A rush of warm color flooded Kay’s cheeks. She had hoped to stave off the question, but in her heart she knew that sooner or later she’d have to lace it. “I am not married ... I decided to wait for a time ... but not because of your interference,” she interposed hastily. “There were other reasons ... something which cropped up later ... and there was such a short time to get the matter straightened out,” she ended vaguely.
“Something which cropped up.” Raynal tried to see beyond those prosaic words. Was the “something” Penelope Somers? He wouldn’t be surprised, his experienced eye had sensed a definite nervous tension in her on the evening he had dined at the cottage. “I’m sorry, of course... but,” he paused and a smile curved the corners of his lips, “... it would be superfluous of me to say that I think you have acted very wisely.”
Kay looked up quickly. Was he laughing at her? No, the smile was kindly and the eyes which met hers were sympathetic and understanding. Her quickened heartbeats lessened and the color which had risen to her cheeks gradually subsided, leaving her pale and less tense. The sympathy was genuine, somehow she felt sure of that, and an inner conviction assured her that, although there was so much which irritated her in her companion, he could be a trusted friend. Scarcely aware that she was speaking, and indeed her words were almost inaudible, Kay continued: “Sometimes I think we shall never marry.”
For a second, Raynal laid his hand on her shoulder and the brief contact was, to Kay, curiously comforting. “I don’t think you will, but I also don’t believe you will ever have any regrets.”
He spoke with such assurance that Kay anxiously sought his expression and again she was reassured by the deep understanding reflected in his gaze. “You see, it’s my sister ... I believe that she cares ... and I think she would make Robin a far better wife.”
So it had been Penelope! Well, she seemed a nice enough girl, she and Robin Aldon were well suited and, after all, emotions were difficult things to control ... “I can only repeat that I am sincerely glad you have acted so wisely.”
“I have not told anyone in hospital ... you know now it is ... people here talk so ... I couldn’t bear it.” There was a momentary break in Kay’s voice. “Please keep my confidence ... only you and Nurse Ling know .. I shall leave here at the end of the month as I’d arranged, otherwise it would only start a lot of talk ... you do understand, don’t you?”
“Perfectly, and I assure you that your confidence is quite safe with me.” He smiled at Kay. “Now I must be getting down to theatre.”
Kay held open the door and watched his tall figure until it had disappeared from view. Perhaps she’d been unwise to tell him, and yet, she had to admit in all fairness, it had been something of a comfort to unburden herself. As far as Raynal was concerned, she was so much in his company that to continue to act a lie would have been inconceivable. He had been kind and understanding too, and his sympathy had done something towards assuaging the bitter pain in her heart.
Raynal’s thoughts as he walked along the red-tiled corridor were far less conflicting than Kay’s. He was infinitely glad that Kay, despite her arrogance, had brought herself to admit the truth—if not to the hospital at large—at least to him. But even more did it please him that she had had the sense to break her engagement, however much he told himself that it was no affair of his, it seemed of paramount importance to him that this girl, with all her virtues—and her faults—should marry someone who would cherish and appreciate all she had to give.
“Oh ... sir ... there you are.” Martin Grig stepped out of the lift as Raynal approached. “I was wondering where you were. We are all ready for you in theatre.” He flung back the grilled gates of the lift for Raynal, then pulling them to, touched the button. “There is that tricky case this afternoon—should be interesting—wonder what we’ll find. That Mrs. Wright—you remember?”
The great Raynal was definitely temperamental, sometimes taciturn and silent, at times impossible to please. On occasions he could be easy-going and radiating charm, but Martin Grig couldn’t recall any previous session in the theatre when the Senior Surgeon had been so absurdly light-hearted and gay—even cracking jokes, until the nurse’s gazed at one another in astonishment, their smiles adequately concealed behind the white gauze of their masks.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
In spite of Kay’s misgivings, it only took her a few days to get back to hospital routine and by the end of the first week her ward was running with the efficiency upon which she prided herself, and the clock over the courtyard had once again become her master. There was also one real advantage in her work, it spared her little time for thought and with the heavy demands of the day she found, when she tucked down into her narrow bed at night, that in spite of the mental pain she still suffered, sleep was never long delayed.
