Ashley stayed quiet.
“I just…I don’t…” Carly blew out a breath. “I have so many questions, but I don’t think they’ll matter.” She gazed off into the small backyard. “I wish you’d have told me sooner.”
Ashley nodded, opened her mouth to apologize again, but closed it in time.
With a humorless chuckle, Carly pulled her napkin from her lap, wiped her mouth, and tossed it to the table. “Not exactly where I thought this night was leading.”
She thought we’d sleep together tonight. The thought slammed into Ashley’s brain and she knew in that moment that she’d made the right decision. “I’ll help you clean up and then I’ll go.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll get it. You can go. You’re free.”
The last line was dripping with sarcasm, but Ashley let it go. Sliding off her chair, she stood there for a minute while Carly carefully did not look at her. “I’ll just get my keys. Bye.” She felt horrible. The look of pained sadness on Carly’s face was hard to bear, especially knowing she’d put it there. She let herself into the small house, marveling at the fact that it was the first and last time she’d see it, picked her keys up off the kitchen counter, and left through the side door.
Ashley had never done the leaving. She’d never broken up with somebody before. She’d always been the one who’d been left and she knew how awful that could make you feel, how crappy you could feel about yourself, how insecure. Being the person who caused the pain was new to her. And she was genuinely surprised to find out that it sucked just as badly, if not more.
She drove home feeling like the worst human being on the planet.
***
The next morning did not dawn brightly and give Ashley a brand-new, fresh, clean, happy, sunny slate on which to begin the next phase of her life. No. It was gray and wet and raining. Like her mood. A restless night had her hitting the snooze alarm one too many times, which ensured she had no time for coffee or breakfast at home and would have to grab some at work, where she clocked in with barely a minute to spare.
“You look like you got about three minutes of sleep last night,” Stella commented as she watched Ashley sip her coffee like she needed it to survive.
“That sounds about right,” Ashley replied, voice husky.
“You okay?”
“I will be. I think.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“I do not.” Ashley took any sting out of the words by reaching to Stella and giving her upper arm a squeeze. “But thank you.”
Katie Stanger took that moment to bounce into the area, a giant smile on her face. She was followed closely by Beth Carter, one of the owners of the bakery. Ashley straightened her stance and noticed Stella follow suit. A few other employees had drifted into the space and Ashley furrowed her brow, wondering what was going on.
Beth Carter was in her early sixties, but looked fifteen years younger. Her short, ash-blond hair was cut in a hip style and her glasses were funky, purple earpieces connected to silver fronts. She was small in stature, but made up for it with her huge personality and warm smile. One of those people who made you instantly comfortable, she was like everyone’s favorite aunt…which was not to say she was a pushover. One didn’t end up with the most successful bakery in the city by lying down and letting people walk on you.
“Good morning, my little marshmallow peeps,” she said, her voice cheerful. “I have an announcement.” Reaching to her left, she grasped Katie’s arm. “I’d like to introduce to you our new head of ordering and delivery, Katie Stanger.” The round of applause that went through the small crowd of people was polite, though a few looks of confusion were exchanged. “She’ll be taking care of all the ordering of supplies as well as shipments of cookies and cakes. So if you’ve got questions, see Katie or myself. It’s a new position, so there’ll be a learning curve. But if we’re all patient, we’ll get there.”
Katie just about glowed with excited anticipation and it was hard not to be happy for her. Still, a pit of unpleasantness sat in Ashley’s stomach, making the next swallow of coffee feel like acid. Making a face, she set her cup down as the gang got back to work and Katie bounced off at Beth’s side.
“Um, what just happened?” Martha asked, eyes wide.
“Tigger got a promotion,” Stella informed her.
Ashley let a slight smile cross her face, but she didn’t partake in the mocking. Something wouldn’t let her. Instead, she shrugged and headed to the day’s cookies, her mind a jumble of uncertainty.
