“It’s okay.” Jay got up from the barstool. “I understand the need to lash out.” He’d been short-tempered with his staff and a few of his vendors since Harvey had walked out. Every time his phone rang, every time someone walked into the bar, Jay would expectantly check to see if it was Harvey.
What he hadn’t expected was Jack to show up again. At least not this soon.
Jay shook his head as the ache inside him grew. “Why are you here, Jack?”
“Can I speak to you alone? Ten minutes. That’s all I ask.”
Jay stood up. “Come on. My office is in the back.” Besides, he had too many employees milling around, and he didn’t want his personal drama on display.
Jay sat at his desk, leaving the couch for Jack, and waited.
Finally, Jack leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He glanced a Jay. “When I left you, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. Hell, I think it still is…aside from giving up drinking.” He chuckled nervously. “It’s almost funny that you own a bar, and I can’t drink. You’ve done real nice for yourself.”
“Is that what you wanted to tell me? That I’ve done well, even without you?”
“No. Of course not.” He rubbed his hand over his scalp. “Do you remember the night under Johnson’s Bridge?”
Jay blinked as he thought about their first kiss. A week into the summer, they’d been swimming in the creek below, and Jay had cut his foot on a rock. Jack had used his dry shirt to wrap the wounded foot. When Jay leaned forward to check the bandage, Jack dipped his head and kissed him. The gentle press of his warm lips had sent a shivering thrill through Jay. He’d been attracted to Jack, but never thought the feeling was mutual. When Jay hadn’t pulled away, Jack kissed him again.
He warmed at the memory. “Yes. I remember.”
“I wanted to freeze that moment in time. It had been a perfect night.”
“It was good.” Jay forced a sad smile. “We were good.”
“I have so many regrets, Julian. But none more than giving you up.”
Jay stared at Jack. He had always been a gauge for Jay. The one guy he measured all other men against. He had been the fantasy, the “what if” dream. Over the years, Jay had imagined Jack coming back, professing his undying love, and begging Jay to take him back. Every time, he welcomed Jack with open arms.
“You might never forgive me,” Jack said, his words penetrating Jay’s thoughts. “I’m ready to deal with the consequences. But I still need to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. For lying to you all those years ago. I loved you, more than I ever thought I’d love anyone, and more than I’ve loved anybody since then, but not enough to come out. I was scared of how people would react. My parents, friends, everyone. You were so fearless. That scared me too. When you didn’t want to let me go, I said terrible things that I didn’t mean. I never meant. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Jay sighed. He walked to Jack and sat down next to him on the couch. “It’s hard, even now in this century, to come out. I knew you were uncomfortable with your family finding out.” He took Jack’s hand. He felt the knot in his chest release. “I forgive you, Jack.”
He turned to Jay, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
Jack leaned in, his lips closing on Jay’s, but Jay put his hand up to stop him.
“I’ve missed you, Julian.” Jack circled Jay’s palm with his finger. “Haven’t you missed me? Missed us?”
Jay gazed at Jack’s handsome face, thinking of all the years when he would have scrambled to be back in Jack’s arms then shook his head. “I used to miss you. But, and I don’t say this to hurt you, I haven’t missed you in a long time.” Especially not in the last three months. God, Jack had shattered his heart so thoroughly, he’d built a wall to protect the broken pieces. He done such a good job of hiding away his heart, he’d failed to notice when it finally healed.
Jack smiled. “Harvey’s a lucky guy.”
“I’m the lucky one,” Jay managed to say as an overwhelming emotion choked his breath. “I have to go.”
Chapter 8
Not Good Friends
Harvey tried to suppress the rising gorge of panic threatening to send him into full on hyperventilation. Other than a brief stop at home to shower and change clothes, he’d spent the entire day looking for Jay. He’d gone to The Other Team first, but Jay had already left with his ex-boyfriend, and he hadn’t left word with Chris where he was going. Harvey had gone to Jay’s apartment next, but Jay wasn’t there either. He’d tried calling Jay and texting him, but he hadn’t gotten a response. Was he still with Jack? Had they gone somewhere?
