by Jeannie Lin
‘A good day today, Princess?’ the older girl asked, seeing her smile.
They were sly. The palace girls thrived on gossip and no doubt they had all heard of her bold escape from Li Tao. She wouldn’t be surprised if they were making wagers on whether she’d be beaten or cast into exile. The thought dampened her excitement over seeing Ryam again, but only for a moment.
The girl wrapped a turquoise-coloured top about her shoulders. The sleeves draped like a waterfall over her arms. She turned this way and that, watching silk swish around her ankles. She wanted Ryam to see her like this for their final meeting. One of the elegant ladies that floated through the palace like spring flowers in the breeze.
She left her chambers and made her way out of the palace into the public area of the city, opening a parasol to shield her from the morning sun. The oiled paper stretched over bamboo spines gave her the illusion that she had some privacy when the truth was she was never alone in Changan. Two palace guards followed her the entire way. Coming and going as she pleased was one of the freedoms she relinquished when Father became Emperor.
Fifth hour, the hour of the Dragon, she’d told Ryam. But she was early. The wide lanes of the West Market lay barren. It was long before the market hour and the city hoarded its last moments of sleep before the stamp of a million feet crowded the shops.
She stood at the corner of the square, twisting the bamboo handle of her parasol, the palms of her hands damp. Her brothers would tease her mercilessly if they could see her, dressing this way for a man. Especially one that she would never see again.
A tiny ache pierced her heart, the same ache that crept in every time she’d thought of Ryam during the night. She ran her tongue over her lips and then stopped herself, remembering that they’d been painted that morning.
He wouldn’t forget, would he? They had parted so abruptly the night before. Perhaps the night guard had snatched him up or he’d fled the city. She scanned the square again for the third time in what must have been less than five minutes.
Still empty.
She waited for the clang of the morning gong.
Ryam hung back in the alley, one shoulder propped against the wall to watch for a moment longer. That was Ailey for sure, her owl-grey linen traded for a swirl of blue and pink. He would know the confident sway of her hips anywhere.
He had considered not coming that morning. The consequences of them being discovered would be worse for Ailey than for him. Then he decided he would go, but not show himself. Now that he was here, he knew he had to see her, if only to say a proper farewell.
Ailey hurried to him the moment he stepped out of hiding. He’d found her desirable enough to fill his fantasies for a lifetime in her formless tunic, but she appeared before him that morning with a full arsenal of feminine guile. He didn’t know if he could withstand the onslaught.
As much as he wanted to pull away every layer of silk from her exquisite body, it was the way her face brightened when she saw him that shook him the most.
‘You can’t wield a sword in that dress,’ he teased.
She blushed, the colour rising to the crest of her cheeks. God’s breath, he liked that.
‘Where did you get this?’ She stood on her toes to tug at the brim of his wide conical hat. ‘You look like a native.’
She smelled like heaven and the way she looked at him had his blood pumping hard, every inch of him alive. She didn’t even have to touch him.
He clamped down on his rising desire. Ailey was back where she belonged, a nobleman’s daughter. This was the only way it could be.
She took a breath and held it. The moment hung in the air between them.
‘This is for you,’ she said finally, thrusting a purse heavy with coins at him.
‘No, I can’t.’
‘There is a horse in the east market stable for you,’ she said, ignoring his protest. ‘The stableman won’t ask any questions.’
The city was waking up around them, but he wouldn’t have known if the entire imperial army swarmed into the market then. When she looked back he saw the proud tilt of her chin, the warrior strength he admired so much. It wasn’t only with her when she fought alongside him. It was in her skin and in every breath she took.
‘Be careful,’ she said.
He nodded. ‘I will.’
There was nothing left to say. All they could do was look, and not for long. She twirled her parasol one complete turn in her hands and glanced furtively to the guards in the corner. They stood their ground, but kept their attention focused on her. She turned back to him, her jaw set with decision.
She took a step closer. ‘Thank you.’
With the parasol shielding her, she raised herself onto her toes. Ryam dug his nails into his palms, willing himself to remain still. She kissed him once, only touching him briefly with her lips. And then she was gone.
Chapter Twelve
Ryam was gone.
By now, he would have ridden beyond the gates and well on to the westward road. Ailey was left to pace an imaginary line between the painted columns outside Hanyuan Hall. The doors remained shut before her, the dragon carvings on them twisting in a serpentine dance. It would take two strong men to open them. Soon, she would have to face her father, the ruler of the Tang Empire.
He had been detained inside the audience hall for hours, ambushed by court ministers the moment he returned to the palace. It was too much to hope she would reach him before anyone else. As the Son of Heaven, he always had men fighting for an audience as they counselled and flattered.
With a creak of hinges, the iron doors finally opened. She stood aside as the ministers filed out, conferring in twos and threes. The colour of their robes denoted rank, but regardless of status, every man lowered his head respectfully as they passed her.
‘Princess,’ they greeted her, bowing.
