by Nix, Haley
I stuck around for a bit and thought about going up to the lookout tower to watch his plane to take off, but I couldn’t take being in public anymore. I needed a good cry and didn’t feel like doing it around a bunch of strangers. If I did, someone would inevitably come over to comfort me and ask what was wrong, but I couldn’t even begin to explain all the emotions that were running through me. As pathetic as crying in the car sounded, it felt like the most appropriate thing at the moment.
But as I walked to the car I felt my phone vibrate in my purse. I pulled it out and wiped the tears from my eyes. Two texts from Colt. They were short, but sweet.
My only response was: Stay safe. I love you.
Then a strange thing happened. When I got back to the car, I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Instead, I felt the strong urge to power through, to stay strong for Colt. So as sad as I was, I tried to smile. What he and I had was great. Yes, there were tough times ahead, but we’d make it through. When he came back, I’d have finished at least another semester of classes. Maybe we could take a long vacation together. We both deserved that, right?
Inevitably two questions entered my mind: Would he be back? And if so, when? But I did my best to try to brush them off. Be strong, I kept telling myself. Yet, no matter how much I tried to ignore this nagging thought, it continued to resurface. I said a silent prayer as I started up the car, driving out of the darkened garage and onto the road leading to the highway.
By now the sun was starting to emerge, clearing away the clouds of a previously gray morning. I decided to take it as a sign of good things to come. Being unhappy and anxious wouldn’t bring Colt home any more quickly; it was time to face life head on. He would be back. He promised he’d be back. I just had to try my best to believe that was true.
***
Colton
As I boarded the plane that day, I wondered about the future to come. It might sound crazy, but I wasn’t really worried about heading overseas. I was more concerned about Cat and how this time apart would affect us. The hardest part of life in Afghanistan wouldn’t be the early mornings, the bad food, and the missions; it would be life without the one person I truly loved.
For right now, I was simply heading to Maryland, not exactly a dangerous flight by any standard. After a few weeks of training, I’d be back over in the desert. Damn. Part of me couldn’t believe this shit was happening again. It’s not that I wasn’t dedicated or that I took my duties lightly, but why now? Why couldn’t I get placement at some base stateside? Or maybe on another international base in a non-combat zone?
Maybe it wasn’t my place to question these things, but I hated being pulled away from Cat like this, especially at such a crucial time in our lives. We’d only known each other for a few months. Would time apart so early in the relationship threaten to derail it? I shook my head as if to get rid of that terrible thought.
I lay back in my seat and closed my eye, attempting to get some sleep. It wasn’t surprising I’d gotten very little of it the night before between the frequent, last-minute sex sessions and the bouts of anxiety. Hopefully, I’d get some rest. I wanted to be fresh when I arrived on base.
***
Catherine
The next few weeks weren’t so bad. Colton was busy, but still being in the States, he was able to text. At night we’d have long conversations on the phone. Every night, however, it would come time to say goodnight and I’d have to hang up and go to bed alone.
Each time I lay there thinking about him, feeling cold and lonely. I slept restlessly on those nights without his arms there to keep me warm and secure. Our lives, our bodies had become so integrated that it was a learning experience living apart again. I pulled the blankets tighter around me; I bought a new comforter and flannel sheets even, but nothing seemed to work.
Before long the late night phone calls ended. Colt was headed overseas. No more long conversations, no more texts. We were about to enter a period of complete silence. I had no idea how I would deal with it, but the fact of the matter was that I would have to. It was as simple as that.
***
Colton
Life at the base wasn’t all that bad. I could text Cat whenever I had free time and I also got time to call her at night. Certainly, it was not a perfect substitution for pressing up against those perfect curves, but at least it was something.
But as the days drew closer to flying overseas, I started getting more depressed. I’d draw out our conversations on the phone, just trying to hear her beautiful voice, the easy rhythm of her breathing. It made me feel calm and relaxed. How long would it be before I’d hear her soothing, sensual voice speaking into my ear? I didn’t even want to think about that.
The day I boarded my flight to Afghanistan it was even worse. I could hear her crying on the phone. She spoke through her sobs, telling me she loved me. It was hard to hear that. Not because I didn’t love her, but because I knew I might have been lying when I promised her I would come home. I prayed we would be united, but how could I be sure? How could I make such a promise without knowing what the future had in store?
I boarded a military plane to Afghanistan with even fewer bags than I had when I left Oklahoma. We were travelling lightly; all the essentials would be provided for us at the base. All I brought with me were a few personal mementos to remind me of home, not the least being a picture of Cat and I, my arm around her shoulder outside during the first snowfall of the past winter.
I smiled sadly whenever I looked at it. This picture was all I had left.
Chapter Three
Catherine
The last phone call I had before Colt left was devastating. Hearing his voice just made me want him to stay all the more. But by now there was nothing I could do to change the course of events; he was going abroad whether I liked it or not.
