Kyle’s mother nodded and folded her hands on her knee. “She’s missed you, and I have too. Well, I know how busy you get at university. I can hardly get a phone call with you most of the time! But it makes me so happy to see you back here, Kyle.”
Kyle felt guilty for how long he had stayed away. He knew how much his mother loved him, but something about coming back, about being reminded of the small house and the rough neighborhood he had grown up in, made him feel uncomfortable. All Kyle ever dreamed of when he was a child was being great, being rich and being respected for his work and his ideas. Even though it always felt like home, Kyle never wanted to feel at home in that house.
“I’m sorry for staying away for so long. I actually might come and stay here for a weekend, maybe help you out with the business if you’d like? I need some time away from Ridgemont.”
His mother sat back in surprise. “Time away? You know I always love having you here, but I’ve never seen you away from your books or computers for more than a few hours. Are you sure something else isn’t going on? You look tired, angel. Is everything okay?”
Kyle scratched at his hair, wondering what to say to his mother. He remembered all of the times that his mother had encouraged him, driven him to computer classes at a more privileged school than they could afford when he was young, bought him expensive books when he was rapturous to learn more about technology. Now, he felt like he needed the insight that only she could give him. “There’s a lot going on at the Academy, a lot of things I can’t control. And there’s a boy…”
“Oh! I thought there might be a boy!” his mother said with a wink.
Kyle smiled at her playfulness. “It’s complicated. I’m trying to help him with something. I need him to listen to me, but he doesn’t seem to trust me. I know he’ll be hurt by something, and I’m trying to keep him safe, but I also know that I can’t push him too hard. I don’t know what to do.”
Kyle’s mother smiled a nostalgic smile and looked up dreamily. “I remember when you were growing up, and all I wanted to do was to keep you safe. I thought it would be bad for you to move up a few years in school. You already had so few friends, and I thought you would be isolated. But you told me that you wanted to do it. You were always so impatient to get ahead in life. If there’s one thing you taught me, Kyle, it’s that all you can do is love someone and let them make their own decisions, even if you think you know what’s best for them. That’s what I tried to do with you, and look how well you’ve done for yourself.”
Kyle flared his nose. “But what if you think… if you know they’ll get hurt unless you stop them?” Kyle knew that trying to explain Paul would be giving away too much to his mother, but he had to hear what she thought of his situation. He trusted her completely, and she had never led him astray before.
His mother responded: “You don’t decide for people, you only love them, Kyle. When you first left for varsity at a young age, I was certain it wouldn’t be good for you. And when you told me you were gay, I was sure it would be so difficult. I was sure you would be hurt, and all I wanted to do was protect you. But you were so brave. You said that no matter what, you had to be yourself. So I trusted you. I gave you freedom to live your own life, despite my fears. Maybe you should consider doing the same for this guy. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”
Kyle sat back in the recliner, petting the cat as it rubbed up against his chest. He looked his mother in the eye and said, “I’m sorry I don’t come and visit enough, mom. I love you.”
As his mother dished some curry and rice for the two of them, Kyle thought about Marshall and about the growing feelings between them. He wondered how he would react if Marshall still decided to go through with the championship finals, and if he could take his mother’s advice. He wished more than ever that he had Paul to tell him what the outcome would be, and what would cause Marshall’s injury. But this time, he had to figure it all out on his own.
Chapter 22
Marshall had been fussing over his father ever since the doctor had told him that he could take Lionel home only two days after his health scare. Marshall was overjoyed, and the doctor had assured him that with the new medication and with close monitoring, Lionel would be as good as new.
Marshall pulled into the driveway of their home, his father sitting next to him on the passenger’s seat of his car. The back seat was littered with cards and flowers from all of Lionel’s friends. A signed rugby ball was even delivered to the hospital by the Ridgemont University rugby team, calling Lionel the honorary ‘dad’ of their team, and Coach Barker had been sending Marshall lots of messages asking if there was anything he could do to help. It seemed that everyone had forgotten about Marshall hitting Quinton and simply wished him well. Coach Barker had personally told Marshall that he didn’t even need to worry about the suspension anymore, and that he was welcome to return to practice just in time to lead the squad for the finals.
Of course, all Marshall cared about was his father’s wellbeing. He turned to Lionel as the car’s engine died down, smiling at him. “I’ll come around and help you out of the car. Just sit tight.”
“Don’t be silly, my boy,” Lionel roared back. “I’m perfectly capable of walking the ten steps to the front door.”
Marshall raised his eyebrow mischievously. “You don’t want me to call the doctor and tell him you’re not resting, do you? He specifically instructed me to make sure you didn’t exert yourself. It was the condition I agreed to so that I could take you home so early. He wanted to keep you in that hospital bed even longer, remember?”
Lionel rolled his eyes playfully and said: “Fine. I know you’re enjoying this.”
Marshall became suddenly serious, and responded, “I’m not enjoying seeing you like this at all, dad. I’m just worried about you and trying to be here for you.”
“I know, my boy. I know that. And I do appreciate it. Okay, I’ll let you fuss over me for just one day, and then tomorrow you’re out of my hair. Deal?”
