He stood awkwardly; his hands landing on his hips, making his broad shoulders seem wider. “Good luck to you, Gray. Take care.”
It appeared Superman wasn’t going to come to my rescue. I left the café, and before I exited the hospital, I pulled the referral list from my purse and let it fall into the trash.
CHAPTER 5
--------------------------
Somewhere near midnight, an obnoxious pounding roused me from my sleep. I clicked off the television I’d fallen asleep to minutes earlier. My feet hit the floor at the same time the realization of who was at my door hit me, simply by the nature of the knock. Disappointment filled my heart when it became clear that it was not Nathan. We hadn’t communicated once since he left my apartment last week. I had dialed his number several times before clicking off. I had deleted half-written texts. The ball was in my court. That was certain. My choices were to give him what he wanted or to apologize and beg forgiveness. First, I had to figure out which would hurt less. Neither option motivated me to act. I shuffled in my pajama bottoms and T-shirt out of my room. “Yeah! I’m coming!”
“It’s about damn time,” Alyssa said as I pulled open the door. She stood with a phone in her hand and a tattered backpack on her shoulder.
I left the door wide and lumbered over to an armchair where I collapsed, running my hands across my bedhead. Alyssa shut the door and sat across from me on the couch. Her jeans looked like they’d been cheese grated and her blue crop top showed her belly ring.
“Sorry. I thought you’d be up.” Her features softened, showing me the innocent face of a sad and beautiful teen.
“I am now.” I pulled up my knees, wrapped my arms around my legs, and rested my chin on them.
“You see this shit?” She leaned over and held the face of her phone toward me.
“Sorry.” I shook my head.
“A kid calls her mother ten times you’d think she would answer one freaking time!”
Alyssa and her mother moved in about two years ago. Classic latchkey situation. She went from a sweet thirteen-year-old obsessed with animals and books to a tattooed and pierced fifteen-year-old who read trashy novels and swore like sailor. At least she hadn’t lost her love of the animal kingdom. For an apartment with a no pet policy, she’d smuggled her way through a couple of hamsters, a dozen cats and at least three dogs.
“She at work?” I asked her.
“I don’t know. Maybe. She hasn’t been working on Friday nights. I came home an hour ago, and I’m just sitting there waiting at the door. She’s probably out with that loser, Teddy.”
“That guy from the bar?”
“No, they broke up. Teddy’s the bald one with the gross beard that always has crap in it.”
I expelled a short laugh. “I’ve seen him before. You really need to get that key made.”
“She said she would do it yesterday.” Alyssa jumped up from the couch and went to the kitchen. “She loses her key, and I’m the one shit outta luck. Got any soda?” She pulled the refrigerator door open and took out a drink as if I’d answered.
I got up and checked the front door to make sure it was locked. “Text your mom and let her know you’re staying over. You know where everything is. I’m going to bed.”
A few minutes later, I heard a noise and saw a shadowy figure in my doorway. “Gray?”
“Yeah?” I said through the darkness.
“Do you think you’ll ever be a mom?”
I paused and breathed out. “You know I hate kids.”
“There is that.” I felt the smile in her response.
“Plus, I’m probably sterile from all my drug and alcohol abuse. You should keep that in mind. There’s your PSA for the night. Now, go to sleep.”
She continued to linger in the doorway.
“What? C’mon, I need my beauty rest.”
After a moment, she said, “Sometimes I wish…you were my mom.”
I sat up on my elbows and looked her way. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“Someday you’re going to have a kid. And you’re going to be the most kick-ass mom there is…because you know what a kid needs and what it feels like to not get it.”
“You really think so?”
“Look at how you take care of all those animals.”
“That’s because they’re helpless, and I love them.”
I lay back down on my pillow. “Babe, you just described a mother.”
