“Talk to me,” he pleaded.
“I want you to leave me alone,” I said hoarsely, my words sounding weak to my own ears. “Stop fucking with my head Anthony. I can’t take it anymore,” I said, running my fingers through my hair as I pulled my eyes off his and looked away from him.
“Whoa, where the fuck is this coming from?” He asked taking a step back looking at me as if I had lost my mind. Maybe I had. Who the fuck knows anymore.
“I can’t do this dance with you anymore,” I turned my head and found his eyes. “I don’t have any fight left in me.”
“I’m not looking to fight with you.”
“No, of course not. That’s just it. I’ve been fighting for you, for us for ten fucking years and all the while, I’m fighting, you are fighting against me. You push me away and pull me back in at your convenience. I can’t do it anymore. You’ve made it clear you and I are done and the minute I accept it, we spend Christmas together. You gave me one of the best Christmases of my life by just being you, by being there and being with my son. Then you disappear and I have to learn to accept we are done all over again. My heart can’t take it anymore.”
“Baby, I had to go away for work.”
“You’re a gangster not a fucking war hero, give me a break. You could’ve called but no, you didn’t and you know why you didn’t? You have no fucking intentions of making things right between us. You get lonely or maybe sentimental, you think of me, of what could’ve been, and then you push it so far out of your head I become a stranger you don’t want to think about.”
“Adrianna…”
“No!” I shout, holding out my hand to stop him from taking another step closer. “You’ve been charging in and out of my life for years, Anthony. You’ve been my whole world for over a decade. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t find myself thinking about you, thinking about us, and it’s eating away at whatever is left of me. You want to know why I ran after we had sex? Probably not, because I didn’t speak to you afterwards for a month. I’m going to tell you anyway, I left because I can’t watch you walk away from me again. I physically can’t stand it.”
“You want to end up like Maryanne Valente? You want Luca to live a life like Mike?”
I shook my head, I’ve heard this all before and it doesn’t matter. Not all the excuses in the world will ever heal my broken heart.
“I don’t care.”
“I love you,” he said. “So help me God, I love you with everything I am. You’re everything to me, Reese’s but I’m no good for you or Luca. Not with the way, my life is now. I’m like a junkie, fighting against the temptation to just take what is mine, to take you and marry your ass and raise that little boy together.” He closes his eyes as if he were fighting a battle within himself. “It would be so fucking easy but then I remind myself that I left you alone for three years, grieving for a baby we never even got to meet. I very well could end up back there and you would be alone again and your son would grow up hating me or you could be standing in the cemetery just like today, watching as they lower my body into the earth. Either way you’re alone. Either way I fuck up your life. Either way Luca loses.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks and though I hated to admit it, I understood his logic and I loathed it. I wanted to say I hated him, that, he ruined my life but I would never hate him. The truth was he didn’t ruin my life he only ever tried to save it.
“Look at me, Reese’s,” he whispered.
“Please, don’t…don’t say goodbye again,” I pleaded.
“I think you’re the one finally saying goodbye,” he said softly, staring at me sadly. I couldn’t look him in the eye because the blue depths of his irises bared his fractured soul. “It’s just me baby, you can look at me.”
“A part of me never wants to quit fighting, I just wish you’d fight with me and not against me,” I whispered.
“Mama!” Luca wailed from his car seat and I snapped back into mother mode, turning around to make sure he was okay. “We go home.”
“Yeah baby, we’re going home,” I said, sweeping a hand over his brown hair as I bent down and kissed his forehead. I took a step back and closed the door, turning back around to see Anthony had successfully closed the demon carriage and put it my trunk. He closed the trunk and walked around my car coming face to face with me. I opened my mouth to say goodbye, meaning I’d see him later, but I didn’t want him to think I was actually saying goodbye. As much as it killed me to keep playing this game with him, it would’ve shattered me to end it. I snapped my mouth closed and turned around, climbing into my car and closing the door without a word.
