by Lori Wick
“You’re my best friend, Kelly. Even as a kid I thought the concept of best friends was ridiculous, but I realized that’s just what you are. You care for me and listen to me, and I’ve just used you. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, Kelly, but I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Nick, of course I forgive you, and I’m sorry I talked to you that way.”
“Don’t apologize, Kelly,” he said sternly. “You need to hold me accountable. If I’m not treating you well, you’d best tell me in a hurry.”
Kelly nodded and smiled at him. They talked for a few more minutes before he asked if she wanted to go for a bite to eat, but Nick was gracious when Kelly told him that it had been an emotional day and that she was going to turn in early. She had already cried so much that she had a headache, but the tears came again when Nick was gone
He says I’m his best friend, she told the Lord. I want to hear “I love you, Kelly” but find that I’m his best friend. I must move on, Lord. I’m waiting for Nick to love me, and that’s not going to happen. Please show me a way to survive this and grow. Please help me to still be there for Nick without losing my mind.
Kelly prayed in such a manner for more than an hour, and as sometimes happens, an affirmative answer came immediately. The phone rang as she was readying for bed. It was a young man who had been out of the area for a few years. He’d gotten her phone number from someone at church and wanted to know if she was free for dinner on Friday night. Kelly accepted before she could talk herself out of it, and even though her heart beat with anxiety, she was asleep five minutes after she’d climbed into bed.
Kelly leaned close to the mirror and examined the corners of her eyes for wrinkles. She was going to be 24 in a month and was convinced that she looked closer to 40. She was mumbling about what Peter would think of her when she heard the knock.
“Oh! Nick!” Kelly said as she opened the front door and then recovered swiftly. “How are you?”
“I’m all right,” he said as he came in, “but I need to talk to you about—” He stopped when he saw the way she was dressed. “Is this a bad time?”
“Well, actually I’m going to be leaving.”
“Oh.” Nick looked at ease. “I’ll go with you.”
“Well,” Kelly tried again, thinking she would cut her own hand off before she deliberately hurt him. “I’m going to dinner.”
“With Jill? She never minds when I come along.”
Kelly was still trying to frame a reply when a second knock sounded. She opened the door, and Peter was standing there. He was smiling, but his eyes looked uncertain when he saw Nick.
“Do I have the wrong night, Kelly?”
“No, Peter. Nick just needed to ask me something. You’ve met, haven’t you?”
“Of course,” Nick offered, stepping into the breach. He moved forward, shook Peter’s hand, and greeted him warmly. “We met at church on Sunday and then at men’s prayer breakfast this week. How are you?”
“Fine. Did I interrupt something?”
“No, no,” Nick assured him magnanimously, but Kelly thought he sounded odd. “I’ll catch Kelly on Sunday. You two have a good time.”
Goodbyes were said, and everyone went in opposite directions. Back in his car, Nick pulled away from the apartment building but drove only down the street to the parking lot of the grocery store, where he put the car in park and sat.
“She has a date,” he told the windshield. “She’s never had a date before. Peter is going to take her out to dinner. She’s not doing this to make me jealous since she wasn’t even going to tell me about it, so why am I jealous? Why do I feel like a child whose toy has been snatched away?” Nick’s brows drew together in self-directed anger, and this time he didn’t speak aloud.
She’s not a toy, Nick Hamilton, and you’re a fool to think of her in such a way. She’s a woman with needs, and you haven’t been there. If you don’t like her seeing someone else, then you’d better make your claim and treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Nick’s pep talk continued for some minutes longer as he prayed and made plans.
Now sitting in a restaurant across from Peter, Kelly was totally unsuspecting that an intense man’s thoughts were consumed with her, and that he had plans to change their relationship entirely.
“Public library, this is Kelly. May I help you?”
“You most certainly may. You can take pity on me and have dinner with me tonight.”