She was not yet accustomed to men, especially elder statesmen, bowing to her. Today, she detected more than the perfunctory sign of deference. Conversations halted when the ministers passed by.
She forced herself to breathe as she walked past the guard sentry. Father stood by the throne at the far end of the hall as the last functionary departed. All her life, her family had served the empire under the dragon banner. Now Father wore the insignia as its ruler. His broad shoulders appeared as if they longed to escape from the confines of the imperial robe.
She bowed her head. ‘Father, there is something your daughter must tell you.’
She wasn’t even supposed to call him that any more. She had been coached a year ago on the special imperial forms of address to use for her parents, but they sounded too alien on her tongue.
‘Governor Li is well respected,’ he said sharply. ‘He has many supporters in the empire.’
Father moved past her towards the annex and swept the beaded curtain aside with an impatient wave, ignoring the attendants who rushed to perform the menial task for him. She rushed after him. As he stepped up the dais to the writing desk, instinct told her it was not time to speak. She remained at the foot of the steps, her fingers twined nervously as he sat and picked up a stack of notices.
Streaks of grey threaded his beard and silver marked his hair. She wasn’t certain of his age. Her own father. As a sixth child and a daughter no less, Father was a distant, towering figure of authority. She would stand by as he spoke to Mother or sometimes her brothers. It was rare that he would speak directly to her. Those times had grown ever scarcer since he had been named Emperor.
‘Li Tao was honoured I considered him worthy of my daughter. Now I must explain why she thinks she is too good to be his wife.’
She doubted that honour had any part in it, but Father glared at her and she went numb with fear.
‘Be careful of what you are about to say,’ he warned.
Mother must have spoken to him. Ailey bent her head to stare at the rug. Her parents were intimidating enough even before they became Emperor and Empress. When she glanced up he had picked up a brush and
was writing in short, harsh strokes.
‘Li Tao was responsible for Fourth Brother’s death.’
The brush stopped. He held it suspended over the paper, knuckles tense. Father had never shed a tear for her brother. He had remained silent through the funeral rites, the unassailable Son of Heaven.
‘That is a serious accusation,’ he said. ‘One you cannot make lightly.’
She felt like an ant staring up at a mountain in its path. She had made no plan of what to say other than to speak in earnest. Father was known for his keen instinct when it came to judging people. It was impossible that he could be blind to Li Tao’s ambition.
‘Wu Jiang told me. He served in the Dragon Guard—’
‘I know who Wu Jiang is.’ His expression remained hard.
Desperately, she tried to recall what Ryam had told her. ‘And there was an illegal weapons shipment. A hidden shipment of swords to Chengdu sent through Yumen Guan.’
‘How do you know about this?’
A ray of hope drew her forwards, but then she remembered this was the same shipment that had incriminated Ryam and his men. ‘The weapons were hidden so they could be smuggled in. The envoys knew nothing about the cargo.’
Father set the calligraphy brush down slowly. ‘I knew my daughter would not be so disobedient without reason.’
He beckoned her to him, a remarkably generous invitation. She stood at the corner of his desk. A fan of notices and proclamations lay before him, awaiting his attention.
‘This last year has not been easy, Daughter.’
She sensed a restlessness in him as he sat confined behind the desk. The same restlessness had broiled within her since they had come to Changan. She yearned to be back in the mountains, where they weren’t trapped by the rules of the imperial court.
‘Li Tao is a practical man,’ Father said. ‘He knows the instability of our rule creates a dangerous climate. He is only acting out of caution by arming his troops.’
‘You already knew.’ She gripped the edge of the table to keep from shaking. Father was defending Li Tao despite his schemes.
‘The stability of the empire is most important for everyone,’ he said. ‘Your wedding will assure Li Tao that we can work together for peace.’
‘But what about Han? What about your son?’
‘I know you and Ming Han were always close. His death caused us great sadness.’
Father wasn’t listening. How could he speak so calmly after what she’d told him?
‘But Li Tao was responsible for Han’s death! He owes us a debt of blood.’
‘You have never been in battle, Ai Li.’ Father stood and took hold of her shoulders. The rare display of affection only made the pain in her chest sharper. ‘Lives are lost. As men of war, we grieve, but ultimately no one person is to blame.’
Once she had fallen when playing with her brothers. The breath had been knocked from her, leaving her gasping and unable to move. She felt the same way now.
‘Would you rather I send one of your brothers to meet him on the battlefield?’ he asked, seeing her stricken expression. ‘Should I weaken the empire further with civil war?’
‘Father always told us, honour is everything.’
Her words echoed in the empty chamber. They were answered with deadening silence.
‘How can your daughter marry a man that even Father doesn’t trust?’
Deep lines showed around her father’s mouth. ‘It is a complicated matter, ruling an empire.’
Then maybe they were not meant to rule. Her father knew about Li Tao’s treachery and would do nothing. She was being bartered away for the warlord’s compliance. She heard Ming Han’s spirit calling to her. Honour had been everything to him. He had wanted so desperately to join their older brothers in service to the empire.