Long letters from her mother, Robin and Penelope actually told her little of what she most desired to know. Robin’s and Penelope’s name were inevitably linked together, but then, since they were working in such unity it could hardly have been otherwise. Sometimes Kay believed that it would be a relief to hear of some definite action on their part ... did Robin care for Penny? If so how long would the declaration of his love be delayed? Was Penny too young to know her own mind, was it merely calf-love, unstable, impermanent? Robin had been willing enough to agree to a postponement but had he really believed it to be only that? A million questions were ever rankling in Kay’s mind, none of which she could answer, and work was a soothing balm which forbade thinking, and for that assuagement she was grateful.
Since her return she had even found herself wondering if she had ever really cared for Robin, had she truly loved him ... if she had, would she have relinquished her rights to that happiness? Again, she couldn’t answer, she only knew that these endless questions would drive her mad; and blessed the work which for so many hours of the day had kept her mind fully occupied.
There was another worry which continually nagged at Kay. After three weeks, she wouldn’t even have the solace of work. Where on earth could she go, what was she to do? She was really only equipped for nursing and another hospital post meant the inevitable references, she could hardly ask for those when she hadn’t even told Matron that she wasn’t married! ... She could scarcely admit that she was leaving St. Jude’s only to take up another post. To consider earning her living with her music was out of the question, she had never finished her training and held no qualification either to teach or indeed for any other branch of music. She just had to find something, but what? Kay hadn’t the remotest idea, but certainly she couldn’t return home, she just couldn’t face it ... not yet ... it would be more than she could bear. Besides there was Penny, it wouldn’t be fair, she’d promised to leave her a clear field and that Kay was determined to do. If Robin ever wanted her back—and in her heart Kay knew that to be a forlorn hope—then he would seek her out, but until their relationship was definitely established she couldn’t return to Thorndene.
In her attitude to Raynal during that first week back at St. Jude’s, Kay had almost kept her promise to Janet to the letter. A dozen times she had bitten back angry words which had sprung to her lips, but there had been one or two occasions when even her promise hadn’t been able to hold her. On the whole he had been more reasonable, Kay admitted grudgingly, but, like her, he didn’t, on his side, seem able to resist a caustic remark here and there. In little things he had shown more consideration, had appeared more patient with any protests she might have made. She only hoped it wasn’t because he was sorry for her, the very thought was unbearable and she trusted that it was only because of her care for Christine he felt some cause for gratitude.
Returning from lunch, Kay walked along the corridor towards the lift when the somewhat bulky form of Martin Grig barred her passage. “I say, Sister, you are the very person I want to see,” he remarked, a warm smile lighting is pleasant features. “Can you spare a moment?”
“I should be back on the ward,” Kay demurred but she slowed h
er steps to match his own.
“It’s about Stockleigh—you know, the new houseman,” he began without preamble. “He takes over from me at the end of the month.”
“Good gracious, is your time up? I hadn’t realized...” Kay broke in with dismay.
“Yes, I’ve finished here and there’s no standing still in this job, I’ve got to be getting on, and I’ve got a grand job up in Edinburgh.”
“I’m glad,” Kay said sincerely, and, reaching the lift, she placed her finger on the button.
“You can expect a wait.” Martin peered up the lift-shaft. “You know the like of these lifts at lunch hour. Anyway it’ll give me a few moments to say my say. Stockleigh’s a good chap, and you’ll like him, but as yet he is devilish slow. Raynal’s got his knife in him already, so don’t you get starting or you’ll have the poor fellow at his wit’s end.”
Kay laughed. “I always looked upon you as an ally and now you are making me out the positive tyrant I’m reputed to be.”