A pang of jealousy jabbed at Harvey. He hadn’t the right to be jealous. Not yet. He went to a few other places, including the park where Jay liked to run. Now, late in the evening, and feeling entirely defeated, Harvey pulled into his driveway. His heart thumped in his chest when he saw Jay’s truck parked in front of his garage. It went into to race mode when he saw Jay sitting on his front steps, his visage dimly lit by the porch light.
Harvey’s hand shook so badly, he could barely shut his car off or get the keys out of the ignition. Jay was here. At his house. Harvey had wanted nothing more than to see Jay—to hold him and kiss him—but doubt clouded his joy. What if Jay wasn’t ready for more? What if he rejected Harvey? What if he was still in love with Jack? What if?
Jay stood when Harvey stepped out of the car. God, he made Harvey’s stomach jittery. Jay’s golden-brown hair, warm amber eyes, and full sensual mouth had been hard to resist—even when he’d thought Jay was just the bartender. Their first date had missed disaster by a slim margin.
He’d been empty before Jay. Tired. Going through the motions of living. Even without definitions, having Jay in his life had changed him. He’d sparked a happiness Harvey hadn’t dreamed existed. Yes, he’d had moments in his past where he thought he’d found contentment, but nothing close to what he felt when he held Jay in his arms.
And to think, he’d almost cancelled on Jay before they’d even met.
He closed the distance between them. “Hey. Are you alone tonight or waiting on someone?”“ Harvey said, echoing Jay’s question from the first night at the bar.
“I’m supposed to meet someone.” Jay nervously rubbed his palms against the side of his jeans, the corner of his mouth crooking up in a half-smile. “Blind date. An online thing, but you know how flaky some guys can be.”
Harvey shook his head. Softly, he asked, “What are you looking for? What do you want?”
Jay held out his hand. “I’m tired of fucking around.”
Harvey reached out and slid his palm into Jay’s, relishing the warmth of his lover’s touch. “I’m tired of playing games.”
Jay pulled him close, placing his free hand on Harvey’s cheek. “We’re not good friends.”
“No,” Harvey said. He wrapped his free arm around Jay’s waist. “We’re not.”
The soft press of Jay’s lips made Harvey’s knees buckle. He opened his mouth, savoring the thrust of his lover’s tongue. He shivered as Jay’s hand slid under his T-shirt and slid over his stomach and up to his chest.
Jay moved the kiss to Harvey’s cheek, nuzzling his ear, his teeth grazing the sensitive lobe. “I think we should finish this conversation in the house.”
There was so much he wanted to say to Jay—so much he needed to say—but it could wait. Right now he wanted to make Jay forget that any other man existed.
Chapter 9
All of Me
Inside the house, Jay’s mouth clamped to Harvey’s, his tongue slashing and thrusting in erotic strokes between his lover’s parted lips. Frantically, they tugged at each other’s clothes, leaving a pile of laundry in their wake as they made a dance of foreplay. Groping. Grasping. Moaning with pleasure. Jay’s heart pounded in his chest as the longing and lust cluttered his brain and stole his breath.
He stumbled on his jeans—now pushed down around h
is ankles—as they staggered through the bedroom door. Harvey grabbed him around the waist and pushed him up against the wall. His rigid length pressed against Jay’s stomach while Jay’s own cock throbbed and ached with need.
He ran his fingers through Harvey’s hair, trembling as his lover kissed and nibbled his way down his chest, teasing his nipples with quick strident flicks of his tongue. Jay moaned when Harvey wrapped his fingers around the base of his shaft and stroked.
“Fuck,” Jay said. His ball drew tight, burning for release. He reached down and grabbed Harvey’s firm ass. “I want you so bad.”
“Oh yeah?” Harvey stroked him again, and teasingly, scraped his teeth along Jay’s jaw. “How bad?”
A rush of blood and heat pulled at Jay’s groin. He groaned, moving away from the wall. He walked Harvey to the bed and shoved him down onto the mattress. He stared at the gray-haired Adonis. He loved Harvey’s wide chest covered in dark-brown hair salted with silver curls. So fucking handsome. Those light, pale blue eyes drew him in, and Jay knew he’d already fallen hard. The kind of fall that would end in a wound too deep to heal if Harvey didn’t catch him.