Ailey could barely form the words. ‘One cannot buy loyalty.’
His eyes were flat and unyielding. ‘I have sent word to Li Tao. Your mother and I will journey to the southern defence command to personally take you to your husband. The Shen family honours its commitments.’
A cry rang through her apartments, announcing the arrival of the Empress. Ailey ignored it and continued searching through her closets and drawers. She even rifled through the embroidered pillows in the sitting room, tossing them aside impatiently.
‘Where are my swords?’ Ailey demanded, mistaking her mother for a servant when she appeared at the door.
Mother looked on with measured patience. ‘I had them placed in the armoury with the other weapons.’
‘Those swords were forged specifically for the length of my arms. No one else would use them.’
‘You sound like a child looking for a lost toy.’
Ailey scowled and dropped herself down onto the chaise. Mother sat down beside her.
‘You smuggled your swords into the wedding sedan,’ Mother said evenly. ‘You intended to run away from your marriage from the beginning.’
Nothing could be further from the truth. Father’s ascension to the throne had uprooted their family from Longyou and thrust them into the crowded imperial city. Then, before she could settle into this new home, she was betrothed to a stranger. The marriage traditions centred on her family giving her up, losing all claim to her as daughter. She had been sent away with trunks packed with newly made clothing. From that point forwards, she would have nothing but what her husband provided for her. She had needed something that belonged to her, some reminder of home.
‘Your daughter would never bring shame upon our family,’ Ailey insisted, but she thought of Ryam. She wanted him so much it hurt inside.
She hadn’t been thinking of her family honour when she was with him, but she had hidden that desire away. She had done what was expected of her.
Mother continued, not truly listening. ‘Perhaps I did not do enough as a mother. After raising five sons, I overlooked what a daughter needed. You looked so scared on the day you left.’
‘I was not scared.’
‘You were pale. A bride is always nervous.’
Of course Ailey had been nervous. She was marrying a man known for being cold and merciless. Mother had sent her off with carefully worded, yet frustratingly vague instructions on what to expect in the marriage bed. Ailey shifted in her seat. This conversation was beginning to feel just as uncomfortable.
‘A woman can never be assured until she meets her husband,’ Mother counselled. ‘I knew from the moment I saw your father that we would have a happy life together.’
‘That was Mother’s wedding night?’
‘Of course.’
Ailey frowned. ‘What if I look at my husband for the first time and know that he’s wrong for me?’
Mother touched her hand gently. ‘Your father and I would never make such a poor choice. You have always been a dutiful daughter.’
Ailey had believed that once. She had trusted her parents completely, no matter what they did. Now when she pictured bedrooms and wedding nights, all she could imagine was Ryam and the feel of his arms around her. Not this faceless man her parents wanted to give her to.
‘Father knows I am right about Li Tao. I cannot marry his enemy.’
The familiar worry line appeared across her mother’s forehead again. ‘Li Tao and your father have always been rivals. That does not mean they are enemies.’ Mother reached out to tuck a strand of Ailey’s hair behind her ear. ‘You went out to the city this morning,’ she said, switching subjects. ‘There was a man.’
Ailey looked away, unable to meet Mother’s eyes. She had known the guards would report her.
‘I have not told your father. Was it one of his soldiers? They are always stealing glances at you.’
Mother was being uncommonly gentle about this. It made the truth harder to deal with. Ryam’s words echoed hollowly in her mind. You never saw me. We never met.
‘He was a swordsman who rescued me. He brought me home safely.’
The hand on her shoulder tightened. ‘You were alone with
this stranger?’
Heat rose up Ailey’s neck. Her mother could only be thinking one thing.
‘He was an honourable man.’
Ryam had done everything in his power to protect her virtue. They only lost their heads those few times. Those heated, precious moments.
Mother grew pale. ‘Have you dishonoured all of us? Did you give yourself to him?’
Only in her heart. She had come close, closer with every moment she had spent with him. Ailey bit into her lip to chase away the memory of Ryam’s kiss. Burdened by shame, she hesitated too long before shaking her head.
‘You never think, Daughter,’ Mother wailed. ‘You never think of consequences.’
‘He saved my life. He was courageous and honest.’
And beautiful and kind. She couldn’t find words to describe even the beginnings of what she felt. Ryam was gone and every moment took him further away.
Mother’s voice shook. ‘This will ruin you.’
Ruin her for who? For the traitor Li Tao? Some dark, reckless part of her wished she had given herself to Ryam to have the memory of it with her. Li Tao did not care a thing about her virtue. His only concern was power.
If Mother had known the moment she saw Father, then a week was enough for Ailey to understand what was in her heart. But it was all pointless now.
She took hold of Mother’s hands and squeezed them tight. ‘This stranger has nothing to do with what is happening here. I’ll never see him again. I did not—give myself to him in the way you mean.’ Her voice hitched and she forced herself to continue. ‘Father knows Li Tao is building an army to wrest power away from the throne. How can I be his wife when he is plotting against our family?’
