by Jamie Pope
“I don’t know, but I would be a fool to go after a woman who was in love with another man.”
Jackson nodded. “You would be. But I also think you would be a fool to give that woman up without a fight.”
Chapter 14
Amber wasn’t scheduled to work the day after she broke up with Chase and she was grateful for the day off because she didn’t think she could face him. She didn’t think she could see his face and hear his voice and stay strong.
She needed to achieve her goals and being tied down to a man wasn’t a part of the plan. Although walking around with her broken heart wasn’t good for her business, either. Without Chase, she would have more time to work on the pieces for her new collection. She had planned to finish the large neck piece she had been working on and start a new set of bracelets, but she just couldn’t concentrate. Her mind wandered to Chase a thousand times. She kept hearing his words.
You’re the one who is giving up on a good thing.
She kept seeing his face. How hurt he looked. How bewildered he was by her wish. He had called twice and each time she wanted to pick up the phone. She wanted to tell him that she’d made a mistake. But it wasn’t really a mistake. She had to follow her dreams. She would end up hating herself if she didn’t.
There was a knock at the door and her heart jumped into her throat.
Chase.
She hated that she got so excited at the thought of seeing him. She hated it because she knew it was going to be nearly impossible to get over him quickly. She thought about ignoring the door, but it would be foolish not to answer it. She was going to have to see him sooner or later, and she was scheduled to work that afternoon. She was actually closing tonight.
She wondered if he would be there late again, writing up reports, studying the numbers. She wondered if he would sit in that same dimly lit spot of the bakery with the top button of his shirt open, so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn’t notice that he wasn’t alone.
She wondered if somebody else would take her place and bring him a snack and some coffee to keep him going on those long nights.
She desperately hoped no one took her place. She hoped no one had little private conversations with him. She hoped no one saw the side of himself that he didn’t often show the world. She knew that was selfish, but she loved him. And she didn’t want anybody else loving him like she did.
She finally made her way from her workroom to the front door to find her mother standing there instead of the tall beautiful brown-skinned man that she couldn’t stop thinking about.
“Mama?” She shook her head, surprised to see her. “Did I forget you were coming?”
“Is that your polite way of suggesting I call before I come over?”
“No. It’s—it’s just that I’m surprised to see you here.”
“I came to see my baby.” She kissed her cheek. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.”
“Please come in. I’ll fix us some lunch.”
“No, you won’t. I’ll be the one doing the fixing.” She headed directly to the kitchen and began pulling out the ingredients for grilled cheese with bacon and tomato. One of Amber’s favorites.
Amber was tempted to tell her not to go to the trouble, but she was glad her mother was here. She could use some comforting mom food right now.
“How are you, baby girl?” her mother asked as she placed a healthy pat of butter in a pan.
“I’m fine,” she lied as she came to stand next to her mom. “I meant to call and ask you how your class was going. Are you loving it?”
“I am. A lot has changed since I began illustrating. The technology alone makes one’s head spin, but I’m keeping up. I’m learning so much.”
“I’m so happy to hear that.”
“Good.” She assembled the sandwich and placed it in the hot pan. “Now are you going to tell me how you really are, or are we going to pretend like you haven’t been crying?”
“What?”
“Your eyes are puffy. I’m your mother. You think I can’t tell when there is something bothering you?”
“I’ve fallen in love,” she blurted out.
Her mother was silent for a moment and then nodded. “With Chase? I would have fallen in love with him, too. Why does that scare you?”
“It’s barely been a month. I have no business falling in love with anyone. Much less falling in love this hard.”
“That’s the thing about love. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. You think I wanted to fall in love with your father? Of course not. He was working in a supermarket when I met him and I had all these big dreams.” She flipped over the sandwich. “I was going to illustrate for all these big magazines. Draw political cartoons for the Times. But love knocked me right on my behind and being with your father seemed to take precedence over everything else.”
That’s what she was afraid of. Chase was the type of man who swept you off your feet and made you forget yourself. She didn’t want to forget herself. She had done that once. She didn’t want to do that again. “It’s not the right time for me to fall in love.”
“But is Chase the right guy, honey? I think he may be. I spoke to him on the phone last week.”
“You did?”
“He answered your phone to say that you were busy with your new collection and didn’t want to be disturbed, and we had a little chat. He’s a sweet man. Thoughtful. I like him a lot.”
“You liked him even before you spoke to him.”
“It was the look in your eyes when you spoke of him. Any man who can make you look like that must be something. But then I spoke to him and knew he was something. He’s crazy about you, Amber. He’s so different from your last fellow.”
“I saw Steven the other day. He was at a party that Chase took me to.”
“Oh?” Her mother took the sandwich out of the pan and plated it for her. “Did you speak to him?”
“He spoke to me. He said that I was using Chase because I realized that I was never going to make it, that I couldn’t be successful without a successful man to pull me up.”