“When I look at you, Harvey Grace, my blood ignites with fire.” Jay licked his lips. He stroked his shaft as he gazed down at his lover. “I want to be in you so goddamn bad.”
At his words, Harvey’s thick cock moved against his own stomach. He propped up on his elbows, and then turn onto his stomach—his gorgeous round globes on full display. “I’m yours, Jay. All of me.”
Jay’s heart lurched before it began to thump hard. The pulse in his neck almost felt like it would break the skin, but it was nothing compared to how fucking hard his cock got when Harvey spread his thighs. “Oh damn,” he said, his voice quiet with awe. “Fucking sexy.”
He went to the drawer where Harvey kept his lubricant and grabbed the bottle along with a condom. He set them on the bed next to his lover. He placed one hand on each ass cheek and spread them.
Harvey moaned when Jay drew his thumb across the sensitive pucker. When he pushed back against Jay’s hands, inviting more attention, it elicited a noise akin to a growl from Jay’s throat.
“I want you in me.” Harvey said with a throaty rasp. “Need you in me.”
Jay yanked Harvey’s hips up and licked the tightly bundled muscle, drawing his tongue up the splayed divide. Harvey moaned again.
He smiled. Jay loved the way Harvey reacted to his every touch. He loved how Harvey held nothing back. He loved…A combination of passion and desperate need overwhelmed Jay. His cock throbbed as he fought against his impulse to impale Harvey without any preparation, without any protection, just to take his lover so completely that no other man could ever replace him.
Chapter 10
No One Else
Harvey fisted the covers, bracing himself against the bed as he waited for Jay to take him. He felt the gentle press of lips, the slight graze of teeth against each of his butt cheeks. He released a shaky breath as he pulled his knees up and pressed his chest into the bed. He bit his lower lip when the tip of Jay’s slick tongue nudged at his entrance, circling the rim.
Jay gripped his cock, stroking downward as he continued probing and teasing Harvey’s ass. Harvey’s shaft felt like it would split his skin when Jay pushed the tip of his tongue through the taut ring. He breathed out the tension, easing back as he forced himself to relax. “So good,” he moaned. “Fuck. So fucking good.”
He began to thrust into Jay’s hand, heat and desire pooling in his groin. He wanted Jay to fuck him, to fill him completely. He wanted to come with Jay buried deep inside—to bury all doubt about where they both belonged.
“Now, Jay.” His voice sliced like the jagged edge of a blade—rough but effective. “I need you in me.”
Jay let go of Harvey, and the absence of his touch felt like a betrayal.
Harvey looked back over this shoulder and watched his lover hurriedly flip the top on the lubricant, fumbling with the bottle as the contents spilled over this fingers and palms.
“Jesus,” Jay whispered, his voice trembling. “I’ve never wanted anyone so badly.”
Harvey shuddered when Jay rubbed the slippery substance over his ass. He moaned as Jay kissed his way up his back as nimble fingers spread him open.
Harvey made noises of pleasure when Jay’s cock rubbed against his balls. When Jay kissed the nape of his neck, he pushed a finger inside Harvey.
“Oh fuck,” Harvey moaned.
“So eager,” Jay murmured in his ear.
“For you,” Harvey replied. Only for Jay. And he wanted more. Needed so much more. He rocked his hips in a thrusting motion, shoving back against Jay’s hand, and pushing the slick finger even deeper inside. He wanted to have Jay joined with him, he wanted them coming together, and if Jay didn’t hurry, it wasn’t going to happen.
“I can’t wait,” Harvey said, his voice harsh and thick with lust. “Want you in me. In me so goddamn bad.”
His pulse surged when Jay’s finger slipped from inside him, and he readied himself for the sharp pressure of Jay’s thick cock. When it didn’t happen, he looked over his shoulder again saw Jay struggling with the condom. Jesus! He didn’t want to wait, but they hadn’t talked about monogamy or exclusivity. While Harvey hadn’t been with anyone since Jay, and he was regularly tested, he wasn’t sure about Jay.
He rolled to his side. “I haven’t been with anyone but you since we’ve met, Jay. I’m negative. You?”
Jay’s eyes widened, his expression unblinking. “There’s been no one else since we met. I’m negative too.”