“Come, Sister, you know I was never meaning that, but there is a lot you can do to put him at ease, anyway for the first start off ... now, see what I mean?” He spoke cajolingly and his bushy brows were raised questioningly.
“You aren’t leaving yet, are you?” Kay frowned, as the lift moved on its way past the floor without pausing.
“End of the month.” He smiled. “Same as you. It will be a bad day for the hospital with both you and me passing from its door.”
“This lift is the limit!” Kay glanced at her watch as she made some further jabs at the unresponsive button. “The way people pass without even stopping...” She spoke aggrievedly. “I’m going to be late ... I’d better walk up.”
“What, walk up five flights—not me, I’ve too much respect for my heart and lungs!”
“Are you coming up to the sixth too?”
“Yes, of course, have you forgotten it’s Raynal’s round?”
“Good heavens! so it is ... where is that wretched lift?” Kay peered up the lift-shaft anxiously. “I expect someone has left the gates unfastened.”
At that moment the lift, with the peculiarity of lifts, drew to floor level with maddening exactitude before she was able to throw back the doors. As it reached the top floor, she made a hasty exit and with a swift apology to Martin, hurried before him along the passage to her ward.
She had barely entered when the sight of screens round the first bed told her that Raynal must already be there, and with the inward irritation which any slight deviation from duty always caused her, Kay hurried forward. Before she had turned the corner of the screen, Janet had heard her step and immediately approached her, addressing her in lowered tones.
“I say, Kay, there is a phone call for you, from home, your sister, she says it’s important, will you ring back as soon as you can. I tried to locate you in dining-hall but I couldn’t. You go and ring her now, I’ll carry on with Raynal until you get back.”
“I can’t phone yet,” Kay protested. “Bad enough being late as it is ... thanks for carrying on, I’ll take over now and I’ll ring as soon as I’m free.”
“She said it was important,” Janet demurred, but Kay had already passed behind the screens and was far too close to Raynal for any further private discourse.
“I’m sorry I am late,” Kay addressed Raynal formally, then, standing at the bedside, took up where Janet had left off.
“Any pathological reports available yet?” Raynal was studying the case sheet and did not even look up as he asked the question, it was even doubtful whether he had been aware of Kay’s presence.
“No, sir, but they should be up some time today, shall I ask Nurse Ling to phone the Path. Lab.?”
“It doesn’t matter, I’ve a pretty shrewd idea what the slide will show.” He slipped on the rubber gloves which Kay handed him, then began an examination of the inert form lying listlessly on the bed. As he finished, Kay drew up the bedclothes, then with a curt nod to the junior nurse in attendance, waited while Raynal discussed the case with the new houseman until the screens were arranged round the next bed. Kay pulled the rubber-wheeled trolley up, then directing her junior, had the next patient prepared for examination. By this time Martin, white-coated, and freshly scrubbed up had joined them, and catching Kay’s eye threw her an infectious grin. Kay wasn’t feeling responsive, the fact of being late had rattled her and Janet’s message on top of it hadn’t done anything to dispel her gloom. She longed to speak with Penny, longed to know what the message could be. It was so unusual for her sister to ring her at hospital, in fact Kay could scarcely remember any former occasion. It must be very important. With a determined effort she tried to keep her mind on the task in hand; as it was, she had been wandering and Raynal had twice asked for the long forceps. Kay handed them over, then made an endeavor to shut her mind to her disquieting thoughts.