Kelly smiled and laughed a little. It was a week after her date with Peter, and she hadn’t heard from Nick since that night. It was lovely to hear his voice.
“All right. What did you have in mind?”
“Let’s dress up.”
Kelly was sorry she’d asked. Her pocketbook really couldn’t take a “dress up” dinner, but she was given no time to reply.
“A call just came in, so I’ve got to go. I’ll pick you up at 6:30.” A moment later the connection was broken.
I’ll just have to tell him, Kelly told herself firmly, knowing even as she thought it that she probably never would.
Kelly knew that Nick had come directly from work when she stepped out of her apartment and saw that the limo was waiting. He had picked her up in this luxurious fashion from time to time, and it always caused a stir in her “old city” neighborhood.
They talked companionably for the next 20 minutes until Kelly realized the driver was taking them to the Parker Club. It was the most exclusive restaurant in San Francisco, and Kelly felt panic coming on. Nick was turning to say something to her, but she grabbed his arm.
“Oh, Nick, I should have said something. I can’t afford this. I mean, I really can’t! I couldn’t even get a soup or salad here, Nick. I’m sorry.”
“I’m taking care of this,” he cut in gently when Kelly paused for a breath, but she only panicked a little more.
“You don’t have to pay for my friendship, Nick. I’m sorry if I said anything that made you feel that way. You really don’t—” The words were effectively cut off when Nick gently grasped her jaw in one long-fingered hand, forcing Kelly’s eyes to look at him.
“I’m not trying to buy your friendship; you know me better than that. Now will you please let me do this?”
“My clothes—”
“Are fine,” Nick finished for her. “Now will you please let me buy you dinner?”
It took a moment more. Kelly’s eyes searched Nick’s in an effort to read his thoughts, and she finally nodded her consent. They climbed from the deep interior of the limo where Marcos, the driver, stood smiling at them. Nick spoke a few words to him and then took Kelly’s elbow and moved her to the entrance. They were treated like royalty. If Kelly’s dress and shoes were not up to par, no one even dared to notice since she was with Nicholas Hamilton.
The napkin was placed across her lap by a hovering waiter, and a menu the size of a road atlas was opened and offered into her hands. Kelly entertained the silly thought of being grateful that she’d done her nails when she got home and tried to ignore the fact that there were no prices. She was doing a lousy job of trying to act as though she belonged when one of Nick’s fingers curled over the top of her menu, and he pulled it down so he could see her face.
“Just as I thought,” he spoke gently, his eyes amused. “You’re about to panic.”
“I feel a little out of my depth, Nick. I’m sorry.”
The smile he gave her was very tender. “How hungry are you?”
“At the moment, I’m not hungry at all.”
Again the smile appeared as the menu was taken from her damp palms, and Nick’s finger went in the air. A waiter appeared as if by magic, and Nick ordered an appetizer and something to drink. That was it. He then began a conversation meant to soothe. It must have worked, because Kelly was halfway through the plate of tiny crab puffs before she remembered where she was.
“Where is your family, Kelly?” Nick asked at one point, having already confessed to the Lord that he’d never asked before.
“Well, I don’t really have any. I was raised in a series of foster homes until I was 12, and then I was placed with a family who kept me.”
“Where are they now?”
Kelly smiled. “In Brazil. They decided to go to the mission field when I finished high school. I saw them two years ago, and we write all the time.”
“Is it too painful to tell me why you were in foster homes?”
“No, but it’s a sad story. I was seven when my mother went to the store and never came home. I went to a neighbor who kept me until dinner, but she called the police when darkness fell. They were able to track some of my mother’s movements. Earlier that day she was seen going into a bar and then later getting into a man’s car, but that was the end of the trail. They don’t think she was forced, and later I realized she had never planned to return.”
“That is sad,” Nick said, his voice low. “I can’t imagine her leaving you alone.” Suddenly his face turned very serious. “But I’ve done that often enough, haven’t I?”
Kelly didn’t answer.
