by Jeannie Lin
‘You’re hurt.’
His expression remained hard as he moved to throw her arm over his shoulders to lift her. Without knowing why, she shoved him away, angry and exhausted.
‘Go.’
With a low growl, Ryam pushed her hands aside and scooped her up anyway. He searched out a nearby ravine and started down the incline with her lifted in his arms. All the while, she wanted to rail at him that he was being stupid, that he was going to fall and break his neck. A swordsman couldn’t let sentiment cloud his judgement.
‘I can walk,’ she choked out.
He wouldn’t answer. His knee bumped against her as he walked down the loose bank of the ravine. His tunic was damp, soaked through with sweat as he tightened his hold. Her head pounded and she couldn’t hear above the beat of her own heart. Nothing could be worse than this feeling of helplessness.
At the foot of the incline, he carried her towards an outcropping of rock and set her down in the enclosure. Straightening, he scanned the surroundings.
‘This will have to do,’ he said gruffly as he knelt down before her.
Her vision blurred as she blinked back hot tears. When she could see again, Ryam towered over her, staring at her with a mix of concern and anger.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he demanded.
She bit her lip, shaking her head. She reached for her boot, but his hands got there first. He pulled her foot free and she inhaled sharply, biting hard into her bottom lip.
‘God’s feet,’ he muttered under his breath.
Her ankle was swollen to twice its size, the flesh tender and red. His blond hair fell over his eyes, hiding his face from her as he massaged his thumbs over her ankle. The gentle pressure of his hands stroked a warm, tingling sensation from her toes all the way up her spine.
They were in danger and all she could do was stare at his hands, marvelling at the rough texture, the careful gentleness. ‘Don’t.’ She pulled away, wincing as pain snaked through the joint.
Startled by her withdrawal, Ryam let his hands drop to his sides.
Her words came out in a rush before she could stop them.
‘I wasn’t thinking.’ A stinging, pinching sensation hovered at the bridge of her nose. ‘I never think.’
‘You think too much sometimes.’
She didn’t even know what she was saying. All of her doubts poured from her at once. ‘I didn’t want you think I was weak and worthless. You never wanted to go to Changan.’
They were lost and outnumbered. All because he was too noble to leave her when he first found her. All because she had begged a stranger for help when she had no one else to turn to.
‘Ailey, I’m not angry at you.’
‘I’m a child,’ she lamented. ‘And spoiled. My brothers always say so. I made you come here.’
He let out a harsh breath. ‘You are not a child. You fought off armed soldiers. You were—’ the words caught in his throat ‘—you were magnificent.’
Everything that happened that day crashed over her in a wave: the fear that morning that she would never see him again, the fight with the soldiers, even her stupid jealousy over Lady Ling. Before she knew what was happening, she was leaning towards him.
Ryam stiffened as she pressed her lips to his. His mouth was warm and inviting. She only tasted him for a second before his hands jerked to her shoulders to hold her away. Undaunted, she grasped at the neck of his tunic while she kissed him, brushing over his lips again, searching, pleading. Slowly, his grip loosened. He yielded with a groan, sliding his tongue past her lips to feed on her desire.
She wrapped her arms around him, barely able to circle the broadness of his shoulders. A soft, aching sound rose from her throat as his fingers dug into the nape of her neck, tilting her to him, fitting their mouths together even more intimately. She clung to him, guided by nothing but the desperate beating of her heart and a sharp, sweet yearning deep within her.
His hands moved restlessly to grasp her hips, but then he tore himself away from her so abruptly she made a startled sound.
He gritted his teeth and turned away, his hands clenched into fists. His pulse skipped along his neck as he gulped in breath after ragged breath.
‘You can’t kiss me like that,’ he growled. ‘You can’t look at me like that.’
Ailey was staring at him. Her fingers lifted to press against lips swollen with want and sensation.
Naked desire. He could see it in her eyes, smell it on her skin. She was flushed with it, overflowing. God, the silken taste of her. She didn’t know how to hide her feelings and they clawed at him until the ache between his legs reached an acute peak.
‘What do you want from me?’ he demanded.
One moment she made him swear not to touch her and the next she was kissing him into madness. If she made a single move towards him, made a single sweet sound he’d take hold of her, lower her to the ground and make her his right now with the fierce throb of combat and their wild escape still in his veins.
Some part of her must have known it. That was why she stayed petrified, her only movement the rise and fall of her breasts as she struggled to breathe.
‘Tell me what it is you want from me and it’s yours,’ he promised dangerously.
It was an unfair demand, almost cruel. She had no way to answer him, no experience to empower her. Not that his own experience gave him any more control. He wanted her so much his body strained towards her, hard, ready.
He straightened. His knees dug into the ground. She had driven him to the brink, stripped him bare. He wanted her not even for the pleasure of it, but for the raw and simple need of possessing her for the moment. For ever, if he could.
‘So what is it to be?’
Her lips parted, flushed and full, unable to form words. ‘I just want to get home,’ she whispered after an interminable silence.
She looked into his eyes as she spoke. Her chin tilted to expose her neck, so vulnerable while she tried to appear so strong.