The rest of the day was uneventful and went by more slowly than Ashley would have liked. It was hard to describe how she felt and so many words passed through her head in the attempt. Confused. Irritated. Sad. Envious. Bummed. She frosted twenty-seven dozen cookies and then helped Katie figure out how to fill out the shipping form and send them to the companies that placed the orders. Katie paid surprisingly close attention and was very appreciative of the help.
Ashley was just getting ready to pack up for the day when there was a knock on the wall near her desk. She looked up to see Beth Carter leaning against it, a gentle smile on her face.
“Hi, Ashley.”
“Mrs. Carter. How are you?” Ashley had know the woman since she was seventeen years old, but still couldn’t bring herself to call her by her first name.
“I’m good.” She looked around as if to ensure they were alone, then she lowered her voice a little anyway. “And a bit confused.”
Ashley’s eyebrows climbed to her hairline. “By?”
“By why you didn’t apply for any of the manager openings. I know you saw them. You’re more than qualified…” Beth let her voice trail off and her own eyebrows rose in expectation.
“Oh, I…” Ashley swallowed down a sudden lump of nerves that had lodged in her throat. Searching for a response was fruitless and she felt her face flush with embarrassment as she simply shrugged.
“Are you unhappy here? You’re one of my best employees. If something isn’t working for you, I want to know.”
Ashley could tell by Beth’s tone that she was honestly worried about her and that just made her feel worse. “I’m very happy here. Very.”
A flash of relief zipped across Beth’s face. “Well, that’s something I suppose. I just…I really thought you’d apply for one of the jobs. Any of them would have been yours.” Moving in a step closer, she dropped her voice to a whisper. “Katie wasn’t my first choice for ordering, but the girl has enthusiasm in spades and she reaches for what she wants, so…” She let the sentence dangle and her expression said, “Oh, well.” She squeezed Ashley’s shoulder and left.
Ashley stood quietly at her desk for long moments trying to absorb what she’d just learned. Again, a myriad of feelings ran through her. Sadness. Frustration. Disappointment. Embarrassment. And she couldn’t just go home…though she realized that she didn’t want to. She had a shift at the shelter and she had no intention of bailing on it, despite how crappy she felt right now.
She thought of the resident dogs, of Lisa, of the new dogs, of Lisa, and all of a sudden, it hit her. God, she was so stupid. Out of the blue, just like that, she got it. She laughed out loud, causing more than a couple of curious looks from nearby employees, but she just grinned and waved at them.
She got it.
Now, to do something about it.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
It was nearing three o’clock in the afternoon, and things were starting to slow down a bit, thank God. The dog wing had been fairly busy with browsers for much of the day, but now only one person wandered the floor, peering into cages and scanning clipboards. The barking had died down and only occasional yaps punctuated the air, harmonizing with the whines. Lisa watched on the monitor for a few moments, then spun her chair around and focused on the intake papers for the two new dogs that had arrived this morning.
She didn’t hear Ashley’s approach until her hands rested on Lisa’s desk and she leaned almost directly into Lisa’s space. Looking up, Lis
a blinked in surprise at the expression Ashley sported: flashing eyes, an arched eyebrow, full, glossy lips and flushed cheeks. It was shockingly sexy.
“You’re abrupt,” Ashley said without preamble.
Lisa squinted at her. “I’m sorry?”
“And you can be kind of abrasive.”
“Okay.” Lisa drew the word out, no idea what was happening. She tossed a glance toward the browser, but he wasn’t looking so must not have heard.
“Sometimes, you’re a little cold.”
Lisa straightened her stance, defensiveness seeping in. “Is there a point to this…barrage of compliments?”
“There is.” Ashley took a deep breath and blew it out as a slow smile pulled up the corners of her mouth. “The point is that you also make me brave.”
Though she really liked that smile, Lisa was now completely confounded. “Okay, you lost me. What are you talking about?”
