Ladies, you have to act like a bitch and think like a dick.
CHAPTER 1
Interview with a Dick
Woman: You want some pussy?
Man: Yeah.
Woman: You want to fuck raw?
Man: Yeah.
Woman: You want to marry me?
Man: (stares off to the side)
Woman: You want to pay child support?
Man: Hell, no.
Woman: You want some pussy?
Man: Yeah.
A man and his dick are joined at the hip. Pussy ain’t free! Stop giving yours away.
DaD Note: Any man who has his hand out needs to put his dick in it.
Ladies, you don’t have to ask a man the aforementioned questions but I suggest you do. The answers from most men will be the same as above. I don’t care if he’s single, married, unemployed, or a billionaire, too many men feel entitled to fuck your good pussy for free but they do not feel obligated to do right by you.
What I mean by “right” is accepting responsibility for his actions. Respecting you after he has sex with you. Calling the same or next day. Picking up the entire tab for a minimum of three dates before he allows you to pay. I’ll expand on what and when a woman should pay for later in the book.
Ladies, it’s mandatory that you learn how to interview a dick. When you look into a man’s eyes, have a conversation with his manhood. Don’t take his responses personally. If you verbally attack him, his dick will hide behind his balls. That’s the next chapter. Your goal is to determine if he’s worthy of penetrating your good pussy.
Keep in mind that lots of men claim they’re looking for the right or a good woman. If you listen carefully and let him talk more than you, you’ll find that most men cannot articulate what they want. They can’t clearly tell you what they mean by right or good as it relates to the woman they allege they want. They’re confused because their dicks are the frontline communicators when it comes to women.
You’re not trying to change him. Your goal is to understand him.
Woman: Are you looking for a woman like your mother?
Regardless of his answer, follow up with, “Why?” Or “Why not?”
Woman: So, if you’re looking for a woman like your mom, I guess you don’t want me to suck your dick. Has your mother ever sucked your dick?
Don’t give a damn if he’s offended. Men need to stop trying to find their mother. Babies need their mommies, not men. Hopefully, he has a sense of humor and will laugh. If he does, ladies, restart the conversation.
Woman: So you’re not exactly looking for a woman like your mother. What type of woman do you really want?
Most men claim they want a hard-working, dedicated, housecleaning, floor-sweeping, respectable woman to marry and have babies with but they don’t. Men want two types of women. Some want a shiny bitch on their arm and not necessarily a gold-digger but a gold-digger will suffice for the short run. Others want a woman who can financially support herself (and sometimes him) so he doesn’t have to. This type of guy takes “Why buy the cow, if you can get the milk for free” to a higher level because he will marry the cow. He just won’t pay for her shit.
Woman: Are you happy with yourself and your life?
You must ask that question. Men love to pursue ladies who are happy. When they meet a joyful woman, slowly they steal her zest for life by imposing their expectations. The things he loved about you, he now despises or dislikes. He doesn’t want you dressing too sexy or being too friendly. Actually, when you tone it down to the point where you’re miserable, he’s happy.
Ladies, stay upbeat throughout the conversation. If you find that he’s depressing or stressing you out, don’t dwell on his unhappiness. Your objective is not to save him. Remember you’re interviewing his dick.
Depressed man = Frustrated dick.
DaD Note: If a man isn’t happy with himself, his dick will never be content with you.
While it’s important to keep an open mind, you must start with the end in mind. That means you need to know what you want from this dick before having sex and/or a relationship with him. Do you want to be his woman, his wife, or his convenience?
Based on his responses to your questions, determine your level of interest. On your first date, don’t give him too many details about what you do, where you live, how many kids you have or want, and definitely don’t talk about your exes. Yes, you want to know about his exes but not on the first date. If he mentions an ex, tell him, “I’m interested in getting to know you, not her. You can tell me about her some other time.” Leave the door open for that discussion because there is valuable information in that room.
When women tell guys about their exes, men automatically start comparing themselves. If they conclude they don’t measure up, they will emotionally check out. Oh, he’ll still fuck you but that’s all you’re going to get . . . is fucked.
When a man constantly talks about his ex, either he’s angry about the breakup because it was all her fault or he’s still in love with her. It’s that simple.
Listen carefully and you might start off thinking he’s smart but soon realize his dick shines brighter than his brain.
Make sure you’re dressed delicious. Dazzling eyelashes and succulent lipstick will make him focus on your eyes and mouth when you’re talking with him. Go someplace where it’s fun. I prefer going to upscale bars when it’s not too busy. Brunch where they serve bottomless mimosas, a nice evening scenic drive, or casual stroll can keep the mood flowing in a positive direction but I don’t do free dates until well into the relationship (sometimes I’ll use “rela” for short).
Dating is like a relay race. The only difference is, like a talk-show host, you never relinquish your baton, ladies. Hold on to and stay ahead of your dick.
Ladies, you control the tempo of the convo. Don’t ask him all of these questions at once. Randomly ask some of the questions face to face and others over the phone.
Let’s get this interview started with some important and fun compliments, comments, and questions. Dick’s responses are simply for entertainment. Ladies, you want to ask these questions and process your date’s answers.