The next morning I woke with a start, my eyelashes dampened, a feeling of emptiness washing over me. The memory of whatever dream I had been having loomed just beyond my reach. I closed my eyes, attempting to grasp it, even though my gut warned me I shouldn’t. A memory flashed behind my eyelids of my mother walking barefoot on the beach, her belly extended out about eight months’ worth. A seven-year-old Gray skipped blissfully ahead, clearing a path for her like a snowplow in the winter. Along with the image came a clear memory of my mission that day. I’d been picking up tiny shells from the sand. Not to collect them, but to protect my mother. To make sure she didn’t step on anything that made her fall and get hurt or hurt my new baby brother. I’m fine, Gray, she had laughed. But you can’t see past your belly.
A noise from the front room yanked me back to the present. I wandered out, almost forgetting that Alyssa had stayed over. She sat at the table, which was set with two plates of stacked pancakes. Glasses of juices at twelve o’clock with place settings at three. “Wow,” I said, approaching her. “I’m impressed.”
“I was waiting for you,” she said eagerly. “I just warmed these in the microwave.”
“Thanks.” Eating a pound of carb-loaded flapjacks was the last thing I wanted to stuff into my gut right then, but I took the syrup and poured it heartily onto my plate.
She waited for me to take the first bite before digging into hers. “Are they good?”
Her straight, jet-black hair featured weaves of purple and streamed down over shoulders. The combination of dark hair and dusky eyes paled her skin in the morning light. The angelic grin on her face took me back to when we first met, leaving me with a trace of sadness. “Best pancakes I’ve ever tasted.”
She rolled her eyes and continued eating. A gaggle of metal bracelets clanked against her plate as she ate.
“Did your mom teach you how to make these?” I asked, hopefully.
“Right. Nathan taught me,” she said around a mouthful.
“Oh.” Simply hearing his name made me miss him. It wasn’t like we saw each other every day, but knowing we weren’t right killed me. “So, have you heard from your mom?”
“Yeah.”
“So…did she say anything about last night?”
She kept her head bowed toward her plate. “No. She said she works later, so she told me I had to go get another key made.”
“Well…at least it will get done.” I smiled, but she wasn’t looking. I watched her as she ate in a trance, knowing she was disappointed in her mother, her exuberance over her cooking accomplishment dissipated. I felt for her, but I couldn’t bash her mother. It wouldn’t help. And at least she was working so she and Alyssa could stay in Sonoma. Our apartments were far from wine country estates, but they weren’t dumps either. “How about if I go with you? We could stop at the duck pond on the way. I’ve got some old bread in the cupboard.” School would be back in session soon, and these were moments to be cherished.
As if someone had plugged her in, her head popped up, and she lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really?”
“Sure. After breakfast, you go home and change, and I’ll be ready in about an hour.”
Alyssa inhaled her pancakes and agreed with ease to my offer to do the dishes. After she left, I began tidying up the kitchen, wondering when I could squeeze in a run to burn off the calories I’d ingested. I’d put on a few pounds over the last couple of weeks, and even though I probably needed them, the scale still taunted me. Drinking less would have helped if I hadn’t made up for it with fo
od.
My phone rang as I filled the dishwasher. Evyn calling on a weekend was not a positive sign, but I couldn’t avoid her much longer.
“Hello.”
“Gray, we need to talk. Do you have a sec?”
“I’m good…and you?”
“Sorry, hon, but I’m not the one avoiding my calls.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you, boss. I’ve been up to my eyeballs in this new therapist ordeal. Calls, research, interviews. It all takes time. I have to be thorough this time. That Dr. Wallace was something out of the Salem Witch Trials.”
“Uh, huh.” She paused. “Well…I’d like to get together for coffee this afternoon if you’re free. I have some things I want to talk to you about.”
My phone beeped as she finished her sentence. I quickly glanced at the screen and didn’t recognize the number, so I ignored it. “This afternoon? Damn, that’s going to be tough. I need to pick up my neighbor at the hospital.”
A sigh came through the receiver. “Gray.”
“Seriously…I was just there yesterday visiting her, and she’s coming home today but doesn’t have a ride.” I held my breath. At least I really had been at the hospital.