Ashley stood up straight and looked around as if checking to make sure they weren’t being overheard. “I had an epiphany,” she said, then laughed a laugh so sweet and genuine that Lisa couldn’t help but smile along with her. “I don’t rock the boat. I don’t step out of line. It’s not who I am. And most of the time, I’m okay with that. I like comfortable and familiar. It’s…comfortable.”
“And familiar?” Lisa winked.
“Funny. But yes. It can also be dead, dull, boring.” With a self-deprecating chuckle, she scratched at her forehead and said, “You know what else I don’t do?”
“Tell me.”
“I don’t apply for jobs I should apply for because I’m too passive.”
“I see.”
“Know what else I don’t do?”
“What?”
“I don’t kiss a beautiful woman in a darkened hallway in the middle of a work party. Ask that same woman to coffee. Kiss her again on a park bench. I don’t do that stuff.”
Lisa narrowed her eyes at her. “But you did do all that stuff.”
“That’s right. I did. Because you make me brave.” Ashley leaned forward again, her excitement and enthusiasm so damn sexy Lisa had to consciously keep her butt in her chair to prevent herself from grabbing Ashley’s face and kissing her senseless right there in the middle of the dogs. “Have dinner with me,” Ashley whispered. “We have something here, Lisa. You feel it, too. I know you do.”
She wasn’t wrong. Lisa knew that much. Could they give this a try?
Lisa rolled it around in her head as Ashley’s blue eyes held hers. She was uncertain. The two of them were very different, that much was obvious. There would inevitably be head-butting. And probably hand-holding—she tried to contain the grimace. Remembering that their chemistry was off the charts certainly helped. She couldn’t remember that last time she’d been kissed the way Ashley kissed her, if ever. Which definitely boded well for…other things. But was that enough? The silence stretched until she saw Ashley’s face flinch slightly, her confident mask slipping just a touch. What could it hurt, right? She was only asking for dinner. She hadn’t proposed. Lisa glanced at the guy still perusing the dogs, then turned back to Ashley. “Okay. Dinner.”
“And a movie.”
Lisa quirked an eyebrow. “Demanding.”
“Damn right.”
“Okay. Dinner and a movie. When?”
“Saturday. I’ll pick you up. Text me your address.”
“Demanding and bossy. This is certainly a new you.”
“You have no idea. Now give me a leash so I can get to work.”
Without a word, Lisa grabbed a leash and a clipboard and handed them over. Ashley thanked her, winked, and headed for her first dog. Lisa watched her walk away, watched that gentle sway of her hips, the bounce of her ponytail sticking out the back of her hat. She was the same, but different. Lisa had no other way to explain it. What had happened? She had no idea, but it was intriguing.
Intriguing lasted for the rest of the afternoon and until Lisa got home. Once there, an insistent, thrumming panic began in the pit of her stomach as she fed her animals and sifted through her mail. The feeling was familiar, nothing new to her. She knew where it came from, knew she was hesitant around people who could hurt her, steered clear of potential heartbreak, because of her childhood. Her mother walking out on her family had shocked her, shocked the lot of them. It stopped her life in its tracks for long months. The whole issue had shaped young Lisa, taught her to tailor her life, educated her so that she learned to step carefully so as not to have anybody blindside her that way again. Ever.
She couldn’t step carefully if Ashley was running the entire evening.
Before she could stop herself, she picked up her phone and typed out a text.
How do you feel about a change in plans? My house for dinner and movie instead of out?
She hit Send before she could think hard about it and caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she waited.
***
“Well, that’s interesting,” Jenna said, reading over Ashley’s shoulder.
Ashley shrugged her off, tilted her phone from view. Pressing the pause button on the episode of Scandal they were watching, she asked, “What’s interesting?”
“She’s changing plans on you.”
“So?”
Jenna sat back on Ashley’s couch and studied her friend for a moment. “Wasn’t the whole idea of you asking her out because you wanted to take the bull by the horns? For once? ‘She makes me brave’?” Jenna made air quotes with her fingers.