“No more, Kelly,” he told her almost fiercely. “I’m not going to treat you like that any longer.”
Kelly had dreamed of how it might be to have Nick’s intensity directed at her, and now that it had happened, she found it a little frightening. He wanted to know everything about her. And the way he looked at her! Kelly felt like a rocket had shot up her spine.
“Have you always had red hair?”
“Yes. Although it’s gotten darker. Occasionally someone would ask me where I got it, and I would say that the postman delivered it.”
Nick laughed. “Your father?”
“I never knew him. I had an uncle who came to visit me once, but he didn’t stay for more than a few minutes. I was told later that he was really looking for my mother. What is your family like, Nick? I mean, you’ve talked about them some, but only in reference to salvation.”
“Well, my brother Tony is saved, I think you knew that. He doesn’t go to our church, but he was the one who introduced me to Roger. Anyway, he’s two years younger than I am, and then there’s Kevin, and the youngest is my sister, B.J.”
“And your folks live in the Bay Area too?”
“Yes, in Burlingame. I grew up there.”
“How did you get to San Francisco?”
“I went to law school at Stanford, and when a job opened up here, I jumped at it.”
The whole evening continued this way. Nick ordered items off the menu one at a time, and they talked. They learned things about each other they’d never known before, and the hours flew. Kelly started to yawn over dessert, and Nick knew it was time to call it a night. He held her hand on the way home and walked her to her door. Kelly thanked him quietly, and Nick only leaned against the jamb and stared at her face. He didn’t know exactly when he’d fallen for this woman, but his heart was gone. Right now he couldn’t remember saying he was not the marrying kind. He finally bid Kelly goodnight and wandered back to the limo. It was a good thing Marcos was driving; he’d have never found the way home.
“This is the book I’m reading right now,” Nick mentioned as he entered his own kitchen where Kelly was in the process of making a green salad. Roger, Jana, Russell, and Jill were all coming to dinner, and Kelly had come early to help. She looked at the title and then at the man holding it.
“You’re reading a book about sexual happiness in marriage?”
“Yes. I’ve read two, and this is my third.”
Incredulous, Kelly stared at him, the salad forgotten.
“Why?” she finally managed.
“Well, it’s important.”
“For what?”
“For marriage,” he told her simply and frowned at her lack of understanding.
“You’re getting married?”
Now he really frowned. “Of course I’m getting married.”
Kelly put the lettuce down and started to turn away. Nick caught her hand, but she would not come to him. In fact, she pulled her hand away and moved to the other side of the island to put some space between them.
She looked at him squarely and asked quietly, “Whom are you marrying?”
“Whom am I marrying?” he nearly shouted at her. “I’m marrying you!” His eyes were huge with shock, but Kelly didn’t feel like laughing.
“Were you going to let me in on this?”
“Kelly,” he responded in his lawyer’s voice, “I talked to you about this; I know I did.”
“A woman,” she began with a measured tone, “does not forget when a man has talked marriage to her. You haven’t said a thing, Nick.”
He looked totally bewildered, his mouth opening and closing, but at that moment the doorbell rang. Kelly was completely shaken and stayed in the kitchen. She heard Nick greet both couples and then show them into the living room. When he got back to the kitchen, Kelly was once again working over the salad. Nick came up and put his arms around her. It was the first time he’d done anything more than hold her hand. Kelly turned in his embrace.
“You don’t want to marry me,” he stated softly.
“I didn’t say that, Nick; I just said you didn’t ask me.”
“And if I asked you now?”
Kelly looked into his eyes. “There’s a little fear in me that I’m just what you’re into right now. I worry that as soon as we’re married, and that’s taken care of, I’ll be yesterday’s news.”
“Then we need to wait awhile,” he told her immediately, “so I can show you that’s not going to happen.”
“And you’re willing to wait?”
“Forever,” he told her and leaned to kiss her for the first time.