Harvey smiled, his body thrumming with nervous energy. “What are you waiting for then?”
Chapter 11
I’m Your Idiot
The swell of emotion, and lust, and need left Jay speechless. Jay always used condoms. Even when he’d lost his virginity to Jack, they’d used condoms. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Harvey’s offer, his gift, made Jay warm with aching desire. He crawled up the bed and lay beside Harvey. “You sure?”
Harvey turned until his back pressed against the mattress. He met Jay’s gaze. “Yes.” His blue eyes were unwavering in their determination. “Very sure.”
Jay placed his hand on Harvey’s hip and rolled his lower body away from him. Harvey pulled his left knee up, reached back, and took ahold of Jay’s length. He guided Jay, seeking penetration.
“Harvey,” Jay said, taking his lover’s lips, claiming him as the tip of his cock breached the snug sheath of Harvey’s ass. He felt Harvey clamp around him, and while he knew it was ridiculous, he couldn’t help but feel like this was the first time for him. For them both. The sensation fogged his brain with lust.
A soft “oh” slipped from Harvey’s lips as Jay thrust deep until his hips pressed against Harvey’s flesh.
“I can’t hold back,” he muttered. He withdrew halfway then thrust again.
“Don’t,” Harvey panted. “Don’t hold anything back.”
Jay’s eyes rolled back as he concentrated on the sensation of Harvey’s muscles tugging and milking his cock with each stroke. He gripped Harvey’s chest, pulling him close as he began to thrust in earnest. He wanted to be gentle, smooth, but he was too captured by the sensations. He fisted Harvey’s hair, enjoying the slack in his lover’s mouth, the raw lust in his barely open eyes while he grunted and groaned, rubbing his own cock, with each of Jay’s deep, driving strokes. The sounds of flesh against flesh, soft sighs, gentle groans, and the occasional commands of faster, slower, harder, and more, more were almost drowned out by the thundering of Jay’s heart.
Jay’s balls vibrated—on the verge of release. He kissed Harvey’s neck, moving to his ear. Harvey moaned. He reached back, his hand grasping Jay’s hip urging his thrusts. Jay surprised himself when the words—fierce and raw—tore from his lips. “I love you, Harvey. Love you so goddamn much.”
Harvey’s eyes shot open and almost rolled back. “Oh,” he moaned, right before his whole body
jerked in Jay’s embrace. The vise-like grip on Jay’s cock sent him over the edge, and he shouted while his orgasm washed over him in pure, hot pleasure.
They lay still, connected and spent, until Jay’s cock began to soften and withdraw. He reached down automatically to hold the condom at the base of his dick, and paused when he remembered they’d not used one. “God,” Jay whispered in a ragged declaration. He wrapped Harvey in his arms.
“Yes, my Son?” Harvey quipped.
Jay chuckled. “You’re an idiot.”
Harvey rolled over and crushed Jay with his body, and rubbed his jaw against Jay’s cheek. He couldn’t keep the low catch out of his voice when he said, “I’m your idiot.”
Jay ducked his chin, putting a few inches between their faces. He’d said it when they were in the throes of passion, but he needed to say it again. “I’m in love with you, Harvey Grace.”
All the tension Jay had been holding left his body in swift whoosh when Harvey replied, “I’m in love with you, too.”
Jay’s chest swelled with a new gambit of emotions. A part of him worried Harvey had only said it back because Jay had put him on the spot. He felt like a teenager again, excited and worried. If he were a puppy he’d be wagging his tail and pissing himself all at the same time. His feelings for Harvey ran deeper than he’d even realized.
It had taken seeing Jack, his first love, to know that what he had with Harvey was so much more than he’d ever had with anyone else. He’d held on to his memories of Jack as if they were a supreme measure of joy. Now, with Harvey, he knew his feelings then were nothing more than a boyhood fancy.
Jay wet his lips as she stared up into Harvey’s cool blue, resolute gaze. “You’re in love with me?”
“Yes,” Harvey said. “I’m in love with you.”
Jay smiled. “So, does this mean we’re in a relationship now?”
“I certainly hope so.” Harvey stroked a finger down his chest. “I realized when I saw Mark this afternoon—”
The Old Fashioned - Wallbanger 2 Page 4