Comment: I don’t want you inside of me, because I don’t like what’s inside of you.
Compliment: I love to feel you inside of me, because I really like what’s inside of you.
Woman: What do you like most about women?
Dick: Pussy.
Woman: What do you love most about pussy?
Dick: You know. New pussy. More than one pussy at a time. Shit like that.
Woman: Have you ever been faithful?
Dick: (looking around as though the question was intended for another dick or the answer should be obvious) Well, you know. In my heart, yes. But there’s so many fine women in the world it’s hard to stay focused.
Woman: Is that a no?
Dick: No what?
Woman: Let’s move on. Tell me about the most attractive woman you’ve dated. What attracted you to her?
Dick: (The dick is standing tall on his nuts; a smile crosses his face as he shakes his heads.) Aw man. I fucked that up. She was a model. Tall, long legs, nice breasts shaped like honeydew melons. She has ass for days and those dick-sucking lips . . .
Woman: Why did the relationship end?
Dick: I fucked up. Fucked her girlfriend. But her girlfriend was fine as hell too.
Woman: What do you need in order to be fulfilled in a relationship?
Dick: That’s a good question. I need a good woman.
Woman: Can you explain?
Dick: You know women these days act like men. I need one that knows her place. How to treat me like a king. Have my back. Sex me real good. Can’t stand no loose or lazy pussy. She can’t be like that. Truth be told she doesn’t have to be supermodel fine as long as she’s down for me.
Woman: Are you currently satisfied emotionally, sexually, and financially?
Dick: Never satisfied. But I try to keep my
emotions out of it. Females be trying to break me down. All that sentimental shit makes my dick soft so when I keep my head straight I can bust a nut and keep my mind on my money. Sometimes my flow is smooth.
Woman: Are you emotionally available to have a healthy friendship with a woman?
Dick: Healthy being the operative word, you trying to trick a dude with that shit. See that’s where women fall short. I don’t need another friend. If that’s all she wants to be, when all I’m down to do is hit it, I tell her whatever lie works for me until I get it.
Woman: What stimulates you sexually? How often do you think about sex and how frequently do you like to have sex?
Dick: Damn, you got a lotta questions. I think about sex all day . . . off and on, you know. I be chilling then I pull up in my ride next to some double Ds strapped between a seatbelt and my shit gets hard. I wish I could cum a million times a day because the feeling makes me feel incredibly stupid.
Woman: Of course you are.
Dick: (frowning)
Woman: I mean of course it does. Do you prefer oral sex or intercourse?
Dick: Don’t matter. Oral is more about me watching her suck my dick. Sliding my shit down her throat. Aw, man, and don’t let her have those big juicy lips with that lil split in the middle of her bottom lip. If you not gon’ suck my dick you need to stop teasing me with all these questions.
Woman: Why did your last relationship end?
Dick: She started acting like I couldn’t make decisions for myself. Started treating me like a kid. Telling me what I could and couldn’t do. Checking my phone. My computer. Questioning my Facebook post and friends. Following me on Twitter. She was so busy trying to keep a trace she couldn’t keep pace. Had to let her go. But I still hit that pussy every now and then. You know how it is.
Woman: How was your first sexual experience and how old were you at the time?
Dick: Aw, man. I was ten. She was thirteen. Said she wanted to practice giving head. Didn’t know what she meant at first. But when I felt her lips, I was scared at first. And when my body released them white fluids I thought I was dying. I wish she hadn’t taken my virginity that way. See women think guys want that but I never saw females the same after that. All that sugar and spice didn’t mean nothing after that. All I wanted from a female was sex. I was not trying to get serious.
Woman: Is that the reason you have a hard time being faithful?
Dick: (shaking his head again) Nah. For real. Most of the time I don’t know what I want. I’m easily distracted. It’s hard as hell to stay focused. One minute I think I want this, then a fine female smile at me all friendly and shit then I want that . . . but not for long. After I hit it, I’m bored.
Woman: Do you prefer being in a monogamous relationship or having multiple partners?
Dick: Next question.
Woman: Okay. What do you believe a woman’s role is in a relationship?
Dick: You asked me that shit already. A woman’s role is to support her man to the fullest. I can’t stand that on-again off-again shit. One minute she’s down. The next day she hates me. Then she tells me to leave but she doesn’t want me to go. Maybe if she knew what she wanted, I’d know what I wanted.
Woman: Well, dick. Thanks for your time.
Dick: What you doin’ after this?
Woman: Definitely not you.
Best Advice: Always know what you want, ladies. If you don’t know what you want, you will end up with a dick.
DAFINA BOOKS are published by
Kensington Publishing Corp.
119 West 40th Street
New York, NY 10018
Copyright © 2014 by Mary B. Morrison
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
Dafina and the Dafina logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.
Library of Congress Card Catalogue Number: 2013920819
ISBN: 978-0-7582-7305-5
First Kensington Hardcover Edition: April 2014
eISBN-13: 978-0-7582-7310-9
eISBN-10: 0-7582-7310-X
First Kensington Electronic Edition: April 2014
If You Don't Know Me Page 26