“I saw your dad at church last Sunday, Gray.”
“Was he in a casket?”
“Oh my God.”
“What? What do you want me to say? So you saw my dad. Great.”
“He looked good. Clean…probably. He asked about you.”
I shook my head as my throat closed up.
“Gray?”
I swallowed and shoved his image from my brain, attempting to focus on anything else. The sink, the dishes, the blanket from Alyssa still on the couch. And then, Clark Kent popped into my head. I hadn’t seen that one coming. I pictured him sitting across from me, sipping his coffee, smirking as he’d turned his head to the side. I took a breath. “Cut to the chase, Evyn. Do I still have a job or what?”
“Of course, you do…especially since you’ve been working so hard to find a new therapist.” Her emphasis on the words ‘so hard’ was strong enough to vibrate the phone, but then she softened. “I just think it’s better for you to have this time away until you work out this new adjustment.”
I never asked Evyn to be my surrogate mother. We were the same age, for Christ’s sake. And I didn’t need a guardian angel forcing me to right the wrongs of my life. But I put up with her crap demands because I needed the job, and she was one of the few who had stuck with me since high school. “I’m working on it…honestly.” I went back to the vision of Dr. Harrison, and it became abundantly clear what I had to do. “And I think we should get together soon. The truth is…Alyssa needs me today. I swear to you, Evyn. That’s the God’s honest truth. You can even call and ask her.”
“Okay. Text me later, and let’s set up a time. Even though you’re on leave, I have some client questions and some numbers to double check with you.”
“Of course, I will.”
“Take care of yourself, hon.”
“Yep.” I was about to hang up when a sense of urgency flooded through me. “Evyn…I…you know I…”
“I know, Gray. Talk to you soon.”
I clicked off the call only to hear the immediate alert of a waiting voice mail. The number I hadn’t recognized.
“Hello…Miss Gray.”
Holy crap. That was his voice. I pressed pause, then set it back to the start. Miss Gray. I bet he said that on purpose. That thought caused a nervous grin to spread across my face.
“Hello…Miss Gray. This is Dr. Harrison. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you, but I felt it was important. I happened to notice that as you exited the hospital you accidentally dropped your doctor referral list into the trash. I’m sure you could probably have Dr. Wallace resend it, but I happen to know she’s in route back home. So, I’d like to get this back to you ASAP. If you plan to visit your friend today, why don’t you meet me in that same cafeteria around one? I’m on my way to the hospital now.”
CHAPTER 6
--------------------------
Alyssa was less than ecstatic to learn of our detour as she sat in the passenger seat cradling a full loaf of bread. I assumed most teens would be glued to their phones texting or doing whatever social media trend was popular, but Alyssa rarely had hers out. I wondered if she had any friends or a boyfriend. I never brought it up. Another one of my don’t ask, don’t tell relationships.
“I don’t get it,” she said, staring out the window. “Why do we have to drive out to some hospital in BFE?”
“I told you. I need to pick something up.”
“That’s Bum Fuck Egypt in case you didn’t know.”
“Yeah, I got it. I’m not that old.”
“So, what do you have to get?”
“Look, it’s important. It’s for work. I could have come back for you, but I didn’t want you disappearing on me.” I looked over to smile at her, and she met me with the same.
“Thanks. I guess I didn’t have shit to do anyway.”
“I thought we were going to work on that language.”
“I am.” She smiled. Then, she reached over and popped on the radio, flipping through channels at lightning speed. When she stopped on a hard rock station, she turned the dial up to thirteen in volume. I waited until her head turned toward the window, so I could bump it up to an even fourteen.
Music saturated the car as we drove down the freeway, and my mind went straight to Dr. Harrison. He must have followed me out and had seen me throw the referral list away. If he’d told Dr. Wallace, it would be a letdown, and it would tell me what kind of man he was. I couldn’t understand why that was so important to me, but I was also dying to know why he was at the hospital in the first place.