Marshall nodded and rushed around the car to open Lionel’s door. He put his arm around his father’s waist and supported his weight as they walked into the house. Marshall made sure that Lionel was comfortably positioned on the couch before he rushed back to the car to carry in all of the cards and flowers for Lionel. He arranged all of them on the kitchen counter, feeling moved by the outpouring of support and well-wishes Lionel had received. His father was a good man, respected and loved by many people. Marshall was proud to think that this was the man who had raised him, and he wanted nothing more than to be a good son to his father.
Finally, Marshall retrieved the rugby ball from the car, the one signed by all of his teammates, and walked over to Lionel to hand him the ball. “You mean a lot to them, you know? They used to tease me at the start that my dad came to so many matches and always came to give me a hug and a kiss after the match. But I know that they all admire you and that they’re a bit jealous of how supportive you are. I know I haven’t shown it much lately, but I’m very grateful for everything you do for me. Without you, I don’t even know where I’d be.”
Lionel beamed with pride, clearly deeply affected by Marshall’s words and by the gift of the rugby ball from Coach Barker and the team. “I’m not doing it for thanks. Like I said before, you owe me nothing in return, son. I just want to see you happy. That’s what I was trying to tell you that night, after my episode. You make me proud every day. Not because you are the rugby captain, but because you are a good man. A loving, strong man with heart and character. That’s what I’m proud of. When I’m hard on you, it’s only because I want you to have the best in life. I’m not proud of the way I’ve been acting lately. I feel so guilty. That night, I looked at the poster in the room, the singing show on campus that you seemed so eager to take part in. I saw you with that poster around the house, the look in your eyes as you stared at it… I knew that you wanted it so much. I wanted to be there for you. I was about to leave the house, to go and see you there. I knew that was whe
re you would be. I knew that if I pushed you away… I didn’t want to lose you the same way I lost your mother. But then I felt the tightness in my chest. I regret not being there for you, son. I regret that I couldn’t support you from the start. I thought I knew what was best for you.”
“The divorce wasn’t your fault, dad. You and mom were just too different. Now she’s living halfway across the country and you’re the one who stayed here and fought so hard to give me this life. I know you don’t think I owe you anything, but I want to do something to make you proud. That’s why I’m playing in the finals, and trying out for the provincial team next semester. You’re right: I have a talent, and I don’t want to let it go to waste. Other dreams can wait. If I don’t make this happen now, I could regret it later. I want to make you proud. This was our dream ever since I was a child, and I can’t just throw it all away because of uncertainty. I need to make a decision about my life and stick with it. And I’ve decided to give one hundred percent to rugby. I’ve decided to put any other distractions out of my mind until I make this a reality.” Marshall felt his throat tighten as he said the words. His emotions were all over the place, but in that moment, all he could think about was the small, weakened, grey-haired man sitting in front of him. He had to do his father proud. Besides, maybe Kyle was right before. Maybe singing was just a pipe dream, something he couldn’t count on. Kyle would be proud of Marshall for making the logical choice. Right?
Lionel’s expression was not what Marshall had expected. A slight frown was on his lips and his eyes were heavy with worry. “I don’t want you to make a decision based on what you think I want, Marshall. Of course, I would be so happy if you pursue rugby, if you win the finals, if you make it on the Western Cape provincial team. But if that’s not your dream anymore, then you shouldn’t build your life around it. I had my dreams when I was your age, and I went for them. For me, there was nothing else but rugby, and when I was injured and I knew that I would never be able to play professionally, I thought my dream was gone forever. Seeing you share in my love for the sport that means so much to me was…” Lionel’s seemed choked up, and he shook his head slowly. “But I’ve seen you over the past few months. I’ve seen that something has been off with you. And Coach Barker told me about the incident with the notebook, the songs you write. If that’s what makes you happy, then that’s what you should be doing. You deserve to have your own dreams, Marshall. Don’t let my dreams overpower yours. Promise me that you’ll go after what you really want.”
Marshall tried to maintain a reassuring smile, and said: “This is my decision, dad. Just rest up so that you can be strong enough to make it to the finals. It’s only two days away now, and nothing will make me happier than to have you there.” Marshall brought his father a sandwich and told him that he would fit in some practice to get himself in shape for the finals. Lionel nodded, looking conflicted but happy to be home.
Marshall drove to the rugby stadium with his gym bag filled with his gear. Campus seemed eerily quiet, the calm before the storm of the championship finals. Posters for the big event were littered throughout campus, and Marshall’s smiling face was on the large billboard next to the rugby stadium.
As Marshall made his way through the admin block of the rugby stadium and stepped into the changing room, he was greeted by a familiar face.
“You’re back! How’s your dad? We’ve all been so worried.” Reinhard’s smiling blue eyes looked overjoyed to see Marshall. He was dressed in his purple and white practice gear, ready for a grueling session. His blond hair was shorter than when Marshall had last seen him, and his chiseled jaw was even more accentuated with the shorter cut.