He sent me one last photo of himself before he left: a selfie of him outside the military plane he was boarding. I had to laugh. Colt never took selfies. But I knew he did it to cheer me up, to turn a solemn event into a lighthearted one.
He looked handsome in the picture, but then again I always thought he looked handsome. I can’t tell you how many times I looked at that picture before falling asleep at night, hoping the sensory image would be impressed in my memory, hoping somehow Colt would appear in my dreams as vividly as in real life. I was absolutely dying to be close to him again.
Life had been difficult of late. Classes were excruciating. My midterms had come back with mediocre grades. I knew I’d been distracted from my studies with all the drama of Colt leaving so suddenly. I could make it up when finals came around, but it would take a whole lot of extra time with my textbooks. To top it off, work had also been more stressful; one of our waitresses had quit and moved out of town, so the rest of us were forced to pick up extra shifts.
But just when all of it seemed like too much to bear, I opened my mailbox to find a letter from Colt. I nearly fainted when I saw the name on the envelope. In his words, I found an escape from the everyday stresses of my life.
***
Dear Cat,
I hope this letter finds you well. We just touched down in Kabul. It’s nighttime here, which means we can’t travel, so we’re being held over in a base inside the city limits.
Tomorrow I will find out where I’ll be headed for the next few months. Of course, by the time you receive this letter, I’ll already have my assignment – undoubtedly providing security and stability in some place in the middle of the damn desert that a high-ranking general has determined is absolutely crucial strategically. Ah, such is life! Not sure when we’ll actually be heading out; I get the impression we need to do another round of intensive training first.
It’s weird being back; it feels different from last time. The streets seemed safer as we drove through them tonight. Granted, it’s a bit different out in the more remote provinces, but overall I have a good feeling about this – even more so than when I left home.
Anyway, there isn’t much else to tell you. The flight
was long, but you already knew that. I hope everything is going well and that you’re having success in your classes this semester.
Love,
Colt
***
Dear Colt,
I’m glad to know that you’ve made it there safe and sound. Of course, you know it wasn’t the flight over that I was worried about ;-).
School is going fine for the most part. I didn’t do so hot on my midterms the other day, but it’s no big deal – I can always make it up on the final in a few months. Work has been tough now that Stacy quit (did you ever meet her? I’m not sure if you ever did, but you should have – you hung around the bar long enough ;-)). Everyone has been working to cover her shifts until we hire a new girl to fill the open position.
Overall, things are fine, nothing I can’t deal with. I just find myself so bored without you around. My bed is empty and it makes it harder for me to fall sleep at night. I know that’s only going to get worse now that you’re overseas.
I hope you’re doing well. Please take care. And, of course, you know I love you.
Please please please be safe,
Cat
***
Catherine
It was awhile before I heard from Colt again. I figured it was just the slowness of sending mail around the globe. I tried my best not to pay it any mind. Instead, I went about my day with a certain pragmatic duty. My course schedule was rigorous, after all, and ultimately left me with little time to worry.
That’s not to say that the occasional bout of panic never entered my mind. Sometimes I wondered if the silence between us was something more sinister; what if he had been injured and was lying inert in a hospital bed… or worse? But I tried not to dwell on things like that. No new was good news, right?
Besides, constant worry wasn’t going to do either of us any good. It’s not like my anxiety was some magic shield that kept Colt safe from harm. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I was powerless in the situation. All I could do was hope and pray that we both came through everything unscathed.
But then a few weeks later I received a response that explained the long interlude without contact.
***
Dear Cat,
I’m sorry I haven’t written to you in such a long time, but the fact is things have gotten intense here very quickly. I hope you didn’t freak out when you read that last sentence, because I don’t mean intense as in dangerous, just insanely busy.
We’ve been going through some very in-depth training, collaborating with a group from Special Ops. As you might expect, I can’t provide any details here, but we’ve just received our assignment and will be transporting our equipment via convoy in the near future.
I think it’s going to be really exciting. We’ll get a chance to engage with the locals for much of the time, but we’ll also be going out on certain highly-focused missions. I think life here has really improved since my last tour; things definitely seem safer and there’s a good amount of buzz and high morale amongst my fellow soldiers.
That being said, I hope you’re keeping your head out of the newspaper. I know reading about the situation here will only make you worry about me. But trust me, I’m fine.
Honestly, my biggest problem so far is not being on tour with Tyson and Garrett again. Those guys mean a hell of a lot to me and its strange working with a new group. But in general most of the men seem like real straight-shooters, good people to have around in sticky situations. I just have to remember that we’re all soldiers in the end, and that alone should be enough for us to trust one another.
I’ve got to run. Please write soon. Reading your letter was the highlight of the past few weeks. Don’t be surprised if I’m slow to respond. Like I said before, I’m going to be stationed pretty remotely so it could take a bit longer for your letters to reach me and vice versa.