“Ant nee!” Luca exclaimed joyfully as he pointed his chubby finger towards the window.
I started my car, tears streaming down my face as I pulled away leaving Anthony in the rear view mirror.
After Maryanne’s re-pass, Victor pulled me aside and ordered me to head into Manhattan to shake down the contractor’s union he had under his thumb, working on the nightclub he was opening. Apparently, the foreman had been giving Vic the run around, telling him he needed more money in order for the job to be done on time. Temptations was scheduled to open soon, and they were procrastinating on the finishing touches, which set Vic into a frenzy. He had offered Mike a job managing the club and on a dare, he accepted Vic’s offer. It became clear that Mike had noticed Nikki and I think that was more the reason he chose to stick around. That, and to stick it to her boyfriend.
I didn’t like Mike working for Vic and was sure I wasn’t the only one. His parents must be rolling in their graves, knowing that Mike was in bed with the devil himself. Still, I knew trying to talk him out of it would be a waste of time. It’s a shame because by the looks of things something could’ve developed between Nikki and Mike. I don’t think she’s that happy with her boyfriend and he’s probably only with her because of her daddy. Rico’s a disc jockey who got off on names and statuses. Being with Nikki attracted people to him, and so his popularity grew. Anyway, no good would come from Mike being employed by Victor.
I stopped home to change out of my suit before heading into the city. I got sidetracked when I went to take my chain off and found the earring that Adrianna had left in my apartment the last night we had been together. I stared at the diamond hoop for a moment before the memories of her throwing her head back as she started to unravel for me invaded my mind. The way her hair covered my pillow and her body arched made me hard. I remembered tucking the loose strands of her hair behind her ears as she writhed like a snake and came around my cock. She was so fucking beautiful that night, so wild and carefree, reminding me of the girl she was before I broke her.
I looked to the right of the earring and hesitated for a moment before reaching for the small velvet black box. I bit the inside of my cheek, battling the demons inside of me that made me slam the drawer closed whenever my eyes settled on that box. This time they lost, and I took the box from the drawer along with the earring, both reminders of what I had lost.
Adrianna’s words from earlier sounded in my head as I grabbed a beer.
“I’ve been fighting for you, for us for ten fucking years and all the while I’m fighting, you are fighting against me.”
I took the first pull of my beer as I sat on my couch, sitting on the edge as I hovered over the coffee table. My gun, her earring, and the black box … well if that didn’t sum up our life, I don’t know what did. I took another sip of my beer before placing it beside my gun and reached for the black box.
“You’ve been charging in and out of my life for ten years, Anthony. You’ve been my whole world for ten damn years. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t find myself thinking about you, thinking about us, and it’s eating away at whatever is left of me. You want to know why I ran after we had sex? Probably not because I didn’t speak to you afterwards for a month. I’m going to tell you anyway, I left because cannot watch you walk away from me again. I physically can’t stand it.”
I flicked the box
open and heard myself hiss as I stared at the diamond engagement ring. I forgot how pretty it was, how clear a stone and how perfect it would’ve looked on her finger. I bought the ring after I found out that Adrianna was pregnant, planned to give it to her after we left Victor’s. After I told him, I wasn’t going to be going to jail and instead I was going to marry his daughter and raise our little family. Things didn’t go as I planned but then again they rarely ever did. I never gave Adrianna the ring and not because we lost the baby that night. I wanted to marry her with or without a baby. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but I knew I’d never be free of the mob. Victor was never going to let me go.
I put the ring in a safe deposit box before I went away and tried to push it out of my head. I took the platinum ring out of the box, pinching the delicate band with my fingers as I held it up and stared at it. Funny how something so tiny could hold so much meaning, how something meant to be beautiful could leave such an ugly taste in my mouth.
I grabbed my beer and took a hefty gulp.