Kelly’s heart sighed. How long had she waited and prayed for this, and now her heart was uncertain.
“Are you going to be all right?” Nick wanted to know.
Kelly nodded and looked into his eyes. What she saw there gave her hope and joy. I am going to be fine, she told herself. In fact, everything is going to be wonderful.
“You’re being intense, Nick,” Kelly told her husband of almost two years. It was certainly not the first time she had said it during that time, but he always took it in and tried to adjust; indeed, she was very proud of the man he had become.
“How am I being intense this time?”
“I know you have a thirst for knowledge, but I think 15 books on the growth and development of infants is a little extreme.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed with her.
Kelly now had to fight laughter. “And then yesterday you told the doctor that I always sleep on my right side and asked if I should switch to my left.”
He looked very contrite.
She was smiling when she said, “I worry about you, Nick. The baby isn’t due for two weeks, and I’m not sure you’re going to make it.”
Nick nodded. “Roger talked to me about it too.”
“He did?” Kelly was surprised.
“Yes. Lately it’s all I’ve talked about, and he’s come to recognize the signs.”
Kelly reached up and cupped his cheek. Nick covered his hand with her own, and they leaned simultaneously to kiss. It was during this lovely distraction that Kelly’s first pain hit. She jerked and looked so surprised that Nick nearly panicked.
“What is it?”
“I think I’m starting labor.”
“It’s not supposed to happen yet,” Nick exclaimed, voicing Kelly’s own thoughts as the pain subsided. With an effort, Kelly very calmly reminded him that this might not be the real thing.
However, she was wrong. Four hours later Kelly was in so much constant pain that Nick was calling the doctor and rushing her to the hospital. Forty-five minutes after they arrived, Kelly delivered a beautiful baby girl. She was round and pink, and her parents were utterly taken with her. For the first time Kelly had a taste of what intensity felt like.
“Have you ever seen anything so tiny in your whole life?” The new mother asked as she held up the baby’s right p
inky for inspection. Nick enjoyed the tiny digit as well, but Kelly suddenly covered the small hand with her own.
“I can’t stand the thought that she’ll go off to school in a few years, Nick. And then after that, the time will just race.” She looked at the hand again. “Some man will put a ring on this finger and take her away from us forever.”
Kelly nearly had herself in tears, but Nick was just barely holding his laughter.
“How dare you laugh at this, Nicholas Hamilton!”
“Kelly,” Nick gasped when he could hold it in no longer. “Which one of us is being intense now?”
Kelly’s mouth dropped open with surprise, and then she laughed herself. Her whole body convulsed, causing the baby to start. She finished with a long sigh, her eyes on her husband.
“I never really understood, did I?”
“No, but that’s all right. A little intensity is good, especially for each other, and a lot of intensity is great, if it’s directed toward Christ.” They smiled at each other, and Nick said, “We’ll just keep at it, Kelly, until we both get it right.”
They leaned across their daughter and kissed. The nurse headed into the room to check on Kelly and the baby, backed out slowly, and closed the door behind her.
“Aren’t you going in?” another nurse in the hall asked.
“No. They’re having a little time with their baby, and what I need to do can wait.”
The other nurse smiled. “It’s like that with all first-time parents. Intense for a time, but then it passes.”
Kelly’s nurse didn’t comment as the other woman moved off, but she didn’t agree. The experienced nurse had seen something special in that room over the last few hours. She couldn’t have put a name to it, but she knew it wasn’t going to pass away.
A Note from Lori: Having grown up in Santa Rosa, California, I’ve spent many hours in San Francisco. I lived in California until I was 26 years old, so I’ve experienced the cable cars, dined in the wharf area, seen the aquarium and the Exploratorium, and of course, gone down Lombard Street. In fact, I recently did some of those things with my own children. I’m not familiar with all of “The City” as locals call it, and San Francisco has done a lot of changing, but it was fun to picture Nick and Kelly in the city I remember.