He swallowed slowly, nodding, each movement measured. ‘I’ll take you home, but you need to remember…’ He moved close, as close as he dared. His voice lowered to a low rumble. ‘Every man has his limits.’
He rocked back on his heels to settle on the ground. Across from him, Ailey sank against the ravine and pulled her injured ankle close, hugging her leg to her as she watched him with wide eyes. Even through her confusion, she still wasn’t afraid of him. Was she so open with everyone, so quick to trust?
With a scowl, he laid his sword across his knees. Without any barriers between them, it was too easy to forget. That was why he’d tried to leave. Every time she was next to him, fearless and open-hearted and beautiful, he was reminded how much of a scoundrel he was. He was careless by nature, careless and unthinking. He couldn’t allow himself to be careless with Ailey.
Chapter Ten
Ryam was sitting in the same position when she woke in the morning, sword across his knees, eyes open.
‘Did you sleep at all?’
He shook his head and looked over his shoulder towards the edge of the ravine. The dark hollows beneath his eyes tore at her heart.
‘Can you walk?’ he asked.
She rotated her ankle, testing it. ‘I think so.’
‘We should keep moving.’
He helped her up and offered his arm for support. She refused. He offered to carry her and she most certainly refused. After several steps, she risked setting her weight onto her foot. The swelling had gone down and she could hobble along steadily.
They walked that way for hours, losing track of time in the shade. They would not, under any circumstances, say a thing about what had happened yesterday.
The longing for any small contact consumed her and she couldn’t even look at him.
There was no sign of the soldiers, but she couldn’t believe Li Tao would give up so easily. They could be anywhere. Every flicker of movement in the green had her jumping.
If Li Tao found them, he would have
Ryam executed. He could be rid of her as well. With circumstances as they were, he was within his rights. The moment she left her house in the wedding procession, she belonged to the warlord.
Ryam stared at the drag of her feet with exaggerated interest. ‘If they find us, I’ll hold them off while you run,’ he taunted.
She rolled her eyes. ‘Clever.’
He moved in casual strides alongside her, as if they were on a morning stroll through a garden. But she caught the way his hand drifted near the hilt of his sword. A true warrior could not tense up before a battle. Relaxed muscles moved quicker.
‘Do you know any one-legged fighting styles?’
So much like her brothers, ever protective.
‘I know what you’re doing,’ she said. ‘But if they find us, you have to run.’
He didn’t even dignify her suggestion with a response.
‘Li Tao is not a forgiving man,’ she insisted.
Ryam shrugged. ‘And I am not an apologetic one.’
His worn, haggard appearance made him appear more dangerous. Unpredictable.
‘According to Lady Ling, your intended is a powerful man. A man who can challenge the Emperor.’
‘He’s a traitor, worth no more than a dog.’
‘What if he forces his claim? Your father won’t be able to rescind his promise. Wouldn’t that be some matter of honour?’
Her heart sank. Could Li Tao use his influence to bend the will of an Emperor?
Distracted, her foot slid against a rock. Immediately, Ryam was at her elbow to steady her and their eyes met. She should have spent the night in his arms, lying with him beneath the sky. It was her only chance to be with him, her one taste of freedom.
Ryam moved away first. ‘We need to find the road,’ he said, his expression hooded.
‘We should be in imperial territory soon,’ she said. ‘We’ll be safe once we reach the plain.’
She would be safe, but he would be in just as much danger. Ryam was risking his life to stay with her. It was easy to forget when he appeared so fearless all the time.
‘When we reach Changan, you should go and see my father,’ she insisted.
Ryam swiped a clump of vines aside with his blade. ‘Your father will have my stones cut off.’
She blushed at his crude remark. ‘I will speak to him on your behalf. He can resolve the misunderstanding over the smuggled weapons.’
Father had fought alongside the lost legion during the palace insurrection a year earlier. He would recognise Ryam as the honourable swordsman he was. She wanted to believe it so much, it hurt inside. She considered telling him who her father was, who she was.
‘I only wish to repay my debt to you,’ she said instead.
‘Maybe I like having you in my debt.’ He smiled at her, sending a tiny quiver to her stomach. ‘It means we’ll meet again.’
‘Do you believe that? About debt and meeting again?’ It was such a Han way of thinking.
‘I don’t.’ He stopped and scanned the area before deciding to change direction. ‘Some things are simply left undone.’
Undone? His words left her with a sudden loneliness. If they evaded Li Tao’s men and escaped the forest, Changan would be within reach. She would return to her family. A week earlier she couldn’t think of doing anything else, but now she was torn. Ryam had become so much more to her than the stranger she’d met at a dusty tavern.
If things could be different. If not for duty and responsibility. But without honour, she wouldn’t be Shen Ai Li. She’d be nothing more than smoke and air.
They did find the road. A well-travelled one, judging from the stamp of footprints and the grooves cut deep from numerous wagon wheels. An hour passed before a wagon rolled into view, headed north. Ailey waved it down and hurried to speak to the driver while he held back. Once again, Ryam was forced into hiding.
To his surprise, she beckoned him over several minutes later.