“I’m like a junkie, fighting against the temptation to just take what is mine, to take you and marry your ass and raise that little boy together… It would be so fucking easy but then I remind myself that I left you alone for three years. Grieving for a baby, we never even got to meet and that I very well could end up back there and you would be alone again and your son would grow up hating me or you could be standing in the cemetery like today, watching as they lower my body into the earth. Either way you’re alone. Either way I fuck up your life. Either way Luca loses.”
I slammed the bottle down onto the wooden table, trading it for my gun and closed my eyes. In one hand, I held hope and the other I held my reality. I let out a heavy sigh and placed the ring back in the box, snapping it shut and placing it on the table. I reached for her earring, ran my fingers around the hoop absentmindedly as I closed my eyes, and saw her face. I flipped the gun around so that the barrel of it faced the ceiling and tossed her earring, all I had left of her, in the air and watched as it caught onto the gun, spinning around the barrel.
I finished my beer, stuck in a trance as the diamonds spun around the metal, slowing until it sat there around the gun. The sound of keys fitting into the lock on the front door broke me away from my dark thoughts. I slipped the earring off the gun, stuffing both her earring and the ring she never received in my pocket before placing my gun down on the coffee table.
The lights flickered on, temporarily blinding me as my eyes adjusted. I hadn’t even realized I had been sitting in the dark until Mike showed up and reminded me. I didn’t turn around or even acknowledge him for a while, just kept my eyes trained on my gun.
“Nikki drop you off?” I asked, after a few moments. He may not intend to fall for her, but he will it’s in evitable. Once a Pastore girl gets her hooks into you there is no going back.
“Yeah,” Mike said cautiously.
I slapped my hands against my thighs and grabbed my gun. Show time. I rose to my full height, slid the safety in place, tucking it into the back of my jeans before grabbing my leather jacket and shrugging it on. I turned around, my eyes finally meeting Mike’s and I kept my voice controlled as I issued him a warning.
“Be sure you want to work for Victor,” I said gravely. “Because once you do there is no getting out of it. You will be at his mercy. You’ll be feared. You’ll be detested. You’ll be all alone. Forget about the people you love because they’ll never look at you the same. You won’t be respected and the life you thought you wanted will be your biggest nightmare.”
I didn’t expect Mike to listen to a word I said. I felt, as his friend, and I hadn’t been a good one to him, that I owed him that little bit of advice. I’d hate to see him in my fucking shoes, hell I wouldn’t wish my life on my worst enemy. I brushed passed Mike and headed out the door to be the thug that I was.
Chapter Twenty-Three: 2015
I stood beside Jack watching Mike fire off at a paper mark, his bullets slamming into the heart of the target with hardly any effort at all. Victor wanted Mike to be able to fire a gun, in case a situation should arise at the club, so that Mike wouldn’t be a complete waste. He figured that at least he’d be able to save his own ass.
“The kid’s a natural, just like his old man,” Jack said, talking over the sound of the gunshots. I pulled off my protective earphones and tilted my chin towards the soundproof room, signaling for Jack to follow me. I could still keep an eye on Mike through the glass windows but I wanted to use this opportunity to speak to Jack alone.
He followed me into the room, closing the door behind him and we both faced Mike as we started conversation. He reached into his leather cut and pulled out an envelope, slapping it against my chest.
“What’s this?” I asked, taking the envelope, folding it in half before sliding it into the back pocket of my jeans.
“It’s Jimmy’s phone records,” Jack said, moving closer to the glass, eyes trained on Mike as he refilled his magazine of bullets. He knocked on the glass, causing Mike to turn around and Jack then pointed to the right of him. Mike nodded in response and loaded the gun with the correct bullets.
“Anything suspicious?” I asked.
“I didn’t check, figured it was best you do so that way if you find any red flags you can get right on it.”
“I know he did it,” I confessed. “I just need to find the proof.” I ran my fingers roughly through my hair. “Has he been in touch?”