“You know that’s all total crap, don’t you?”
“I do. But I also know that other people think that of me. They see me, someone who is up to her ears in student loan debt, with her car that won’t start and her job in a coffee shop, and they think that a woman like me doesn’t belong with Chase Drayson. That I’m just using him.”
“Since when do you care what other people think?”
“I don’t. But that’s not why I broke up with him.”
“You actually broke up with him? Oh, Amber!” Her mother left the stove and sat down at the table, her head cupped in her hands. “I thought you were just scared. But you actually did it. Why on earth would you give up such a good thing?”
“That’s what he said.” She looked at her mother, who seemed as though she was truly distressed by the news.
“Why?”
“I want to be his equal. I don’t want to just be his girlfriend. I want to be his partner. He’s amazing, but I felt like he was doing everything for me and that I was doing nothing for him. I’ve got all these goals, you know. I’ve got all these dreams and I promised myself that I was never going to give them up for any man. I don’t want to end up...” She trailed off.
“Like me?”
“No, Mama. That is not what I meant.”
“Is it so wrong to be like me? Is it so wrong to be a wife and mother? Is it so wrong to have thirty-five years of happiness with the man of your dreams? I may have been just a seamstress. I may not be as impressive to you as you would like, but I’m not ashamed of who I am or any of the decisions I have made, and I never thought my own daughter would feel that way about me.”
“But I’m not ashamed! I didn’t mean it
the way it came out. I’m sorry, Mama.”
“I’m sorry, too.” She got up. “I have to go. I need to pick up some dinner for your father. He’s working the night court tonight.”
“Mama...”
“Goodbye, honey.” She kissed Amber’s cheek before she walked out. And Amber wasn’t sure she could feel any worse than she did right that moment.
* * *
Chase kept staring at the numbers on his screen, but for once he couldn’t make heads or tails of them. He couldn’t concentrate. He thought it might be better for him to go home and forget about working today since he had so much trouble getting anything done, but he disregarded that idea. There were signs of Amber all around his place. A nightgown in a drawer. A pair of shoes in his closet. The bracelet with her name on it still on his dresser.
Usually his home was his sanctuary but today it wasn’t. There wasn’t anyplace he could go that would make his thoughts stop from turning to her.
His office door crept open and he saw Mariah’s fiancé, Everett, peeking his head in. “You look like hell,” he said.
“I’m fine.” He shook his head. Apparently Jackson hadn’t told anyone else about him and Amber. He was glad his brother had stayed quiet. Chase had barely come to terms with the fact that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. He sure as hell wasn’t ready to tell anyone else about it.
“Hello, Everett. Is there something I can do for you, or are you just here visiting your future wife?”
“Amber asked me to be here. She said she needed to talk to all of us.”
“What?”
“Yeah.” Mariah walked in, her eyes softening and lingering on Everett before she looked back at him. “She said it was important for all of us to be here. Do you know what she’s talking about?”
“No,” he said truthfully. She had broken up with him for some reason he still couldn’t grasp, but he didn’t think she would call a meeting to tell everyone that.
“Oh...” Mariah sighed. “I’m a little worried about her. I saw her when she came in. She just didn’t look happy.”
Jackson walked in with Amber then, and Chase’s stomach dropped. Mariah was right when she said that she didn’t look happy. But it was more than that. Her normally wild ringlets were gone. Her hair was pulled back. Her face looked almost pale. She wore all black. Not a single piece of jewelry adorned her.
He wanted to go over to her. To comfort her, but he couldn’t. Because he was the reason she was feeling the way that she did.
“Amber...”
“You can sit down, Chase. This won’t take very long. I just wanted to tell you all that I’m leaving. Everett, I would like to transfer to another store if I could, but if not, it’s okay.”
“Of course you can transfer, but I’m confused. I thought you loved it here.”
“I did. I do. But I need to move on now.”
“No,” Chase said. “I can go back to my old job. You don’t have to leave. I will.”
“What?” Mariah shook her head. “You can’t leave now, Chase. We have the Bite of Seattle coming up.”
“Chase is not going anyway,” Amber said. “I’m the one who has to leave.”
“But we don’t want you to leave, either. Why does anyone have to leave?”
“Because I have to.”
“It’s because we broke up,” Chase said, surprised at how angry he felt about it.
“Is that true?” Mariah looked between Chase and Amber. “But why? You were so happy.”
“We were,” Chase said. He wanted her to give them an explanation because he was still unclear as to why she couldn’t be with him. He would never stop her from pursuing her dreams. He would be with her every step of the way.
“I want you to stay, Chase.” She looked him in the eye as hers filled with tears. “I’m just the barista. Of course it makes sense for me to go.”
“Damn it, Amber. You aren’t just the barista. You are loved here.”