Love,
Colt
Chapter Four
Colton
I told Cat that I wouldn’t be writing so frequently, but I didn’t want to tell her the real reason why. The reality was that I couldn’t tell her the truth even if I’d wanted to – that was privileged information that couldn’t be available to civilians, or anyone outside my squad really.
I wasn’t lying about the part about heading to a remote province – that much was true. And certainly, I’d get my chance to meet some local Afghanis while I was out providing security. But this wasn’t some hum drum policing operation: we were tasked with providing protection in area that was currently a Taliban stronghold.
This meant that before the area could be stabilized, we’d need to root out the bad element. In fact, the town had almost systematically been abandoned by its original inhabitants after the Taliban took control, which mean that we’d need to drive the insurgents out of the town and make it safe for the common people to come back. This meant the operation that was currently being planned was a critical one, depending on highly-skilled soldiers, superior strategy and flawless execution.
These were all obviously details that couldn’t be passed on to civilians. But more than this, it was the danger of it all that I could never in good conscience express to Cat. It was better to mention it, if ever, long after it was over.
Believe it or not, time seemed to be going by quickly out in the desert. I was completely absorbed in training for the upcoming mission. There was a certain excitement about being on active duty that I occasionally missed when I was back home in the States. There was a thrill to life here, a sense of mission that really got my heart pumping. I love the action, what else could I say? I couldn’t wait to finally put the operation into action.
All that being said, I missed Cat desperately. Just to talk to her, to feel her touch… I closed my eyes and thought about her sometimes and I’d feel my cock get hard. What I wouldn’t give to be back with her! So you can imagine my excitement when I received another letter from her right before our convoy was about to leave.
***
Dear Colt,
I’m glad to hear things are going well for you. Life here is about as dull as ever. Classes have been going better lately – I got a nearly perfect grade on my most recent Intermediate Bio quiz, so I’d feeling a bit more confident in that area now. It’s been a huge relief.
Work has also been a bit less frantic (which means I’ve been able to concentrate on school more). We hired a new girl name Kelly to replace Stacy, so that’s allowed me to go back to a more relaxed schedule (only weekends!). The best part is the Kelly is actually really cool! She’s fun to work with and we’ve even had a few movie nights and gone out to lunch a couple of times.
It’s great to make a new friend here because I really am so damn lonely with you gone. Even though I’m pretty busy, there’s still downtime where I realize how much I miss you. I just wish I had some idea when you were coming home; it’s hard with things being so open-ended.
I know you miss Tyson and Garrett, but you’ll be happy to know they’re doing well. They still come into the bar pretty frequently, usually when I’m working. I think it’s because I tend to pour them more liquor and give them some drinks on the house, haha.
Also, I think Garrett has taken a bit of a liking to Kelly. He hasn’t said anything, but I can kind of just see it when he talks to her. Is it a terrible idea for me to try to set them up? Part of me could see it working out, but it could also be a complete disaster. Anyway, I’ll stop rambling because I know you don’t care about gossip like this.
You know what I’m going to tell you in closing: please stay safe out there! I want you coming home in one piece!
Love,
Cat
***
Dear Cat,
I’m sorry that this letter has to be so short, but we’re about to head out to our new outpost on the mission referred to in my last letter. It is going to be very remote. At this point, I do not know how frequently I’ll have access to mail, so do not be surprised if I don’t respond for weeks, maybe even over a month. It doesn’t mean
anything has happened to me, it’s just a reflection of how far away I am from civilization.
I’m feeling very confident about things, however, and excited to start work on this assignment. I’ve been developing a deeper bond with the guys around me and I’m happy to hear that you’ve made a new friend, too. Friends certainly make life easier to deal with, especially during trying times like these.
As to setting Garrett and Kelly up, I’ll defer to your judgment on that. Do you think she can handle Garrett? Haha. He’s one of my best friends, but even I can admit that he definitely rubs some people the wrong way. But I like to see the guy happy, so if you think Kelly can do that for him, then by all means go for it.
Anyway, heading out now. I’ll write again as soon as I can.
Love,
Colt
Chapter Five
Catherine
After that letter it was a long time before I heard from Colt again. Despite what he’d said about not worrying about him, it was nearly impossible not to construe his silence as ominous. Part of the problem was that I didn’t hear from him for over a month, then two months, then…
I kept writing him frequently, telling him all the boring details of life at home. Perhaps against my better judgment, I had set Kelly and Garrett up after all. But lucky enough, they really started hitting it off!
When I didn’t have classes or work, I’d spend a lot of time hanging out with them, but truth be told I was beginning to feel like a bit of a third wheel. Tyson would join us sometimes, too, but he was preparing for another tour of duty overseas himself and was usually too busy to hang out.
