head. “There hasn’t been a wedding and I’m not Mrs. Robin Aldon ... something has gone wrong ... I’ve postponed the date...” he paused, then continued almost angrily. “It was all arranged in too great a hurry, nothing was properly ready, it was silly to go rushing into marriage as though there wasn’t a moment to spare.” She leant forward towards Janet and continued with a pleading note in her voice. “Tell me that I’ve acted sensibly, I’m all at sixes and sevens and although I’m honestly glad to be back here, it’s all going to be awkward. I haven’t the pluck to tell Matron ... or the nurses for that matter ... and I feel so awful when they were so kind and congratulatory and gave me that lovely clock.”
Peter Raynal, Surgeon Page 15