‘They will take us to the city,’ she said.
The wagon master and his assistant looked him over sceptically. Before they could mount a protest, she spoke to them again, her tone sharp. The old man made a grunting noise and ushered them to the back with a wave of his gnarled hand.
‘Did you use that tea-merchant story again?’ he asked.
She made a face at him. ‘I told him we’d help protect the wagon. Come.’
He circled his hands around her waist to lift her onto the wagon and then climbed up beside her. They pushed aside the sacks to make room as the wagon rumbled forwards. Raw wool, judging from the musky smell. At least it was going to be a cushioned ride.
‘What exactly did you say to them?’ He couldn’t believe a couple of merchants would welcome strangers so easily, especially in these times.
‘I have my ways,’ she said with a mysterious tilt of her chin.
He frowned at her. In their travels everyone they met was exceedingly helpful until they tried to seize her and drag her away.
‘We’re safe now. Li Tao has no authority here.’
The wagon rolled steadily onwards as they made themselves comfortable among the sacks of wool. Ailey lay back, pulling an overstuffed sack beneath her head as a pillow. He sank down beside her. For the first time that day, he gave in to the exhaustion weighing down his limbs. He’d gone nearly two days without rest.
The trees thinned out and the ground flattened as they continued. He allowed his eyes to close. The shipment of wool was the most comfortable bed under heaven. Occasionally, the wagon jolted and he would wake briefly before falling back asleep. He thought he felt cool fingers brushing over his forehead, smoothing back his hair.
Ailey shifted beside him some time later and he finally opened his eyes. She was lying on her side, facing him. Twilight had descended upon them, casting her face in shadow. The wagon was still rolling along. Another day gone and Ailey was still safe. His oath not to touch her was still intact.
‘Not much longer now,’ she said softly.
‘How is your family going to react when they learn you’ve run away?’
‘Father will believe me. I have never lied to him.’
He detected the faint uncertainty in her tone. ‘I’ve heard stories about what happens to daughters who defy their families.’
‘Father is not like that.’
‘As long as he never sees you with me.’
She fell silent. Women could be beaten for disobedience. An act that brought shame to her family could be punished by disowning or by death. He had witnessed hints of this honour culture reaching far out into the frontier.
What if it wasn’t as simple as returning her home? ‘If your family won’t accept you—’
‘They will.’
He eased off at the note of desperation in her voice. Perhaps he was only looking for excuses to keep from leaving. As much trouble as they’d encountered, she had a way of filling the days, making them seem like more than random moments strung together.
‘Some say my father’s sense of mercy is his weakness,’ she said. ‘As if ruthlessness was the only way to command respect.’
He studied her while she spoke, tracing the curve of her lips with his eyes. ‘No matter how merciful he is, you never saw me. We never met.’
A look of pain crossed her face. ‘I know.’
‘This is for your own safety.’
‘I know.’ She sighed, and squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Do you know that not two generations ago, my family was also considered of low class? Grandmother lived in a little town no one has ever heard of. My grandfather was a wandering swordsman, much like you, with barbarian blood.’
Anyone could see the world of difference between them, but Ailey would never admit it. She was endlessly kind.
‘The merchant says we will arrive in two days,’ she said.
‘And you’ll be safely home.’
She picked up her braid and toyed with the end of it, looking into the distance. ‘I have never been away for so long. My family will be worri
ed.’
‘Why do you look sad, then?’
She shook her head slowly, then looked up at him with those captivating eyes, muted jade with flecks of copper. He knew exactly why she seemed so sullen. He let it feed his male ego for the moment, but he couldn’t delude himself into believing this was anything more than infatuation.
‘I wish that you were not going—’ She stopped herself, chewing her lip fretfully. What he wouldn’t give to press his mouth over hers.
‘I wish that I wasn’t leaving you alone after this,’ she amended.
‘I’m used to being on my own.’
He couldn’t imagine how it would be in a couple of days when he couldn’t look for her the moment he awoke.
‘If you won’t speak to Father, you should at least visit our home in Longyou,’ she said wistfully.
The tail of her braid fell over her shoulder, the tip of it resting where the swell of her breasts would be if she didn’t insist on keeping them wrapped. A shame to keep such beauty hidden.
God’s nose. He had been able to keep thoughts of Ailey away for only five minutes.
‘Where did you say you were from?’ he asked.
‘Our home was outside of Longyou, west of the Liupan Mountains.’
A prickly, nagging sensation hovered at the back of his mind. Those names sounded familiar.
‘Longyou is near the western frontier.’
She seemed pleased he knew of it. ‘My father was assigned the defence command at the border. Fifth Brother took over that post when the family moved to the capital.’
‘By God, we were practically neighbours.’
It wasn’t entirely true. A sizeable stretch of land separated the border defences and the mountain corridor of Gansu. But it explained her openness towards him. The people of the western regions were exposed to foreigners through trade.
‘You must pass through on your way back to Yumen Guan,’ she said, her face bright. ‘Fifth Brother would be hospitable to you. He enjoys news of the inner empire. He had wanted so much to go with us to court, but duty demanded that he stay.’