“This is your family, though. I didn’t want a big discussion. I just wanted to tell you all that I’m leaving. Everett, please call me when you have a spot. Mariah, we’ll stay in touch. I have to go now.”
She walked out of the room without another word.
“What happened, Chase?” Mariah turned to him. “I asked you not to get involved with my friend because I knew this was going to happen.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No? Then why is Amber walking around heartbroken? Why does she want to leave here?”
“She doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly, Chase.” Everett scowled at him, and that’s when Chase lost his cool.
“She broke up with me, damn it! I’m in love with her and I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m the bad guy here when the only thing I wanted to do was spend my life with her.”
“Chase is right,” Jackson spoke up for the first time. “You’ve been on his ass about Amber the whole time. He’s our brother. Where is your loyalty?”
“I am loyal. That’s why I didn’t want you dating her, because I knew when things ended, I would have to choose you over her. I didn’t want to lose my friend.”
“You don’t have to lose her.”
“What happened? Why did she break up with you? We were just with you two the other day.”
“I’ve known Amber for a long time,” Everett said. “I’ve never seen her as happy as she was with you.”
“I’m not sure what happened. She ran into her ex at my work function and she broke up with me ten minutes later.”
“What did she say exactly?” Mariah placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Something about her goals and not being ready for a relationship.”
“Do you think she still might be in love with her ex?” Jackson asked Everett, who had known Amber longer than all of them.
“I hope not. I’ve never met a more pretentious, self-righteous ass in my life. Amber is so full of life and that guy tried to squash that quality in her. Since she dumped him she has been more driven than ever.”
“She’s been working too hard. She’s nearly been running herself ragged,” Chase said.
“I agree.” Everett nodded. “She needs to relax.”
“He constantly put her down,” Mariah said. “He didn’t treat her jewelry design seriously. She told me he was controlling, that she didn’t realize how much so until she completely lost herself. She promised herself that she would never lose herself to gain a man.”
“I believe in her,” Chase said. “I think she’s amazing.”
“But maybe she doesn’t believe you believe in her. You’ve got to talk to her, Chase. You’ve got to do something to get her back.”
“Why should I bother? I’ve done nothing but try with her. I’m not going to demean myself by going after someone who clearly wants nothing to do with me.”
* * *
Amber knocked on her parents’ door. She had just started working at another branch of Myers Coffee Roasters that day. It was fine. Everett only hired good people, but it wasn’t the same as working at Lillian’s. She didn’t feel the warmth as she walked through the door. The day didn’t fly by because she wasn’t working with her friends. There was no Chase there to get a glimpse of as she did her job. And for the first time being a barista felt like work to her.
Her father, David, answered the door. He was still in his uniform, still looking handsome and fit even though his sixtieth birthday was coming in a few months. “Hello, Amber!”
“Hey, Daddy.” She smiled at him because he looked happy to see her. “It’s been a while.”
“I’ve been working a lot of overtime. Trying to save up some money. Come inside.”
“Oh, are you?” She entered the living room and turned to face him. “Is everyt
hing okay?”
“Yes. Of course. Don’t tell your mother, but I’m planning to take her on a month-long trip.”
“Really? Where?”
“She told me that she’s always wanted to see Ibiza. I had to look up where it was. Found out that it’s an island off the coast of Spain. So I figured we could see Europe. London, Paris, Madrid. Maybe sneak in Venice to see those canals.”
“That sounds wonderful. She’ll love it.”
“You think so?” He looked bashful.
“I know so. She’s always wanted to see the world.”
“I know. That’s why I’ve kept working. I could have retired a few years ago. I’ve done my thirty years on the job, but I wanted to keep working so I could have enough money to really spoil your mother during this time in our lives. A man wants to spoil a woman. I wish I could have given her everything she dreamed of when we first met. It killed me that I couldn’t, but your mother never minded that the only vacations we could afford involved piling you kids in the car and taking you to a motel overnight. She never complained that she had to wear shoes until they wore out or that she had to wear the same coat for three years. She always seemed so happy, even with just the little bit we had when we were first starting out. It makes me love her more. It makes me want to move mountains for her.”
“You sacrificed, too, didn’t you?”
“I don’t want to call it sacrifice. Makes it sound like my life was miserable. We just did what we had to do to get by. Of course we could have gotten by better with two children instead of four, but your mother wanted a big family. And I loved coming home to you kids. You all were the best thing we’ve ever done together.”
“You’re sweet, Daddy.” She kissed his cheek and suddenly felt foolish. For so long love and marriage had meant sacrifice to Amber, but each of her parents had given up something in order to gain something better. Something more meaningful. Something that made them happy.
And it made her doubt if she was doing the right thing with Chase. She had missed him so much she had doubted herself anyway, but speaking to her father made her wonder—even if she did achieve all her goals, would she be happy alone? She would have a career but would she have a meaningful life?