The round seemed endless, and was it her imagination or was Raynal taking far longer than usual? Anyway, the new houseman was a delaying factor and his slow, deliberate actions were most irritating. She really must get that phone call through soon, and she began wondering would it have been more sensible to have kept Raynal waiting a bit longer and got the matter off her mind?... after all, Janet was quite capable and could have carried on, it wouldn’t have hurt Raynal for once ... Surely Penny wouldn’t be phoning about herself and Robin? ... A letter would have been better in every way. Of course, it might be that, and as Kay viewed the possibility she knew beyond doubt that, subconsciously, it had been a foregone conclusion and she would be able to take such news with complete calm—and yes, even satisfaction. With that realization she knew that she could never have loved Robin; fond of him, yes, she would always be that, but the relationship between them had been undoubtedly influenced by all it had meant. Her own home ... Aldon Farm—how she loved it—someone to lean on, to care about her and her welfare, she was so drearily tired of looking after other people ... marriage would have meant an end to this tedious routine ... freedom!
“What’s the matter, Sister ... you seem somewhat distrait, I asked for a light—not a spatula.”
“I’m sorry, sir.” Kay quickly picked up the light and held it closer, then fumbled as the flex got hopelessly entangled in the legs of the trolley. Martin quickly came to her rescue and as they stooped together to disentangle the muddle, she caught his eyebrows raised in surprise.
This was awful, she really must pull herself together. Anyway only six more cases, she told herself as she prepared to remove the dressing from the next patient. If Penny was only going to tell her of her engagement, then why phone? But what else could it be? ... Penny was never ill, her mother had never ailed anything, and Robin ... well, Robin wasn’t the sort of person to get panicky in any emergency ... “Mrs. Meller wants to know if she can get home by the end of the week.” Kay’s voice sounded strained to her own ears.
“I think it may be possible.” Raynal probed the wound with gentle fingers. “Yes, I think we can manage that...” Turning from the patient, he addressed Martin and Stockleigh, speaking in undertones.
If only he’d hurry. Kay was conscious of a growing nervous tension. Unreasonably she began to wonder whether Raynal wasn’t spinning out his round intentionally—quite unfairly, since he couldn’t even know of her anxiety to be free to get to the telephone.
The last patient! Kay breathed more freely as she drew back the covers and stood awaiting her chief’s orders. He wasn’t even ready to begin his examination and to her exasperation he had commenced a long, detailed discourse with his new houseman, about an amputation case they had that morning in theatre. Mr. Stockleigh seemed slow in his grasp of matters as well as in his actions, Kay thought with annoyance, as she stood while Raynal, with considerable patience, began to explain a point all over again. At last, the round was ended and with a sense of relief, Kay followed Raynal into her office. She sincerely hoped he wasn’t going to linger ... in any case his work, as far as her ward was concerned, was over, and she wouldn’t h
ave much hesitation in letting him know that she had no time to spare for small talk. Reaching up, she helped him to remove his white linen coat and watched him as with easy grace he swung his arms into his own jacket, then, gripping the lapels, pulled it into place. Taking his cigarette case from his pocket with unhurried movements, he lighted a cigarette before speaking.
“Well, Sister, I think that’s all ... Discharge Mrs. Meller on Friday ... she’d better go by ambulance and make arrangements with the District Nurse for daily dressing. She’d better see me in ‘Out Patients’ in about a fortnight’s time.”
“Yes, sir.” Kay walked with deliberation towards the door and held it open invitingly. “I will see to that.”
“What’s the hurry, Sister?” Peter Raynal was smiling quizzically as he asked the question. “Don’t I get any tea?”
That’s what came of being amiable! Kay deplored, at that moment, every cup of tea she had offered him since her return, it had been a stupid habit to start! With a determined effort, she held her position by the door. “I’m sorry, sir ... I am in a hurry, I have something I must do...” she ended somewhat lamely.
“I thought you were a bit off color ... in fact you seem to have been in a rush to get rid of me ever since you deigned to turn up.”
Kay bit her lips angrily. “I apologize for being late... so little late that I imagined you’d barely noticed.”
“I naturally missed you.”
Kay shot him a quick glance. Was he being facetious? Then, with all the dignity she could muster, she continual: “I have had an urgent phone call from home, my sister didn’t leave a message so naturally I’m anxious to ring back, I haven’t had time yet.”
Peter Raynal, Surgeon Page 17