“I hate hospitals,” Alyssa said, trailing me through the chilly lobby.
It didn’t take long for the warmth of the summer sun to be sucked straight from my skin. “Yeah, me, too.”
Our feet slapped against the tile and echoed off the walls, alerting me of my increased pace as we made our way down the hall to the coffee shop. Checking my watch, I realized I had five minutes to spare. I gave Alyssa money to buy a soda, and I locked in on my view of the entryway, startling with every person who walked through. It made no sense at all over something that would probably be a two-minute handoff.
“Thought you said one o’clock,” Alyssa said at five after. She tossed her soda cup into the trash and stood with her arms folded.
We had waited until one fifteen, sitting at the same table Dr. Harrison and I had sat at a day earlier. What is this guy’s game? My head heated as I stood, giving one last glance around. “Why isn’t he here?” I said under my breath.
“He?”
I didn’t answer and walked toward the door.
Alyssa followed. “You didn’t say it was a he. Is he hot? Doesn’t matter now ’cause he’s not here. What a royal ass. My mom was right about at least one thing. You can’t count on men. Gray, why aren’t you answering?”
“Never mind. Let’s just go.”
I evened my irrationally amplified heart rate with some deep breaths as we headed back to the exit. I would worry about the implications of the list and Dr. Wallace later, but something else needled my brain. When we came to the place in the corridor to turn toward the exit, my feet planted themselves in place.
“What? Why are we stopping?”
“C’mon. I have to check something.” I turned, leading us back into the hospital wings I’d been in yesterday, taking the same turn which led me to that treatment area where he spotted me. “Try to be quiet here,” I said when we walked into the main area. There were several more people this time, sitting and walking around. “Look.” I pointed to a small room off to the side with a television and some chairs. “Can you please sit there for me? I need a few minutes.”
Her shoulders plummeted dramatically as she sighed. “Whatever.” I watched her until I saw her take a seat next to a woman, a small boy playing with cars
at her feet. All at once my ears rang with a boom followed by raging silence. The boy turned his head to me as he ran his car back and forth on the rug. Like a silent movie running in slow motion, he took his hand from the car and raised it to his mouth. Then, he kissed two fingers and held his hand to the sky, smiling sweetly at me. My eyes stung, I clutched the side of my pants with one hand, struggling to take in air. When I felt my knees start to give, I heard a screeching cry behind me.
“No! Leave me alone!” The distressed voice sounded like it was coming from the end of the hall.
Heads in every direction turned that way, then around the seating area to gauge others’ reactions. Confused and concerned glances were exchanged. I looked again to the TV room where Alyssa shrugged at me and the little boy lined up his cars as if he hadn’t heard a thing.
I held up a finger to Alyssa and turned toward the scream, the same spot where I had seen Dr. Harrison yesterday. Two steps later, I froze. There he was in the far back, leaning against the wall, his head hung low wagging back and forth. A door opened across from him; a woman exited. A jagged sobbing from what sounded like a young girl followed the woman out before being cut down by the closed door.
The woman shuffled over to Dr. Harrison where she leaned into him, his arm coming around her, pulling her closer. He rubbed her shoulder, and his mouth released words I couldn’t hear. Queasiness filled my stomach as he kissed the top of her head. Then, just as I started to turn away, he spotted me. My heart skipped more than a few beats as our eyes locked. A tight-lipped grimace seemed to convey a realization that he’d missed our meeting time.
My feet led me toward them, carrying an awkwardness I couldn’t escape. When the woman spotted me, Dr. Harrison said something to her. “I’m going to go call Elliot.” I heard her say before nodding to me and walking off.
“I’m sorry, Gray. We’ve had sort of an emergency here.” He glanced over to the closed door the woman came from.
The sobbing continued along with incoherent words. The door opened, releasing a nurse who attempted to cover her distress with a smile. “I’ll try back in a few minutes.”
Compulsive (Liar #1) Page 4