“I just want to spend some time with her,” Ashley retorted as she began typing a response. Somewhere in the back of her brain, a little voice was telling her to listen to Jenna, to consider what she was saying, that maybe she had a point and Ashley should stop. Ponder a bit. Instead, her fingers kept typing and she hit Send before she could prevent it. When she glanced up, Jenna was looking at her with a strange expression. It took a beat or two before Ashley realized it was pity, which pissed her off. “What?” she snapped.
It was only because she knew Jenna so well that she saw the flinch of pain flash across her face. Jenna put her hands up, palms out, like a robbery victim. “Hey, I’m just trying to help you. I don’t know why you get mad at me.” She picked up the coffee she’d been sipping and sat back with it in both hands. “You made some progress today, had a sort of breakthrough, and I don’t want to see you backpedal. That’s all.” She took a sip of her coffee, watching Ashley over the rim of her mug. Then she shrugged. “You’re a big girl. If you want to date a control freak, go for it.”
“She’s not a control freak.”
Jenna simply raised both eyebrows.
“All right, she’s a little bit of a control freak.”
Jenna set her mug down and turned on the couch so she faced Ashley. “How long have we known each other?”
“Long time.”
“Do you think I know you pretty well?”
Ashley gave a soft smile. “Probably better than anybody.”
“I agree with that. And was I the only one sitting here an hour ago when you told me all about your crazy epiphany today? How you realized that you’re kind of passive in your own life and you want to change that? That you feel like Lisa gives you courage?”
“I was here,” Ashley said quietly and looked down at her hands.
Jenna wet her lips and seemed to take a moment to find the right words. “Then hold on to that. You’re not magically going to become the alpha dog. We both know that. You’re going to have no choice but to baby step it. But don’t go backward if you can help it.”
This was uncomfortable.
Ashley could admit that, and the rolling in her stomach was proof. Talking about an unfavorable personality trait wasn’t easy for anybody, but it was especially hard to talk about it with somebody who’s known you for so long, somebody who already knows this aspect of you. Ashley wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. But she didn’t. She simply nodded.
“And you’ve made some huge strides,” Jenna s
aid, reaching for Ashley’s forearm and gripping it warmly. “Breaking things off with Carly?” Jenna held her hands up and looked at the ceiling. “Amazing.” Making a face at Ashley, she added, “Not for Carly, of course, but holy shit. That was a huge step.” When she looked directly into Ashley’s eyes, she must have seen something there. The embarrassment? The worry? Ashley wasn’t sure. All she knew was that Jenna’s voice got quiet and her expression turned tender. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. That’s all. I love you. You know?”
“I do know. I love you, too.”
A few minutes later, they were back to watching Kerry Washington be flawless on the television, but Ashley’s mind was wandering. Jenna was right. She knew that. She was right about Ashley and she was right about Lisa.
Lisa.
What was it about her that drew Ashley so strongly, like bumblebee to an open flower? Lisa was so not her type. At all. She was cold. She was distant. She was authoritative—and not always in a good way. She was bossy and dismissive of people. But…Ashley flashed to that day in the shelter basement, of Lisa battering the heavy bag, then dissolving into tears over some abused animals…she was also sometimes sensitive. Ashley’s brain tossed her an image of kissing Lisa at the beach house, up against the wall, face flushed, lips swollen, eyes dark and heavy; Lisa was sometimes vulnerably sexy. Ashley recalled their coffee date, the amazing conversation, the intense interest on her gorgeous face. Lisa could be open and warm.
Is that how life worked? One day, you had somebody who was kind and gentle and sweet and wanted nothing more than to look after you? And then the next, you meet someone who is none of those things—the polar opposite, in fact—but who pulls you toward her as if she’d lassoed you with some unbreakable rope, and you have no choice but to be tugged along? And you let go of the person who has all the right qualities so you can use both hands to hold on to that rope while you follow the person with the wrong ones, the person who terrifies you? The person who could slice you open with little effort and watch while you bleed out onto the floor? Is that how life worked?
Rescued Heart Page 15