“I’m back. My dad’s doing great. I just picked him up from the hospital this morning. The doctor says he’ll make a full recovery. Thanks, by the way, for the messages and for the rugby ball. I know this hasn’t been the easiest time for us lately...”
Reinhardt held up his finger to Marshall’s lips, and said: “Shh. Don’t worry about any of that, okay? It’s all in the past. So, seeing you back here must mean… are you back? Are you joining us for final practice and playing in the finals?” Reinhardt’s innocent expression was almost endearing.
“I’m back. Just about to change for practice right now.”
Reinhardt practically jumped through the roof. He burst into a hug with Marshall and exclaimed: “Yes!” And before Marshall knew what was happening, Reinhardt kissed him right on the lips.
Marshall had no idea how to react, so he simply froze in place during the kiss. When it was over, he stood gob smacked with his eyes wide open.
“I’m so happy you’re back,” Reinhardt said, not missing a beat. “I’ll warm up. Get changed quickly and we can run some drills together, okay?” Reinhardt jogged past Marshall towards the field, and Marshall slowly regained his senses. Reinhardt called out from behind him one final time: “I’m glad everything’s working out. It’s good to have the Marshall we all know and love back!”
Marshall forced a smile and walked towards his locker. In a flash, he saw his entire life spread out in front of him. Everything that he was supposed to do. Every decision already made for him. It felt easy, natural. All he had to do was go along with it. And he had to make himself forget about everything – and everyone – who distracted him from those goals.
Chapter 23
Kyle sat in the common room of the Academy as he felt the afternoon sun hit the back of his neck as it shone through the window. He read through the latest batch of emails from professors who said that they had no space for an extra student that semester, and felt his stomach tighten in knots at the thought that he would be without a supervisor and might have to defer his semester. It was agonizing, but all Kyle could do was push through. Kyle had put all of his eggs into one basket, and put all of his energy into Paul, and now that Paul was yanked away from him, he had nowhere to turn. Worst of all, it seemed that everyone else at the Academy had made so much progress on their projects, and Kyle was falling behind. Riana’s interview with MIT had gone well, she had told him, and it seemed like she had a real shot of being accepted for the scholarship program. Kyle knew that he would eventually have to speak to the dean, but he couldn’t face the thought just yet.
Worst of all, Kyle hadn’t heard from Marshall in two days, ever since their kiss that night after Marshall’s performance. Kyle thought that they had turned a corner, that they were finally coming together. He couldn’t understand what could have pulled Marshall away from him again. The call Marshall got on that night seemed to spook him, and ever since Kyle’s calls and messages went unanswered. He thought back on what his mother had told him, about how he had to try and let others make their own decisions. This was exactly the type of situation that Kyle was trying to avoid, the reason he hated dating so much. Things seemed to be going so well with guys, and then all of a sudden they pulled away. The same way Kyle’s father had pulled away from their family as a child. This was why Kyle had wanted to control and predict everything in his life. He couldn’t stand the fact that people could be so fickle, that love could come and go like that. The thoughts of Marshall caused Kyle physical pain in his torso. Kyle had finally let himself feel for Marshall, and was ready to start something real with him. There must have been some good reason why Marshall was avoiding him. All Kyle could do was be patient and let Marshall make his own decisions. Even though it was the hardest thing in the world for him, Kyle had to soften his grasp and let go of his control.
As Kyle read through the third rejection letter from a professor he admired, he saw an email appear in his inbox from the dean. Kyle’s heart began racing. Was it time to face the music? Kyle was relieved when he opened the email to see that it was a newsletter sent to the entire department. But the contents of the newsletter distressed Kyle all over again.
The dean announced a press conference the following day to publicize a breakthrough by Prof. Greer. The newsletter read: Our very own Professor Albertus Greer is announcing his pro
ject PAUL, a breakthrough in predictive algorithms. The project is one of the most exciting to come out of the Academy in years. All of our students and staff are asked to attend the event.
Kyle knew that the day was coming, but he didn’t expect it to come so soon. His face was completely pale as he stared at the screen in disbelief. Prof. Greer had never managed to get a working version of Paul in his years developing the project. Only Kyle had been able to code the right set of variables into Paul to make him work. Now, Prof. Greer would get all of the credit, and Kyle knew that his name would never even be mentioned.
Kyle stood up from the desk, unable to take the humiliation anymore. In his months working on Paul, Kyle had felt a sense of ownership, even closeness, to the machine. He had begun to trust Paul’s predictions, even rely on them. And now Kyle wouldn’t even be an afterthought when Paul went public. Even with all of the dangers of unleashing software as powerful as Paul onto the world, Kyle still felt a tinge of envy that Prof. Greer would get all of the recognition for the breakthrough.
And then there was the one prediction Paul had made that troubled Kyle most. The prediction about Marshall’s injury at the championship finals. Kyle wanted to find a way to force Marshall to stay away from the match. He wanted to make sure that he kept the guy he cared about so much, safe from harm. But he felt completely powerless. Marshall had to make his own decisions. The thoughts were weighing heavily on Kyle, and he needed to get some fresh air.
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