“No, Victor’s personally been calling me,” he groaned. “I don’t know I’m still leaning towards Victor being behind it. I know you say Jimmy has more of a motive and has been acting like a loose cannon.”
“Listen, I hope I’m wrong because Jimmy as the culprit doesn’t help me and my cause in the slightest. Victor isn’t going to bargain with me for Jimmy, he’ll order me to kill him,” I said, frustrated.
Jack looked at me long and hard for a moment.
“You want out don’t you?”
“Yeah,” I diverted my eyes back to Mike’s. “Not sure if I even get out that it won’t be too late.”
“She moved on?”
“No, she’s sick of my shit,” I complain as I shrug my shoulders. “Can’t say I blame her. One day I’m slamming the door in her face, the next I’m slamming her up against a wall, fucking her brains out,” I continue as I shake my head. “I tell her to stay away from me then I tell her I love her. I am fucking her up but I can’t stop because the minute she starts to listen to me, I start going fucking nuts. I think she’s going to find someone else and I can’t fucking watch her be happy with some other guy.” I turn and looked at Jack for a moment. “I sound like a real douche bag. I used to want her to move on and have a good life.”
“What happened?”
“I came home from prison and that same day she went into labor in my apartment. I had no choice but to drive her to the hospital. Everything was happening so quickly and before I knew it I was holding her hand as she brought her son into the world,” I explained nervously. “I don’t know what it was man, but I don’t want either of them to be anyone else’s. It sounds fucked up, but they were mine the moment that baby took his first breath,” I sigh heavily, reaching into my pocket and pulled out a key ring that contains one solitary key on it. I handed it over to Jack, seeing confusion cross his face before he took my offering.
“What’s this?” He asked, glancing down at the ring in his palm.
“That’s the key to Jimmy’s apartment,” I glanced at Mike noting that I didn’t have much time to get my plan across to Jack because he was finishing his last round of bullets. “Vic has asked me to ask you for protection the night Temptations opens. You agree to be on call and you send one of your guys to flip Jimmy’s apartment upside down. Make it like a break in, shit, make them take some shit, I think he has a coin collection worth something. Anyway, search the apartment for any evidence. Grab his laptop, maybe he googled directions to Danny’s house or maybe he searched the inte
rnet on how to wire an attic fan. He’s sloppy, there has to be something he left behind, the smallest thing.”
“And if there’s nothing?”
“There will be something,” I swallowed. “I’d bet everything I have on it.”
“You know I want to go in by myself right?”
“As long as you can make yourself available should something go down, that way you are accounted for, I don’t give a fuck, do it,” I held his gaze for a moment before heading towards the door.
“What if you’re right and it’s Jimmy? Then how we going to get you out?” Jack asked from behind me. I paused, my hand on the doorknob and considered his question for a moment. I liked Jack, I liked him a real lot, especially since he was looking for another way to get me to cut ties with Victor.
“Let’s worry about finding who killed Danny, and then I will deal with my situation.”
“A deal is a deal, brother. You give me my brother’s killer and I help you get the girl. Think about it, find a way … I’m your guy,” Jack promised.
I gave him a nod before walking out the door to meet Mike. He looked traumatized, his hands shaking as he placed the gun down. I shook my head and patted him on the back.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said, knowing that Vic’s lifestyle was already spilling into Mike’s life.
I like to think I’m a good sister, like right now I’m shooting for sister of the year as I sweat my ass off on the treadmill. Nikki called me and asked me to come with her to the gym. So I threw on my best PINK by Victoria’s Secret yoga pants and one of those form fitting gym shirts that have the built in bra, that to my surprise, made my boobs look fabulous, a fresh pair of white Nike’s and my outfit was complete.
I reached for my water bottle, wiping at my forehead with the back of my freehand.
“My makeup is sweating off my face,” I complained between breaths before I guzzled the water down.
Forbidden Temptations (Tempted Series Book 2) Page 20
